Oblivion

Desierto del Sahara by exeltoreplicante-flicker.com -at least that´s what it said where I found it-

I was looking at the inmensity of the nothingness in front of me. My eyelids felt heavy but I just couldn´t make myself to close my eyes. My mouth was so dry that breething hurt my throat, breething in was like having a knife slicing inside me. My tongue was stuck on the upper part of my mouth. I was so thirsty. The wind blew throwing sand into my eyes, I barely blinked. I had been avoiding to feel but that wind made me feel my hair, it was dirty, dusty and felt as if it was made of some kind of rope instead of hair, that dirty it was. The hair closer to my neck clung to my skin because of the beads of sweat all over me. It was the afternoon now but I had been laying there for a very long time, over my stomach, my arms stretched to either side of my body, I could see one of my hands almost infront of my face, I was as dirty and dusty as I felt. My clothes were heavy and clung uncomfortably to my skin. The jacket I was wearing had made sure that the heat of the sun stayed with me despite that by now it was not high in the sky anymore, instead it was at my back casting its glow to the sand dunes all around me. I was on top of one of the dunes, just watching the other dunes and the orange sky that at some point in the horizon met with the sand.

I had been laying there for a very long time, I didn´t remember how long, I couldn´t care less. I had the faint memory of shedding tears that the sand swallowed. The wind blew again and it only reminded me how hot it was, how thirtsty I was and how my former black hair now was brown due to the dust covering it.

I kept watching at the nothingness infront of me. I was aware that it surrounded me everywhere, there was nothing around me, nothing but sand and sun and everything was orange. I heard a sound very far away, a very distinct sound, I knew the sound, some kind of vehicle that let itself be noticed due to its powerful engine. I lazily blinked once not attempting to shift my position, not attempting to even think. Yet I did, my mind knew the vehicle, the road from which it was traveling and its final destination: me. My mind followed the engine until it came to a halt a few feet away from me. A heavy biker´s boot was set on the ground sending the sound of the gravel through the ground to my ear. He balanced the bike and parked it as he crossed his other leg over it to get off of it.

I knew he was wearing black jeans and his heavy boots, the t-shirt could´ve been any and over that his jacket, so similar to mine except that it was black while mine was dark brown. The wind blew again and I knew his long wavy hair, way softer than mine now, was being ruffled and tossed against his face. I didn´t want to think of his features and I didn´t, he remained faceless in my mind. I focused on the sound of his boots, the sound of the gravel being pushed down by his weight with every step that he walked towards me. That sound, that´s the only thing I focused on and the nothingness ahead of me below the orange sky.

The man stood maybe two steps away from me, looking at me intently, I knew, I didn´t acknowledge his presence, why should I? I knew he was about to tell me something and I almost wanted him to, my mind was ready to spit toxic words to him. "Who asked you to come?", "I never asked you to be here" were just the first and not toxic yet rude words that I was going to say but he knew, of course he knew so he just sighed as he lowered himself to the ground and placed a silver tray just above my shoulder. I heard the things in it moving. He stood up again and looked down at me, I felt his eyes all over me and I knew he was about to say something again but with a sigh he started to walk back to his bike. The sound of the gravel under his weight filled my ears again. He left the same way he had come and my mind followed him until there was no sound again.

I was still looking at the nothingness ahead of me, feeling the orange sun rays whipping my sunburn skin, when my mind wandered towards what the man had left over my shoulder. I knew what it was, and I knew because there were many other similar items at my back, almost as if they were forming my aura, they must have emit little beams as the sunlight fell on them, but they were not my aura, they were silver oval trays with a silver kettle filled with jasmin tea -and as I thought of it the air passing through my lungs felt sharpier- there was a white ceramic tea cup too, it had some flower simple dessign on it, most likely hand made that might match the rest of the teacups around, there was also a silver teaspoon and a small sugar container and there was one final container, a bigger one, it had bread, white, soft bread butter spread on its surface. My mind went back to the tea, it was as if I was likcking it but no, my body was still laying on the ground, the sand on my cheek as a pillow. I could´ve kicked the tray, to make the little delicate teacup only pieces, that one and the many others around me but that would´ve meant I would´ve had to get up...

I was so sore and thirsty and burned. I focused my mind once again in the sound of the gravel being crushed under the man´s feet, a sound that long ago had come. I forgot it all again but that sound, I relied in it to take me to oblivion again as I stared at the inmensity of the nothingness infront of me. Everything was orange as the sand swallowed my liquid bitterness once again.

A/N: so... well... no begining, no real ending but what matters to me most of this one is the fact that there was dessert, thirst and the sound of footsteps, that´s all that I want to capture and show. I´d love if who ever reads this is able to see the scenery because that´s very important for me, the scenery because I know that scenery will make ppl feel what the person laying on the ground felt. Btw, this was a dream I had this past Monday, of course, this is not the exact dream, the dream was just a glimpse at this or something like that.

I love you

My mother was cleaning her shoes, putting them in order, she was squatted down. I bent and hugged her. I was very shaken after our conversation. It´s not easy to reveal or confirm a secret and feel vulnerable about the outcome. She didnt hug me back but she got up, turned around and then she hugged me. "I love you and I just want you to be happy" she said, I started sobbing and as she repeated it I couldnt help but crying but I cried like a child, I felt so vulnerable and moved by her words. She kept hugging me "maybe that´s how God is, He hugs us and tells us that he loves us and want us to be happy" she said and I just kept crying until I forced myself to stop. 

I am so grateful for my mother, despite her disagreement with my point of view she is willing to deal with it and despite that  I know that I´ve disappointed her she didnt say a thing, she just said she loves me. I dont want her to feel sad because of me though, that´s what makes me feel bad and would make me do whatever it takes to make her happy but it seems that she feels that way about me too since she wants me to be happy and I want to be happy but right now I just feel sad for making her sad. I feel conforted by her words though.

light, precise and pure

I cant believe I´ve left this just like that, abandonned... I´ve had this for quite sometime but for one reason or another I never published it. No matter what I dont think it´s fair for me or the tale to be forgotten. This part is to be read after (click there) Light, precise and pure, part I . Please, if you feel like reading this go to the first part first haha

This one comes with music! -it seemed appropriate or something like that

** II **
"HE is love. God is love" her mother used to say. "But not all the way" Ly would add on her thoughts. "He doesnt put up with this kind of love, there´s a pattern to follow, an order, no other" that had been the conclussion her mother had made of her speech. Ly´s mother a woman number one in religion, number one in being torn by those rules. They had been talking hypotetically, of course, though she knew it wouldnt have made any difference if she had just said things straight. Her parents were proud of her but that didnt mean they pay any attention to her, on the contrary, she was a stranger to them. Confused. Forbidden. Sinful. Those were the words the mother used to describe the feelings in Ly´s heart.

"My angel, will you be able to save me this time?" she thought for herself. Light. Precise. Pure. Those had been the ropes that had pulled her from death long time ago. Ly had known at that time that she loved Angie. She also had ignored the feeling, unable to name it. Now, once more she needed to be saved. This time she had to ask for it, unlike the first time.

She had never needed anybody. Not even in her worst moments she had asked anything. She was strong, she had to be or else she thought "what gain will I have if not?". Despite her pride, her angel, Angie, had given her everything she hadnt asked for, everything she needed but didnt know. She had managed to give a purpose to her life, she made her look life was worth to live.


Ly just didnt know how to ask for help or ask for something at all. How she was going to ask Angie to correspond her feelings? Would Angie still be there for her? Ly was afraid that asking for Angie´s heart would became a non-returning spot. She was afraid that everything would fall apart. Still, she was certain Angie wouldnt deny her arms for a hug. "one more lesson to learn, huh, Angie? one more..."

Angie and Ly were perfectly compatible but amazingly different. To Angie it was the easiest thing in the world to convince Ly of everything she wanted. Countless times she had convinced Ly to do as she pleased, but Ly didnt remember a single time where she had asked Angie to do something unless she was absolutely sure Angie would do it. Still Angie always managed to surprise her. Ly had often thought of her like a flower dancing with the wind.

