God, I'm
plagued with fears.
I used to feel like I could do whatever I
wanted. The world was full of possibilities and I was smart and strong enough
to go take it.
Now my nightmares show me how I lose it all and
I wake up crying about lost things that I never even had, about past regrets
that I didn't even lived. It feels like even in my unconscious mind I've lost
myself.
With a heavy heart and tears in my eyes I wake
up and tell my brain that maybe I'm not that small, that I'm not useless, that
I'll prevail in the end, that I can walk on water.
I am nothing; I have nothing it's the song that
the echo in my head chants. I see how others are getting the dreams I dreamed
and I ache and make myself wish them well as I pray for the dream that no one
has because it's a given to them.
I am told that as many other times, as with
many other hardships it'll pass and in time it'll feel just like a bad dream. I
want to believe that, it just feels it's been so long and I know that's exactly
how it feels when the earth is shaking under your feet and everything is
crumbling and there is nowhere you can escape but it still feels like an
eternity.
I am perceived as someone very loved, as a
priority, as important...maybe it's to compensate for how withered I become everyday
even as I smile and laugh, even as I fight and build a wall of strength that I
don't have
The clock keeps ticking. Am I still asleep?
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