Midnight Reveries: sink in

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

sink in

+++++++ another rant for my extense collection of them+++++++ I wonder if I´ll be "analized" or w/e for things like this...

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I wanted to be mistaken -and I want to make it short, I don´t have time- I wanted to be mistaken but I knew it´d eventually sink in... It´s been four days since my last doc´s appt... The news were not so nice, they weren´t nice at all and for some reason I was fine with it, as if I could care less... often my visits to the doctor lead to a night of crying until I fall asleep, not that friday but I kind of wish it had been like that, it was Friday after all...

This doctor said things were not going to be easy... she sort of said I could get better but that it´d take a lot of time and it was as if I wasn´t even there, it was as if I was somewhere else where nothing bad happened... Saturday was bad but Sunday, Sunday was good, my first 24 hours in almost an entire year without pain and I guess I allowed myself some hope, that was mistake number one... Monday came and there was pain... Monday night and the many pills I take every single day are hurting my stomach... and it seems like I have to choose which pain I prefer... meds that make somewhere else hurt and they don´t even relieve all the pain....

Well... I should be used to this.

1 comment:

SakuyaApril 17, 2013 at 10:45 AM
So I guess it's finally sunk in? Sigh... Must be feeding off the other negative forces so it finally awakened.
Ride it out. It'll pass I'm sure and come back I'm sure but you'll get better at handling it/those frustrations
I kinda feel I shouldn't say anything like I didn't with the others though. It's something you have to go through.
Always hoping for better for you,
Sakuya <3
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Espontaneo [really???]

I hate that silence!! I dislike that darkness!!....but what else can I expect? -sigh- /I have no words, they are not enough to say what´s inside this time.../what do you do when you want to understand and the reason tells you one thing and the heart tells you the opposite?/ don´t you miss me? Do I miss you? I do feel your light is fading and fading with every passing day... not the first time but maybe this is it... before it could be something/ your words are carved in my thoughts. Your voice is like a lingering music inside of me, it floods my head, it surpaces everything/ falling...longing what I cant have/ My insights had changed.../thinking...´bout you all the time... missing you I think.../ nothing has fallen into place!! it´s more like everything is scattered around the edges of my soul, displaying everything, all of it burning to the sun... so warm/ are u inside of me and that`s why I cant see you anymore?/should I...? I wish I could reach you.../should I tell u...? do you care at least a little? *sigh* I wish u do...it shouldnt make any differnce but it does..a lot. Plz dont forget me.../over and over...I cant let you go. My thoughts and my hands wander. I cant let you go./Dont go, stay. My hand is reaching out for you. Take my hand. Stay/ Whatever you do or don´t do, it affectts me so greatly. Being with you, next to you, or away, it's like you have some kind of power over me...it doesn´t end. I´m so far away from you and it´s influence doesn´t end./ beat. heart racing....in vain... faint memories crushed between thick walls of everything that´s around and so real that´s unreal/ you´re so hurtfully oblivious

Citando

""Dear God, help me. Do not forget me in this tiny cinder lost in a galaxy that is lost... A heart no bigger than a speck of dust, beating, beating against death, against meaninglesness, against guilt, against sorrow..."

The wolf gift by Anne Rice

"Being weird [...]is a good thing as you know... [...] But it´s in no way, shape or form an easy path to travel. You have to be commited to it, be brave and unshakable. You have to trust in your heart that the differences in you makes you who you are. Without all those elements working together within you, you are nothing but a poseur"

Dominic Page (From Listen to Me Think by Rene Prince)

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won´t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on Earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple ree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could"

Louise Erdrich

"I´ll be whatever you are, so be happy or be annoyed"

Rene Prince

"I love you and the part of you that is serious and the part of you that is unreliable, your tenderness and your sharpness, the part of you that´s indifferent and the one that´s passionate, the part of you that´s intelligent, and the one that´s foolish"

kurobara Alice

"Artists observe. They remember. They emulate. But that's just the artist part of them. We're people, too, far above the fact that we are artists. And the person in us wishes to do more than observe, remember, and emulate. The person inside us wishes to be."

The inexplicable state of being there. Bigbreakandlarigytis (weird fictionpress pen-name)

"You have bewitched me boy and soul and I love, I love, I love you"

Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

"It´s just easier to realize that we fall in love with PEOPLE based on ther PEOPLENESS and we are attracted to PEOPLE based on therir PEOPLENESS and then we find PEOPLES who´s PEOPLENESS is our favorite and we stick with 'em... that´s all it is.... PeopleNess"

Danielle from Kristing&Danielle

"No consigo ser tan buena como desearía, ni tan mala como creo que necesito ser"

Paulo Coelho. El Demonio y la srita. Prym

"Don`t do any reading. Figure out why you wake up in the morning, what you`re passionate about, and then read the literature. But don`t figure out what`s interesting based on what other people say"
Beau Lotto (Neuroscientist)

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Samll people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
Mark Twain

"We have mind. We have feelings. To separate the two is to deny all that we are. To integrate the two is to help us realiza what we might be"
George Isaac Brown

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our heart and we are never, ever the same"
Unknown

"Al verdadero Dios le preocupa que un gorrión se caiga; y el Dios creado a partir de la vanidad humana no distingue entre un águila y un gorrión"
Bram Stoker (Dracula)

"Yo quise el amor y la bondad en ésta que es la muerte viviente —dije—. Fue imposible
desde el principio porque no se puede tener el amor y la bondad cuando haces lo que sabes
que está mal, cuando sabes que estás equivocado. Únicamente puedes tener la desesperada
confusión y el anhelo y la caza del fantasma "bondad" en su forma humana."
Anne Rice (entrevista con el vampiro)

"El conflicto hace nacer nuestra conciencia. Negarlo es desconocer los mínimos pormenores de la experiencia vital y social. Huir de él es ayudar a la preservación del status quo"
Paulo Freire (cartas a quien pretende enseñar)

"Tú tienes mucho valor [...] lo único que necesitas es tener confianza en ti mismo. Todo el mundo tiene miedo cuando ha de enfrentarse al peligro. El verdadero valor consiste en hacer frente al peligro cuando se tiene miedo, y tú no careces de ese tipo de valorl"
L. F. Baum (el maravilloso mago de oz)

"Cuando la vida te ofrece un sueño que supera ampliamente cualquiera de tus expectativas no es razonable lamentarse de su conclusión."
S. Meyer

"El precio de seguir los impulsos de tu corazón, de tomar tus propias decisiones, es la posibilidad de fracasar"

"En la extraña anomalía de mi existencia, los sentimientos mios nunca habían sido del corazón y mis pasiones siempre eran de la mente"
E. Allan Poe (Berenice)

"Dios está ausente
Las hojas muertas se amontonan
Todo está ausente"
Masuo Basho (Haiku para las estaciones)

"To me you´re nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand little boys, and I have no need of you. And on your part, have no need for me [...] but if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me you´ll be unique in all the world [...] To you, I shall be unique in all the world"
Antoine Saint-Euxuperry

"I´d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not" Kurt Cobain

"Y diferente no siempre es bueno, pero no significa que sea malo. Diferente es diferente."

Vanillarouge'sProductions

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

sink in

1 comment:

My color