Despite everything, her suffering was caused by that lack of certainty, by her inability to guess Angie´s response to her feelings. Maybe it was just like the other day, when she had her head on Angies chest therefore she had been unable to see Angie´s eyes and her thoughts in them. "Carpe Diem!" she thought "I have to let her go a little to be able to read in her eyes"
~~~~~~~~~~

"You´re so quiet today, Ly" said the boy that walked next to her while reaching for her hand.
"eh? where you saying something?" she moved her hand away pretending to check on her hair while combing it with her fingers.
The boy was aware of the rejection he had just recieved from her. She knew he noticed it. They kept on walking. It was almost sunset. Both of them had had a class together. Ly hadnt paid attention to the lecture. She had been thinking about Angie, about what she was going to do, about the possible answers Angie could give her after confessing.

The time whas a problem. It was going to define everything. "If this becomes a turning point and everything changes and this gets her away from me, like a feather to the wind - she thought- I want to keep her close as much as I can just like we are now... but since I know I´m way too impatient and she´s so unpredictable it is possible that I´m already wasting  precious time that she and I could have together" Time, how problematic it is. Everlasting, untamable, unstoppable.


Angie was shinning, like a vision. A delirium. The sun at her back seemed to be there for her. The sunlight made her beautiful brown eyes to look even prettier, warm; her hair, moved by the breeze, took a golden shade. They smiled. The three of them smiled, but now Ly only existed for Angie. She rushed to her. They hugged and stayed a while like that.

The boy was stunned there getting no attention from the girls that were already talking. Ly was smiling brighter than he had ever seen her. They sat and chat a little, the three of them, however every time Angie was talking, Ly seemed to hear nothing but her voice.

"...what do you think about it?" the boy asked. Ly turned to him. Her cheecks blushed a little, her eyes opened wide. She had been taken by surprise. She hadnt been paying attention to the boy´s words, at all. Angie started to laugh, she had noticed the little interest Ly had given to the boy. Ly only looked to the ground a little embarrased but she also laughed a little.

"I´m sorry. I´m sorry that I got distracted. What were you saying?" she had to put a lot of effort to focus on the guy´s words this time. She answered the best that she could but as soon as the boy left his words were lost for her.

Now Ly and Angie were alone. They had been talking now for a little while since the boy had left. Angie started to laugh, out of no where. Ly was at a lost.
"you´re so mean! you didnt listen to one word he said!" Angie laughed making Ly´s face red.
"it´s not that...it´s just that I was a little distracted" "by you", she added in her mind, "when I see you, everything else ceases to exist" She flushed by her own thoughts. Her eyes were fixed on the ground.
"and what are you thinking about, Lyyyy?" Angie said in a teasingly tone. Sometimes she could be so intuitive. "nothing" was the answer that came first to Ly´s mind, but she realized this was the perfect moment to bring out the subject that had her all distracted."what other opportunity will I have where everything comes out so naturally?" she asked herselft.

She had to interrupt Angie that was about to say something. Sometimes, like that day, she forgave Ly´s silences.
"mmmm I- I was thinking ummmm I think mmm, no, mmm I was looking at you, that´s why I wasnt mmm  that´s why I was distracted"
She didnt saw Angie´s face while talking, they were seated next to each other, their shoulders next to each other´s. She didnt turn her head to face Angie but she could feel Angie´s gaze on her face. Ly´s hand started to tremble. Angie smiled.

"who wouldnt be distracted by me?"  she said playfully "someone so pretty like me..." she said pretending to be vain, exagerating it, actually. This time, Ly turned her head to see Angie. If she didnt face her everything would be just a joke, just a game. She couldnt allow her mouth not to express the intensity of her feelings. So, she completely turned her body and saw Angie straight to the eye.
"it is true, you´re really beautiful. Much more under the sunset. I like it" she was able to said it without hesitation. She smiled. Both did it. "but mmm you´re beautiful not only with this dim light but with any light. I am completely sure that you´re beautiful in the darkest night and the brightest day too. You´re heart and soul much more"  Ly smiled again, while placing her trembling, cold hand on Angie´s knee.

"Th-thank you, I guess... that sounds weird" said Angie drawing her brows together a little, confussion staining her eyes. Ly half-smiled and took a deep breath before answering.

"yes it sounds weird....but it is true. Actually it doesnt sound weird, it is...No, not really, you know? it´s not so weird, it is pretty common" her voice was a murmur but she said the words clearly. "I like everything you are" she smiled again. Her throught was dry. She didnt know what else to say to convey all her feelings into words. There was a moment of silent in wich both girls looked to the ground.

"I-I don´t get it" at that moment Ly felt the tense atmosphere with Angie´s posture change. The sun became cold and the air heavy to breath.

"this is the first time..." Ly said speaking softly and slowly "...that in my mind I have this thoughts. I had never felt like saying anything like what I just said. I dont know how it has happened or why, but I dont think I need a reason to love you. I just feel it. I like you so much to the point that I feel like I´ve lost myself. I think about you all the time... I dream about you..." her words started to come out fast one after another "...when I see you my heart skips a beat, just now my hands are shaking and they´re cold as if they were made out of ice but my cheecks on the contrary, feel as if I was burning" she stopped and talked again after sighing "this is the first time that I do this, that I feel this"

It seemed to her that time stopped and everything but the two of them disappeared. She could almost see herself as if she were looking from above. Angie´s expression was unreadable.

Tears.

That was Angie´s response. Salty, warm, confused tears coming down her pretty eyes. "what have I done?" Ly thought when she saw her angel´s reaction. Without thinking she got closer to Angie and hugged her whispering to her ear "I´m sorry, I´m sorry, please forgive me...I- I dont want anything, you dont have to do anything, I just thought..." she stopped "I just thought that you´d like to know it" she mumbled in her thoughts "I´m sorry"

Despite that she was hugging Angie to confort her, though she didnt understand why she let her do it,  it seemed to Ly  that the one being conforted was herself. Slowly, politely and now calm, Angie moved away from the embrace. She watched Ly for a moment. She seemed worried, but Ly also knew that she was not looking like her normal self now, even more with that reddisht tone that crying leaves behind.

"you dont want anything, eh? then....?" Angie always knew how to go right through her. She always found the way to disarmed her, leave her out of balance, with no control. Ly closed her eyes. A pained expression took over her features for a second. She wanted to answer honestly. Looking to her eyes. I was only fair to do so.

"..that I dont want anything means that you dont have to force yourself to do anything, you have no responsibility towards me. It is obvious that I do want something from you but I´ll understand if it is not available for me"

"Isnt it against honor, duty and tradition, miss heir?" Angie lifted one of her eyebrows
"I dont care about that, that´s not important to me. You..." she said in a sigh, before feeling a hand leading her own to Angie´s chest. She could feel the beat of that heart that was a copy of what her own sounded like.

"what does this heart tells you?" Angie asked. Their eyes met. Ly´s showed confussion. Angie´s seemed to ask for something "what´s in you heart? will you say I´ll love you forever? will you say the same that everyone says? is that what you think you´re feeling? tell me, tell me, what´s over there? what´s here? what´s t-this...th-that?" Angie had never spoken like that, she had never seemed so desperate and tormented like when she uttered all those questions. Ly was in shock and she didnt have answers for any of Angie´s questions... Shocked...just shocked.

The sun had died beyond the trees, artificial lights were they only company. The cold night breeze seemed to make a statement when it blew against them messing Angie´s hair, which seemed to turn to life with the wind. The breeze was like a cold caress that contrasted like white and black with the warthm on Angie´s chest.

Memories.

Ly remembered.
"Light. Precise. Pure. " she finally said putting Angie´s hand on her chest, over her heart. There was a long pause, a long silence.

"Light... precice, pure?" Angie echoed smiling while the words were sinking into her soul. She was smiling brightly. Ly felt how her angel was saving her only with her smile only with her sight.

"light, precise, pure" both whispered in their thoughts while embracing each other.

Un paréntesis inusual

****
Debo esta genial historia a mi querida amiga Cecy. Gracias C por compartirla conmigo y dejarme publicarla.

Es una historia cargada de emociones y lindas figuras que me tuvo pegada a cada letra. Tal como su autora esta salpicada de buenos sentimientos y un sentido de lo que está bien que da envidia -de la buena, claro. 

****
Caminando por los días conocemos caminos que de una u otra forma nos conducen a lo que deseamos, a esos sueños que hemos plasmado en nuestros pensamientos desde que éramos unos niños….cada etapa construye un peldaño, paginas formando los capítulos de una gran historia.

Dibujando nuestras experiencias encontramos espacios, pausas que en ocasiones se ligan a nuestros sueños…mientras que otras quedan como empezaron; como un paréntesis en medio de los días….

Con una broma, así comenzó, con juegos y sonrisas que divertían los días…nunca me percaté de su existencia física mas sí de su espíritu, el cual sin lugar a dudas admiraba, le consideraba una figura diferente, simplemente eso…ni mi mente ni mi tiempo podrían agrupar algo más…
Sin embargo parecía q poco a poco su presencia notaba la mía, y que contrario a lo que pensaba y quería, a mi espíritu eso no le era indiferente…poco a poco el verle causaba cierta alegría, cierta emoción, un poco absurda en realidad ¿Qué pasaba?, su mirada parecía que veía algún artefacto diáfano, su sonrisa natural y sus palabras cada vez aumentando a medida de alargar ciertos argumentos para conversar.

Era divertido y a la vez grato compartir un tiempo a su lado, pero mi mente le albergaba cada día un poco más, cada detalle se volvía más importante de lo que debía ser, era algo inconsciente, y no es alarde pero parecía que era mutuo...

