Through my eyes: Tactics and Strategy (Eyes on You II)

A/N: This one feels like an accomplishment, perhaps, no, for sure, there are a lot of mistakes but I´m pretty excited that I got to write two Jmemories in it. I think in this post he´s spoken more than ever before. This post is much longer as well and has references of some songs and a poem, I´ll add a link of those below. 

This is the first of a few posts that I want to dedicate to some kids I met. This one I want to dedicate to Bry, he was one of my students and though he´s nothing like the characters in this story, I was reminded of him as I wrote the first Jmemory. Bry was an example of what dedication, effort and a bright personality can accomplish, also he had a beautiful, supportive family. A true example, he´d be a HS freshman this year, I know he's doing great. 

On less loaded things haha Saku, what did my girl do in the last post to make you dislike her? haha she was behaving well -for her- :p I wonder if you´ll get a glimpse of why J decided to go in this trip.

finally, to the post! ah, no, before that, Josh challenged me and I just had to accept. He knows writing flashback...I´m just not good at it but... haha ok, anyway, I hope it´s not too confusing, what I did, in case it was too bad, is to write in italics everything that is flashback. I hope it helps /////_//////

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We parked on a dirt parking lot under a tree. There were scattered SUV´s and jeeps under trees. There was some kind of kiosk with benches made of logs where a group of people were chatting apparently waiting for more people to arrive. We took our things out, each one of us had a backpack, I had my guitar and the picnic basket. Marissa had the map and a camera and Nichole just her backpack. We stopped in the center of the place while Mari surveyed the area, like every other forest it was all green and it all looked similar to me.

“Lead the way, carina” Nic had a hint of teasing in her tone

“According to this –Marissa was still staring at the map –we have to go… -she looked at the many paths all around us –here” she walked to the one at her left as she extended her hand to me. We walked in silence for a while, Marissa and I walked hand in hand leading the way and Nichole walked a few steps behind us. At times Marissa stopped to either check the map or take a picture and she randomly pointed to flowers, birds or butterflies

“I hope I don’t get us lost” Mari said biting her lip after a while

“I thought we were following the map” I raised my eyebrows

“We are but this might have been the wrong path” she told me with some concern.

“As long as we can go back” I said. Getting lost was not something I wanted

“Mh…”

“It´ll be part of the adventure” Nichole said behind us in her calmed tone of voice, we both turned to look at her, she was looking up the trees and had her tiny smile in place. I think her confidence made us relax. I shook my head at how easy that had been I knew both Marissa and I knew how good she was at finding her way. I knew very well that she wouldn’t let us get lost. That I trusted that made me feel a little annoyed.

An hour later we were at the sightseeing deck. It was twice the size of the one at the log house. It was a beautiful place. The sky was blue without clouds. Birds chirped everywhere hidden in the tree tops that were green and yellow. I could see rocky mountains in the distance right in front of us. A click let me know Marissa had taken a picture of me watching the place. I smiled for her and she took another picture.

“It´s your turn” I extended my hand and she gave me the camera and stood still with a smile in place

“Nini, come here!” Mari called Nichole who was behind me watching down leaned on the wooden railing.  She turned around and rolled her eyes

“You come here” she replied and Mari rolled her eyes this time but she went to where Nichole was. Nic extended her hand motioning for the camera

“No, no, no, don’t give it to her –Marissa said- I want a picture with you, you silly” Marissa smiled

“Marissa, no. You know I don’t like getting pictures taken”

“Whatever. Josh, take her picture, please”

“Marissa” Nichole hissed

“Come on!” Marissa tried to hug her with an arm but Nichole moved away

“Mari, no, just no, I´ll take yours and Josh´s”

“Just one, come one, it won´t kill you”

“You´re allowed to draw me if you want” NIc offered with a smirk and Marissa scoffed

“If you stayed still for a second!”

“Can´t help it –she shrugged and took the camera from me- but I´m good at taking pictures” she smiled a mischievous smile as Mari extended her arms to me putting. Nichole took a picture of that and then anther as soon as I stepped next to Marissa and then one when she hugged me. She seemed to like taking picture without letting us know she was about to take them

“One picture, please –Mari pouted- I can´t believe no one has ever taken a picture of you”

“Only if they were going to kill me” Nic shrugged. Marissa frowned and shook her head

“The things you said to not get a picture. Make a better lie” Marissa rolled her eyes. I was almost certain that it was not a lie at all

“I have one and had no murderous intentions” I chuckled at the end, Nichole gasped making Marissa laugh and high five me

“Ha! Good one, tesoro! Now, I deserve one” Marissa pointed a finger at Nichole who sighed and narrowed her eyes at me as she gave me the camera, I shrugged

“Only one” she told me as she leaned against the railing, she had a smirk on face that contrasted with Mari´s happy one

“Now, you too –Marissa came next to me –don’t say no, Nini –Marissa scolded before she could talk –this one´s for lying” she poked her tongue out

“Is this ok by you?” Nichole asked me. It took me aback.

“Yeah” I furrowed my eyebrows. Why wouldn’t it be I thought she wouldn’t want one with me. I went to stand next to her and as soon as I stood there she pushed herself up and sat on the railing very quick. It startled me.

“Jesus! –I exclaimed as I took hold of her hand- you´re gonna fall!”

“I´m fine” she tried to suppress a chuckle

“Get off there” I insisted, it was a high

“If I fall, I´ll fall on my feet” she winked but I didn’t let go of her “You miss took more than one picture so stop it” Nichole said to Marissa who giggled

“They are blurred –she said innocently- plus you can always erase them later, now, look over here and say cheese” Mari instructed as I let go of Nichole bu still looked at her

“Look at the camera boy, I´ll hold on to you” Nic placed her hand on my shoulder. Mari counted up to three

After the pictures we sat down on the deck to just watch the sky, each one of us with a bottle of water and snacks. Nichole was just eating one of those tiny lollipops and had her drawing pad on her bent knees, a blue drawing pencil in her hand, her head slightly tilted to the left, her short hair covering part of her face, her hand moved as her face went from the scenery before us to the paper. I wondered what she was thinking about. I had always wondered what she thought while she draw, it was the only time that I had seen her face completely relaxed. She usually looked calmed but somehow not but when drawing and painting she seemed to be just a girl.

“You went silent on me –Marissa said in a sing-song voice next to me, my eyes expanded a little –what are you thinking?” she smiled her easy smile. I couldn’t help but smile back, all the time, I shook my head

“Your smile´s really contagious” I said still smiling. She blinked once and her smile grew making her eyes become smaller

“You have a nice smile, too. Perfect white teeth” she touched my cheek “Do you like it here?”

