Flat

I´ve been wearing the same jeans since Monday; they´re old jeans that now that I´ve lost weight are kinda loose. I don't need to unbutton them to take them off but they don´t fall down if I don't tug them down; however they hang low on my hips. 

My low loose jeans reminded me of something, of someone actually and something about me. It´s nothing important just something that I felt like writing about. I had this classmate in my first year in college who seemed to like to wear jeans like the one I´m wearing now. I´m pretty sure it was on purpose because they were not loose in any other place, like only low low low. Also this person seemed to like to wear t-shirts that ended at the waist with low cut jeans.

I didn't want to notice but many times when I was talking to this classmate I could see a glimpse of underwear and the slight hint of hip bones under skin and smooth white flat stomach. I remember that today. At the time I didn't realize but it seems that I liked it. I knew that I had a thing for flat tummies though. 

Ok, so that´s it, a confession, I guess, I have a thing for flat stomachs and probably low loose jeans in other ppl´s bodies I´m not sure haha

light, precise and pure

I cant believe I´ve left this just like that, abandonned... I´ve had this for quite sometime but for one reason or another I never published it. No matter what I dont think it´s fair for me or the tale to be forgotten. This part is to be read after (click there) Light, precise and pure, part I . Please, if you feel like reading this go to the first part first haha

This one comes with music! -it seemed appropriate or something like that

** II **
"HE is love. God is love" her mother used to say. "But not all the way" Ly would add on her thoughts. "He doesnt put up with this kind of love, there´s a pattern to follow, an order, no other" that had been the conclussion her mother had made of her speech. Ly´s mother a woman number one in religion, number one in being torn by those rules. They had been talking hypotetically, of course, though she knew it wouldnt have made any difference if she had just said things straight. Her parents were proud of her but that didnt mean they pay any attention to her, on the contrary, she was a stranger to them. Confused. Forbidden. Sinful. Those were the words the mother used to describe the feelings in Ly´s heart.

"My angel, will you be able to save me this time?" she thought for herself. Light. Precise. Pure. Those had been the ropes that had pulled her from death long time ago. Ly had known at that time that she loved Angie. She also had ignored the feeling, unable to name it. Now, once more she needed to be saved. This time she had to ask for it, unlike the first time.

She had never needed anybody. Not even in her worst moments she had asked anything. She was strong, she had to be or else she thought "what gain will I have if not?". Despite her pride, her angel, Angie, had given her everything she hadnt asked for, everything she needed but didnt know. She had managed to give a purpose to her life, she made her look life was worth to live.


Ly just didnt know how to ask for help or ask for something at all. How she was going to ask Angie to correspond her feelings? Would Angie still be there for her? Ly was afraid that asking for Angie´s heart would became a non-returning spot. She was afraid that everything would fall apart. Still, she was certain Angie wouldnt deny her arms for a hug. "one more lesson to learn, huh, Angie? one more..."

Angie and Ly were perfectly compatible but amazingly different. To Angie it was the easiest thing in the world to convince Ly of everything she wanted. Countless times she had convinced Ly to do as she pleased, but Ly didnt remember a single time where she had asked Angie to do something unless she was absolutely sure Angie would do it. Still Angie always managed to surprise her. Ly had often thought of her like a flower dancing with the wind.

