Through my eyes: a little milk, a little sugar and a hint of cinnamon

A/N: a small one that I like, mmmm idk how much you´ll think happens in this one but to me it´s not much yet it´s Josh thinking, sort of.

Originally this post didnt exist at all and was not going to exist but Josh wouldnt let me continue with the writing without this bit and the next one, he´s so stubborn, but since he´s the boss lol lol here it is...I only read it once this time, I dont think it´ll make much difference, I suck at editing and writing propperly so... Oh, also, this one happened sooner than expected, the posting, I mean, I was going to post on sunday but my eyes felt up to the one time reading part of posting haha

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The next morning I woke up early. I think I was asleep but awake at the same time. There were no sounds and then little by little I started to listen to birds chirping and I started to think consciously. I remembered what date it was. Saturday, March 22^nd. I thought of my family; I knew Aaron would be awake and worried. I didn’t call him the night before as he had expected. I knew he was impatiently waiting for it to be closer to noon to call me.

I felt tired; it was already the next morning when I had fallen asleep. I remembered all that I had learned from Nichole. I wasn’t sure her answers had been satisfactory or if I even understood, especially the Strasberg part; her leaving perhaps, she had felt the need to run away even before I was there, it strung a little that she´d left me but as I knew I wouldn’t have left if, I knew she wouldn’t have stayed. I didn’t know if the whole talking about it made anything better, probably not I thought.

I also thought that I needed to think about the answers I had gotten to be sure of how that had helped and if it had helped at all. I felt guilty for yelling and acting harsh but mostly for yelling, it was so unlike me to shout; and no matter how angry I had been or how much she´d deserved it or not, I needed to apologize for that which meant I needed to find Nichole. I wondered where she was. She´d been with me last night until I fell asleep but as always I knew she´d leave when I wasn’t aware. There was no one but me in the room that morning, “At least with me being in her house she can’t avoid me just yet” I thought.

I didn’t feel like moving, I was tired but I had to go home, take a shower and sleep, call Aaron or mom or dad and Marissa. I needed to tell her I was ok and I really felt like taking a shower, not there at that house though, besides I didn’t have any clothes. I hadn’t thought I´d stay overnight even though it had been mentioned.

Overnight, it was crazy, I had stayed overnight at my girlfriend´s roommate´s family house. “Wow! –I told myself- That sounded really bad” I knew that no matter what I couldn’t explain why, not without revealing too much of things that people shouldn’t know. I really needed to go home. I wondered if Marissa would ask what I had done, if I had stayed home and what I´d say if she did, definitely not that I stayed at Crystals house. I opened my eyes wanting to go as soon as possible as if that would make my staying there less real. I hadn’t been thinking.

I looked terrible, unrested and weary and slightly worried, of course, I usually cringed at the sight of bathtubs even empty ones and there was a huge one in the bathroom where I was washing my face. My eyes burnt with the lack of sleep, my shirt was crumpled and my hair pointed in every direction. I combed my hair with my damped fingers and removed my shirt keeping only the t-shirt and then came out with the intention to look for the owner of the house. I paused in the middle of the room, it was seven something in the morning, I had only slept about three hours  meaning Nichole also had only slept those three hours. She was probably asleep and I didn’t know where she was… She´d said that Mii´s room was across this one but not where was hers but then she´d also said that she was able to hear me walk. I had been moving around the room, maybe she´d heard me but then again, she could´ve been asleep and not heard me at all.

“Sorry to wake you up. I´m going home now” I sighed as I hit the send button on my phone and then tied my shoes.

I was just closing the door of the room I´d used when abruptly the door from across the room opened. Nichole walked out, sleep heavy in her eyes. She scrubbed a hand over her face as she quietly closed the door. She had her hair tied in a loose pony tail and was still in her sleeping clothes, a blue pajama pants and a sweater halfway zipped that showed a white t-shirt under it.

“You woke up early” she couldn’t avoid a yawn and I felt like laughing. Back in Burgeoys, I had slept quite a few times in her room and she had slept in my house but I had never seen her like that, just woken up, it was always me with the sleepy eyes and messy hair, not that her hair was that messy but she´d always look ready to go and perfect, not then, at that moment she just looked like a girl.

“Sorry to wake you up” I said truly sorry. She opened her mouth to talk but a yawn came out instead of words, it made her close her eyes, she shook her hand and the hand that wasn’t covering her mouth, moved in a dismissive gesture. It was funny to see her like that.

“It´s ok –she said after her yawn- come on” she started to walk towards the stairs, I followed. I followed all the way to the kitchen that was filled with the smell of fresh coffee.

