Happy birthday, dear ^^

I didn´t make this one but I have a pillow with this drawing 

How long it´s been?
"The boy, the boy..." I can´t remember what´s the next part of that. I´m glad it was not a boy
Named after an angel, I want to think you got the traits of one too ;p
You said pokies were a good excuse, I agree, a yummy excuse,specially strawberry ones.
Cherries and ice-cream. I ate the cherries only.
You stole my strawberries,remember? no you don´t.
I´m sleepy, you said, someone told you to lay your head on my  legs. I´ll never forget your widen eyes at that. I didn´t doubt on having you as my pillow, good thing ´cause you´r such a comfty one.
Even if you forget, I remember and though in many memories you´re teasing me or closing my book
making me lose the page I was reading, they are nice and mixed with laughter and hugs of a warm you....
and a few being late's to my classes.

As you can see, this is sort of a babbling, it wouldn´t be me if it wasn´t, right?
I know you won´t remember most of the bits above that I´ve mentioned, but that´s ok, this is in a way the ribbon on your finger that I always say I´ll tie so that you don´t forget ^^

Anyway, I just wanted to share some of the memories that make me smile, maybe they´ll do the same for you; because this is a special day. You know that two of my beloved were born today, my amazing mother and my dear friend: you.

wow, this got long, bare with me, you know how I am :p I promise this is the last part, 'cause this actually, is the purpose of this post. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! have a wonderful day, filled with warm nice hugs and many gifts and lots of love -and cake!

                  Love 'ya -hugs

Absent

You'´re absent

but you´re here.

Silent but so loud

Sweet but very mean.

I can't feel you

yet my senses remember you

the memory of you assaults me

I think you´re gone

you´re there, you're here, you're everywhere.

No one's been able to erase you

you are the pattern that measures every single one after you

how the world has changed!

so unnoticed its new shape is.

When did you invade the very esensence of me?

How did you build houses and dungeons in my heart?

Why you, subtle knife, found shelter in my mind?

blank

Surrender, surrender
let the wind dry your tears
drift to sleep
where it all be blank
and where nothing
will make you remember

Spare Me

why do you keep pushing me down?
I'm already on the ground
I´m sorry I can´t make myself invisible

I´ve done it all with you on my mind
with the thought of what might please you
of what you might dislike

All of my thoughts and actions are
thoughroughly kept at rein
because they are supposed to affect your image
I don´t mind at all
but please don´t keep pushig me down
have some mercy
I think I´ve proven to be of some worth...
please, see that...

What more do you want?
you have it all of me
every day you drain me from life
I´ve been fighting to walk away from the cliff
why do you keep pushing me closer to the edge

What else?
I´ve denied myself many times so that your pride be satisfied
I´ve held back words and desires for you
and I´m not regretting it,
I´ve done it on my own will
I just beg you to spare me some pain

Am I not worthy of your compassion?
your is the only one that I ask
what will be of the image you cherish so much
if I´m seen like this?
I try, you know that, I need a little help
and if you don´t want to give me that
at least stop punishing me for what I haven´t done

Beautiful rain

God,
thank you for the beautiful rain
that is music for a peaceful night

God,
please let it be blessing
to all your children
making food grow
and the land to quench its thirst

Lord,
make it so that what is a blessing
don´t become death
give a roof to all those who
feel the drops and cry in pain and lost

Father,
I´m thankful for all the sounds
and gifts to the senses that
the heaven´s tears bring to me
I hear you in it...
Beautiful rain
do not become a feared giant

Double Life: déjà vu

A/N: I don´t feel like reading this before posting it. Why? idk... I´m not sure this piece has unity or coherence but this was what came out when I thought of the place where Josh and Nic were left... That´s my excuse if this is crappy or has many typos/mistakes...

A/N2: In theory I already read it n correct it... I hope it´s not so crappy anymore haha
*****

“Josh, Josh, wake up, Josh” as if it was a whisper the boy heard his name being called. He stirred in bed still with his eyes closed. “Josh. Don´t make me pour water on your face. Wake up!” he heard a threat and blinked. The first thing he saw was Nichole´s smirk and then he saw her eyes.

“You have dark rings under your eyes” he frowned; she turned around, away from him. He sat. “Did you have nightmares again?”

“No, you snore too loud” she turned to smirk but it failed, she chuckled when she saw his disheveled hair.

