Again

"A set of circumstances and blatant hypocrisy cleared a path." God I hate life!
that was in this morning´s post of LTMT. I must confess that sentence hit me and I´ve been thinking of it since I read it...

"blatant hypocrisy" I guess I was almost convince that I was not going to have to go through that again. Well, not this close. But it seems once again, I gotta go search for pretended me... I´ll hate being in places but I´ll have to fake that everything´s ok and I hate the part of me that makes this to me because I was supposed to not care! I didn´t went through hell to finally be free to have to go through hell again and about the same thing! 

God! how ppl do it? how can they go around as if they´re the perfect whoever they are and pretend it´s all good, what´s with that? it´s some form of art that I don´t grasp -right- I guess I was never meant to be an actress.

I am not going through this again. That is it. I refuse to it.

Double Life: Ghosts

A/N: I don´t like the beginning of this part -not much- but idk... that´s how it came out... 
****

“Hello, Nichole” a voice said as she was walking out of the changing room, she quickly nodded and jumped in the pool touching its floor with her hands. She swam the length of it three times before taking another breath coming out on the opposite side of where she´d gotten in.

“I didn´t think you´d be here this early” the boy watched at his watch. Nichole didn´t answer but he grinned anyway and then got in the pool swimming towards where she was. He was half way into the pool when she started swimming again so when he got to where she was, she was no longer there but in the other side. Aaron looked around and narrowed his eyes at her. The girl body was covered by the water up to her mouth, her eyes were expressionless. The boy swam across the pool and she did the same two more times.

“That much you want to avoid me?” he asked but received no answer “are you afraid you might like being close to me?” he smirked but he got no answer again except her cold eyes drilling a hole in his but he stared back despite that.

“Ok, ok, I´ll leave you alone” he gave in and started to swim towards her.

“Are you ok?” he asked

“I am” were the first words she uttered

“Are you sure?” he focused on her features

“Don´t I look ok?” she raised an eyebrow

“One piece swimsuit is ok but two piece swimsuit would be better” he smirked, she rolled her eyes.

“How are you here?”

“Two can have a key” he smirked again

“You stole the key to the pool”

“I didn´t. it was given to me… well, technically”

“You better not tell people you have it or you´ll be found soon”

“I won’t. I come here to be alone” he said and she rose her eyebrows no believing his words

“You´re pretty but you´re no good company”

“Who says I wanna be good company for you?”

“Ah, so you purposely go out of your way to be bad company?” one of his eyebrows went up

“Aaron, can´t you just enjoy the silence for a while? What is it that you have to be talking all the time? No, even that is fine, talk but don´t try to make me talk. You said you came here to be alone, well this is my quiet time, don’t ruin it for me… just let me hear the silence”

“Wow” was all he said after about a minute of staring at her “that has to be the longest talk you´ve done to me –he sounded surprised, she let out her breath through her mouth and lightly shook her head- and probably that´s the most insightful thing you´ve said too.”

“Ok” she turned around and placed her hands on the edge of the pool pushing herself up and out of the pool

“Hey, hey, you don´t have to go because of me” he said, she walked away “Hey! I´ll be quiet, I promise” he said a bit louder as she disappeared in the changing rooms.

“Hey, I’m sorry” Aaron said as she got out of the changing room. She was wearing a sweater and jeans over her swimsuit. She nodded to him and headed out

“Hey, are you ok?” he attempted to touch her shoulder, she turned around

“I´m fine” the monster lent its manners with the pleasant smile and calmed voice.

Nichole walked out the building into the cold rain. She walked avoiding the pools of light. Her feet carried her through the orchard in the back of the school, to the tall stone wall which she climbed close to the river. Before Josh she always climbed the wall near the river but it had been a while, ever since the time when he was about to fall. The rain made the river sound like thunders, liquid thunders that swallowed the tiny drops that the sky cried.

The girl jumped off the wall landing in the muddy ground, the river seemed to get bigger as the rain consumed all noises. She walked along the river taking distance but still being close enough to see it. She walked slowly, as if she was on a day out. An hour went by, she´d taken the opposite path of her usual walk; she was following the river like she´d done three years ago.