Digno de risa quizá no lo sé pero en un momento parecía que no podía sacarlo de mi mente, mis ideas le pensaban más y más y parecía que le pasaba igual, pensando en sus palabras o en algún recuerdo dirigido a lo mismo me encontraba y llegaba un saludo de su parte, a veces con preguntas para iniciar conversación, a veces con detalles que no dejaban de llamar mi atención no solo porque eran para mí sino por…porque fuera como fuera no tenía que ser así…No debía ser una presencia más que se cruzaba en la escritura de mi libro, sin embargo parecía querer volverse un protagonista de él, cuando sabía que tenía un papel estelar en otro.
Así pasaron varios días, entre alagos y sonrisas mutuas, entre momentos compartidos, atenciones y actitudes que a ambos sorprendían, parecía que despertaba en mí algo que había muerto hace mucho, algo que pensé no volvería a conocer…una emoción nerviosa que producía alegría y deseo de conocer más.

Parecía que nuestra ésfera tenía algo, algo como un imán no sé que más parecido a ello podría ser pero queríamos estar cerca. Un abrazo, eso pediste….con un poco de temor, recuerdo, cruce mi brazo de tu cuello y el otro de tu espalda, rodeaste mi cintura con los tuyos, y no sé si era yo o eras tu pero el tiempo se detuvo, poco suele suceder eso pero en ese momento sucedió; mi mente pensaba que pasa?, porqué me abraza asi? Porqué siento algo diferente? Ni siquiera tengo un sentimiento que es esto?..... que pasa, porque no me suelta? Porque parece aferrarse de una forma como si…no esto no está bien-----sin embargo tampoco quería soltarte…vi tu rostro y percibí una mirada diferente, no era yo definitivamente estaba preparada para que mis emociones no trascendieran a un espacio donde no tenían lugar.. pero sin duda ese momento era distinto, t quedaste a mi lado por mucho tiempo, conversando y riendo de mis cosas y las tuyas rodeando mi cintura con tanta ternura y cariño, me diste un beso en mi frente, me abrazaste con tanta fuerza que no sabía si pensar que era cinismo o que tus emociones estaban confundidas; no podía pensar algo distinto y menos a mi favor, eso era imposible.

Mientras me abrazabas percibí que poco a poco te acercabas a mi rostro, no podía ser lo q pensaba…sin embargo me equivoqué porque sí intentabas besar mis labios….más se confundían mis ideas y con una sonrisa tímida vi tus ojos y te abracé, y a pesar que fuiste persistente no permití que hicieras algo de lo que después íbamos a arrepentirnos, al menos eso creí en ese momento que también tenías conciencia para arrepentirte (risas)..

Llamaste, esa noche llamaste, te escuchabas contento y me agradó escucharte.

Dijiste que mis abrazos eran únicos, que eran especiales, no dejaste de solicitarlos cada día….era una locura que me causaba gracia.

Te encontré, una semana después, estabas sólo en el mismo lugar donde me abrázate por primera vez, era inevitable no acercarme, cada día era evidente que nuestras presencias se atraían, deseaban estar cerca, hablar, escucharse, sentirse cerca y abrazarse..
Me senté a tu lado, cruzaste tu brazo hasta mi hombro y yo me apoye en el tuyo, que confortable era!...que tranquilo parecía olvidarse por un momento de todo…. Y que solo fueramos tu y yo.
Te abracé y me levante, sin embargo al hacerlo rodeé tu cuello con mi brazo y tomé tu mano con la mía, fue un gesto espontáneo, nada era parte de un plan o algo así, te solté y caminé hacia mi lugar mientras que tu te levantaste y me pediste que te abrazara una vez más……
Llegaste a mi lado, me hacías cosquillas, a veces te comportabas como un niño y era divertido ver tus locuras y ser parte de ellas, intenté devolverlas y corriste y cuando llegué a ti tomaste mis manos y te rodeaste de ellas, que lindo fue.

Mis pies parecían ya no estar sobre la tierra, pero hay que ser determinante en lo que se quiere en esta vida y no entregar los sentimientos y la emociones a la voluntad propia, sino a la que el ser supremo desea, y a pesar que todo parecía volverse una ilusión llena de detalles y algo diferente a lo que quizá estábamos acostumbrados…simplemente era un paréntesis inusual, un encuentro casual que no era voluntad de la vida ni del destino que tomara mas importancia de la que se merecía, y coloqué mis pies así como mis ideas y emociones en su lugar.

Lejanía, tu presencia la sentía y demandaba lo contrario, tus hechos delataban otra personalidad de tu parte, no la figura que de una u otra forma mi mente idealizó en un instante, como podías dirigirte a mí y tratar de acercarte más, querías escribir estrofas donde tus palabras no encajaban, -en un cuento de hadas no caben frases de terror, o en una película hecha para reír, tampoco caben imágenes para llorar- no podías escribir tu género junto al mío, no eran iguales.
Parecía que te inquietaba mi ausencia, hasta parecía desesperarte, -quizá eso me divertía- cada vez escribías textos adjudicándome más calificativos de lo normal, más interés que el usual; la frecuencia aumentaba cada día.

Juntos una tarde, te sentaste a mi lado, me abrazaste, y recuerdo haber pensado que podía ser la última vez que lo hiciera así, te abracé y me aferré a ti como nunca, pensé en que ese momento era mío y que iba a apreciarlo porque éramos los dos nada más y tendría que ser definitivamente la última vez..
Tierno, cariñoso, especial, expresivo, persistente, divertido, interesante, inteligente, creativo, detallista, y diferente…… uh! Apariencia o verdad, falsedad o realidad, quién sabe, en una situación distinta a lo mejor nunca hubieras notado mi presencia, nunca confié en las personas, todas traicionan cuando les conviene, agradeciste por esa tarde y desde ese día no contesté más a tus mensajes –creo que solo un domingo pero nada que no debía-.

Dos días antes de terminar un capítulo de tus escritos aun seguías escribiéndome cosas que no consideraba apropiadas…eso me hacía ver quien eras y desconfiar más de todas las personas, sabía que cuando regresaras de tu gira para empezar tu nuevo capítulo serías distinto, pero vaya sorpresa…. Parecía que no.

El alboroto de tus palabras guardaba la vulnerabilidad de tus emociones, la inmadurez de tus pensamientos, los comentarios que rodaban eran de tu inseguridad e indecisión, fuera como fuera éste espacio se convirtió en una enseñanza para mí, y a pesar de todo no fuiste un personaje principal en mi obra!, tienes un personaje secundario o terciario o quizá de esos dónde sólo es la multitud que ocupa un espacio para que las situaciones no se tornen vacías en medio de los fragmentos, sin duda un paréntesis que se cerró y que antecede a una larga y bella historia real!.

Fallen angel

***Epilogue***

Today, it´s been a year since Ayon went away. For some reason she comes to this park every week, walks around the seats of one of the tables, the same always. At the beginning she would cry, then she only sighed, today she talked looking up to the sky.
“my love will go with you…my love will stay with you” she repeated the promises they made to each other.

“is this seat taken?” a male voice asked her. That had been his line for nearly a year. They hugged. “well, Eimi” the man said “it´s been almost a year since I met you here in this same spot. You were sad and had lost someone... Now, you´re the light of my life, you´ve been that…” he smiled “I need you to know that I love you, can you correspond my feelings?” she saw him expressionless

“you never cut your hair” she said
“I thought you liked it long” he didn’t pressed for an answer of his last question.
“I never said that”
“don’t you like it long?”
“it makes me remember the one I lost”
“I look a lot like him, right? You said you couldn’t be my friend because you hated how my eyes and all of me was so much like him…but look we´re friends” he smiled.
“I must go” she said already walking away
“your love did go with me” he said. She stopped shocked but she didn’t turn around.
“what did you said?” Her back still to him.
“you promised your love was going to go with me. It did… I went back to heavens but I had to keep my promise… I´m here to fulfill mine”
“my love will stay with you” she said in a murmur
“yes, Eimi” He placed his hand on her shoulders and she finally turned to face him.
“but..y-you…this cant be…angels” her eyes filled with tears
“don’t cry” he hugged her “I´m no angel, no, no, I´m no demon either I´m just like you. I was granted with my wish of being human”
“h-how..w-why?”
“I didn’t know. It was untill this morning that I had decided to let you know I love you that I got a visit. It was quite scary at the beggining, I must confess that I thought I had gone mad but it was Passio that came and reminded me of everything that had happened…of how you saved me”
“Passio?”

Eimi was there standing still only watching him. Then she touched his eyes, his mouth, his hair. “I thought destiny was torturing me by putting infront of me the exact image of the one I had lost”
“I can still cut my hair if you want”
“no!” she said, and he chuckled “Ayon?” she asked, not believing he was there.
“yes, Eimi, it´s me, the demon- angel you met but now I´m no longer so, now I´m able to stay with you… so again, I need you to know that I love you, can you correspond my feelings?” she smiled
“I have always loved you, my angel”
They embraced each other and kissed.

I know it´s not possible for humans but I could swear they were wrapped in a bubble of energy.
“thanks for watching over her, bro” he said in a murmur. I smiled. He was still perceptive enough to know I was there. A love story, I had been commanded to be the witness. Passio`s just like a child, I thought, but she always seeks for a love story.
“I`m love, after all” she said appearing next to me, in her magnificent way.


********
wow! it`s been almost a year since I  started this story, I never expected to get so attach to the characters haha it`s like Eimi n Ayon have become real to me -once I even had a dream about them *but that`s because I`m crazy*- This is the end, well, I`ll have to check for my typos n mistakes some day hahaha n I hope that when  I read this again, it makes me feel happy that I wrote it n reminds me of how much I enjoyed doing it. Bye Ayon, bye Emi. Sorry that u didnt get the girl Criss hahaha -I`m getting crazier ha?!- lol

Fallen angel

Chapter 32 ***From above**

“The only one that has really love me” he said to her. I just got there. I had been sent to Eimi as her guardian angel again. I didn’t understand it since Ayon, a warrior was already with her but I´m glad I was sent there for what I saw was just magnificent. I feel honored that I was the one that got to see my brother became happy at last.

I sat on the roof watching them from above. I think Ayon doesn’t like others to come close to Eimi. I knew that he had felt me.

“I do love you” Eimi told him. She was in his arms.
“The only one that has really love me” Ayon responded, both with eyes closed and a smile. Even I, from above, could felt the big amount of energy coming from Eimi and her love protecting him but also Ayon became a big flow of energy that intertwined with hers. The fact that she was not being destroyed surprised me. A human body can´t take that much energy without at least fainting but she was fully awake. Their energy became like a column over them, like a slow swirl, it was turning, going round and round surrounding them. He was smiling. I got close and heard how theirs souls were talking in the middle of that swirl.