Despite everything, her suffering was caused by that lack of certainty, by her inability to guess Angie´s response to her feelings. Maybe it was just like the other day, when she had her head on Angies chest therefore she had been unable to see Angie´s eyes and her thoughts in them. "Carpe Diem!" she thought "I have to let her go a little to be able to read in her eyes"
~~~~~~~~~~

"You´re so quiet today, Ly" said the boy that walked next to her while reaching for her hand.
"eh? where you saying something?" she moved her hand away pretending to check on her hair while combing it with her fingers.
The boy was aware of the rejection he had just recieved from her. She knew he noticed it. They kept on walking. It was almost sunset. Both of them had had a class together. Ly hadnt paid attention to the lecture. She had been thinking about Angie, about what she was going to do, about the possible answers Angie could give her after confessing.

The time whas a problem. It was going to define everything. "If this becomes a turning point and everything changes and this gets her away from me, like a feather to the wind - she thought- I want to keep her close as much as I can just like we are now... but since I know I´m way too impatient and she´s so unpredictable it is possible that I´m already wasting  precious time that she and I could have together" Time, how problematic it is. Everlasting, untamable, unstoppable.


Angie was shinning, like a vision. A delirium. The sun at her back seemed to be there for her. The sunlight made her beautiful brown eyes to look even prettier, warm; her hair, moved by the breeze, took a golden shade. They smiled. The three of them smiled, but now Ly only existed for Angie. She rushed to her. They hugged and stayed a while like that.

The boy was stunned there getting no attention from the girls that were already talking. Ly was smiling brighter than he had ever seen her. They sat and chat a little, the three of them, however every time Angie was talking, Ly seemed to hear nothing but her voice.

"...what do you think about it?" the boy asked. Ly turned to him. Her cheecks blushed a little, her eyes opened wide. She had been taken by surprise. She hadnt been paying attention to the boy´s words, at all. Angie started to laugh, she had noticed the little interest Ly had given to the boy. Ly only looked to the ground a little embarrased but she also laughed a little.

"I´m sorry. I´m sorry that I got distracted. What were you saying?" she had to put a lot of effort to focus on the guy´s words this time. She answered the best that she could but as soon as the boy left his words were lost for her.

Now Ly and Angie were alone. They had been talking now for a little while since the boy had left. Angie started to laugh, out of no where. Ly was at a lost.
"you´re so mean! you didnt listen to one word he said!" Angie laughed making Ly´s face red.
"it´s not that...it´s just that I was a little distracted" "by you", she added in her mind, "when I see you, everything else ceases to exist" She flushed by her own thoughts. Her eyes were fixed on the ground.
"and what are you thinking about, Lyyyy?" Angie said in a teasingly tone. Sometimes she could be so intuitive. "nothing" was the answer that came first to Ly´s mind, but she realized this was the perfect moment to bring out the subject that had her all distracted."what other opportunity will I have where everything comes out so naturally?" she asked herselft.

She had to interrupt Angie that was about to say something. Sometimes, like that day, she forgave Ly´s silences.
"mmmm I- I was thinking ummmm I think mmm, no, mmm I was looking at you, that´s why I wasnt mmm  that´s why I was distracted"
She didnt saw Angie´s face while talking, they were seated next to each other, their shoulders next to each other´s. She didnt turn her head to face Angie but she could feel Angie´s gaze on her face. Ly´s hand started to tremble. Angie smiled.

"who wouldnt be distracted by me?"  she said playfully "someone so pretty like me..." she said pretending to be vain, exagerating it, actually. This time, Ly turned her head to see Angie. If she didnt face her everything would be just a joke, just a game. She couldnt allow her mouth not to express the intensity of her feelings. So, she completely turned her body and saw Angie straight to the eye.
"it is true, you´re really beautiful. Much more under the sunset. I like it" she was able to said it without hesitation. She smiled. Both did it. "but mmm you´re beautiful not only with this dim light but with any light. I am completely sure that you´re beautiful in the darkest night and the brightest day too. You´re heart and soul much more"  Ly smiled again, while placing her trembling, cold hand on Angie´s knee.

"Th-thank you, I guess... that sounds weird" said Angie drawing her brows together a little, confussion staining her eyes. Ly half-smiled and took a deep breath before answering.

"yes it sounds weird....but it is true. Actually it doesnt sound weird, it is...No, not really, you know? it´s not so weird, it is pretty common" her voice was a murmur but she said the words clearly. "I like everything you are" she smiled again. Her throught was dry. She didnt know what else to say to convey all her feelings into words. There was a moment of silent in wich both girls looked to the ground.

"I-I don´t get it" at that moment Ly felt the tense atmosphere with Angie´s posture change. The sun became cold and the air heavy to breath.

"this is the first time..." Ly said speaking softly and slowly "...that in my mind I have this thoughts. I had never felt like saying anything like what I just said. I dont know how it has happened or why, but I dont think I need a reason to love you. I just feel it. I like you so much to the point that I feel like I´ve lost myself. I think about you all the time... I dream about you..." her words started to come out fast one after another "...when I see you my heart skips a beat, just now my hands are shaking and they´re cold as if they were made out of ice but my cheecks on the contrary, feel as if I was burning" she stopped and talked again after sighing "this is the first time that I do this, that I feel this"

It seemed to her that time stopped and everything but the two of them disappeared. She could almost see herself as if she were looking from above. Angie´s expression was unreadable.

Tears.

That was Angie´s response. Salty, warm, confused tears coming down her pretty eyes. "what have I done?" Ly thought when she saw her angel´s reaction. Without thinking she got closer to Angie and hugged her whispering to her ear "I´m sorry, I´m sorry, please forgive me...I- I dont want anything, you dont have to do anything, I just thought..." she stopped "I just thought that you´d like to know it" she mumbled in her thoughts "I´m sorry"

