Double Life: Who am I?

A/N: Im quite busy these days but I felt like updating so here it is... as always mostly and mainly unedited... 

Ah, that a character´s name´s not writen with the first letter in capital letters is not my laziness and lack of proper writing...my  stupid keyboard has two letters that dont work...so.... :/

***

I feel this pix is perfect for this one

Nichole closed her eyes tightly. Everyone that she had touched to kill had been someone´s beloved one that she didn’t know who they were didn’t make it less worse, she´d always known this, she had known it shouldn’t be but she hadn´t stopped. She felt her heart heavy. She continued looking at the contents in the journal, there were pictures. There was Miriam, Karl and Miriam smiling together, Miriam pregnant, Miriam with a baby, the unfocused picture of a baby with Miriam’s signature she´d seen before, a little girl that apparently was her, the same little girl in a white tutu. She´d seen that picture in Alexander Arlington´s home, it was on the chimney. “This is aunt Angela” josh had said but Mary Ann said it was her.

When Nichole passed the next picture, a drop fell on it, she realized she was crying as she focused on the picture of a boy of green eyes with a lost stare, she knew who he was, she´d seen that in the Arlington´s house. The next picture was one of the same child with the little girl side by side on a hospital bed, iv tubes on their arms, both pale. When she saw the last two pictures she dropped them all, from the floor the two pictures faced her showing her two sides of the same scene.

She closed her eyes but in her mind the picture was engraved, in one of them the boy´s back was pictured, his hand on a glass, on the other side a little girl, her hand on the glass too, she had a tiny smile, red-rimmed eyes. On the other picture, it was the same, but instead of his back, her back, instead of her face, his face. It was like the picture she had painted from josh’s dream but it seemed he was right, it was not a dream, it was real and according to Ibsen she didn’t know it because of josh but because she had been there too.

She screamed and crouched down picking the pictures, looking at the dates and names on the back as she raked her brain trying to find those memories, none came to her. The woman had to be lying but then, she knew too much, things that only Karl and Natasha knew.

“Natasha –Nichole whispered- Natasha knows” she had to find out if Ibsen’s story was true. She had to find a way to finally make Nat speak; she knew it all, the journal had said that Nat had been there all along, even as an assistant whatever that was. Had Nat lost a baby there? Was that what they did? It sounded like she had been the usual type of assistant but then Ibsen also seemed to call assistants to the women that had gotten pregnant and Nat had said she didn´t know where the place was, that she was taken there…that she barely knew… no matter what she had been or how she knew Nichole had to make her talk.

***

Nichole turned on her phone. It had been over three weeks since she had left, as requested josh hadn’t try to reach her again but she had a lot of missed calls from Nat. she listened to the voice mails. Angry, worried, desperate even pleading tones were in them. Nat spoke of Karl, of how mad he´d be, she also spoke of money, on how she thought Nic didn´t have any, she talked of school, on how she was wasting her education, she talked of josh, josh, josh, of josh missing her, of josh and her having fought, of how sad he seemed when she saw him. Josh, josh again, the boy seemed to be everywhere and then, again, josh, his name on Nat´s threatening tone of voice.

“Josh” she murmured. Mary Ann had thought he was one to blame. Nat had always seemed so ready to threaten him; maybe Nat also blamed him for shattering their project. “josh” she whispered again wondering if he was next, if he would´ve been one of her missions, probably the easiest, he´d come to her with all the trust, with his green honest eyes, not knowing death awaited him, it´d be so easy yet it´d be the hardest. How could she ever overlook all that he had done, his smiles, his persistence, his trust... Nat had to know this; probably it had been the reason why she tried to scare him away. Would she harm him now?

“No, she wouldn´t” Nichole answered her own question as she left from the place she was. According to Mary Ann, Karl sent her always for the eldest child of the family, and josh was that, the eldest one of Alexander´s eldest. It´d be her job to take him, not Nat´s and she was not with them anymore even though Karl didn’t seem to have realized this. What would he do when he found out, surely look for her, use everything that he had to get to her but she wouldn’t let him find her….but if he did, if he and Nat found her what would they do? Make her finish this, send her in missions again, she her to Maggie or Erick but perhaps it´d be Eleanor… How could she carry out that order? They had all welcomed her…

“Josh” she murmured as her mind showed him to her. He was still safe, a few targets were missing to get to him, she´d refuse to finish the lives of the others, and she would stop being Karl´s puppet. Josh was safe but maybe if she refused Karl would take things in his own hand and then no one would be safe but then… did she really want to keep him safe?

She wondered… He was a boy that with his death ended her life. Did he know? Did he know who she was? Was that the reason why he kept getting close to do some kind of atonement for that, it´d be so like him to do so. Had that been the reason why he had accepted the incredible information about his abilities and kept highlighting she´d saved him?

“No” she said out loud as she walked in an empty dark street. She remembered the expression of surprise, his eyes filled with fear when he learned about it, the horror of being next to a freak and then the compassion as his brain wrapped around it. He wouldn’t have invited her to his home if he´d known…he wouldn´t have put his family in danger like that… maybe it had been for Alexander´s sake, maybe he wanted to see her but then, that night, he hadn’t paid her much attention, he hadn´t recognize her, he wouldn´t have let her go if he had recognized her specially with how protective he seemed to be, moreover, josh had been led to believe that the little girl, that she was a product of his imagination. Alexander had made sure everybody thought so and that was what they all believed. And he believed she was dead as Karl and Nat had planned it.

Alexander´s family couldn’t know anything about her, therefore they were all innocent, they hadn’t been aware of the horrors that josh’s accident had meant for her but then if they had known, if they had had the option, the choice to save their son to the risk of destroying her life, would they have done it? Would Maggie with her sweet motherly ways have condemned a little girl to a monster´s life? Would Erick with his quiet countenance have agreed to it? Obviously for Alexander and many of the dead crew it hadn’t mean a thing, her life had been nothing, she’d been just part of a project, the only successful try, a lab rat, an asset.

Nichole had been walking for hours in the dark town when she saw a distant lit advertisement, a small inn. She had to rest, she was tired, her head hurt, her heart felt wounded. She walked to the lights, trying in vain to ignore the flood of thoughts that she had in her mind.

“An asset, an asset” every drop of water that sprayed onto her seemed to echo those words. She’d gotten a room in the small inn, fake name, the payment in cash. It had been years since she had been planning to run away, steadily she had saved money, cash, she had more than enough to live decently for at least a year without the need for more or without the need to do anything to get more however she had never planned her going away would be this way.

That Sunday when Natasha had broken her promise shed been mad but she was going to go back to school and stay, she had promised josh to finish school with him if she could. “Josh” the droplets said now. That Sunday she had needed to calm down, she had climbed that tree in the park, taken out her drawing pad and once again the black journal had fallen, she´d been annoyed to got down but another picture had fallen out of it, so she had gone down, she’d observed the picture, it was her coming out of a car, a scowl on her face, Nat in front of her leading the way. She remembered that day, they had been out of the country, Nat had accompanied her in a mission, they had arrived that day and they were registering at some hotel. The picture was from years ago. Something was written in the back. “This was the first time I saw you after a long time. I knew you had not died in that accident Nicky, you are a lot like Miriam”

All the words from the journal came rushing back to her… when she left Burgeoys the day after Nat broke her promise she hadn’t known who she was and how she´d came to be… when she left she hadn’t even read the whole journal only the part about Nat… when she left she hadn’t known josh had anything to do with her before Burgeoys, not even when she called him she´d known to whom she was talking.

“Monster”

“Monster”

“Monster”

The droplets fell against her bare skin.