“I love you” her soul said while showing him images of his own smile, of his own tenderness with her, of how happy he had made her. He couldn’t fit in himself. And it was strange for me to realize that he had never felt worth of love and her, for once had made him felt worht of love. He was appologizing for dragging her into “this” he said and then I realized who my brother really was and how fool I had been for not noticing last time we met. He also showed his happy memories and some sad in wich she had been there for him. I was pondering if I should stop what was happening. “Don`t, this is the way it`s supposed to be” A last minute command “just watch it”, and so I did.

“sing to me” she asked from the swirl of energy they were. As he was singing the column divided in two, both started to get smaller as if they were shinking. I thought they were but then I noticed they were getting into Ayon´s body. He didn’t seemed to feel a thing nor his body seemed hurt as I know should had happened. When all of it was in him, the song stopped. They opened their eyes and she put a hand on his cheeck, more energy into him.

“I have always loved you, my angel… now, my love will always go with you, be happy Ayon, my love” he leaned his head to a side. He was confused. She was saying goodbye. She smiled as if saying `it´ll be ok` he smiled too. He got close and kissed her forehead. A tear came down her eyes. He cleaned it and then he kissed her. It really surprised me. Angels are not supposed to kiss women or say what he said.

They kissed for a while as if both had been waiting to do it for a long time. Meanwhile energy floated from her to him. Was she trying to destroy him? I was wondering. He let go then.
“My love will stay with you too” he said “I wish I was human to be able to be with you” she smiled
“I don’t” she said “because I love the you, you are now, I love the you that came to me, I love Ayon”
“I should´ve been braver and accepted my love for you sooner so that I could´ve made you happy” he said sad.
“you made me happy” she said. He smiled.
“I love you, Eimi” he said. She closed her eyes.

The sound of an atomic bomb sounded and then bits of light were floating everywhere. She was crying while sending more energy to those bits braking them till everything became invisible. She had destroyed him. She fell to her knees, moaning, screaming, crying.

I had orders of only see for her safety but I wondered for a moment if I should´ve helped Ayon. He was a demon, but he was also my brother.
“stay close but don’t show yourselft” one more command. Not that I wanted to touch her anyways, I had a bad experience on that.

The night came. She had fallen asleep on the floor. The nurses found her there and called for Ayon, there was no response. They dialed phone numbers. A while later many people came. She woke up on her bed.
“Eimi, what happened? Did Ayon hurt you?” she smiled
“no, Criss” she said
“you can talk!”
“I can” she said getting up from her bed
“h-how?” she only smiled
“no, stop” she said when the doctors came
“but they must check you up…where´s Ayon? He´ll be happy to see you are ok now”
“you´re a nice man Criss but he`s not coming back” she said, her eyes filled with tears. He hugged her.
“wh-what why? What happened Eimi?”
“let´s do the check up thing ok?” she smiled at him, grabbing his hand.

Fallen angel

Chapter 31 ***Goodbye***

A week passed. I couldn’t find the strengh to do what I had to and everytime I remembered it I cried and Ayon and Criss freaked out both trying to make me feel better.
In that week I learned to talk to Ayon using thoughts but withouth the need of having his head over mine. It was actually the string of energy that I had seen on the day Passio came. I also used it as hands but it only seemed to work with him. I tried to use it with Criss but he only seemed scared of the feeling, though he never knew what it had been.
It was a rainy afternoon. The house was empty but for me, Ayon and a nurse downstairs. Ayon said she was having a sound sleep.

“Criss likes you” Ayon suddenly said, still playing with my hair. I said nothing “do you like him too?”
“he´s ok” I said. He smiled. Sending thoughts and images to eachothers heads were now like talking for us.
“you don’t like him, then?”
“he´s my co-worker, the one in charge of my company and for what I see of everything I own. He´s fine”
“how come I don’t seem to get affected, injured, by your energy, Eimi?”
“you know better of this things”
“the other spirits, they only touched you and you…”
“you know I dislike to be touched by strangers”
“is Criss a stranger? Are your employees strangers? Or the people that see you in regular bases?”
“no friends only acquaintances”
“even Criss?”
“a different kind of friend”
There was silence for a moment.
“Eimi, do you love me?” he said reaching out to touch my face.

My heart skipt a beat and I wished I could move so I could go and not let him see my face. My thoughts threatened with scaping from my head. So this was it. I couldn’t tell him yes because he was going to stay out of pity and he was going to feel guilty and force himself to correspond me. Passio had said it ´if you make him love you´. I tried to denied it and then I tried sending as much energy as I could to him so that I could fulfill my wish of returning him to his home. This was it. I had to transform him. I had to send him back. Send him back, send him away.

No! was the word that sounded like echo in my insights. I couldn’t because I was going to be left alone and that moment of doubt was enough to hurt him. When I realize that, he was flying through the room. He went to crash with the wall and fall, all wounded. I had failed. I only caused him pain and I realized I was not capable of letting him go. He kept saying “I´m fine”
“forgive me!” I said
“it´s my fault, don’t worry” I guess he said so because of what he had asked me and because he touched me while my eyes were close… this scene was repeated many times along the next days, except the part where he asked me if I loved him. I wish I could let him go, but no, I´m so selfish. All I want is to have him here with me.

“Eimi, are you ok?” pain in his voice. I opened my eyes to see how like a bubble I had wrapped him in energy only that I made cuts to his skin and then healed them almost instantaneously. I screamed in my head and by doing so I heard him scream too. It was me that was hurting him. Eimi, stop, I commanded myself. This was harder than I had thought but I had to do the right thing. I had wished for him to go back to be an angel, for him only joy and happiness but why was I so weak? why was I so selfish? didnt I claimed to love him?

My love, I knew then, had to be bigger than my selfishness. Only love was going to allow me to let him go, because it was the right thing to do... because it didnt matter if I was left alone again I had have him for a moment at least.
“i´ll take you outside” I heard him say. My eyes were close “being here seems to make you feel bad” he carried me.

This was the one that I love, so beautiful, so passionate, my angel. If he was gone it was ok, my love was going to go with him even if he didn’t know but maybe that was not what I wanted. I wanted him to know those feelings. Even as a goodbye I need to let him know, I need to say it and then I´ll let him go with all my love in him. A couple of moth had to pass for me to get to that resolution.

"Eimi, do you love me?" I let him see my memory of him asking me the question that had made him suffer so much pain afterwards. He was startled by me showing him that particular memory.
“I do love you, my angel” and it was my voice the one who spoke. So my paralysis was like a safety mechanism to make me do what I had to do. Maybe it was not Passio who put it but my own heart.
“Eimi!” he said happy. His pretty smile and blushed cheecks made me strong. I felt how my energy was flowing to him, like when he met me, he was taking it eagerly. I could feel his energy coming to me too. It was like a warm, tender hug but a million times enhanced.

Fallen angel

Chapter 30 ***the way back***

I clearly felt when Ayon got close to the door. He knocked too, apparently Criss and him had some kind of understanding of doing that and then waiting a minute to come in. It was funny because they were so civil when I knew they disliked each other. Everyone could see that, I`ve heard the nurses talk about it. They really gave a good picture of how those two were when I wasn’t around. “like ice and fire, miss, Eimi, it`s scary to see them together” one had said.
“come here!” the machine sounded making my thoughts audible
“I like better your voice” he said taking my hand out of Criss` hand and kissing it and twice. Then he took the funny hat from my head and kissed my forehead. “I`ll ask for someone to take him out of here” he said to me in his thoughts.
“no, you take him to his bedroom” I said to him in our silent way of speaking.
“Eimi?!” his inner voice like that one of a child who doesn’t want to take the trash out
“come on, Ayon, other people will mistreat him … and wake him up”
“ah, yeah, I don’t want him to wake up” a malicious tone in that thought. I laugh. “I`ll be right back, Ei”

A minute is all you need to see your life pass before your eyes like a movie. Now that I couldn’t talk or move or do nothing really, the only thing I had was thinking. If I had been able I would`ve chuckled at my present state. How my life had changed, how many things I didn’t know. How many things I ignored. I had never thought I was going to love, I never thought I was going to be loved. I never thought I was going to met a real angel or a real demon. I never believed in paranormal things and now not only I knew all these but I had to, through a paranormal action, destroy the one I loved and the one that loved me had no chance to win my heart because it was going to be destroyed when I get the courage to send the one I love away. Emotions can`t be denied, they can be more powerful than those things you can see, they are just like wind, invisible but sometimes deadly.

Ayon came back, he put me on my side, my right side this time, then he got onto the bed.
“I missed you” he said
“me too” I passed my thoughts to him now. “I`m not going to ask you to keep on telling me the story… if you don’t want to talk about it”
“I`m sorry Eimi, I`m sorry that all of that was in my head, otherwise it wouldn’t have been my hell”
“I know it was painful for you. It was as if I were you, while you were sharing your memory with me. I know it hurt you to hurt me. That’s why I`m not making you talk anymore”
“but you want to know, don’t you?” I said nothing for a moment.
“I don’t want to hurt you by making you remember it”
“down there, I harmed you in every possible way. I used you as a tool and then to make you cooperate I took out that small piece of the angel in me that I had. It was a torture to have it, because it only caused more pain. Do you remember the atmosphere of hate that I described you was hell`s air? Well, it was my air, it was my blood, hate was there in every part of me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. And then, I overheard the Eimi in my hell talking to the group of demons I had just vanquished. She was no Eimi and I had been a fool thinking that you could be there. Shiloe had taken a form to look as if she were you. She`s a good actress, I guess, but she slipped, and that allowed me to come back because the next time the army came, I was resolute to return to earth, to seek for you, to see if you were safe or if you had gone to heavens. It was just like the time you saw, the same shield, but this time I put my energy into capture them to be mine, and so I did. I was already a demon, so I thought to use that power that I had gained to return to you -`a demon to save you, right!´ I heard as a background sound in his head- And then when I knew you were not there I took Shiloe`s energy, the army`s energy and came back and found you on Passio`s arms. I`m so very sorry that I could not catch her. And I`m so sorry that I`ve put you through this…”