“I don´t snore” he protested. She shrugged and turned away again to sit and start combing her black hair.

“Your cloth must be dry now” she glanced him through her hair, she had parted it in two parts, she was now combing the right side. He got up and went to change clothes.

It was really early in the morning, around 4 am. When he got out of the bathroom, fully dressed, she walked him out of her building and then she went back and finally fell asleep. She had stayed awake as he slept for fear of hurting him. It had been two days with pretty much no sleep. 

She was woken up later when she heard someone knocking at her door, she opened, it was Val, the dorm supervisor.

“I´m tired, Val –she said when she saw the woman standing in her doorway- what do you want?”

“There´s a rumor of a boy coming in our building last night” the woman said glancing past Nichole

“And you wake me up for a rumor? What´s wrong with you? And why do you wake me up?”

“You brought a boy last time, you had little shame to pass with him right in front of me” the woman glared at Nichole. The girl sighed.

“And what does that tell you?” Nichole raised her eyebrows, the woman wore a confused expression “It tells you that I don´t care whether you see me or not bringing a boy in to my bedroom, so why should I put any effort in hiding it, moreover why would I risk starting rumors when you know I won´t hide it from you just because I don´t care” Nichole started to close her door as Val wore an expression between surprise and anger.

“I’ll have to communicate this your father” she threaten

“If you are looking for an excuse to talk to him, I suggest you to find something better” Nichole closed her door “he couldn´t care less what I do with the rest of my life as long as I am of use to him” she said walking back to her bed where she took off her gloves and bandage and then hopped on her bed between the sheets.

She woke up late. She left school before lunch; she had lunch at the town in some Chinese restaurant. On her way back she bought a few snacks, cookies and a couple of books. The afternoon was spent exploring the woods.

“Is that me?”  Josh asked the following Monday as he looked a recent paint on Nichole´s usual spot in the art room.

“Who?” Nichole was in the brushes cabinet

“This painting. When did you do it?”

“Who says I did it?” she took paint out of the same cabinet

“Well… it´s your spot” he said hesitant

“I don´t have to paint in one spot”

“True but there´s no one here that can paint or draw as well as you” He got closer to the picture. She turned around and smile.

“Thank you”

“So you did do it”

“Maybe” She placed herself in front of the easel that directed the window. She put a fresh piece of paper on it.

“You draw me” he whispered.

“Who says it´s you?” she took the paintbrush with crimson paint and made strokes at the top of the paper

“I doubt there are many guys that look like me”

“I know at least one that looks exactly like you”

“Ah, I´ll tell him, then, I´m sure he´ll be excited” Josh said after a while. Nichole chuckled as she added some yellow to her painting

“If you want you can tell him”

“Is it really him?”

“Does it matter?”

“I guess not” he took out a guitar. On the days they had art class he brought his but this was one of the days in which Nichole had broken into the classroom. Josh had seen her from the distance and had come in to the building too. He started to play.

“You should sing –Nichole said glancing his way, he half smiled- you have a nice voice” she went back to painting. He started to sing.

“It is you” she said still her back to him. He stopped suddenly. “Don’t stop”

“You saw me?” he asked, she turned to see him, a question in her eyes “Why didn´t you talk to me?”

“I haven´t seen you”

“…then?”

“I…I just imagined it”

“Really?”

“I… yeah, I think so” she said doubting herself

“Can I have it?” he sounded happy.  She looked down as she let out a sigh

“Are you going to put a picture of who is possibly yourself in your room? Isn´t that a little self-centered, Josh?” she looked at him and raised one eyebrow.

“I am not putting my own picture in my room –he started to say confident- I …I was thinking in sending it to mom” he ended a little hesitant. She smiled despite herself. Even if she knew little of Maggie she was almost sure she´d be happy to have that picture of her son.

“Ah, in that case, I think you can have it… I´ll ask Mike to send it to your family. Is that ok?” she smiled; he walked to her with a smile and hugged her. She returned the hug with one arm and let go of the paintbrush that stained the floor in order to put her other hand inside her pocket.

“Thank you” he whispered

“No problem” she let go and so did he. She busied herself cleaning the brushes, her painting unfinished.

“When did you go to that fountain?” she asked still washing the brushes

“I´ve gone frequently… when I got insomniac…”

“I see…”

“I thought you had seen me… maybe”

“And I thought you had gotten the taste to go into the woods” she poke her tongue out to him as she walked to put the brushes and paint in its place. He shook his head and put the guitar in its place too.

