I have the feeling that I´ve used this image before...still, when I saw it, it felt right to put it for this entry

The edges of me  had gone blurry
and the light reflects itself on me
Im like a tinted window or
perhaps a clear crystal...

Cells made of wind,
not solid not liquid...vapor only...
light, transparent, invisible vapor
easily going away
disappearing... seen only for a fleeting second.

green, fruits and textures

again, pictures from the country side but this time there are fruits and some textures that seemed interesting

 A lemon...but that dear lady on the back sort of ruined the idea of the pict n then ppl were looking at me as if I was crazy for taking picts to common stuff like a lemon ha!

 Green Coffee!

 The main thing: Corn! after all we´re the corn-made men/women

 A view from a hammock -Im not sure if I spelled that right...

  An old tree

 A rock invaded by green

 more green

 who said rocks didnt have life?

 rock

 a green ceiling

 trees

 more of the tree

 tiny leaves

 Aloe leaves

 dead trunk of a tree

the tree again

Flowers

pictures of flowers that I saw when I went to the country side last Sunday, some of them were taken in a corn field. Some of the flowers are from my back yard but most of them are just wild flowers that no one ever sees yet they´re so beautiful no matter how small they are.

one more day...

It was too much this time. Anna left school. She ditched school. She walked quickly though the almost empty street with nowhere to go. Her eyes were filled with tears, too many to be swallowed back. The few people that were on the street saw how her own tears were humilliating her because no matter how much she wanted to stop them they kept flowing like rain. Her lips were red... and she knew that probably her nose too. It was embarrasing. She had to scape, she had to run away, she wanted to be alone... or not...

She walked for a while without direction until she found a park. On the farthest side of the park there were some swings under a couple of trees. Anna sat on one of the trees. There was a little boy on the other swing, when he saw Anna he left. The park was empty now. Anna was alone as she wished but what she really wanted was some confort, she wanted to know there was someone that cared for her but there was no one for her. Her tears kept on comming.

She didnt want to believe yet the hope had crept to her soul and now she was mourning over another broken promise. It was ok, she didnt even care about what the content of the promise was  but the fact that it had  been broken just killed her... He had promise to be there and then he was not there and she foolishly had believed him.
"dad, why do I keep believing on you? you never keep your promises" Anna said. She hated him for making her believe in him and she hated herself for being naïve.

She was not going to cry for his broken promises anymore... they were strangers nowadays... but memories hurt and a hurt soul does not trust any other anymore. She was not going to cry anymore, her tears were not going to humilliate her anymore but the feeling of being left behind was still there but now, she was stronger or strong enough to push it away while she lived through the days.

"stop thinking about that, Anna" Scire said hidding the fact that it affected her too.
"what do I have, Scire? what?"
"Anna, dont..."
"I dont have anything, no wait, I have a fake confidence, a fake strenth, more broken promises than the starts and lost hope..."
"it´s been a while since you dont think on the <>" Scire said, she was desperate to change the mood so even though she also felt a little annoyed for not knowing exactly who this "one" was she reminded it because there was something, a memory perhaps that told her it made Anna´s heart to be a little at ease...plus they had fantasized with this unknown person for quite a while.
"What are you talking about?? -Anna said annoyed- the "one"that´s just some childish fantasy based on lies, something that doesnt exist, someone that does not exist... it´s only in  this sick mind of mine"
"but..." Anna was really upset today... having to pretend she was happy and fine with her fake family always made her upset.
"no buts! stop that! I dont want that...I know it´s been ...fun -Anna said before Scire´s reply- it´s also cause anguish for us... I know it annoys you to feel it´s so real and so reachable when it´s not"
"it´s real, it´s in you therefore it´s real, just like the pain in you that no one sees, feels or understands. The "one" is real I know you can feel it too, it´s real because you feel it, because there´s a memory you have, because you see it!" Scire was mad, she was having flashbacks of a person smiling, of someone hugging her, the feeling that someone had cared. Anna didnt understand what was going on. Was she having a nightmare?
"what kind of comparisson is that? my pain is real, those images that you are creating are just that, imagination or a serious mental illness. Stop it now, it´s enough!"  Was she having a nightmare? was she thinking or sleeping? is this hell?

wandering 8* scaping

"aaaahhh Im the worst!!  why cant I feel what I want to feel! -Anna said angry at herself- the worst part is that Im drowning in a glass of water" Scire only laughed. "Im mental!"
"at least you´re now in a good mood" said Scire in a matter-of-fact way. They´d been having one of their endless dialogs.
"well, yeah, there´s nothing else left to do" Anna shrugged "plus, it´s not that someone can give me happiness, I cant entrust that to a single person or feeling... things always end"
"right" Scire agreed
"plus...it´s not like I know that many people, I dont even have friends" Anna sighed
"right" Scire agreed again
"you´re being so calm and rational, Scire!"
"I am" and that made Anna laugh.
They were a little better, maybe it was true that laughter makes one feel better, they were only together when they were feeling bad, they were ok now so probably it was only going to be Anna for a long while. Sleep tight Scire!

