Mad to a sixteen yr old...

I´m going crazy. I´ve been wanting to write something for about two weeks now and then I just don´t. I don´t really want to turn it into another rant, there´s too much of that in here already.... I´d like to make it into something creative, something that actually makes some -even a little sense- but nothing´s happening.

During the day I´m constantly feeling like I want to write and that I really really need to write, and that´s not me exagerating, I have the actual need of writing but then I don´t, granted, it´s quite hard to do it when I have to stay flat on my back and the small movements with my arms hurt but still... no good writing´s happening, my ideas are everywhere and nowhere, I keep chasing them and they just keep running away from me. And then, at night, these little scenes for stories or poems pop up in my head and I like them and I want to use them and they could be good, I know but in the morning... I´m so tired and I just can´t write during the day. I can´t do it and it´s so sad...

The week before last week I was in the restroom -nice place to have epiphanies- lol - I thought as I made my pony-tail again that I wanted to write some sort of idk post talking about writing but at that time I thought that I wanted to say that I wanted to dedicate more time to writing. I read something everyday, that´s what I want to do with writing but then I just can´t and I love it and I can´t .... and this blog was supposed to make me feel good and now I feel so bad for not writing at all and I´ve been wondering if I should take everything down...

Here I am, again, I have so much to say and I just.... it seems I can´t do it, I don´t know what else to say. There´s a multiverse of thoughts in my head yet there is nothing there, nothing but space.....

I had a little meeting with one of my bosses yesterday, it made me mad, there was this paper I had graded and I took away 15% because it was given to me a day after the due date and that 15% was there to reward giving the paper on time...anyway the boss said no, I couldn´t take away that 15% no,no,no, it was too much blah blah blah... I said my reasons for not wanting to put any of that porcentage to that girl but whatever in the end the boss is the boss so I had to put some.... I guess I´m kinda mad with the girl, the irresponsible girl who didn´t give her paper on time, and it´s completely irrational, I´m not mad at her being late, she´s a senior this year, and really,  I care about my students but this girl has been this irresponsible since I met her so I don´t care, and that´s exactly what I thought "I don´t care, she could go into life being irresponsible, I hope she gets fired at her jobs for that" -such a good teacher I am- but then, her family has money and ...wait for it..

wait...

she writes -bam! there!- some teachers say she´s good at it, she´s always saying she´ll show me her work but she´s never done it anyways I was thinking after the "I hope she gets fired at her job when she works" part that she´ll probably never work, she´s wealthy enough to not do that, no, that´s just something us poor people have to do but... mmmm she´s quite interested in writing and she says she can see herself doing that so maybe she´ll become a writer and I bet she´ll even publish because she´s rich and rich ppl know ppl -geez am I being horrible or what? I´m mad at a 16yr old girl, so inmature of me but I´m angrier at myself... I bet if by a miracle I´d get a contact to be published or something I´d probably be one of those authors who have only one book because I can´t even keep up with my own stuff, I don´t write, I just want to write, I DONT write, at all

I´m so bitter right now....and I turned this thing into one of my complaining parties agh -good thing my back hurts like hell now ´cause that´ll make me stop, now!