“I like that fountain, there are lights in there” he winked.  They got out of the room as they had entered: through a window that faced the hallway. When they got to the entrance of the building each one of them walk their separate way. It was an unspoken agreement, to the rest of the students they seemed still as if they were keeping their distance. It was more convenient to her, she was wondering if he´d finally understood her reasons.

woods and flowers

Porcelain

I was on the ground.
I had fallen.
With great difficulty I climbed back with bare hands.
I got to a ledge.
There, you came and see me,
gently, you pushed me back, step by step
until I fell all over again to the bottom from where I had just got up.

Such a delicious way to fall:
all colors and feather.
My mind hasn´t registered the hard bottom just yet,
only the falling.

To my lost friend

If I had you in front of me I´d embrace you for a long time
but you are not here and I have no news of you since a long, long time
I´ve felt guilty. I never saw you. I barely heard you.

You were there and I never knew, my eyes were set somewhere else
You did everything to make me happy, to see me smile
I was proud for having such effect on you
I never cherished your smile, my eyes went past you.

My lost friend, you gave me things without me asking
your little details came from your heart
they were filled with your love
I was blind to all that
You had to ask for me to pay a little attention to you
I´m sorry I was not a real friend

I left the proves of your love to die
under the cold rain, under the hot sun
I didn´t mind at all
It all froze and burnt. It dissapeared

You begged for me to stay close
All I wanted was to leave, to go away
not from you, but I never saw what you saw
I left you behind
until you gave up

I realized too late you had been there
but you were no longer around
You are now gone
And the most likely, I´m no longer in your mind
or heart.

From time to time, you come to my mind
I realize how little I saw, how little I felt
I feel guilt yet I know you hold no grudge
that´d be so unlike you

Now, this is for you,
the only way I know to say I´m sorry
the way I´m telling you I see now
I feel now, I know now what you knew a long time ago

My lost friend, you marked my life
My lost childhood friend, I hope happiness for you
wherever you are, whoever you are with
I send you my thoughts as you left me your love.

Double Life: Sleep

“Have you ever sewn a button?” Nichole said. Josh saw a blood stain on her shirt. Her trembling hands started to unbutton her shirt from the last one to the first, he looked away but he could still see it from the corner of his eye.

“Josh” he heard her voice calling, he still looked away. She started to talk, to give instructions, he was shocked, in any other situation he´d be looking but now he couldn´t make himself see her. “Josh, I need you to do this, you said you wanted to help”. He looked at her eyes that looked like they never had looked, in pain. He nodded. She kept talking; he was barely able to follow all the things that she was saying. “Josh” she called. “Did you understand?” he nodded. “Ok, go” he nodded again. And he tried to calm down. “You need to look at me to do this” she said. He saw her white skin stained with blood coming out of a large wound. He could feel himself shaking after the eight stitches he’d given her; she was now cleaning the remaining blood, still shirtless. His eyes were glued to her hands and the wound, he was still focusing on the movement her torso did every time she breathed, in and out and as he did so he noticed that she looked like she worked out a lot, his eyes looked up at a piece of cloth that covered the rest of her skin. He blinked.

The air in his lungs was not enough, Josh gasped for air but as he did so water entered through his mouth and nose; it burned his throat as the light blue water burned his eyes. His arms and legs moved frantically and he tried to scream for help, no voice came out but water came in, he feel himself going down, drowning. He touched the ground and opened his eyes one more time, it was clear; he could see tiles somewhere away from where he was.  He felt his eyelids becoming heavy, he closed his eyes and opened them again, he saw the same clear water and focused on the tiles, there were no longer there.

“Josh”  a small voice said. He blinked, he was laying on what felt to be a hospital bed, he looked to a side and saw a glass, a little girl was on the other side of it watching at him, she put her hand on the glass and she smiled, he looked at her, there was a needle on her little arm. She looked at it too and her brown eyes filled with tears.

Click, clack, click, clack, click, clack. He heard the sound of someone coming, a tall woman in a white robe came in. “Don´t cry, Nicky- the woman said, she had brown wavy hair- it’s ok, we´re helping him” The little girl said something. “No, Nicky, you can´t go there, he´s still sick” She carried the little girl in her arms; the girl reached for the glass and put her little hand on the glass. “Josh” she mouthed.