“It´s beautiful” I leaned back until my back touched the deck and then I placed my hands under my head and bent my leg. I looked up at the pieces of sky between the leaves of the trees just above us. It was very quiet but not really, the place hummed with its own quiet music directed by the soft breeze

“You go a lot inside your head” Marissa commented looking down at me, she was still sitting down. I wondered if this would be a problem with her eventually, so far she was ok with it but then most of my dates are, they like that I listen but when I didn’t speak enough they didn’t like it either “I think I´m into quiet people –Marissa continued without asking for a reply- this one –she pointed to Nic at her side with her thumb- is always quiet unless I force her to talk, she makes me become a jerk” she laughed quietly. I smiled and nodded a little, you tended to feel like you were forcing her to talk all the time

“Look at her now, I bet she´s pretending she´s not listening –she glanced at the other girl- but you won’t pretend you don’t listen, right?” Mari smiled and touched my arm; I shook my head as reply

“What are you thinking about?” I asked, she smiled

“That you go a lot in your head and that you didn’t tell me what you were thinking” her lips moved in a very gracious way, it seemed to me that every time she said “you” she was about to kiss someone

“Every time you say you, it seems like you´re kissing the air” I told her in almost a whisper, she laughed throwing her head back with delight

“I kiss the air that you breathe” she said it slowly emphasizing the word “you”. I chuckled

“I like that –I smiled showing all my teeth –it´s maybe even song material” I winked

“Don’t you think it was too much?” she smiled and touched her arm

“Nope, I don’t mind impromptu poetry”

“Even the desperate one?” she tilted her head. I chuckled

“It didn’t sound desperate”

“You are very soothing” again Marissa emphasized the word you and I touched her lips lightly with my fingers for a second

“Thank you”

“And you don’t even say much, how do you do it?”

“No idea, maybe it´s you, maybe it´s the place, it´s …soothing here, quiet but not really –I closed my eyes listening to the music of the air caressing the trees- there´s a lot going on” I opened my eyes

“Is it like that in here?” her finger touched my temple. I pondered

“Sometimes”

“What´s happening?” she asked

“The birds are talking” I replied, unsure of whether I meant in my head or around us

“What are they saying?” she followed my lead

“That they like this place -I thought of the waterfall for a second, it made me uneasy but I think I wanted to try, to see how close I could get, I always wanted to start facing that irrational fear but always ended up giving up –they also would like to capture this peace and take it everywhere with them” I finished with eyes closed

“They don’t carry it around with them?”

“I think they forget sometimes… it´s easy to forget with everything else…there´s not many trees in other places where they can find shelter”

“Oh, are they worried about shelter?” Mari frowned a little. I chuckled

“I don’t know what I´m saying anymore” I said truthfully. It had been about me but shelter was not something I thought I lacked of

“No more bird whispered?” she smiled her easy smile

“Oh –she pouted- do you think they´ll understand if I tell them that I have a window sill where they can find shelter any time they want?” her eyes were bright and her smile soft, like her words. I smiled

“I think they got it” I sat up to kiss her but she met me half way so I didn’t fully sit, it was a little like doing crunches

“Great –she smiled and I went back to lying on the floor- I think… mmm I think we´ve ignored Nini…”

“Oh, yeah, that… yeah” my eyes expanded a bit, we´d been talking softly and very close

“Nini…” Marissa started

“Carry on, carina, I´m not feeling left out at all” Nichole said as if distracted. I wonder if she was distracted, she´d basically let us know she´d been listening to our words even if they had been almost whispers. I sat up and looked over Mari at her. She was still with her drawing pad but she was no longer looking at the scenery but just drawing, she was very focused on it.

“Can we, like, have a conversation where the three of us talk?” Marissa said looking to Nichole and back to me. I shrugged my agreement.

“Can´t talk while I draw” Nichole said. Liar, I thought

“Then stop drawing, this is not an assignment”

“Neither´s talking”

“What are you drawing?” I intervened. I felt at that moment that my mind was a computer screen when you click something and some virus makes tons of windows pop up with videos or random stuff. In my mind, several images of me asking that same question popped up. Nichole paused; maybe the same happened to her, maybe not.

“The birds that left before Marissa could take a picture”

“Can I see?” Mari asked. Nic lifted her drawing pad, there were two birds, one next to the other on a thin branch, one was finished made in charcoal, and the other was just starting to be shaded

“They were not like that –I commented- but they´re good” I said, she raised both eyebrows

“Ouch –Marissa winced and laughed- you just stabbed her ego!”

“Oh, I…” I started

“Don’t listen to her” Nichole rolled her eyes, going back to her drawing, I looked at Marissa

“At school she usually gets a ‘ah, you´re talented’ or ‘you´re a natural’ or stuff like that…. Nini was really mad when one of the professors said one of her works was just ‘a good one’” Marissa related, Nichole scoffed

“He didn’t say it was good –she said not looking at us but at the scenery- he said it didn’t have feeling which is an entirely different thing”

“Nini asked for her grade to be revised, made other professors to look at it, she really didn’t want that failing grade” Marissa chuckled

“I thought you didn’t care about grades or taking courses twice” I said. She´d always said she didn’t care but I knew it was not true, she always did the work and did it well

“I don’t care about that but his argument was one I couldn’t respect. He couldn’t grade the feeling of it. You just can’t grade feeling –she made air quotation marks- it was too subjective”

“I thought all art was subjective” I replied

“It is” Mari chuckled

“Yeah –Nichole agreed- but technique is graded, quality and originality as well. That was the criteria to be evaluated at the time, so he didn’t even have that argument there” she lifted her chin a little

“Professor Fleming told her –Mari said- that her technique and finesse were great but that it had no feeling to it, it didn’t produce anything”

“What did you do?” I asked curious and amused

“She made a book; it was a small black leather bound book with three roses, two of them dead and, I think, a melted candle –Mari replied- sorry, Nini, but it wasn’t that good, I never got it. Why did you do that for such assignment?” Mari asked

“What was the assignment?” I inquired

“Something like showing your worst memory in a simple way” Mari explained shaking her head “I guess it was simple, what you did but…I don’t know” she told Nic with a small shrug

“Oh…” I said knowing what that book must have been “Did you get the failing grade?”

“Yes and after that Fleming did his best to get me the lowest possible grades –Nic said and grinned- and I did my best to make him give me the best grades”

“She loves contradicting people” Mari laughed

“It made me improve. It´s been one of my best courses” Nic smirked

“What did you do?” I asked Marissa

“Leaving home –she said and wrinkled her nose a little- but bad memories no more, we should talk about our best one. What´s your happiest memory, tesoro?” she asked, her smile lingered. Both girls looked my way.

"Mhh...-I hummed- my best memory is from the afternoon that my dad gave me my first guitar- I told the girls remembering being surprised that he was home early  -I was about six, maybe seven, I was having troubles in school and didn't want to go anymore" I explained distantly remembering my childhood heart aches. After my accident I hadn't been the same but I hadn't noticed until that week but it´s not like I have that many recollections of the first few years after my accident, only glimpses come to me from time to time, it's the feeling of what I lived and the nightmares that are the most vivid.

"My grandpa who always got me to do the unpleasant things -I shook my head clearing it from the double pain that thinking of Alexander caused me with the two opposite faces he had- like taking medicines, going to the doctor, eating my lunch, things like that –I explained- at that time, he just couldn't make speak of what was wrong so one day my dad came home and...” I smiled down to the floor remembering that afternoon.

“Hi son” My dad had said smiling to me

“You´re early, daddy” I had been surprised it wasn´t a usual occurrence that he came home before seven. I hadn’t known that mom had asked him to talk to me.