“Do you know a cab´s company phone number?” I asked, she shook her head

“The driver’s here. He´ll take you back” she opened a cabinet and took out two cups, a white one and a black one.

“Thanks but I rather get a cab” I said and she turned around with a raised eyebrow

“I brought you here, I´ll take you back” sleep was gone, she was all herself now

“You´re not taking me” I shook my head

“Josh, please, let me do this” she sounded slightly frustrated, her words threw me off balance

“I… I don’t want your driver” I said, there was no point in not saying my thoughts

“Oh… Well, I can take you but not now, until Camille wakes up and gets ready. I thought you wanted to leave now which is why…” she was confused; she hadn’t grasped why I didn’t want her driver

“I’m not saying you have to drive me and yes I want to go home now”

“You´re tired, you can sleep some more on the way. Joe´s a good driver” that Nichole felt a lot different although I guessed she did care about me being safe, maybe or so it seemed sometimes.

“Twice with one of your drivers is enough” I hinted and quickly realization hit her. I didn’t want her driver, one had kidnapped me and other had taken me back in such a horrible night and the whole time I had been on edge

“Oh! –She blinked a couple of times- mmm yeah, I get it. It´s not the same person though… nothing is… -she seemed to struggle with words, another first- things and people are not like they used to be… everything´s clean now” she sounded and looked a little desperate. I hadn’t implied that she kept her father and Strasberg´s ways but that´s what she´d understood

“I didn’t mean to…” I raised my hands in a calming gesture

“I know –she interrupted me, studied smile in place- you can drive yourself then” she turned around and moved to the fridge to take out a carton of milk. I didn’t like that idea either, Strasberg had given me her car once too

“Ah, I think a cab would be better…”

“Not one of my cars either? –she placed the cups and milk on the kitchen island between us- coffee?” she sked before I could say anything. I nodded.

“Milk? –she didn’t let me talk again and then one more time- sugar?” I nodded again. I noticed her coffee was more milk than coffee and just a little sugar. I made my own, barely any milk, two teaspoons of sugar. I sipped it, it was good coffee, rich but not too strong, it smell great too, it had a hint of cinnamon in it.

“Funny –she said- you refuse the things that remind you of bad events but forget who caused them” she touched her chest, pointing at herself as she stared at me. I wanted to protest but she spoke again before I swallowed my coffee. “I can call a cab for you but it´ll take about an hour to be here –she pursed her lips slightly, thinking- maybe you could take my car, the one we used to come here. Would you mind that one?” she raised an eyebrow and like the coffee with a faint hint of cinnamon taste her voice had a subtle tinge of sadness but it seemed she was willing to help under… I guess the conditions I had given.

“How would you go back?”

“The driver will take me and Camille back” she went to the toaster. I considered this, taking her car was fine, she could pick it up later

“Ok” I had finished my coffee

“Ok –she agreed- Do you want a toast?” my eyes widened, this was such a strange morning, just a few hours ago she couldn’t wait to have me away and now she was feeding me. Where was her teasing, nonchalant persona? Maybe she hadn’t woken up completely.

“There´s waffles too –I think my silence was taken as a negative- or pancakes if you wait for…”

“You cook?” I was surprised, would she cook for me? She never seemed the type of girl who´d cook

“Surprising, huh?” she raised both eyebrows

“Well…”

“These –she showed me her gloved hands- are not only the tools of evil”

“I know” I said in a serious tone, she placed the toasts on a plate and pushed them to me, I guessed my time to choose was over. She went to the fridge brought back butter, cheese and jam. I stared. She gave me a butter knife and then made a toast for herself, got herself another cup of coffee and made another for me, just like I had made it: little milk and two teaspoons of sugar. I tried not to stare at that.

It was all silent after that, the whole fifteen minutes, it was strange, different but not exactly uncomfortable. After that she led me to the door, gave me her keys, the car was where she´d left it.

“Thanks…” I said not sure for what I was thanking…. for sort of giving me some of the answers? For not letting Marissa see me out of myself? For being with me the night before until I fell asleep? For providing breakfast? For noticing how I liked my coffee? For letting me use her car? Or was I just saying it because it was something to say? Or maybe it was sarcasm? I didn’t know. She nodded.

“Drive safe” she said and this time I nodded and that was our goodbye. I walked away to the car. This place, Crystals house was really something, the first time I had been there I had seen other sides of Nichole, then, the second time as well. Would it be a third time, I wondered and then remembered something as I waited for the gates to fully open.

“Please, say goodbye to Camille for me” I texted

“I will, thank you, Josh” the reply came back quickly. I drove away, back home, back to reality, out of the rabbit hole and with my head still on my shoulders…for the most part.