“Nicky” Josh said and he was back in the water. He was scared. He tried to ask for help but no one was around. Water burned his throat and lungs, he couldn´t breathe, he was drowning again.

“Josh, Josh”  the boy heard his named called. “Nicky?” he called hesitant.

“What´s wrong with you two?” he heard an angry voice muffled by a thunder. He opened his eyes and saw Nichole´s back.

“Nichole” he got up and walk to her

“What?” she sounded still angry

“There was a little girl in my dream named Nicky” he said. She lifted an eyebrow.

“You were having a nightmare”

“How do you know?”

“You were gasping for air”

“Ah” he said looking to the ground and then he turned around heading to the bed he´d been using.

“Hey” she called softly “are you ok?”

“Yes, I´m good” he was back in bed. “Sorry if I woke you up”

“What was your dream about?”

“Never mind”

“You called me Nicky, you need to make it up for me” she realized she didn´t mind that much that he had called her that. He blinked a few times and he started to tell his dream, she listened in silence.

“So, you did see me” she chuckled lightening up the mood. He blushed. “Is that why you can´t swim?”

“eh?”

“You´re afraid of water”

“What?”

“Am I wrong?” she asked, he shook his head

“I was about to drown when I was little”

“And now you can´t get near pools”

“How…?”

“You and your mother didn´t join your father and your brother to his swimming competition and you never insisted on swimming with me once you knew Aaron had done it” She walked to his bed, he was looking down.  She sat next to him. “Your secret´s safe with me” she winked and he chuckled.

“It´s not a secret”

“What happened?”

“I was four, I fell on the pool we had at our house, it was horrible, I felt so desperate. Next thing I remember is returning to a new house having nightmares that I didn´t remember when I woke up and my brother coming to my bed to calm me down”

“Have you always have those nightmares?” her voice barely above a whisper

“No, I had them a few times back when Aaron started to swim but I haven´t have them until a few weeks after you saved me from falling at the river at the other side of the wall”

“We´ll go swimming to the river, it´s beautiful, you´ll see” she winked. He chuckled shaking his head.

“I´m sorry I called you…”

“It´s ok as long as you don´t do it again but I think you must have met some Nicky at the hospital you were”

“Maybe you?”

“Nope, I’ve never been in any hospital. I´ve never been sick in my life”

“Really?”

“yup. Now go back to sleep.”

“Are you sleep?” she heard a voice in the dark after a while

“I am” she replied holding her laughter

“I´m sorry” Josh said after a while.

“What for?” she asked genuinely curious

“I’ve been avoiding you”

“I know, you were mad at me, I told you it´s ok”

“You´re always telling me to go away”

“Yet you never listen, what changed?” she heard him sigh. He´s probably regretting starting this conversation, she thought.

“You were swimming with Aaron”

“Were you jealous?” she asked, he was silent for a long while.

“You didn´t tell him to go away”

“I did. You boys are just too persistent. Sleep, Josh”

Double Life: Rainy Night

The sun had set early that day; the parents had gone away before dinner. Nichole had managed to escape another meal with an angry Michelle. Josh and his mom never got to the art exhibition and Miranda had been praising someone she disliked.

Nichole was laying on her bed listening to her playlist and the wind caressing the trees when suddenly she heard something hitting her window. She got up slowly and peeked outside the window. There was a figure out there. She smiled and considered going back to bed but instead she opened her window and waved, then she motioned for the boy out there to wait. She grabbed her jacked and as she was about to jump out she saw him shiver and hug himself for a moment. It was windy; he was still wearing his uniform.

It was getting windier. She shook her head as she grabbed a scarf and jumped out of her window landing close to where he was.

“Hi” he said as she put the scarf on his neck

“Thanks”

Nichole started to walk to the tress with Josh next to her.

“Thank you for joining us at the tea thing and at lunch too”

“Let me tell you that was many times better than lunch” she winked but he didn’t notice, it was too dark for him to really see.

“How can you even see?” he asked tripping.

“I just know the path”

“So you tripped a lot before?”

“Not really” she answered and he tripped again, she grabbed him by his arm. “How do you do when you’ve gone to the wall?”

“It´s always been in moon nights but tonight´s really dark”

“I think it´s going to rain tonight”

“Yeah, it´s really cold”

“Oh, let´s go back” Nichole stopped

“No, no, it´s ok. I´m ok” he smiled “where are we going?”

