Dead Stars

My dear...
I still can´t say your name, it feels like a forbidden curse, a too powerful spell
Why you?
How did you become so important, so permanent?
I was asleep, not knowing I was dreaming and you awoke me
and showed me lights and colors and laughter
and slapped me with pain and tears and oblivion

Your sideway smile opened my eyes and I saw you
I saw beyond what I always saw, invisible blurs of what people is made of
I saw your eyes and your hair and your hands and your lips and your steps
and I loved you like the first time, like a gift, like fire

I loved you more than life
enough to deny myself, enough to be open to change, enough to hope and dream
Pouring all over with infinite words, pinning my heart on your skin, it didn't stay
You were asleep, dreaming of other lands, greener grass and a brighter sky
I wasn't loved

It rained on me and I clumbled like salt
My wounds hurt, everything hurt, your absence hurt, your presence hurt
I faded away. I was asleep, unaware that my night was nightmares
The morning light awoke me and I saw you, I see you
I see your shell and it´s changed to my eyes. I see your core and I remember I loved you
The shadow of you eclipses the shadows of the life after my heart died

I compare you to the light of dead stars
no longer there but their light´s still travelling the darkness
piercing memories of what it was and no longer exists
Not alive, not dead, the stars never knew my eyes gazed at them with love
How long will your light last? How much more will you cast shadows over me?


***
-some impromptu inspiration... plagued with mistakes no doubt
-my friend said writing poetry was like making confessions