“is that angel side really gone? Am I really talking to a demon now?”
“I don’t know. i don’t know Ei. I really want to be good for… I really want to be who I was but I don’t know. I`ve done bad things, I`ve lead good people to the wrong path, I`ve encouraged bad people to be unafraid of being bad, I`ve spread my hate everywhere. I`m a demon.”
“and yet you want to be good and yet you regret all that you`ve done, and yet you havent left my side all this time… the desire of being good has to count for something”
“I`m happy that it counts for you… Now it`s my turn, right? Tell me what Passio did to you, tell me if you are in any pain, tell me what did you see while you were in comma”
“I don’t remember anything” I lied “I don’t feel pain, only distress at not being able to do nothing and I didnt see nor feel nothing when I was in comma and I don’t remember waking up and I don’t remember much since the time we went to bed that night. Thought I remember a dream from that night. I dreamed that I had a guardian angel and it was weird because you were here and he was too. I was wondering, in the dream, if you knew each other” I chuckled. And felt he was hiding a thought from me. it had become easier for me to see his thoughts, even those he tried to conceal, I wondered if it was happening the same with him.
“why don’t you want to tell me what happened when Passio stayed with you?”
“I don’t want to think about it. I was so worry about you”
“let me carry that burden with you”
“you`ll be back, my angel, you`re still an angel”
“Eimi?” I felt silent, he didn’t insist. I drift into sleep while listening to his heart rhythm. I already missed him.

Fallen angel

Chapter 29 *** facts****

Everytime Criss walkes in a room, he brings his happy aura with him. He came in smiling to me but somehow he managed to look Ayon in a contemptous way. How strange and diverse expressions can be. 

“Eimi, dear, are you ok?” he asked worried when he saw my eyes.

-yes-

“can I talk with you now?” I knew, as everybody else, that he meant withouth Ayon.

-yes- 

Ayon knew it too, he placed his forehead over mine “don’t go too far away, please” I said. He kissed my cheek and left. “finally” Criss murmured. 

“Eimi, I think you can try talking to me now, you think you can do it?” he had brought this new technology wich trhough a funny hat in my head made a computer verbalize my thoughts. It had been hard to learn, but I guessed I had to learn how to use it since only Ayon could listen to my thoughts and I wanted to know what had happened with me, what the doctors said about me, what was going on in my company, in my house… Criss put me in a seated possition on my bed, he fixed the pillows for me and then he placed the funny hat on my head. He took a chair and sat infront of me. He smiled.

“A smile for you too” the computer sounded. It was my thoughts but with that voice computers have programmed. It was so artificial. He smiled brighter, he was happy.

“can you tell me about the company, please?”

“is that what you want to know the most, Eimi?”

“is my job to know that, I know you are doing a good job but I want to be sure it`s all going well`” Criss sighed

“ok, as I told you I`ve taken your place, all the contracts are going well, all of what has happened to you hasn’t reach anyone`s ears, I`m the only one who knows and the people around here. The accounts you were…”

“you never went to that meeting abroad, did you?” I interrupted him. I remembered the last time I had been normal he came to say good bye before going abroad.

“I did, but only to get a plane back”

“tell me about that”

“hasn’t he told you about that?” I said nothing so he continued “I was getting off the plane when I heard my phone ringing. It was your number but Ayon was the one calling. He said to come back because Eimi has had an accident. I took the plane back home. I came here and he was at your side. I knew you trusted him so I asked him if he had done anything to you. He said nothing. I called an ambulance and the police. They wanted to take him but he didn’t let them, he resisted, they almost shoot him but he didn’t left your side. They took you to the hospital. Police men and then bodyguards were there all the time to make sure he did nothing. He went to kiss you one day but a guard thought he was trying to harm you so he hit Ayon and Ayon hit back broking the man`s arm in three parts. We argued. He didn’t got close to you from that day. The guard has pressented charges against him. You`ve payed for that not to become public. 

“thank you for that Criss” the machine failed to transmit the deep gratitude I wanted to imply in those words.

“After a day, I decided to take your place at the company because this could be a scandal. Two weeks passed, doctors didn’t know what had happened to you. Your heart failed a lot, we thought we were going to loose you. I thought he was going crazy. Sometimes he would suddenly call your name. I knew that you wouldn’t like to wake up in a hospital so I decided to bring you back. It tood a week to adecuate your room.

The day we brought you back you woke up for the first time. You opened your eyes and seemed like triying to talk or scream but no words came out, the doctors we had here didn’t know what was going on with you. It happened two more times, they find out then you werent able to talk. They said probably you have neourological damage, again Ayon was the main suspect. We never left him alone with you. One day you woke up but it was like only your body had woken up. We took you to the hospital, there we knew for sure that you were not going to be able to move or talk.” He started to cry.

“it`s ok Criss, don’t worry about me anymore than you already have”

“and instead of me conforting you, you are the one conforting me, ahg!”

“you`ve worry enough, you don’t have to, forgive me for being such a pain, make sure to compensate yourself” now that he had taken my place he could manage all the time, money and whatever in my company.

“money is not all, Eimi” my words seemed to offend him

“I didn’t mean to offend you, I know your friendship is great and a blessing to me”

“friendship…” he sighed

“because of me, you havent rest, please rest a little, I`m sure you were by my side the whole time, too”

“I wanted to be here”

“what a great friend I have. Come, give me a hug. And imagine I`m hugging you back while smiling ok?” my voice sounded so funny on that machine and I felt so stupid saying what I had said.

 He came close and hugged me.

“I thought I was going to loose you Eimi” he whispered in my ear “I felt like diying” he moved away a little, but he was still close. His eyes looking straight into mine. I knew what was coming. I didn’t know what to do. “I don’t want to loose you. Eimi it`s more than friendship, you know? I love you Eimi, I`ve loved you since the first time I saw you. I`d do anything for you, anything”

I didn’t know what to say. But I knew my heart was no longer mine, so I couldn’t correspond him.

“I`m not the same anymore, Criss, look at me. You don’t want me”

“love doesn’t change for a thing like this or for anyother” I knew what he meant.

“you deserve better”

“Eimi” he said my name as if he was beggin me to love him back. Then he closed his eyes and kissed me. If I had been able to move I would`ve done it “I really wanted you to know what`s in my heart”

“Criss…”

“you don’t have to say nothing –he smiled his bright smile- now I`ll talk about everything else…” I couldn’t focus anymore. It was so hard to know for sure what I already knew but ignore. He kept on talking about the state of the company, bank accounts, my house, hospital bills, my own illness, Ayon name scattered here and there mixed with the word guilty or suspect or damage… “this is making you tired, isnt it?”

“yes…”

“I`ll read for you, is that ok?” He knew I love to read and I wasn’t able to do it anymore, my favorite book was still on my nightstand, as if waiting for me to come back.

“thank you, but I know you`re tired too, you work here, you work at the company, you take care of my business, you can go to rest” he, now, lived under my roof too, he had moved in since I got back from the hospital.

“I can go if you want me to” he sounded sad.

“I didn’t say that” it was so hard to deal with emotions.

He took my hand in his then he started to read but he read less than a chapter before falling asleep on my lap. He was so tired. Poor him.

Fallen angel

Chapter 28 ***Hell***
Maybe it all had been some sort of nightmare that I had have while sleeping on Ei`s lap. I woke up and the sky was clear. She was good. I smiled at her. Her expression was empty. She was like a statue with a lost stare only a tear on her cheeck made her look alive. I got up quickly. I took her shoulders. She flinched. She was scared of me.
“Ei, are you ok?” she couldn’t talk out of fear. She was scared to death “Ei, what happened? Did Passio…?” maybe it hadnt been a dream.
“stop it! Stop it!” she screamed “just go ahead, don’t act like you care”
“wha…” I saw it. Her skin was different. It seemed just like the one statures have: hard. It also had little crack all over the place.
A small army was coming to us. One of them, the leader, advanced before the others. He spoke.
“we didn’t want to take her away from you. We went to you respecting you hierachi. We asked you for a little of her, just that, yet you refused and didtnt listen to reasons…”
“shut up!” I heard myself saying “I`d do it again and the answer`s no. she`s mine and no one can touch her but me” it was my voice but it was not me. It was a demon voice. I didn’t recognize myseft. I realize I was concious of every bit of her body as if it was my own.
I heard myself talking again, a course came out of my mouth followed by laughter. I made a dismissive sign with my hand sending with it a big amount of energy directed to the small army. Nothing happened. They were a small army only because they trusted their powers and above all their capability of tricking. The had set me up or so they thought. While the leader demon was talking, several of them were hidden, sneaking to get close to Eimi and to take her away from me. That plan of theirs had caused me to laugh. “when I say she`s mine, I mean it” my mouth said. I became invisible and got really close to Ei. They were stunned and as I thought they thought I had left. So little they knew me, when they got only a few steps away from Ei I did it. It was the worst thing that I could``ve ever done. I entered in her. She made no sound nor she resisted she only closed her eyes tightly and I, from her insights, forced her to open them. I took control of her body.
“you don’t have to be so hard, just ask what you want, you know I`d do it” it was her thoughts that I was listening. I ignored them. “where are you?” she continued “Ayon come back to me”