Nichole stopped in the middle of the woods, on what seemed a random movement but it was not, her mind told her eyes that she was looking a squatted boy on the other side of the river, right on the edge of it. He had just drunk water, a drop on his chin made it clear. There was something in him that made her stop; he looked like a deer looking at the crystal clear water of the river. She kept walking but there were tweaks and dry leaves on the ground, the sun had been shining so when she took the step the leaved crumbled under her feet and the boy looked up, his grey eyes dilated and focused on the still girl across the river, his mouth turned into a smirk and his whole face changed, he no longer looked like a deer. He stared at her and she stared back at his ability to look innocent at one second and to look somewhat mischievous the next.

She continued her path, still following the river, ten minutes later she heard steps behind her and she didn´t have to turn around to know who it was. Ten more minutes went by and the steps got closer until at some point the boy was walking next to her, almost because he  was still on the other side of the river.

“The going back to school might be hard –she glanced him- yes –he continued with a smile- I know you go to the fancy school on the hill –he pointed his thumb back, she kept her pace and her eyes straight ahead- yeah –he chuckled- all snobby and cold… except that you, pretty girl, have gone out and you don´t seem the least scared of the dirt and, though I´ve never gone all the way up, I know it´s a long way. No sprained ankle yet?” he inquired

“Where do you come from?” a younger Nichole asked in a quiet tone

“I´m a wild cat, I live here” his eyes and features seemed to take a feline look

“Where does the kitten drink his milk?” she had the same calmed voice, he stared at her again, she watched his eyes grown again. He chuckled

“I hunt” he raised an eyebrow

“I doubt that, you look like a domestic cat” she copied his tone

“Yet, look at my good fortune, I´ve found myself a fine kitten”

“A real wild cat” she said and he snickered. She heard a car in the distance and glanced at her watch, it had been another hour. She didn´t want to get out of the woods which was why she started to walk farther of the river edge.

“Kitty´s gone scared?” he had a smile in his voice

“Wild cats don’t leave the wilderness”

“You sure you´re not too tired to go back up?” he asked after a while. She´d sat with her back on a tree, he saw her profile. She didn´t respond “I can give you a piggy ride” he smiled with the side of his mouth. She didn´t answer. “Ok, ok, I know when to leave a girl alone” he shook his head and walked away towards where the car sound had come.

A thunder lit the sky, it brought back Nichole from her memory, she´d been standing in the spot where she first saw the gray-eyed boy.

“Ash…” she murmured, the rain drowned her voice.

Some times

There are things that you know and you make your mind think you don´t care at all but they´re there stalking at your happy moments every single second of your day but then when someone turns on a flaslight and you are forced to see them, they´ve become moster with sharp fangs and claws and then come out to get you and they step on you being really careful of not leaving you without a single complete bone... And you are forced to pretend everything´s ok and that you don´t care because you believe that maybe you can fake it 'till you make it and righ there is the monster controlling you, making you pretend and poking at your sides so that you lie, so that you hide and you have no other way out because you can´t let a explosion happen, you´re fragil glass but an explossion will make shatters of glass go out in every direction hurting everybody around you... and not all of them are guilty and you don´t care to swallow the monster because you care too much of the ones  who are just there, just like you forced to be...

Double Life: Truth in Lies

A/N: this one ugh!! the pix for this one has been the hardest one to find... 

and...

*gasps* Nichole´s been hiding things from me!! how could she?! 

one more thing, with this part, DL has 80 posts!! and over 200 pages wow me! haha

******

“Everybody that came in contact with you or your mother before you were born and before she passed away”

“Who are they?”

“We´re still researching”

“I don´t believe you”

“You´ve killed many…”

“But you”

“I was a nobody there, I can assure you I hadn´t much knowledge. I just had to take care of the baby… assist… but I told you that already…”

“Alright, what else you can tell me” the wind had started to blow harder “Talk!”

“You asked how your parents had paid for an expensive procedure as in vitro –the girl nodded- they… didn´t, well, they just had to donate…”

“I´m a grown up, talk”

“They have do donate …-the woman was trying to find the words- their cells for studies, for scientific research”

“I was part of the research” the girl realized and her eyes felt watery but she willed the tears back. Natasha nodded “Did they know?” the girl whispered

“No, they didn´t know, I doubt they would have agreed to it if they had known”

“So they just put me in my mother to see what happened?” the girl felt a rage starting to boil within her

“They were just trying to enhance certain characteristics…”

“But you didn´t know ‘cause you were just an assistant?”