“I had a good day so I decided I could come talk to you – he sat next to me and slung an arm on my shoulder- we closed a great deal, money straight to your college fund –he chuckled- I had some problems while doing it, obstacles but I knew I could work it out. Do you know why I knew?” I had been excited that he was speaking to me about his day and that he had asked for my opinion

 “Because you’re good at what you do” I had repeated what my mom had always said and that had earned me a chuckle and squeeze

“That´s true but remember when mom wanted to redecorate the kitchen? –Six or seven year old me nodded- remember what happened when I moved the furniture?” he´d asked and I had laughed

“You broke the water pipe and mom was angry. She had to pick me up”

“Yeah –he had grimaced- and I couldn’t make it stop and ended up leaving us without water until the guy came. He was good at his job, don’t you think?”

“Yes, mom was happy”

“Yes, she was. Remember later that day the other guys came to help her make things pretty?”

“Yeah but Aaron and I helped, we picked the colors with mom” It had been important for me at the time that he remembered that we had helped

“Yes, of course you did –I almost laughed remembering how he laughed quietly and rustled my hair before speaking again- but I didn’t and that is because I´m not good at that. You see, son, I am very good at what I do but I´m very bad at other things, just like mom is very good at being a doctor but is very bad at closing deals, you too, are going to be good at some things and bad at others” he´d said as he touched my shoulder with his hand

“But I´m bad at everything –I replied- I´m the dumb twin –I cried bitter and angry tears.- Aaron is much better, he´s smarter and…” I had been in a different class, with much less requirements, less classes. I hadn’t noticed until it had been pointed out to me by the kids in Aaron´s class. Some kids can be mean to others; I had ended up believing they had been right about me.

“No, Joshua, that is not true –my dad had stopped me. I had seen how knowing what was wrong had hurt him too- You´re twins but you´re different and that is alright. We love you for who you are and we love your brother for who he is. Now, Josh, sometimes things are harder for some people, life puts more obstacles in their life, accidents happen –he had stopped to clear his throat- but that just means you are and you´ll be stronger –he hugged me tightly- you’re a fighter” He´d told me and I had just stared down at my lap not feeling strong at all

"He told me I just had to try my hardest because no one's good when they are just starting something new” I told the girls a short version of his speech but I remembered every single word dad had told me that afternoon

“It takes time to get good at things. When I was your age –he´d continued- I wasn’t good at closing deals, I lost money before I got good at it and mom puked at the sight of blood, she could´ve said she going to be a bad doctor, don’t you think? But she and I tried our best at everything until we figured out what we were good at and didn’t let what we weren’t good at make us sad. You just have to try your very best, just like you do everyday”

“Then he asked me to wait and went to get something, an old black acoustic guitar. He played a very complicated song and told me that when he was my age he couldn’t do it. I had just stared –I chuckled looking at the two girl looking attentively back at me- He touched a string -I took my guitar and touched the string he had touched- and asked me if that sounded like music, I said it didn't, then he played something like this -I played a small progression, just a few chords- and asked me if that sounded like music"

"Awww" Mari cooed, Nic's eyes were intense as if she was memorizing my every move. I smiled at Mari before continuing with my story

"I told him it did, and he explained that he wasn't good at it before but life was like playing the guitar, you keep practicing and trying until you get it right, until you get what you want” –I remembered he´d said to notice how one string along with the others made music, that life was the same, at first it might not be music but with time and practice it sounded like music, a melody you were good at. Dad told me I had been good at reminding him that he liked playing the guitar, which he hadn't played since I had been born.

“To never forget there´s always a new song to learn, but, that you have to remember that if you can't play the guitar there's always other instruments to make music" I related to the girls my dad speech and chuckled, I had been distracted by his skill and the shiny black guitar that I hadn't understood the full meaning of his word but they had always stayed in my mind.

"You make beautiful music, tesoro, with everything you touch" Mari touched my arm and smiled her easy smile

"Thank you -I smiled back- I got my first guitar that day and I decided I was going to be good at that –I shook my head- My dad and I practiced every weekend and every night he could come home early, in a while I was able to play the complicated song that wasn’t really complicated at all” I said

"Do you still have it?" Nichole asked in her quiet voice, it surprised me that she showed interest more than with only her eyes on me

"Yeah, it's in the basement in my parent's house" I replied

"Did you go back to school" Marissa asked me “Did it get better?”

"I went back for a while. But I didn't finish that year, I mean, I did finish it just differently, I was home schooled for a few years after that" I explained when Mari widened her eyes and Nichole stiffened "different instruments -I shrugged- but that's where I got my love for music and my liking of this one” I started to play the chords accompanied by some whistling like in the song

                “….take it slow

It'll work itself out fine

All we need is just a little patience

Said, sugar, make it slow

And we´ll come together fine

All we need is just a little patience…” To my surprise they both joined me on that portion of the song and whenever they knew the lyrics.

"Great as always!" Mari clapped her hands once I stopped singing

"It was a nice story -Nichole said with a small smile, not the one I knew was her real one but it didn't seem a rehearsed one either but I couldn’t tell because it quickly became a smirk- stubborn, I mean, persistent you was born there"

"Nini!" Mari pushed Nic away

"It's a compliment, carina" there was humor in her voice, I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"You remind me of Aaron -I told her- he can't stay mature for too long and you can't stay nice" I narrowed my eyes for effect but I knew she was afraid of letting even a glimpse of nice feelings coming from her, I felt like I had known her enough to be sure or maybe it was just the memory of our friendship in the past that didn’t let me stay mad at her

"I'm a monster" she winked in both Mari and my direction

"Uuh! -Mari laughed- I don’t think so, I think you found your match, Nini."

"No one bits me at that"

"It's been two times already" Mari said in a sing song voice, I chuckled, when had Nic been teased before?

"Josh's too nice to put in my place" she laughed quietly as she look at the scenery in front of us

"My instruments are others. My strategy instead is deeper and simpler" I winked after quoting a verse of a poem that had come to mind out of the blue, one that she´d shown me. I didn't have many memories of the time after my accident but I did have many of my teenager years. I had first heard that poem on a day after one of our Art club meetings in which as usual she and I had stayed behind. Maybe because I had let my mind take me back to my memories, it automatically too me back to this one too and I felt in the spacious room filled with easels and musical instruments

 "Are you going to stay here?" I had asked, she hadn't made an attempt to go but had kept working on her canvas

"Yeah" it was when she replied my questions, the easy ones at least

"Ok –my memory showed me I had motioned to go and had turned back- did you do the homework about the poem already?" we’d been studying poetry, metric and famous poets; it was our assignment to emulate them.

"Nope" her eyes had stayed on the canvas in front of her. I made a face

"I hate this assignment" I had groaned

"Don't do it then"

"Right, 'cause that's an option"

"It is"

"But you'll do it, won't you?" I had been sure she’d do it, as she always did.

"That doesn't matter, I don't hate the assignment but I won't do it if I don’t feel like it" she had shrugged a little

"I don't believe that, you never fail to do your homework"

"I feel like doing it" she'd taken a diff paintbrush

"That's the same thing" I had rolled my eyes, given up on standing and sat on the stool I had been using. I had been procrastinating.

"Nope, it’s a different tactic and strategy. My tactic is to be honest… My strategy instead is deeper and simpler…”

"Eh? You lost me there…" I had furrowed my eyebrows. She fought a smile

"That's a poem that just popped into my head; it's on the news board in the classroom"

"And you've memorized it?" I had chuckled, only Nichole Cristales would´ve done such thing "what else does it say?" I had thought she wouldn't tell me but after dipping her brush on pain and not making a stroke on the canvas, she had turned on her stool to face me and spoke the lines of the poem in her soft calm voice as she balanced the paintbrush between her gloved fingers, a drop of paint threatened to fall to the floor but she moved her wrist so that it wouldn't fall but that made the turquoise paint get too close to her burgundy gloves that matched our uniform.

