Naked

I felt naked, very early in the morning and in a cold morning... I was wearing all my clothes, even a scarf and a thick sweater, a black one and loose one, yet I was naked and sort of without my will.
How is it that someone can fell naked while being fully clothed? very easy, feeling exposed and being exposed to someone you don't really know and if you, my exposer, are reading this, well, hello but yeah you made me feel naked.

At the beginning of January, we had to take this personality test of sorts, it was just a true or false one... I event rant a little about it...it´s me after all, anyways, back to the topic at hand, today I was given the results back. It´s me so I was a little skeptic about it, despite liking psychology a lot, I started to listen to the psychologist and well, she was trying to be kind, I could see it and I was like, right, I appreciate your kindness but...

As she was speaking... my heart started to beat faster, specially when she got the affective side of it. Those almost two hundred questions exposed me completely to her and it takes me years to open up to people, of course with one exception and just because this person was many times more effective than a test and years of psychology, and out of nowhere this person whose loyalty is and must be to the school knows those things that others never see. I must study psychology....

She was right in everything and though she tried to use the least strong words for my personality, she still had to use words like "severe" and something that only makes me think of the word uptight and some other that screamed "emotionally distant" and  I just had to talk and tell her I´ve always felt love, I don´t like that my parents get the blame for my emotionally distant self, because they love me with all their heart, even my father who´s gone... oh well...

She talked about my emotionally distant self being a possible hinder in any romantic relationship, she said that that distance and that I didn´t need to have shows of affection was what the significant other would like of me but that then this very same thing was going to be a problem because of how hard is it to me to open up and show affection... sigh... that was... She mentioned a "man" and "marriage" and automatically I wrinkled my nose and she scribbled something on her file of me.

She told me she knew that I was pretty intelectual and that I like to read -every body knows I love reading- but the other... that´s the disadvantage of me having her as my classmate in one class back in college, she told me that I got deep into the characters of the books/stories that I read, but, she said "when are you going to be Mezt?" and that hit me hard. I know I scape to my favorite characters... but, I´m me in here so I told her about my blog, she asked me what my stories were about... I said it depends, she asked me for the address of my blog and she wanted me to write it on my own file of the school and I felt my face blush but I had to say something but I couldn´t completely denied her the address but I don´t want my work-self to get mixed with myself and specially not with Meztli -which ironically was something she said about my personality, she said I liked to separate myself in areas or something like that- so I told her, if it´s for the school then no, I can´t give it to you, I don´t like my life of work to get mixed with my life out of work and she scribbled something again... I sort of didn´t want to give her the address because I don´t know her and she knows me but I did, mom has told me to take a few risks in showing myself to others...

so here I am making a post while at work because all that information is to much to digest for me, but mostly about the blog thing... I wonder if she´ll read it and I wonder if she'll go and give it to my boss, I certainly don´t want that, not because I don´t like my boss, no, she´s pretty nice and a good boss but again, I don´t want my personal life, my writing life, and my most true self to get mixed with my job -despite me being my true self at work as well, but I just hate feeling naked and exposed like that... it leads -most of the time- to pain