"oh come on! leave me alone- Anna said to the open space the sky was. The sun was over her, again it was as if it was chasing her. She didnt move this time, she had moved before, it wasnt that hot anyways. She was today in a different place, there was a path and at the end of it there was a table, she was just looking at the few people that were going by, not so many, just a few that were still on campus. A group was comming through the path towards her. The girls of the group only saw her from the corner of their eyes and the boy looked straight to her but he seemed to be looking at her without really looking, as if she wasnt really there. Why does it always seem to happen that way, Anna wondered, but she didnt care to know the answer.

Some rain cloud covered partially the sun beam that seemed to be over her. "maybe it´ll rain tonight- Anna thought- I hope it doesnt start this afternoon, I dont have an umbrella, I dont want to get wet"
Suddenly, Scire woke up and said:
"Think about how on T.V shows they made the rain seem like a romantic stuff -Anna smiled a little to herself- imagine this scene, two person under the same umbrella, is that so romantic?"
"yeah! you only get your shoes wet and you get cold" Anna rolled her eyes
"but whatever Anna, it´s not like you are going to do it -Anna sighed quietly- she knew very well that Scire wanted to try out some of what´s supposed to be romantic"
"with pheromones, hormones and chemicals flooding our brain, anything would be the most wonderful thing in the world, silly! but you know very well that I dont want to be one more of the crowd, I wont give up my will and freedom to someone who´s intentions are unknown -it was Scire who sighed this time- "
She was quiet, completely quiet this time, no more talk to herself.

After a while, she heard a voice singing loudly, probably he was singing at the school next to the campus. The man had a strong, very manly voice but he sounded young, maybe he was a student at the school. He was singing popular songs and he substitute the original names on the song for girl´s name, you could hear girly screams right after that.

-"That´s cheap" Anna said annoyed for some reason
"it´s kind of sweet" Scire said
"it must be unconfortable for the poor girl"
"what do you know, Anna? maybe you´d be glad if someone sang a song for you"
Anna shook her head when she realized how a part of her wanted something so... cheesy and another part of her felt disgusted by that.

"What am I doing here? -she asked herself in a whisper- I guess this is better than being ...home" it was painful to think of  a home for her. She waited for a while there to leave. She wanted to get home late enough to not have to fulfill duties of pretending nothing was wrong.

creeme

Ayer dije q jamas dejaría de creer en ti... y por eso hoy pruebas mis declaraciones no? siempre me pides fe, que crea en lo que dices, te estoy pidiendo lo mismo, por favor, cree en mi, por qué me quieres alejar de ti, por qué me quieres hacer creer que no estás aquí, por qué lo permites... no crees en mi, cierto? quién sabe cuantas veces has sido traicionado y por eso quizá tampoco confias... esta bien, supongo. No sé si fuiste tú pero alguien me dijo que tú también querias ser aceptado tal cual eras, pues yo lo hago, si no crees en mí, en que no dejaré de creer en ti está bien porque así como tú me has amado a pesar de lo que soy, yo también te acepto tal cual eres y aunque no me creas, porque constantemente me pones a prueba, aún así, yo creo en ti. Yo creo en ti y no dejaré de hacerlo.

nunca dejaré de creer en ti.

Esta canción venía en el primer CD que tuve y creo que uno de los pocos, nunca tuve dinero para comprar CD´s ni nada por el estilo pero, mi tio, creo me regaló este CD, tenía como diez u once años, está canción era una de mis favoritas y ciertamente expresa lo que siento.
No soy religiosa, y eso me agrada sin embargo, creo en Dios y en Jesús y nunca dejaré de hacerlo, sin importar qué, y tu, mi Dios, lo sabes. Y nunca he dejado de creer en ti, a lo largo de los altos y bajos en mi vida, de mis locuras, dolores y enfermedades, a pesar que muchas veces me siento abandonada, nunca he dejado de creer en ti, estas clavado a mi, grabado como sello sobre mi corazón y eso es bueno.

Ahora bien, te ruego por mi tio, quien me regalo ese CD. El te necesita. Amen