“My tactic is to stay in your memory,

I don't know how

Nor with what pretext

But stay within you…” as she had recited she´d played with the drop of paint and I had seen rhythm in the movement and had heard music in the golden light entering the room through the windows. I had felt a beat in the poem like it had a heart.

“My tactic is to be honest

And know you are too

And that we don't sell each other illusions

So that between us there is no curtain or abyss

My strategy instead is

Deeper and simpler.

My strategy is that some day

I don't know how,

nor with what pretext

That finally you need me”  I had picked my guitar and played an improvised melody for the words she had spoken, had made a sign so that she said it again as I perfected the sounds, and when it ended and I wrapped up the melody, the drop of paint had fallen to the floor

"You write poetry all the time, play it..." the Nichole in my memory had nodded towards my guitar

"It's not the same, I don't go for numbers, measures, metric, whatever and… I don’t t always work with rhymes, my rhymes are not...they don't follow numbers, they're not… stiff" I furrowed my eyebrows

"You just made poetry; followed the metric. Different strategy" she had winked and turned back to her canvas. I hadn’t had an instant epiphany with an amazing and perfect poem but the next class I had sung my poem. My teacher had loved my creativity and strategy. By the end of that day I had printed and pasted the poem on the inside of my binder. It had reminded of the time dad had taught me the song Patience.

A memory can be relived in the blink of an eye, such was the case with this memory, no time had passed yet I had gone back to the past but in reality I had just quoted the verse of the poem and Nic had just looked away after looking into my eyes for a second too long. Mari was laughing oblivious that such line had taken me back in time.

"Ah, ragazza, he’s got you" Mari giggled and hugged me with one arm

"Funny" Nic said in her usual monotone

"I agree –Marissa teased as I laughed quietly- , this will be my new best memory" she poked her tongue out at Nic

"And the old one is...?" Nic prompted

 “Mmmm… well…after Josh´s beautiful, inspirational story, mine sounds kinda selfish…” Marissa wrinkled her nose

“It´s subjective, if it makes you happy, it´s happy” I winked; Marissa narrowed her eyes a little and a smile tugged at Nichole´s mouth

“Nini, you go first –Mari said- and don’t say no!” she pointed a finger to Nic who rolled her eyes but gave up with a dramatic sigh, dramatic for her.

“It´s not inspirational either –Nichole started- but one of the better times I´ve had was when Mike, my arts teacher, took one of my paintings to the teacher’s meeting. They chose among other art works made by students to be placed in one of the library halls. I was –she closed her eyes- happy when mine was chosen” her half smile showed in her face

“Which one?” I asked. I knew that by the time she left Burgeoys there were a few of her paintings in not only one of the school libraries

“Your teachers hung your work on the library? That’s so cute!” Marissa smiled

“More than cute, carina, it was a big honor to have one of your works next to a Monet or Kandinsky. It´s something that hasn’t happened again”

“Was this school a museum too?” Marissa raised both eyebrows and looked at both of us

“They had famous art works in the libraries and the art building” Nichole explained

“And the office buildings” I added. Mari shook her head

“An eye of my face wouldn’t have been enough to pay a month of education at your rich kids school, I bet –Mari said- but Nini, it´s so cool that you were good even back then” she smiled at the other girl

“It was Ash´s portrait on the road, the one that got chosen” Nichole chose to answer my question. I nodded my acknowledgement; Nichole and Aaron had ‘met’ under that portrait, under that one he´d broken his nose after tripping on her leg

“Ash? Who´s Ash?” Marissa looked between me and Nic

“Ashley, a friend –Nic said- now, talk” she smirked. I chuckled, I knew it was not a lie but I was sure she´d said the guy´s name to avoid saying who he was

“I guess this will be fine… it´s similar to yours –Mari nodded to Nic- my happiest one is from when I was 17, I had just left home and had no idea what to do with my life, I had nowhere to go, no one to go to –she shrugged- On a park, where me met –she looked at Nic- I made my first cartoon and I got my first client, after about a week of being there –she chuckled- I had been homeless for a week. Guess who was my first client? It was Anton –she didn’t wait for us to give an answer- he bought my first cartoon, took me to his house, scolded me for leaving home but didn’t send me back. He bought me pencils, paint, paper and an easel and above all he hung my cartoon of him in his living room. My brother supported me, he believed in me or at least he tried –she giggled- that´s the happy part, by the way” she finished smiling to the floor

“It´s a good story” I stroked her back

“The beginning of a dream” Nichole winked

“Yeah, look where you´re now” I hugged her and she beamed

“Look where we all are” Marissa chuckled and kissed my cheek


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links:
Tactics and Strategy by Mario Benedetti  
Guns N' Roses Patience

Through my Eyes: Eyes on you

A/N: Originally I had planned that this part would include the first part of their plans but just now when I was going to modify some J memory it felt rigth to leave it where it stops, even if it makes it a short post

The place where they´re going... ha! it´s important, not bc of the story but it´s in both of my current stories now so yay! 

I wonder how this one will feel after the one before, this is the start of the 'woods trip' that I´ve been wanting to get to. I´m very nervous about it, so nervous but as always it hasnt been edited, who needs that? -right-

Some italian there... 

*Ti voglio bene troppo: I love you

*Ti prego perdonami: please, forgive me

******

“Tesoro, I want to take you somewhere, are you free this weekend?” Mari and I were eating out just talking about our day

“Where do you want to go?” I inquired as she sipped her red wine

“It´s kind of a surprise…” Marissa smiled and looked at me through her long lashes

“Darling… -I started- you know I don’t like surprises”

“I know, I know but I promise you´ll like this one” she leaned in closer

“I´m sure I´ll like it better if I know what we´re doing” I insisted

“Trust me, tesoro, you´ll like it” she took my hand. Trust… I trusted her but I just couldn’t trust myself to be ok if we went to certain places “But if you must know –she sighed heavily as if defeated but laughed afterwards- we´ll just go sightseeing. You like that, don’t you?”

“Yeah… What are we going to see?”

“Josh!” she pouted

“I´m just curious and impatient” I winked

“I know, but I want to surprise you even if a little, a good surprise like the kind you always give me” she said in a soft voice with a shy smile on her face. The kind I gave her would be a concert, a song played for her, walking through a park, sightseeing, a nice dinner like tonight. I could do it I thought

“Ok –I smiled- what time do you want me at your place?”

“Eight in the morning on Saturday” she beamed

At eight o´clock the next Saturday I parked on the vacant space next to the jeep in which Marissa was loading a picnic basket.