“I only learned that as we started to research the people involved…”

“Why did they want a monster?”

“They didn´t”

“So I just… Ok –the girl, brushed her hair back- What did they want?”

“They wanted someone faster and stronger and more agile…”

“What happened?” the girl asked already guessing the answer

“When your mother passed away… they canceled the research, they burned and deleted all documents or most of them…”

“I´m an experiment gone wrong” the girl said it with a perfectly calmed voice, her eyes cold like glaziers

“Nichole…”

“No! Tell me who canceled the research? Tell me who made me this way! Tell me who played at being God with me!” her voice was still calm but there was an edge to it

“You´ve already taken care of the ones we know of”

“I doubt young men and house wives had anything to do with that”

“Some of them were the ones they loved, your father wanted to make them suffer before sending you to them”

“All the ones I´ve killed have been related… to… me like this?” she asked fearing the answer. A mute no was what she got. “Who?”

“We needed money to fund our own research”

“And to live well” she laughed humorlessly walking back closer to the thick stone wall “What else you had to tell me?”

“Nothing else… only that I got your ID”

“You´re lying again”

“I´m not!” the woman stood up and walked towards the girl

“Where´s the place in which they made me? The place where you worked?”

“I told you last time I was taken there and I never knew where it was… I haven´t found out yet”

“Fine… but next time you better tell me –she turned to look at the woman- and I also want all information on my father´s business associates”

“Why?” the woman took a step closer giving her an ID card

“It´s my business, I want to know”

The woman looked to a side and focused suddenly on something

“The boy” she said, Nichole followed her line of vision. Her drawing pad had fallen when she´d jumped off the wall, it was open in one of the portraits of Joshua that she´d done during the afternoon “He was here with you”

“I have portraits of you in that drawing pad too” the girl picked it up but a page fell, it was a pair of eyes colored green

“If you really care about the boy, you should get away from him”

“I don´t care in the least about him” the girl picked the page

“You should remember what happened to the last boy you kissed” the woman said in a motherly tone reminding Nichole of the third accident she had have.

“This boy is my art project and I could care less what happens to him… but if you ever mention that incident again I will hurt you” she said through clenched teeth

“I was just looking out for you since he didn´t listen to my warning I want you to be careful… you were pretty hurt that time… I don´t want you to go through that again…”

“Worrying about me doesn’t suit you, especially since it´s all faked, so limit yourself at bringing the information that I ask from you”

“Just be careful”

“Shut up and leave” the girl hopped on the wall again along with her drawing pad, she waited until Natasha was out her sight and hearing range and then she waited a little more feeling the imminent rain approaching the school grounds.  

Nichole would´ve stayed there but she didn´t want her drawings to get wet even if they had made Natasha aware of Josh’s presence. The girl jumped on the side of the school, grabbed her bag and ran to her room, the cold air messing her hair.

Double Life: The Truth in Lies I

A/N: this was like 6 pages long which is why I decided to make it in two parts and also I´m doing it b/c this half seems to b good like this and the other goes will like that but then it´s all one whole scene, just a long one. 

Ah! also, this one -the whole thing comes w/a song!! As I wrote the tittle I remember of this song and then when I went to listen to it, it fit Nat/Nic´s relationship -kinda

so, it´ll b here too

****

“You came to meet me!” a cheerful voice said on the other side of the stone wall. The girl didn´t bother to even look down.

“Give me a hand” the woman reached up. Nichole glanced her way “Come on! Help me, I’ve been walking for a while in that muddy forest” the woman wrinkled her nose

“Next time enter through the main gates in a car if you want to avoid the bother of walking”

“You sound especially angry today –Natasha climbed the wall and sat with her legs dangling- I thought you´d be glad to see me”

“And why would you make me glad? Quite the opposite, you are annoying as hell”

“What a humor! Maybe I should just go!” the woman pouted

“Be my guest” the girl didn´t look at her but kept her eyes at her drawing pad

“Aw you hurt me… and I think you´d like to know that I´ve successfully managed to dig more information related to your birth” the woman grinned

“You´re such a liar. You could have just told me what you´re about to tell me now instead of making me see your face one more time”

“Why are you so mean to me, Nickie?” the woman had a wicked grin as she said this. The girl extended her bent leg quickly hitting Natasha hard on the hip making her lose balance and fall to the ground, on the forest side. The woman fell on her feet, her legs bent to absorb the impact, her hands touched the ground, she looked up at Nichole glaring “What´s wrong with you?” she hissed “Are you really the monster we send every night to get people´s lives?!”