“Nowhere, really, I just like walking in the woods”

“Then, let´s get back, get back, this fabric´s thin” he pointed to his shirt. She chuckled.

“All right, let´s get back”

As they were slowly walking back to Nichole´s building it started to rain, it was a light rain that quickly became a storm.

“Agh! –Josh grunted glaring at the sky. Nichole saw him and smiled

“Since we´re going to get wet, you should enjoy the rain” she said looking up. Josh rolled his eyes, he felt cold.

“We´ll catch a cold” he said walking faster.

“I don’t catch colds”

“You’ll catch one if you don´t hurry” he prompted

“No, it´s true, I don´t catch cold”

“Are you saying you don’t get sick?” he stopped walking; she caught up to where he was.

“yeah” she smiled enjoying the feeling of the drops against her skin.

“I´ve seen you sick before”

“That´s not true” she frowned

“Two times, I´ve carried feverish you” he started to walk again. She glared at his back.

“I wasn´t sick, I was wounded” she sighed; he stopped and stared at her.

“What do you mean?”

“Never mind… you know you should walk from here to your dorm”

“There you go again” he sighed heavily

“What?”

“Pushing me away”

“I´m just being practical, you said you´d get sick”

“Fine” he started to walk away

“Are you mad at me again?” she asked surprising herself.

“No, I´m ok” Josh turned his head to say and then walked away.

“Josh” she called, once again he turned around to face her. It was dark but he could see her stretched hand. He walked to her and she met him half way.

“So you were mad at me”

“A little bit” he admitted after a while

“It´s  ok” she lightly squeezed his hand

“Is it?”

“Yeah, that way you are in less danger to be accidentally hurt by me”

“You are always so careful” he squeezed her hand.

“If I were you wouldn´t be here” she half smile letting go of his hand.

“Do you really…?” he trailed off, still walking next to her. They had gotten to the entrance of her building. Light escaped through the windows and the glass doors.

“Not anymore but it´s necessary” she tilted her head a little as she heard the rain becoming a storm, the wind blew hard whistling as it went through the trees. “Now, come in quick” she motioned for him to follow her. “Quick, quick” she whispered as they passed through the empty lobby, to the common living room and up the stairs to her room.

They were soaking wet. Nichole went into the bathroom to get changed, when she came out she found Josh sitting on the floor.

“Why are you there?”

“To avoid your bed or chair get wet?”

“ok… I didn´t think this properly… your cloth is wet and I doubt any of my cloth will fit you”

“I´ll go” he said standing up

“No, you won’t.  This rain´s dangerous, wait for it to pass… I´ll find you something” she walked to her closed and started to rummage for something for him to wear.

“You´ll have to do with one of my pajamas” when she turned around he was bare-chested. She blinked a few times despite herself as she took in his figure. He smirked.

“Like what you see?” he was boosted by her reaction.

“Yeah, you´re not bad” she gained her stance back “Your brother is much more defined though” she teased smirking.

“That´s what he said of you” he sounded somewhat offended. He got up and took the pajama pants.

“I bet he did… You know how twins are supposed to be alike?” she said. Josh knitted his eyebrows. “you and your brother when seeing for the first time are the copy of the other but you are really different, your mole- she pointed his mole near his right eye, your less build chest –she poked her tongue at him, he glared- and you´re way nicer than him, not in a million years I could have him here…”

“Thanks” his green eyes seemed to brighten a little.

“He saw me in swimsuit and is telling about it and you saw me without shirt and I´m sure you haven’t mentioned it” she said as he walked to the bathroom, he turned to see her but she was with her back to him sitting on her bed taking off her gloves.

“You look funny!” she chuckled when he came out of the bathroom wearing her pajama pants and still bare-chested.

“I’m here for your entertainment” he said sarcastically.

“Here” she tossed him a scarf and a blanket. “Use that bed for now”

“Why don´t they remove this bed if anyone´s going to be put in here?” he sat on the extra bed

“Technically anybody could be placed as my roommate, that’s why it´s still there, besides if it wasn´t here you´d be on the floor” she put on her left glove.

“You don´t have to do that” he pointed her gloves

“Yes, I do”

“I´ll be good and stay here”

She stared at him for a moment then she smiled and wore the other glove.

“Do you think the rain will end soon?” he asked after a while. She´d been reading a book, he music had been playing.