“Good morning” I went over to Marissa

“Buongiorno, tesoro” we greeted with a small kiss, when I opened my eyes a second later I saw Nichole standing a few feet away from us; she was standing very still. I stared perhaps standing as still as her. Mari looked up at me and then turned around

“Sorpresa! Surprise!” Marissa smiled from Nic to me

“Did you know about this?” Nic asked me with a raised eyebrow

“Nope” I shook my head as Mari giggled

“Ah! I thought you´d suspect, especially you –she motioned to Nic- you guys are not upset about the three of us going together, are you?” Marissa asked a little hesitant looking from me to Nic

“I don´t mind” Nich said at once throwing her backpack on the trunk of the jeep. That was a surprise to me

“It´s ok –I smiled, it was unexpected and who knew how it´d be to hang out outside their apartment with no TV to pretend being deaf to the rest- so, we´re going in this one?” I nodded toward the jeep

“Yeah, it´ll be better, I think” Marissa told me and went with me to get my things, a backpack and a guitar

“I´ll drive” Marissa extended her hand to Nichole to get the keys

“In your dreams” Nic snorted and got in the driver´s side of the car

“Then Josh and I will leave you all alone there” she poked her tongue out and we got in the back of the car

“See if I care” Nichole said with a straight face but with humor in her voice.

We stopped on a coffee shop on the way. I hadn’t had breakfast and neither had Marissa, she´d insisted in going alone so that I didn’t insist in paying since according to her this trip was her idea so it was her treat to us for making her feel welcome and cared for. Whenever she said stuff like that it hit me that she didn’t know many people, she was very far from home and had been away from family and friends for a long time. I couldn’t imagine what it´d be like to be isolated like that.

“Do you know where we´re going?” I reclined my back against my seat and looked at Nic through the rear view mirror, she looked back at me in the same fashion

“Vukasin Natural Reserve” she replied pulling a map out of the side pocket of Marissa´s backpack on the floor

“She told you!” it made me a little resentful, she hadn’t wanted to tell me

“I made her, she was unwilling to tell me” Nic unfolded the map

“You made her?” I wondered exactly what that meant, Nic shrugged

“I wouldn’t come unless she told me –she explained examining the map. I guessed it was like her to make such a bargain and to not retreat from it until she got what she wanted- she´s chosen two places, one, I think, for you and one for me” Nic passed me the map. It had a marked path that led to two circles, one was a sightseeing deck of sorts and the other was a waterfall. I groaned closing my eyes.

“Ever done rock climbing?” Nichole turned to see me. I frowned, she pulled the map down a little to be able to see it too “There´s this rock climbing site opposite the waterfall…” she explained making an invisible line with her finger from the first location away from the waterfall to the climbing place. I cleared my throat.

“Don’t you want to see the waterfall?” I should´ve just said yes to the rock climbing

“I´ve seen it before”

“Have you seen the rocks before?” I asked, she shrugged

“You can see them from the sightseeing deck”

“I meant…”

“The waterfall´s beautiful –she interrupted me- the river´s wide. There is sort of flat land on the sides, several feet of it but there is a slope before that, there isn’t a way to slip in by accident though” she looked outside the window towards the coffee shop door as it opened and some woman came out with a child

“Have you ever been inside the river?”

“Yeah, the water´s pretty cold, I´ve never crossed it though, it´s deep but the current´s not that strong unless you get closer to the waterfall” she explained and I closed my eyes, I was sure Marissa would want to get inside and close to said waterfall “Rock climbing´s kinda hard but I don’t think you´ll have any trouble at it…”

“Mari won’t let you change her plans…” I interrupted this time. Marissa seemed to get away with things even with Nichole

“This is for me. I wanna go rock climbing” she shrugged as if it was really because she wanted it and not because of me. The knowledge both made me grateful and angry

“If I hadn’t come you´d go to the waterfall” I said dryly

“You´re here”

“And you´ll do this for me? Out of kindness or pity?”

“You don’t have to go to places you dislike” she said softly as if comforting, I narrowed my gaze

“I´ll be fine” I rolled my eyes. I was insane.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah”

“100% sure?” she asked again and I snapped

“I said it´s fine –I scoffed- you don’t have to take care of me now. I don’t need it. You were away for two years; don’t you think I had to deal with things like this while you were gone? You´re not my babysitter” I practically growled and quickly, roughly folded the map and threw it on the passenger seat to my left. Nichole tugged some invisible hair behind her ear

“It´s just one less…to deal with –soft almost placating tone- just remember there´s an alternative” she adjusted herself on the seat and opened the map that she´d taken from my side. I was being stupid and stubborn; she was right, I didn’t have to deal with it, in any other time I would’ve done whatever necessary to get out of going there

“Hey –Marissa came back before I could think about what to do next, she gave me the bags she was carrying- is everything ok?” she looked between Nic and me. I must´ve been frowning, Nichole looked back at her; she was the picture of calmness

“What took you so long?” Nic asked and I composed myself

“Sorry but the place was full! Here” she gave Nic a coffee cup

“Thanks, Carina” Nic threw the map, perfectly folded on the passenger seat

“Nichole Cristales, don’t tell me you saw that map!” Marissa pointed a finger to Nichole

“I didn’t see the map, carina” a smirk on her face

“Liar! –Mari accused- it was supposed to be a surprise, Nichole, why…?” Marissa sighed with exasperation

“I´ll act surprised once we get there, I promise” her smirk grew. We were on our way now

“Did you see it too?” Marissa looked at me with upturned lips like it really made her sad that her surprise was no longer a surprise

“I´m sorry”

“It was my fault –Nic snickered- I showed it to him”

“Of course you did, you jerk” Marissa narrowed her eyes and glared at Nichole who grinned

“Ti voglio bene troppo, carina” Nichole said with humor in her voice

“No points on that, it sucked, I´m mad at you” Mari crossed her arms over her chest

“Ti prego perdonami, tesoro” Nic said making puppy eyes, something I had never seen before

“No! You spoiled the surprise”

“What if I surprise you?” Nic grinned, Mari snorted “There is a rock climbing spot, the distance´s the same from the sightseeing deck. Didn’t you want to try that?”

“But that´s opposite the waterfall, you love waterfalls”

“The water will be cold” Nichole said looking back at us through the rear view mirror for a second. Mari snorted

“You made me go to a frozen lake and now you have a problem with cold water? No, stop, don’t try to do this for me –Mari shook her head. I furrowed my eyebrows, Marissa thought the change of plans was because of her and I thought it was for me- this is about you, doing something that you like, not something I want to do. We´re going to the waterfall thing”

“Ha! As if I ever do anything for you. This is for my own entertainment” Nichole said in her monotone. I don’t think neither Marissa nor I believed it

“We´re going as planned” Marissa rolled her eyes; Nichole caught my eyes for a second on the rear view mirror and then shrugged. 

Though My Eyes: On Time

A/N: A very tiny one that I dont know if it´s more of a side-story of this story. Idk if I want it here or if it fits but it´s what I have next in the Word doc but idk... I dont know if I should delete this whole part but I decided to post it

****

“Marissa, hi” I called Mari as I walked towards her work place

“Diletto –she greeted me in one of her Italian endearments which I only knew was that but didn’t know what it was; I had a hard time keeping up with them- how are you”

“I’m on my way to your office. Mari I forgot my flash drive on your bag and I have my updated paper there and I need to finish and send it today” I explained

“Oh, oh, I see…but I don’t have my Tuesday-Wednesday bag with me…”

“What?”

“I don’t have it with me”

“Marissa, I really need that flash drive”

“It´s ok, tesoro, I’ll see if I can go out to get if or you. Are you close?”