“You said so yourself, I´m a monster. I care for nothing…”

“But you´ve never been like this with me, lately, you´ve gone … -the woman sighed- you could’ve hurt me”

“What do you think was the idea?”

“Why would you want to hurt me?”

“Why would you bring a gun with you to come see me? –the girl nodded to the silver gun shining on the ground- how would you explain to Karl that you´ve destroyed his money-making monster, slash, daughter?”

“It´s for protection”

“From?”

“You´ve gotten strange lately”

“So you would use it to hurt me… I wonder what Karl would say or do?” the girl smirked

“I´m a doctor, I´d hit you where it wouldn´t kill you. I might even give you a lovely scar” the woman bent quickly to take the gun.

“It´s nice to meet you, Natasha” the girl was fast and had pulled the woman´s hair back causing her to expose her neck, a knife was less than a centimeter close to her exposed skin “I had good trainers, you know –the monster had taken over, it was whispering into Natasha´s ear, the woman tried to move her head away- and Tilly made a fine monster –there was a smile on the girls voice- but even her was gone by my hands…”

“Let me go, Nichole!” the woman said firmly but nervousness was licking through her tone

“You helped me feel no remorse… I wouldn´t feel a thing by making you go…”

“Don´t blame me! I didn´t make you this way. It´s not me you should blame. I just was there”

“Then who I blame? Eh? You seem pretty guilty to me”

“Blame Karl! Blame Miriam!”

“My mother had nothing to do with this” the girl hissed and pushed the woman away from her making her stumble

“She´s not guilty and I am?”

“I never saw you do a thing when you were stitching me up and bandaging me after getting beaten up…”

“It was my job” the woman said with short breath slightly looking to a side

“It was your job to make me better so that I could go and get beaten again? You’re a worse monster than me. I was a child, how could you?”

“I had to do it!” tears started to stream down the woman´s eyes

“You had to let a child be abused like that… Don´t you have a soul?”

“I was first on your father´s list!” the woman said sobbing

“What list?”

“I told you last time I was just an assistant at the place your parents went to help your mother get pregnant… in your father´s eyes everyone involved was guilty. I had to help him take care of you or he was going to make you… touch me” the woman fell to her knees and then sat on her side. The girl walked closer to her

“And what´s going to stop me now?” the girl said with a smirk. The woman reached for her gun, still on the ground, the girl laughed.

“Are you really going to shoot me? I doubt you have Tilly´s ability –the girl tilted her head- or who knows… maybe she went to you to know which place to put the bullet for me not to die… only to leave me with… what was it? –she pretended to have forgotten- ah, yeah, a lovely scar. Did you tell her where to aim so that she didn´t kill me? Awww stop crying –the girl cooed- you can shoot me, go on, I can take it after all I had to learn to stand the pain but …you, on the other hand, have no idea how it feels to be shot” she grinned as if what she had just said was pleasant

“I never meant to hurt you”

“But you enable others to hurt me…”

“If I didn´t I was going to be killed…”

“What makes you now? You’re not only the nurse that welcomes my parents anymore. You don´t have to stitch me up after one of Tilly´s new ideas of training…”

“Your father knows bad people” the woman´s voice seemed to falter

“But I´m the epitome of any of his monsters”

“I can´t leave you” the words were barely audible

“And why is that?”

“I know that you don´t believe me but I do care about you. I was there when you were born; I was there even before that. I held you close to me when you cried, I cried when… when you lost your mom…”

“So you know me well?”

“Yeah… and this is not like you”

“You’ve been there for me?”

“I have”

“Who was on the list?”

“Nichole…”

“You´ve tangled yourself in your lies, now talk”

Double Life: Drawing Shades and Smiles

A/N: Thank you for this pix Saku! 