I was confused. It was like if I was two person at once, both the angel and the demon but separately, and for what I was doing I knew I had been the demon fo a long time.
“they`re coming to get you, love” I said in my thoughts too. I guessed she could hear them too. She said nothing but I could felt the pain ripping through her body. A blood line came from one of her temples and a tear from her eyes. No one had touched her, so it had to be me the cause of it.
“Eimi? Wh-wh” I couldnt talk, I couldn’t think clarly since we were one. I was in her body.
“Ayon!” she said, some kind of joy in her voice “Ayon come back” a dark shadow covered my mind “good” it said “I thought that one was dead” it was my own voice talking to me “I was tired of faking” I heard an evil laugh that came out of Ei`s mouth. She sounded like those possessed people in movies, she was possessed, by me, by the demon I was “don’t let him die, love…I`ll be the one to crush that lost angel…” “Ei, no, don’t listen to that” “will you let her get caught by all those others?” my evil side asked. i was having some sort of argument with myself.
“fight, Ayon, fight” eimi was tenderly saying to my good side. Another evil laughter came out of her. My evil side was using her voice.
“good, give him your strengh because that one`s only a shadowy memory of me” the evil side said using her mouth. Her voice sounded like echo on me. I was the cause of her tears I was the one that made her scared. It was me. It was me? Yet I was cushing a part of myself too. In the end I had became addicted to power. I had became completely a demon. “stop winning, she`s gone, yupe, Passio`s gone” it was my distorted voice coming from Ei`s head.
A song started to sound on our enclosed place, Eimi`s body, she was not alone there anymore. I had entered with my demon side ruling the scene. He was singing the song I used to sing for Eimi. She started to calm dow, so did I, it was like if we were connected, not my demon side, though.
“sing to me Ayon” she said. He, the other me, kept singing. It was soothing. I felt hwe so close as if our souls were blending into one. Then I saw though her eyes. A circle of energy exploding around her was what I saw. All the demon`s army fade away when she lifted her hand as if she were absrbing something with her palm. She was absorbing their energy, their attacks. I was absrobing the energy, the was the mean to do it. I sensed the damage this much energy made to her body, that was why her skin was lkie that of statues, her eyes blood-red.
“now” my other side said o the group of demons “give up at once, how many more times will we do this, you shoul`ve leant by now that you will never, ever be able to take what`s mine” he made Eimi to lift her hand again. He gathered her energy and put it out like a shield then with a small amount of my own power he pushed them away. He used her like an augmentation glass, with little of my energy all the army was binded. Blood strings started to fall from her temples, she had many cuts on her hands as if she had fallen into broken glasses. All of her was flooding in sadness now. The song had ended and she was fully aware, as I was,that I had used her in the most despicable way. He, my devil side, had turned his back to her after that, coming out of her body leaving her so badly injured that she fall to the ground and was not able to get up. I was truly a monster. I had become a demon
“why?” she asked in a whisper
“I`m a demon, Eimi, this is who I am” my evil side answered and somehow my sadness flooded that side too.
I leaned and picked her up in my arms, after a while. She did nothingbut to close her eyes the whole time. Her eyes were still close when I cleaned her body from the blood, when I put vandages to her hands, even when my most evil side arose and kissed her mouth. She was like a statue, hard and cold, only a tear coming from her eyes let me know wshe was alive. I put her on a bed and lay beside her, on my side, watching her. Her eyes closed withough moving. She was in the same pisition I had left her. I, that part of me that still loved her, got a share of energy too. It was like a rush of extasis on me, the highest pleasuer you can imagine. If liked ift a lot, in the moment it happened I liked it as if there was nothing else, as if nothing else mattered, but everything else mattered, she mattered and she had been used by me.
My evil side reapeared, gaining control again, he crushed my good side, or my half good side, the Ayon she had met. Still laying beside her, he said “I always liked the feeling of laying beside you” he got closer to her. She didn’t move. She was like dead. He hugged her and kissed her collar bone. The Ayon inside, that half good one, was troubled since I liked the feeling that action gave me, I hated myself for liking it and for letting my evil side doing that after having used Eimi.
“the Ayon you knew is enjoying this as well” my evil side said. It made her move and face me “he`s craving for more, I can asure you that… should we please him?”
“I still belive in you, my Angel” she said placing her hand in my cheek, looking at me tenderly.
Now it you time, you wimp, let`s haver her, you wante her as much as I do, we are one after all, so I know how badly we want her, it`ll be so easy for me if you were the one since the human is so into you.
“I`m sorry Eimi, I cant do this anymore” Ayon said and the whole image vanished. He got away from my side and I opened my eyes. How real it had been, I had lived, through his thoughts, his hell. We were crying. He saw my tears. He kneel down pleading forgiveness. I needed to talk to him. We heard a nock on the door and Criss` voice behind it.
“I`ll come in Eimi” he waited around a minute to come in, time enough for Ayon to clean my eyes and his.

Fallen angel

Chapter 27 ***Conversation***
While being on the other room we didn’t really talk, we were just lying on the bed. Me looking at the ceiling and his eyes looking at me. His hand holding mine, at least I could felt that. He sang the song, now I knew what it meant. I only closed my eyes because now it made me remember of what I had to do.
“I don’t like to see you with that thing over your face” he said pointing at the oxygen tank. I smiled, I felt like smiling but I know I didn’t, because I couldn’t. “I`ll take you back so that you can take that off” he said already taking me in his arms. I kept my eyes closed. I fall asleep for a moment. His voice woke me up. He was calling me “Ei?, Ei?” I opened my eyes and he was leaned over me. He gave me a big hug. “where were you, dearest?” he put his forehead over mine. My heart raced a bit and I felt the impulse of moving away, of course it didn’t happen. Instead he was thrown away… by me. That was bad. My eyes were wide open, and so were his. He got up and got closer to my bed “should I leave?” he asked.
-no- I blinked twice.
“may I get close to you?”
–yes-
He got onto the bed and move me to my side. We were forehead to forehead now.
“I don’t know what happened, I`m so sorry, Ayon. Are you hurt?”
“I scared you, it`s my fault for not asking you first”
“no, Ayon, that was not it… it`s just that this thing I don’t know how to control it. It seems to work on its own”
“you can practice with me as much as you want”
“are you a masochistic now?” the tone of the voice in my thoughts teasingly. He`s laughter in my head as well as in my ears.
“Ei? Can you tell me if you have the feeling of being somewhere else when you are sleeping?”
“you mean just a moment ago? I just feel tired, close my eyes and sleep. I don’t see nothing and I don’t dream nothing, why?”
“well, whenever you were sleping I knew you were here, that your spirit was in your body, I could even see a blur of your dreams, not images but energy. Now when you sleep like that I cant sense your spirit anywhere, it`s like if you were…”
“dead?”
“gone” he said and I could sense on his thoughts that he was worried.
“is it always that way, now?”
“no, that`s why I want to know if you feel like going somewhere else… or maybe I`m no longer able to see your spirit because I`m no longer a light spirit but a dark one”
“you`re listening to me now”
“yeah, but only because you`ve chosen to let me hear your thoughts”
“so, before, when you were a complete angel you didn’t need people permission to barge into their thoughts?” I said a little angry since he kept saying bad things about himself
“no, but I could sense them all the time”
“a demon can do that too, right? Just stop saying silly things ok… maybe I`ve become mute in my spirit too, maybe this thing that I can control prevents you from feeling my spirit.” He felt silent for a while, so I opened my eyes. We were really close. His eyes were still closed, his mouth trembling. He wanted to cry. “tell me all about it” I said, closing my eyes again.
“about?”
“what happened to you after you chose me. I want to, no, I need to know” I heard words coming to his brain, a thought, an excuse for not telling me. It was like listening completely to what was inside his head. It was amazing “just tell me and stop thinking about excuses for not doing it. I have time to wait. You know I wont go anywhere” I pressed the subject of my sickness because I knew that would made him talk. It worked.
“I …” again I could listened into his unprocessed thoughts, he was trying to make things less hard first to tell them to me.
“say things as they were. Be honest with me, please” I pleaded. I`m not so sure why I wanted to know about his suffering, maybe it was selfish of me to make him re-lived all that or maybe deep inside I thought talking about it could help him or could help me to destroy him because I was going to see him not like a half demon, half angel but only as a demon.
He took a deep breath and then I didn’t listen to his voice but watched an image. It was my bedroom floor, then I could sense a hand caressing my face, a woman hand, pain in my back, a burning pain, then I listened to my own voice calling Ayon`s name. I realized it then, he was really re-living the memory of what happened to him for me, he was giving me his perspective of things but in a very literal way. I was seeing and feeling things through his eyes, through his body. So now, in the memory I was Ayon.