“Just entering the building” we ended the call as I walked towards her on the counter. She stood up, looked around at the empty place and kissed me

“I can go get your flash drive in a couple of hours during my lunch” she continued with our conversation. I looked at my watch

“I really need it now” I sighed

“Ok, don’t worry, here, take my key, it´s in my bag –she put her keys on the counter- the bag´s on the chair next to my bed” she explained; I vaguely wondered if I’d give her my keys, not that I was to keep hers but still

“Thanks, I´ll bring these back later” I leaned in for a quick good bye kiss and left

“See you” she mouthed as she answered a phone call

“What are you doing here?” Nichole walked in the apartment as I was scrubbing my hand over my face. She seemed slightly surprised to see me alone in her place

“I forgot my flash drive in Marissa´s bag but I can’t find it anywhere” I said exasperated “I´ve been looking everywhere for the past hour. I really need that flash drive to finish a paper” I growled as she placed her bag on the sofa and took off the worn leather jacket she was wearing

“Didn´t she tell you where it was?”

“On her bag that was on the chair next to her bed. It´s not there, there´s no bag there” I sighed

“Marissa never leaves things where she says she left them…” she walked past me

“I´ve searched the entire place!” there was an edge in my words; Nic nodded and went in her room, the door closed behind her

“Marissa!” I grumbled as once again I scrubbed my hand over my face. Nichole came out of her room carrying a blue denim messenger bag; it was Marissa´s bag

“You had it” I said as I took the bag

“She left it in my room” she rolled her eyes

“It´s unlocked; you leave your room unlocked” I searched for the flash drive in the mess inside the bag. She nodded

“Doesn’t it bother you that anyone could open it?” I said taking things out ´cause I couldn’t find my flash drive. Nic shrugged “I could have opened your room”

“You didn’t”

“Maybe you should lock your room. Mari does”

“There´s not a single thing of value in my room, well, paint maybe so it´s fine besides Marissa´s always leaving her stuff in my room…”

“What if she gives the key to someone else?” I said frowning as I searched between the crumbles of a cookie on the bottom of the bag

“What could anybody want from there? But if it makes you happy, I wouldn’t have given you the key” there was humor in her voice; she was teasing me but it made me bitter

“I know, you –don’t trust me I was going to say but I remembered something- you did give me a key, before, a key to your room”

“Oh, huh –she looked taken aback for a second- you didn´t find out what that was?”

“It opened your room”

“It opened yours to and the SCR, the Art building…I guess you didn’t try it”

“We did –I explained, by accident we´d found out that it opened all doors in Burgeoys, at least the ones we tried- Aaron and I tried it”

“Ah” she nodded

“Did it open the gates?” I had started taking out stuff from the side pockets of the bag

“No, well, it opened the old ones but those had a chain and locks, remember? So not really”

“So not the main ones…”

“A computer code opened those”

“And you had the code –I half smiled despite my desperation, she shrugged- you could´ve left me that one”

“Ha! Cameras, Josh, it didn’t make sense to open the gate to get caught!”

“Of course… Finally!” I exclaimed finally finding the flash drive. I checked my watch, it was late, I wouldn’t make it if I went back to my place to finish my paper

“hey… -I started- can I use your computer and printer? –I asked showing the flash drive; she raised her eyebrows and I hesitated- Sean, my work partner, lost the file at the last minute, computer virus but I have the almost complete paper here… if I go back to my place I’ll be late, the professor doesn’t tolerate it” I sighed

“Ok –she opened her room and got in- you coming?” I heard her voice after a minute. “Printer´s there, paper´s there” she pointed to a folder as she typed her password on her laptop. The place was bright, unlike Marissa´s bedroom, it was sort of similar to her Burgeoys room, there was not a single thing out of place, there were books on the night strand, a drawing pad next to the laptop and drawings on walls, sketches pinned to the walls like a collage

“Thanks –I sat on her  swiveling chair- when did you put the key in my pocket?” I went back to our conversation as I opened the file I needed

“When you hugged me good bye”

“You had it ready –I said she nodded- what if I hadn’t hugged you?”

“I was just going to give it to you but I thought it´d be fun if you found it” she explained as I started to read over the paper trying to locate the changes we´d done and that had been lost

“Why give me that?” I asked

“On my birthday that year you could´ve been caught if I hadn’t been there… at the time I thought it could be useful” she said and left the room. I guessed it had been thoughtful in a strange way; in the back of my mind I thought that it´d meant that she´d planned to get more visits from me which was sort of interesting.

“Thanks” I motioned to my paper about forty five minutes later

“Need a folder?”

“Got one?” I asked, she stood up, went in her room and came back with a plastic folder “Thanks. I owe you one. Bye”

“Bye” she said, I think. I got right on time and then hassled my work partner for being so stupid and useless

“Just on time!” I texted both Marissa and Nichole afterwards. Mari´s reply came quick

“Good job! You´re the man!” it read and had a winky face.

An hour later I got a text I didn’t think I´d get “Part of that grade´s mine” it said. I laughed.

Through my Eyes: Between Us

A/N: I keep making up all kinds of excuses to not feel so ...lazy, I guess, and not edit stuff... I just typed this one and whatever part that got changed happened as I copied it from my notebook to Word...

I wanted to say something else but I´ve forgotten atm ...mmmm

***

“Where did you graduate?” I asked Nichole. It was just the two of us in her apartment. Marisa was running late, she was with a group for some project and they’ve been held up for longer than expected. I had been invited to another movie night; it was about a couple of weeks after the last one. I was on the couch in front of the television; Nichole was behind her drawing table, leaned over it, I had turned half way to ask my question. She looked up and raised her eyebrows in question

“You didn’t graduate from Burgeoys; you must have graduated from somewhere to get into college” I explained, I had wondered about normal unimportant things like this a long time ago, or so it felt, and it had come back to me in the virtual silence we´d shared as I waited. I wondered if she´d just printed a diploma or get herself a new student record or something

“I took a test” she said as her eyes went back to be fixed upon her table

“So, no graduation and no diploma”

“Yes and yes”

“Eh?” I adjusted on the couch to face her; I saw her kept making strokes with some kind of chalk on what I guessed was paper on the table

“Yes to the graduation and yes to the diploma”

“What school..?”

“The one I went to take the test” I thought I saw the faintest one shoulder shrug on her

“What school was it?” I asked the question that had been interrupted; curious to know that she hadn’t immediately gone to the backpacking part of her time away; a part of me told me about the nag that caused me.

“A public small school” she said still focused on her task, changing the chalk she was using. I looked back to the T.V considering; trying to imagine what kind of place it had been and why and when this had taken place. It didn’t really seem to matter to her but she´d done it and by then she´d been free to do whatever she wanted so she must´ve wanted it just not from our fancy school

“Why did you say the other day you didn’t get to apologize?” I turned back again to see her after a while; she didn’t look up at me but shook her head

“Marissa will come home at any minute; not here” her calm voice said as I was about to press the matter

“Ok” I accepted her words. The truth was that in these talks one of us ended shouting or running away

“She doesn’t know anything about you, does she?” I narrowed my eyes at Nichole; I was almost sure she could see me even if she was supposedly focused on her work

“What she needs to know”

“That means your name and the age in your ID only?” I raised my eyebrows; not even her name was her real name, not even what everybody though was her age was her real age…

“Does she know everything about you?” this time she looked up at me for a second as she changed the chalk stick again. I sighed…I knew what she was referring to “Do we know everything about her?” Nichole said in her soft voice almost as an afterthought, almost as if to say it was ok I had reservations towards her; or so I made myself believe but I doubted Marissa had secrets like ours

“We know she was born in Milan, that she´s a painter, started as an amateur…about her family that she´s the youngest child and only daughter” I listed a few things; Nic nodded “Do you know her family?” I asked

“I´ve seen Anton”

“Never met him?” I raised my eyebrows; she pursed her lips a fraction, considering her answer, I knew.