This is quite short but I think I like it this way

***

“What made me like rainy nights was that I was free of the nightmare on those nights” she didn´t answer his question but offered some inside to her mind, he never rejected those. Her eyes seemed to be looking at some distant memory, and she was, she was seeing a younger version of herself not having to be the monster on rainy nights, she´d made herself believe that her father did that to protect her, for her safety, she huffed.

“It´s the opposite for me” the boy said letting her know it was ok to talk, it was his way to tell her she could trust him as he had done, this wasn´t lost on her.

“That was before… but it was how I came to like it, besides… water, and water from heaven seems to be cleansing..”

“I see…” he said but he didn´t, he just wanted to let her know he was listening

“Maybe… if good memories get done during your rainy nights, it will be easier for you?” she said in a soft voice and with warm eyes that made her look innocent and child-like, he half-smiled at her effort.

“Maybe” he said and saw her genuine smile, followed by her head lightly shaking from side to side

“Josh?” it had been a while since she´d gone back to drawing and he´d been lying on the grass again with eyes closed

“Mmmh?” he mumbled

“Do you think if you knew what happened back then… you might feel better?”

“Yeah, she´s always in my nightmares… I think it might help”

“Would you mind me looking for her?” she asked quietly, he opened his eyes again and found Nic´s eyes on her drawing pad. She didn’t look at him

“How would you do that?”

“I don´t know… I´d have to know more of your time at the hospital, though” she was still focused on the drawings; he didn´t answer so she looked up at him, his eyes seemed deeper, more like the forest.

“I´d like to find a way to make you feel better too” he said above a whisper. She closed her eyes as a smile found its way on her lips.

Josh sat up and reached up to her hair. Very lightly he put a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. He felt her tense, she opened her eyes and all trace of warmth there had been consumed by a cold stare.

“I´m sorry… I didn´t mean to…” his hand fell limp on his lap

“You didn´t..?” he thought to see a small flicker of disappointment in her eyes but it had been quickly burned by the ice-like gaze her eyes had “You need to leave now” She stood up with graceful calculated moves

“I’m sorry. I didn´t mean to upset you” he stood up as well, concern thick in his voice. She exhaled a tiny sigh

“It’s not that. Please, just go”

“Don´t be mad at me” the boy was about to take a step forward but stopped himself

“You need to go now –she took a step closer to him as he had attempted to do. He watched him close her eyes and heard her take a deep breath- I´m not mad at you, I promise” she opened her eyes and they had managed to show part of the warmth they had shown before

“Why…?” he started to ask wondering if her eyes were like her bright, beautiful yet fake smile. His thoughts stopped when her hand was lifted and it seemed like she was going to touch his cheek but instead it landed on his shoulder

“I… I´m not the only one who sneaks in and out of this school, but this is a safe place, don´t worry” she added when his eyes grew wide “but I need you to go”

“Is this place safe for you?”

“It´s just Nat and if it is I can take care of myself –she flashed him a genuine smile- but I don’t want her to think much of you… I don´t want you to stand out to her” she explained but he didn´t attempt to move “please, Josh, you need to go”

“Alright” he said with a sigh

“Thank you” her hand fell from his shoulder touching it´s way to his hand where she quickly squeezed once, he smiled and then he bent to pick up his things as she hopped in the thick stone wall, one of her legs dangling on a side

“It´s rude to stare at my legs like that” she quietly sing-sung with a smirk, he only shook his head.

“Dinner?” he said as he was leaving

“Go, Josh” she smiled a little as she closed her eyes again. This time when she opened them again, they were back to being ice. He waved once and swiftly walked away.

DL´s stuff

As I was typing Taking a Peek the song Common Reaction by Uh Huh Her was playing on my playlist. I´ve liked that song for a while but as I stopped to listen to it I realized it kinda fits Nichole or maybe even DL and this last post made me see it.

This is not the original version, it´s like an acoustic version or something but this is the version that fits DL.

Then, when I was looking for pix for this last post, I found one that reminded me of Nic, I think it´s like a cover of a book or something. I think this girl is a lot like Nic, the way her hair looks -except the color- the woods as background... yeah, this is the closest of how Nic looks in my head, a bit younger maybe... but pretty close

ofc this is not mine, I just stumbled w/it on google

this is the type of green that I image Josh´s eyes to have