Despite that she was hugging Angie to confort her, though she didnt understand why she let her do it,  it seemed to Ly  that the one being conforted was herself. Slowly, politely and now calm, Angie moved away from the embrace. She watched Ly for a moment. She seemed worried, but Ly also knew that she was not looking like her normal self now, even more with that reddisht tone that crying leaves behind.

"you dont want anything, eh? then....?" Angie always knew how to go right through her. She always found the way to disarmed her, leave her out of balance, with no control. Ly closed her eyes. A pained expression took over her features for a second. She wanted to answer honestly. Looking to her eyes. I was only fair to do so.

"..that I dont want anything means that you dont have to force yourself to do anything, you have no responsibility towards me. It is obvious that I do want something from you but I´ll understand if it is not available for me"

"Isnt it against honor, duty and tradition, miss heir?" Angie lifted one of her eyebrows
"I dont care about that, that´s not important to me. You..." she said in a sigh, before feeling a hand leading her own to Angie´s chest. She could feel the beat of that heart that was a copy of what her own sounded like.

"what does this heart tells you?" Angie asked. Their eyes met. Ly´s showed confussion. Angie´s seemed to ask for something "what´s in you heart? will you say I´ll love you forever? will you say the same that everyone says? is that what you think you´re feeling? tell me, tell me, what´s over there? what´s here? what´s t-this...th-that?" Angie had never spoken like that, she had never seemed so desperate and tormented like when she uttered all those questions. Ly was in shock and she didnt have answers for any of Angie´s questions... Shocked...just shocked.

The sun had died beyond the trees, artificial lights were they only company. The cold night breeze seemed to make a statement when it blew against them messing Angie´s hair, which seemed to turn to life with the wind. The breeze was like a cold caress that contrasted like white and black with the warthm on Angie´s chest.

Memories.

Ly remembered.
"Light. Precise. Pure. " she finally said putting Angie´s hand on her chest, over her heart. There was a long pause, a long silence.

"Light... precice, pure?" Angie echoed smiling while the words were sinking into her soul. She was smiling brightly. Ly felt how her angel was saving her only with her smile only with her sight.

"light, precise, pure" both whispered in their thoughts while embracing each other.

Light, precise and pure

He was smiling warmly at her while staring at her face. She hasn´t realized of his true feelings untill that moment. A mute signal through her body made her realize he was looking for something more than her company, more than her friendship. She didn´t like it; however, his presence was so nice, so light that she just couldn´t run away as she normally would do. She let him hold her hand. It was an unpleasant feeling at the beggining but then it was ok. His hand wrapped around hers showing sincerity.

They were walking through a long hallway. His hand still imprisoning hers.They went up the stairs that led to another hallway, a smaller one, there, many windows where like eyes in the walls. They kept on walking passing the first room when they reached the second room, the window that tear the wall in two, from the ceiling to the floor, had a silouette inside of it. The window was like a frame to a picture. A familiar face was in there. Quickly she took away her hand from the boy´s hand. Her heart skipt a beat. She wished with all her heart the familiar face to be oblivious to her holding hands with the boy. She never knew if she had been seen.

Today, the person with the familiar face was seated on top of the stairs that led to a small garden. The sun made her hair to shine. She saw it and she inmediately felt the urge to go to her side. She walked to her, stepping the stairs whithout even knowing what she was doing. The person with the familiar face got to her feet as soon as she saw her. She stopped one step below the one where the familiar face was. The sunlight made her shine. Beautiful.

One step below, her mind completely blinded, she hugged her. She hugged her like never before, putting her face against the other girl´s chest she said in a barely audible whisper "this is the one that I love". No one heard her words. She stayed that way, feeling the soft chest that in so many other times had been a confort to her. She stayed that way, feeling the warmth that exuded from that person.

She didnt know or guess what the person she was holding was thinking about her unusual behavior. Usually she didnt hug so passionately, she didnt even hug, only hugged back, and now she was just there with her ear on the girl chest listening to the rythmic heart singing inside her beloved one. She would have wanted to at least be able to look at the eyes of the other girl to see the mute words in them, to try to figure out what she was thinking but that would´ve meant she would have had to move away from the warmth of her body, that, she couldnt afford to do, not now.

She was sure, her one would be surprised, but despite that she would never denied her arms to her. It was the best part. She was there for her all the time bringing her warmth to her ice-cold heart. It was what she loved about her, her warmth. It had been unavoidable, yet unthinkable, impossible.

Ly, had a very traditional and religious family, despite that, years of fake devotion had never really came into her soul. She didnt had a single trace of traditional or religious, she loved that about herself. Though she did respect the rules of her house. She had to. Currently, she was in pain because of it. But pain was something she could deal with. Her resolution had been to become as hard as a stone and that meant do as she had to, to be who she had to be. Not her choice, but something that had been chosen for her since she came to this world.  Her pride demanded to be true to her own promises, specially the ones made to herself. Honor and duty were always observed by her even if she didnt really care about it, it was just a given thing on her existence. Ly was rational and cold, controlled, but from time to time she slipped, like when she rushed to that person with the familiar face. It had just been imposible to supress her impulses. Now she was suffering due to it.

Angie was the name of the familiar face. Angie was the one that her heart loved. Ly was clueless to those feelings, after all they hadnt ever form part of her life, but when she was rushing through those stairs, while watching Angie shining by the sunlight, she knew it. Light, precise and pure. It was a first, so she was thrilled by it. A smile became permanent in her face, a complete change. First times are always remembered, everyone said so, but she didnt understand it, untill now. "Angie, Angie, my angel". Ly started to dream about her: warm, happy, like a precious moon brighting the dark sky that her life was.

~~~ t b continued: here ~~~