“Not exactly”

“How´s that?” in my mind you either met people or didn’t; she looked at me with what seemed to be humor

“He didn’t like me”

“How you know if you never met him?”

“When Marissa came to find me at the place we were departing for our first trip; he came along with her…he said I was… -she narrowed her eyes a little- stealing her sister away; I didn’t completely understand him; he was speaking really fast and Marissa didn’t want to tell me the rest”

“Oh…-I could almost see the man shouting at her in quick Italian; making gestures like Marissa does sometimes when she´s upset- then I guess you did meet him”

“If that is meeting someone, yes” she looked down at her work again and for a moment if almost felt like the time we spent together before. I found it strange how it seemed that even after one of us had ended up being upset when we last talked the next time it was like we were almost friends somehow but not really; there was a wall between us; I could feel it there, invisible but solid, a double wall.

“Does she know about Camille?” I asked after a little while and she took her time

“I need to focus on my work” she finally replied without inflections. It was an evasion; I scoffed

“Please, you can do that with closed eyes” irritation leaked in the words; she raised both eyebrows looking straight at me

“I cannot work with my eyes close” she tilted her head a little in what I thought was humor

“You know what I meant… You´ve worked as you listen to me before… as you listen and reply –I emphasized the word- I´ve seen you”

“This one´s not for Mike” she said and I almost laughed. She couldn’t pretend she´d been sloppy at how she made her work for our arts instructor. I had seen her; I was sure

“No, but I´m sure you´re still you” I said confident; she looked up at me without moving her head up, only with her eyes and then focused back on her work

“I think… -I pondered out loud- that she does know about Camille but hasn’t met her, why?”

“Why would I introduce Mii to Marissa?”

“Why not? Mii is important for you; Mari seems to be the closest person to you since… -I was going to say me but that…- anybody” I finished; she only shrugged and then I thought of something…they had always been so careful when it came to Camille

“I mean you let your psycho… -mother? No, that didn´t sound right and Nichole wouldn’t take it kindly- guardian around her, she´s like the most dangerous person that can be around your sister, don’t you think?” I finished sure that what I said was true, she nodded slowly making a motion with her arm as if she was erasing something “then why?” I insisted

“Not here” it was barely a whisper with a hint of pleading. I sighed; ran my hand through my hair

“The good people, no, let´s say, the harmless ones are the ones you keep away” I mumbled turning back and drinking from my glass of water

“She´s a necessity” I heard Nichole´s reluctant voice

“What do you mean?” I turned back again; she was sat up with eyes closed

“Camille… -she started still with eyes closed but then stopped, opened her eyes that had unlike what I had imagined a fierce look in them, leaned forward with a serious expression- this is between us” she told me; I knew my eyes grew twice their size

“Of course; you know I´d never say anything, I haven´t …”

“I know” her usual monotone came back and she seemed to relax although she hadn’t exactly looked tense or rigid before, she went back to her work “Mii and I are sisters” she said

“I know” I said as I laughed

“No, not half-sisters, sisters. She´s a lot like me” she grimaced. That was crazy yet it made sense; the younger girl was like a small version of Nichole except she was happy

“But she´s… -Nichole´s mother had died years before Camille even existed…but then…Strassberg was in a way Nic´s mom…I felt a frown forming on my face- how´s that possible?”

“Nat stole things from Alex…-she stopped abruptly- from the crew –she corrected herself, looked at me,  I nodded, I remembered reading that- I thought it had been papers, information or even money but it was something more valuable…it was Camille”

“What? But she´s like …what? Six or seven years younger than you”

“Eight. And she wasn’t exactly Camille… fertilized eggs” there was some reluctance in her voice and something in her partially hidden eyes told me she might´ve been regretting telling me this

“Wow –I exclaimed shocked as I tried not to think who was behind that crew- but how…?”

“You should know better than me how in vitro works” I could see a raised eyebrow and hear the slight teasing in her voice

“So Strassberg´s Camille mom too?” I frowned and heard the disgust in my voice

“Sheryl gave birth to Camille”

“That´s incredible” I blinked, not the being born like she did, that was standard but the length that Karl had taken to have another child was … incredible

“If you consider us –she motioned a chalk-like stick between she and I –it´s not as weird” I could tell that she didn’t want even the idea of her little sister being ‘weird´to be thought but it was true, there was something far more strange and incredible in us…death

“Does she…?” I looked at her hand

“She was never an experiment like me, not exactly –she said, I felt sad. Of course, I had been the cause of what happened to her hands- she´s just a girl, an extraordinary girl” she said barely above a whisper

“I´m sorry” I whispered back. It must’ve been hard for Nichole. Her little sister was just like her but Mii had a family, safely, love while Nic had been sent away, beaten and forced to commit crimes

“I´m not. She´s got to be happy and safe” Nichole said in her usual devoid of emotion tone but I knew, I was sure, she meant it, she adored that girl and that she didn’t think of resenting the kid´s good luck said a lot. I could´ve gotten up and hug her but if I attempted that she might move away of break some of my bones so I just smiled

“She does look happy even with the psycho there… but why is she a necessity?”

“Camille´s… extraordinary…I cannot send her to regular doctors for example”

“But if she´s like you, she wouldn’t get sick” I said at once

“No –I thought I heard a smile in her tone but none was visible on her face- but she can still get hurt and she does…like other kids she gets health checks”

“Did you get those?”

“Yeah…” she dragged the word

“Why? You said you didn’t get sick?”

She nodded “You´re a doctor, wouldn’t you want to check a person who´s different?”

“I guess…” I said not knowing what´d be the right answer, I didn’t know how different they were and if feeling curious to learn it would place me in the same category as the psycho and the mad scientist

“Mii needs someone that actually makes her eat her veggies and not over exercise when she´s hurt and Sheryl just can´t do that” she rolled her eyes; I smiled. She cared so much for the girl but it was so unsettling that Strasberg was the one who got to be the authority figure, the business woman, somehow the mother. She didn’t deserve any of that and Nic, everybody trusted her, that hurt

“Who makes you eat your veggies and not over exercise when you´re hurt?” I joked instead of voicing my thoughts. She shook her head fighting a smile

“So Strasberg´s kind of related to Mii, too?” maybe that´s why she was trusted although that felt wrong

“Nope, only I have the psycho´s genes. Mii´s all Karl and Miriam´s… I guess Camille´s not exactly like me after all…”

“Oh, I´m sorry. I didn’t mean…” I started, she shrugged

“If you take away the fact that she´s a psycho and all that…she´s quite brilliant, organized, she´s got a high IQ, she´s quite healthy and possesses a photographic memory… I don´t know why she was told her genes were not good” she mused

“Maybe because of the psycho part?” I scoffed. Did she admire the woman? Did she feel affection for the woman? Nichole only shrugged uninterested; that sparked some anger that I pushed away as I thought of a reason why Strasberg would´ve been told that her genes were not good…my grandpa had led all that, from his behavior there and if I thought well, in everything else, he really liked control, maybe he´d liked controlling people as well, obviously he´d like that I sighed.