I saw myself crying. Motionless. I couldn’t get up of the floor and the pain kept on burning. Shiloe was laughing her evil laugh and all of them were getting close. I had to get up. I had to get up. I took the hand that was caressing my face and saw that she was holding a sword. A sword, that was the burning pain, I had been hit by Michael`s sword then this was no… this is hell. The hand that I was holding got gray and decayed. I saw her face now. It stared to distort. the mouth went bigger and the teeth were rotten, the eyes red-blood. I moved away and it became to its true form. A demon that laughed at me. Far away I saw four person. I knew now that I was in hell, so probably this was my own personal hell, it all was a vission. The pain that the sword caused was getting worst, like burning, I felt the running blood staining my back. When I got closer I saw the four person better, Eimi and three versions of Passio. Eimi was being killed. She screamed my name and I ran to her but the distance kept on growing. As soon as I was about to get to her, I lost her. Then I remembered where I was, so I stopped. The scene was played again, like a movie. It was emotionally painful to see that, but I knew Eimi couldn’t be here. If I had lost her, she had to be in heavens. “she`s not” Passio`s voice sounded everywhere “she`s here, with you, after all, if you are with demons, where do you think you belong?” is that possible I asked myself. She`s here and I made that? “you made that” Eimi! I screamed. It all became black. The pain, both phisically and emotionally, was unbearable, yet I resisted it. It was hell after all. The scenery changed. She was on top of a hill all wounded. I started to run to her. I was close but so were thousands of demons. I fired them with my energy. It was not enough, I did it over and over but they were too many. They got her, it was like watching hienas eating a deer. She screamed and I did my best to fight the demons but it was useless. I knew I had no power. She kept screaming. They were hurting her. They were hurting her because of me, it was my fault she was here. I`m surely are a demon I thought, and I`m one of the worst, I made an innocent to come to hell and now I`m too weak to help her. Now the pain was only half of my anger towards me. I hated myself now, the pain and the anger were nothing compare to my hate. I screamed and it happened. I pulled my hair and all my skin started to burn. Light, fire started to come out of me. “I hate you all!” I screamed and a light bubble went to the demons eating Eimi`s energy. Many of them got hurt. “I hate myselft the most!” a louder scream and another energy bubble bigger than the first not only destroyed my body but threw away everydemon close to Ei. I was no longer Ei`s Ayon. I was a demon.

-----
agh! how awful it`s been to post this one ¬¬ stupid slow computer. Just when I finally found a picture good enough for this chap, I realized the blog was closed ¬¬ I`ll keep on looking for images to this chapter, I`m not completely satisfied with the one I found... and like five mins later, I found one, the first one... though I`m not sure..

Fallen angel

Chapter 26****love***
Ayon stayed motionless. His back to me. He was like that for over a minute. I started to cry. Passio had done this and I now knew that I needed to do as she said. Ayon shoulders started to move up and down faster. He was sobbing. He was sad. I couldn’t move. ´Energy, Eimi´I heard Passio in my head. If I had been able to move I would have taken off the ribbon in his hair and caressed his head. The ribbon broke in two pieces and his hair floated over his back. He turned startled. Our faces tear-stained.

“forgive me” he said, pleading. I had expected a big hug. “forgive me, Eimi, I- I” ´no´ I said in my mind ´where´s my hug?´
“Eimi?” he said looking at his arms “is this you?”
-yes- I think so… I said to myself
“how can you still want me close?” he hugged me for a long time. “I promise you I´ll find Passio and make her paid for what she´s done to you” he said looking straight to my eyes.
-no-
“oh, Eimi, I´ll be fine” it was so awful not being able to talk. ´Energy´I heard again in my head. I remembered that when we were closer the better he took my energy. The problem was how to make him get closer. I try to summon those strings of light or energy that I had have when I met Passio, I wanted to have those `hands`. It worked. They took his hand.

“when did you learn to do it?!” he asked. I rolled my eyes. How was I going to answer that? He smiled “yes, I´m being the moron now” the strings of light were weak but he followed them. They were pulling him to my bed then close to me. Gladly, he understood and took me. My ear on his chest. I could listen to his heart. I tried to send a thought to him. I hurt him. He moaned in pain but he didn’t move. Maybe it was not his heart but his head. I pulled out the strings again and pulled him down but it was not strong enough to move him or me. Then, I touched his forehead with it.
“head to head?”
-yes-
“thoughts?”
-yes-
“ok, I know how”

He got up then pulled a big chair. He got me in his arms and he sat with me on his lap, then he put his forehead on top of mine and closed his eyes.
“my heart just dopped to my stomach again” his voice sounded in my head. The sound of his laugh in my ears. He was passing me his thoughts. I was afraid of passing all of mine to him.
“don’t be afraid, it´s just like feeding” again his thoughts in my head. He gave me confidence because when feeding I could felt some of him and viceversa but never all of it.

“no vengeance!” I said, no response from him “no vengeance” I tried to scream on my thoughts because I thought he hadnt listened.
“ouch!” he said “I heard, sorry for not answering”
“I´m sorry!”
“it´s ok, it´s my fault”
“no vengeance, no friendship with those spirits, no hurting people or no one and no gloomy face, my angel” tears in his eyes. I felt his pain.
“I´m no longer an angel, Eimi”
“you are here, you chose me ´cause it was right to protect the weaker one`, so I say you are my angel, and that´s what you are. Period.”
“no, look what I did to you”
“I´ll be ok… I´ve missed you!”
“where were you, Eimi, all this time, you´ve waken up only to faint again, and when you were fainted it was like you weren´t here, where were you?, I couldn’t sense you here or anywhere?”
“I don’t know. I thought I was here… you havent feed!” I could felt his weak spirit starving. A flow of energy went from my skin to him. I had so many thoughts in my head, I wanted to ask so many questions it was like a flood inside of me and even in my head I had to chose what to say next.
“no! I don’t deserve it!”
“take it!”
“no!” I got mad at his attitude and sent it anywyay. I knew he was in need of it. He tried to fight it but couldn’t. I chucked in my mind.
“I´ve missed your laughter” he said
“you heard that?”
“this is like talking, dear”
“ I see. I´m sorry you had to choose. I´m sorry that your choice sent you to that place”
“I´m not. I´d do I again if I had to”
“only an angel could say that… choosing to save the weak”
“choosing love” I wasn’t sure to get that line.
“about that… I kind of …got mad at Shiloe…”
“don’t mind about her”
“but I…”
“Niss came and told me that he had heard about what happened to Shiloe…no he doesn’t know the rest or about me either…yeah, I´m sure and if he knows he didn’t say anything…”
“the spirits?”
“sorry about that, I ordered not to touch you”
“they hate you!”
“I know, it works that way there, it´s only a matter of power”
“loose them”
“done”
“how long has it been?”
“a month and a half”
“how long it was that night?”
“it all happened quick, in no time really but a lot at the same time… the concept of eternity”
“what time it was here when you came back?”
“almost seven in the morning”
“you´ve been here all this time”
“yes”
“why?”
“how could I not be here?”
“it´s not fair for you… you don’t have to”
“I do” it hurt my heart that he felt obligated to be there. Maybe that was what Passio meant when she said that I didn’t have to made him love me. She had meant out of pity. It really made me sad and in a way it made me feel clautrophofic, a big pressure on my chest, maybe, it`s hard to describe.
“take me out to the garden”
“doctors say it´s better to have you inside the house, your inmune system, they think, is weak”
“everything feels numb…”
“hold on” he got away. I opened my eyes. He smiled and moved his hand. He had created the illusion of the park for me. I closed my eyes. He returned to me and put his forehead over mine.
“thanks”
“the least I can do after all I´ve caused”
The door was being knocked. “no! tell them to go” he chuckled and did as I told him.
“it´s time to check on her” a voice said
“what time is it?” I asked
“eight a.m…bath time”
“w-what?”
“it´ll be fine” he said. When he lifted his head, the illusion of the park vanished
“come in” his voice was more like I remembered it now, more calm.
Two nurses brough in a strecher and a screen. They set it
“sir?” one said. He took me there
“I´m always here. I was anxious so I didn’t like too many people to touch you. I put you here always and stay here and that´s why they brought in a screen. I can go this time though and forgive me if you didn’t like me being here. Should I go?” he said half appologizing.

I pondered it for a while. I blinked twice –no- he smiled and I felt he went to sit away, his back to the screen. I don’t know how I was so sure of that but I knew it.
“miss Crusos, you´re so lucky!” a nurse said whispering in my ear after a while. It was so horrible to so dependant, so awful to be touched by those strangers that were talking to me as if the knew me. “he´s so handsome! –she continued- And the way he looks at you! I wish someone love me like that!” love! This was not it, it was regret. I started to cry, gladly they were finishing “oh miss, don’t worry he wont leave you, he really loves you. He never leaves you side. I don’t think I´ve ever seen so much love!” was this woman here to torture me? Ayon! My mind shouted.
“Eimi!” he came quickly to the other side of the screen
“she´s ok, sir but maybe she´s sad. She started to cry”
“Are you done?” worry in his voice
“yes sir” they both said taking the screen quickly, I could sense fear in them.
“what happened?” he lifted me while putting our foreheads close
“oh my! Look how lovingly he is!” one told the other nurse. I couldn’t talk or move but my hearing was fine.
“I want to be alone” I said to Ayon
“go” he said to the nurses “leave that, I´ll pick it up”
-no- I blinked twice. He put his forehead on mine again “take me to the other room….when they´re done, we´ll be back, please” I couldn’t stop crying. He kissed my forehead. The two women were in awe. They were torturing me. Saying love when the words were pity and regret.
“please send someone to clean this room after you´re done picking that”
“yes sir…i´ts so happy that she woke up, right? You seem very happy!”
“I am” he said with the beautiful voice I loved, no more harshness. More tears came to my eyes “it´s ok Ei” he was trying to calm me down while taking me to the other room. The doctors scolded him for taking me out, they were scared of him, but apparently my room had been modified to keep the environment free from bacteria even dust. Criss wasn’t there, so they couldn’t fight him, in the end they put me on oxygen. But it wasn’t long because I returned to my bedroon too quickly to my taste.

Fallen angel

Chapter 25****Demon****

“what are you doing?” Ayon´s voice sounded in the room. I knew I was fainted but I still could listen to them.
“didn’t you have enough there, demon? I can send you back” I had believed in Passio´s words, why? ´look at the answer in you´ her voice like a whisper in my head. ´Does your heart says I´m telling the truth?´ Her voice was so soothing.

“you´ll hit her too, if you do that!” she said to Ayon.
“then stop hiding behind her and come to me” his voice hard, a voice that I had never heard in him.
“I´m holding her not hiding”
“give her to me” I heard he made a sound with his fingers. Then I felt my bed under me.

“Get her” Ayon said and I could felt other spirits in the room ´save his soul´ I heard in my head and “save her soul” in the room said by Passio´s voice. She was gone then.

“I´ll be back” he said in my ear softly “watch her” he commanded the other spirits. ´No!´ I shouted, or so I thought, actually, I couldn’t talk, nor open my eyes but I was conscious. He left. The spirits got close.

“Shiloe said the prince had a source”