“Photographic memory, really?” I distracted myself on this as I furrowed my eyebrows “Do you…?” if she had that, it made sense why she´d been the best student in school and the detail in her drawings and… I stopped my reasoning as she shook her head; I raised my eyebrows. If they had wanted to make a super human that would´ve been something to include

“Not, not like Nat´s… just sort of a good memory” she sounded hesitant as if it made her embarrassed which was weird but then she´d never bragged about her abilities, she usually hid them away so I dropped it

“Does Mii know?” I spoke after a while; her eyebrows furrowed a little but she slowly shook her head “Will you tell her?” I thought this was important. She nodded slowly

“Eventually” she sighed

“What do you guys tell her now?”

“To her it´s normal, natural to be good at ballet and at school” she touched her neck but seemed to realize it and made it like she´d been massaging her neck area

“Jumping from a three story building like you is natural?” I raised my eyebrows; she had to know she was different

“Mii doesn’t do that; she doesn’t know it´s possible –she said it like it was obvious- I do not think she´s…. exactly like me but she knows she´s special, not the extent of it but even if she wasn’t…made like that she´d still be extraordinaire” there was an edge of defensiveness in her vice, it made me smile how protective she got and how talkative she was when it was about Camille

“Of course –I agreed- she´s you in happy version” I wondered for a second if she´d get mad because she stared at me for a second and then she was fighting a smile and she was good at it, if I hadn’t known that her face expressions were so subtle I wouldn’t have noticed

“She´s happy” she concluded and I could see it made her happy

“And a good dancer” I added

“Yes, she´s amazing –her half-smile appeared freely- she´s gotten so much better since you last saw her”

“I bet, she seemed to like ballet” I said remembering how we´d sneaked out of Burgeoys and how we´d barely avoided meeting Strasberg as we were at the recital

“She enjoys it… I think she´ll be a dancer in the future” she was looking at her drawing and I could hear the smile in her tone. It was nice to listen to her talking about the future with hope; she´d never done that. Camille really was her only happiness. “Or so she says” Nichole shrugged

“You´ll both have Art related careers” I smiled

“At other times she says she´ll be a vet” she told me. I chuckled; I remembered Aaron wanted to be a vet too

“She likes animals?” I was in the middle of asking when the door opened

“Ahg! Josh, Nini, I´m so sorry for being late! It was hell” Mari complained and sat next to me. She kissed me lightly then turned on her side to see from me to Nic and back “What are we talking about?” I wasn’t sure if the whole conversation was in the between us part but Nichole lifted a large piece of paper before I said anything, it was a ballerina, it was Camille

“Another ballerina –Mari smiled- you were talking of your baby sister and not doing your project” Marissa rolled her eyes. Nichole shrugged and I concluded that Marissa, unlike what I thought, knew of Camille

“That´s Nini´s sister, Camille –Mari told me- before I knew the of her I thought this one –Mari pointed to Nic- was heartless but she clearly loves the little girls, talks to her every night, isn’t that cute? –Mari asked no one in particular as Nichole went back to focusing on her drawing table- I guess, she´s like you on that –Mari told me, I furrowed my eyebrows- you both adore your family” Mari beamed at me and I smiled back

“I guess” I said

“Have you ever met her?” Mari asked me

“He met her” Nichole replied for me

“Aw, Nini, really? I wanna meet your love too” Mari pouted a little

“I won’t bring my sister to our dorm. She´s busy”

“With what? She’s a kid!”

“School, ballet lessons, piano lessons and her own friends” Nichole replied dismissively

“What happened to kids being kids?” Marissa frowned; I chuckled; Nic shrugged

“You should beg for mercy for her; I looked up for that school she goes to, a prison, lessons all day –she made a gagging sound- Laura went there, it´s tough… spare her”

“Camille´s smart; she´s getting a good education”

“Sure, I get it but come on!  -Mari continued-  she´s gotta be a kid… like did you…? Ok, wait, what did you do when you were a kid? Did you go to that school?”

“Carina, my sister´s fine –Nichole said in her soft voice- and I´m not a kid anymore so it´s fine” Nichole was patient with Marissa but like with me she didn’t seem willing to answer at least with me there

“Tell me, Nini or I´ll ask Josh” she pouted; Nic raised an eyebrow

“He must know something” Mari said

“Am I that interesting that you want to make your boyfriend talk about me? You´re weird carina” she said with a raised eyebrow and a teasing tone that made Mari blushed slightly

“Nini! –she sighed dramatically- my point stands though; children need time to be free like… ok, Josh, don´t tell me you had that kind of busy childhood too?” Mari frowned

“I enjoyed my music lessons” I started chuckling at her expression

“They were worth it –she pecked me on the lips- but that was it, right? Tell me you were normal” she made a sad face and I opened my mouth to talk but my expression gave me away so she didn’t let me talk “No! geez! You people… -Mari threw up her hands- tell me what else you did?” she asked me

“Just a few extra lessons…”

“…and they are…?”

I sighed “Guitar and piano lessons… stuff like karate…a bunch of other stuff”

“No wonder you´re so smart and talented” Mari said softly

“I had to take math and physics tutoring…” I said maybe in an attempt to comfort her

“I just flunk like a normal kid” she frowned but then laughed

“What did you do? –I asked- what was your childhood like?”

“I ran around, played with other kids, laid on my belly as I watched cartoons, watched the clouds to find shapes, made Anton to give me piggy rides… didn’t do homework until it was absolutely necessary and just what was necessary –she laughed a little- just normal stuff, had fun” she winked

“I watched the clouds too” I said remembering Aaron and I doing it after some of our lessons, it was usually us and Paisley, the dog always followed him even if it was supposed to be mine. Marissa smiled brightly at me

“It´s your turn Nini, what was your childhood like?”

“I´m going out” Nichole walked towards the door

“What? Why? No! it´s movie night, ragazza!” Marissa protested; Nichole shrugged opening the door “No! you must have a good reason”

“Russel” Nic winked and smirked

“He´s cute. Sorry –Mari said my way- but you have a date with Josh and me”

“I´m sure you two won´t mind alone time. You´re welcome” Nichole inclined her head slightly

“Well…” Marissa looked at me; I shrugged

“See, all settled. Bye people” Nichole got out

“Bye” I said

“But you didn’t tell us!” Mari said as the door closed. I was sure Nichole heard it and I was almost sure she was just escaping from answering about her childhood

“Well… -Mari turned to me grinning- seems like we have the place to ourselves”

“Yeah…” I took a strand of her long black shiny hair

“What do you wanna do?” she moved closer to me

“Mmnh –we kissed- whatever you want”

“Normal stuff, please –she teased- of normal young people” she poked her tongue out at me; I chuckled

“What do you think I´d want to do?”

“With that busy childhood you had you ought to become weird”

“Or drop all that and turn wild” I joked

“Oooh –she threw her arms around my neck- I seriously like that”

“Yeah?” I was glad she got, we got distracted; I thought for a moment Marissa would ask me if I knew what made our mutual friend so busy during her childhood…she did have a sad one.