“let´s get some”
“yeah, maybe we can overpower that bastard” many voices said. Then they laugh. Ayon had awoken as Passio said. They were getting close. They wanted to touch me. I could sense they were filled with lust ´No!´ I said in my head, then I heard screamings and cursings. A second later I felt Ayon´s presence again. He shouted “didn’t I told you not to touch her!” more screamings ´compassion´ my heart said and I managed to open my eyes. I dont know a word to describe what I saw other than a slaughter with the difference there were no humans but me on the scene. Many spirits were on the floor and many others bowing to Ayon´s feet.

“lord…” he kicked that one. One got close to me, he was grabbing the side of my bed to get up but his hand touched my finger and well, I couldn’t help to dislike him, that is, he flown away from me. Ayon turned. We saw each other. He smiled. I couldn’t.

“Eimi?” all I could do was blink
“what did she do to you?” more blinks. He lifted me and carry me in his arms. “Go tet her” all spirits went away. He screamed in pain then he hugged me tightly “no, Eimi, not you” his heart had the same rhythm that the first time I had listened to it. I was tired. It all started to go black.

When I woke up, Ayon was there next to me, his back rested on the edge of my bed, just like the time when he had come and we had talked for the last time. That rainy day. I wanted to touch his hair. I couldn’t move… A beep went louder. He turned quickly to see a machine and a man followed by nurses entered, then Criss. The machine measured my pulse.

The doctor checked on me and then with Criss´ cough everybody went out but Ayon.

“I need to talk to her in private” he said. Ayon said nothing. “Please, go out” no words from Ayon “else I´ll call security”

“try” Ayon said in a threatening voice. He was again in the same place he had been when I opened my eyes. It was as if he didn’t want to look at me. Criss sighed.

“Eimi, I need to talk to you. Please, blink once for yes and two for no, do you understand?” I did understand that, what I didn’t understand was how he knew I couldn’t talk. I blinked once.
“first of all, I´m so happy you are awake”
“don’t touch her” Ayon said
“may I hug you Eimi?” Criss said emphasizing my name. I blinked three times. He was surprised. Then I blinked once. He hugged me. “you have paralisis, Eimi, we don’t know the cause yet. For over a month doctors have tried everything but the cause remains unknown… so we decided to bring you back home, I thought it was better for you to be here than in a hospital” he smiled, I blinked once “now, I need to talk to you alone about the last night you remember, so could you let me know so I can tell Mr. Crusos here” he pointed Ayon wich apparently had taken my lastname since I knew nor angels nor demons have a last name “to go away for a while at least” it was clear that Criss didn’t like Ayon at all “do you want him to go?” I blinked twice. I wanted Ayon close. Criss was taken aback. “do you want to talk alone later?” I blinked twice –no- “you don’t want to talk about it?” I blinked three times.

“she wants you to ask her now, with me here, you idiot!” Ayon said. He knew what I wanted without even looking at me. Criss saw me. I blinked once –yes-
“ok” he sighed “mr. Crusos is a suspect of being the one that cause your state…though the cause, as I said, remains unknown, doctors agree it could happen if you got hit in a key spot of your neck or back or some chemichal that did this to you and since he was the last person to be with you and he has no will to talk about what happened…”

“ask her already, you´re making her tired” he was right
“now you talk?” Criss said harsh to Ayon “Eimi, did he harmed you in any way?”
-no-
“did he gave you anything that night?”
-yes-
“what was it?”
“how the hell she´ll anwswer that, you moron, don’t you see she cant talk! I gave her a cup of tea!” Ayon said annoyed.
“Eimi?”
-yes-
“did it taste funny?”
-no-
“now, Eimi, when we found you, when he called us and he was going to be taken away for questions he hurt some bodyguards, and policemen and damaged certain things here… do you want to present charges against him?”
-no-
“no?” he was clearly surprised
-no-
“do you wish him to be here?”
-yes-
“can I be here?” I blinked three times. “three times, Eimi? What is it?” it hurt me seeing Cris trying so hard to understand me.
“she wants you around, she wishes to talk to me now” Ayon said.
“Eimi?”
-yes-
“ok, those guys over there will stay here just in case” Criss pointed the guys on the corners of my bedroom. Bodyguards.
-no-
“you don’t want them here? Is for you safety”
-no-
-no-
-no-
“ok, but the ones outside the door will remain”
-no-
“Eimi, is for your safety”
-no-
“it´s ok Eimi, he is worried too” Ayon told me, still without looking at me.
-yes-
“they may stay?”
-yes-
“by the way, I´ve taken your place at the company and as you legal spokesman…all this since I was you right hand” Ayon chuckled. He knew what I thought about right hands ´they´re to clean up the mess´ I had said once.
-yes-
“ok, I´ll be back in five”
-no-
“an hour?”
“she´ll ask for you don’t overwhelm her with that many questions, go away!” Ayon was impatient
“may I…” Criss said leaning to kiss my forehead
-yes-
Everybody left after him. He closed the door and I could sense him behind the door.
“go away! She knows you´re there” Ayon raised his voice. He left then.

Fallen angel

Chapter 24****Plan****
“a talk” she said. “let me have that” her voice polite. I started to cry. Ayon´s name was echoing in my head. I started to walk to her awfully mad.
“he´s fine” she said. I stopped. “I wish I could send you where you want to be, wasn’t that what you told him once?”
“he´s not in heaven!” I said angry
“no, he´s not but you can send him there” I was surprised but I knew I couldn’t trust something like her. “that´s why I want a talk” she said
“well, here I am, am I not?” I said taking a seat. If there was a tiny chance to do that, I was going to take it.
“he is now in hell as you assume. It was not Shiloe that sent him. She couldn’t. he was too powerful of a demon to her. It was Michael´s sword who did it. It is specially made to do that kind of job.”
“and that matters to me because?”
“because your sould really loves him. Shiloe needed to be punished for making an angel fall. What better way of doing it that a human wich she considered weak and worthless and used as an object by Ayon to humiliate her and punish her?”
“he´s there and no here or where he wants to be… that´s all I care for, no who needs to be punished or not”
“and that´s another reason why you were appropriate to punish her, you were not enjoying to make her suffer… Ayon said you are pure, right? He always said that, he also prayed for your soul… this was the answer to his prayers… do you remember? The songs you liked so much, he wanted your sould to always be as pure as it was when he met you”
“don’t blame this on him. You sent him there and now he´s suffering”
“no, it is not like he thought it was going to be” she said giving an answer to a silent question my mind had made while remembering how Ayon had described hell “he´s in a place pretty much like this, though he is there laying on the floor, you touching his face and unprotected before Shiloe and three versions of me… and he cant do nothing”
“no God no! forgive him! Forgive him, take his sould to your side, father help him!” I said crying. My hands over my temples.
“I told you this is the answer to his prayers but also to yours” Passio started to sing. It was the song Ayon had sand when I had been sick. Tears were like a stream in my eyes.
“don’t torture me!” I shouted
“ that was what the song said, it was a pray isnt it, it is also what´s in your prayers too, right? That was what you wanted for him too, right? Well it´s been complicated… two souls to save, two souls to heal, though the last part you did for each other. now you know that a sin has come to your soul. It is called loving a demon”
“so love is restricted? Isnt love the greatest gift to everyone and everything?!”
“have you forgotten the definition of sin he gave you? Well that is the deffinition of sin and you know you´re commiting it. Moreover if you make him love you in the same way… it would be as if he fall all over again… humans with humans must be”
“why? It´s not fair!” I raised my voice
“no, it wont be fair for him” she smiled. It didn’t make sense “you see, when you die what he´ll do? If he will be unable to go to heavens to you?... he will be a wanderer mourning for you for ever…it´s no fair, right?”
“I don’t want him to be sad” I said in a murmur.
“I know but there´s something you can do to make it right…. You are the one with the power to make it right”
“tell me!”
“step one:” she smiled “he had to choose between being selfish –a demon- between Shiloe –his sin- or you –being selfless like an angel should be. he was confused and he ask you, good choice, your love for him made you selfless and you chose for him ´fight the sword´you said and showed him and reminded him to be pure”
I blushed. So in a way he had chosen me, maybe not for love but because it was the right thing to do. Passio smiled happily but something in her eyes told me she was not telling me something.
“you´ll see on due time” she said and winked.
“continue, please” I said eagerly.
“step two: he goes to hell, he´s living this scene over and over, he feels powerless and awakes completelly the demon in him”
“no!” I said in a sigh. I knew that was the last thing he wanted to do.
“this time it will be for the right reasons… not for vengeance, not for himself but for you, therefore his angel side though crushed wont go away”
“can´t..” she interrupted me before I could finish “it´ll be the only way he´ll be able to go out of there”
“step three: it´s all up to you. He´ll be back… in short. You´ll have to distroy his body, you´ll have to want to pass on him all you energy without the protection of your love so that all that he is be disintegrated”
“I have to kill him?” I said shocked
“energy cant be killed, remember? You´ll have to transform him but for that you´ll have to made him unconscious of himself, reduced to elements only… it is sort of a re-start point where you must send him. He wont remember nothing not even having existed. He´ll be new so he will be able to go back where you think he wants to be”
“up to me?” how was I going to make him go through such pain? “cant HE do it?”
“remember Ayon prayed for your soul too? HE know you love him but also knows you will get hurt if he doesn’t love you back. You´re already commiting the sin of hurting you own soul”
“I love him, I want his happiness” it was the first time I had said it out loud. It became solid in me.
“that´s why you want to do it right, isnt it? Don’t worry, it´ll only hurt a while because you know he will be happy and when you see a stary night or a bright moon you´ll remember that was his deffinition of heavens and you´ll know he´ll be there so it´ll be ok. But it´s up to you to save both of your souls else you´ll just hurt him for making him love you and hurt you for making him sad after you die and go to a cold place… up to you Aka Eimi” I didn’t know why she kept saying ´making him love me as if one could force other to do so. I was about to ask her when she put her index finger over her mouth, got to my side and pass her hand over my face.