“No, I don´t think so… so you should lay down for a bit, it´s getting late” Nichole put away her book and turned off the lights. “Night, Josh”

“Night, Nic”

Double Life: Friends and Foes

All of them stayed at the cafeteria in a large rectangular table. Nichole sat at the chair at the end of the table; Josh sat next to her and Michelle next to him.

“Are you all in the same class?” the twin´s mother asked. Nichole noticed her eyes had that spark of curiosity that Josh´s had when he asked a question.

“No –said Josh, across from her- Aaron is in another class, I met Nichole first and I met Michelle because of him despite being in the same class”

“And I met Nichole because of Josh” Aaron added smiling to his mother, next to him.

“You met her before –Michelle interjected- don´t you remember she broke your nose?” she smirked. All the parents looked at Nichole, Aaron´s mother with wide eyes, the twins glared at Michelle.

“That was an accident –Aaron said to his mom- I was walking distractedly and didn´t see Nichole” he sounded a little bashful

“You were chasing Michelle” Josh added still looking at Michelle and that was her mother´s turn to widen her eyes. Nichole fought a grin while Aaron glared at his twin.

Lunch was spent like that, Michelle using every opportunity she had to tell Nichole’s flaws or what she thought were her faults. Nichole and the twin´s father were mostly silent through the whole lunch.

“Are you going to the art exhibition?” Michelle´s mom, Miranda, asked. It had been a long while since they had ended their lunch “Last time I came it was really good”

Michelle seemed uncomfortable about her mother´s comment. “Is your work going to be presented?” She asked Josh, next to her.

“Are you into drawing and painting now?” Josh mom asked. He only smiled.

“Dad and I will go to the pool, there´s the competition and you and Josh can go to the exhibition” Aaron proposed.

“That´d be nice” said Josh´s mother. Aaron and his father got up.

“I´ll call you when we get out” the twins father said.

“Ok” she said and got up to hug her son and husband, and then they left saying goodbye to the rest.

“We´ll go to the art exhibition” Michelle said “we´ll meet you there”

“Oh, thank you… I´ll look around the campus for a bit” Josh´s mom said.

“Michi, let´s go” prompted Miranda and waved goodbye to Nichole, Josh and his mother.

“Are you ok?” Josh asked softly to Nichole as he quickly brushed his fingers over Nic´s left hand that rested on the table. She half smiled.

“Son, I didn´t know you were into painting” Maggie, Josh’s mother asked smiling.

“I’m not. Nichole´s the one that paints”

“Is that so?” She looked at Nic who nodded.

“I just joined the art club because they get music too”

“Are you a musician too?” Maggie asked Nichole

“No, Mrs. Arlington. I just pain and draw but our art teacher does play many instruments so we have music while we paint, it´s a really good combination”

“I agree” said Maggie. Josh brow had a wrinkle, his head tilted to a side.

“Do you paint mom?”

“I used to, before you boys were born”

“I thought you´d always been a doctor. Why don´t we have your work around the house, why didn´t I know?”

“Helping children makes me as happy as painting” She smiled to her son. “Maybe we can go and see your work” Maggie addressed Nichole

“Ah, well, … I never go” Nic said with a half-smile “you can go and take a look though, there´s a lot of good paintings and drawings there”

“Wanna go Josh?” Maggi asked

“No, mom, I´ve already seen all the paintings”

“Ok, care to go to the tea party, then?” Maggi smiled and that spark in her eyes lit.

“Ok, mom but I think that´s for mothers and daughters besides you said you wanted to look around campus”

“Well, I have no daughters, so you´re stuck with me” she winked and grinned. “And we´d be taking a walk around first”

“Nic, please, come and spare me the teasing” Josh pleaded. Nichole smiled showing her white teeth at the mother and son antics.

“Yeah, come with us” Maggi said. Nichole nodded.

“Sure, let´s go”

********

A/N: this one turned out to be a shorter but that´s it with it... 

Double Life: Families

Nichole stayed in the art building; for half of the morning she painted a new picture. She grabbed her drawing pencils from the stand and started drawing a line that quickly became a shape that became a silhouette and then it became a boy laying on the edge of a fountain, his hand covering his forehead. Nichole draw a grin in his face, it was the boy she´d seen in her nightmare. She didn´t apply any color, it was only the dark lines of different pencils and the white background of the paper. When she finished, she stepped back and stared at it for a moment, she was still shocked at her dream, she´d been so tormented when she thought he´d been dead by her hands and when she saw him she´d been so relieved that she´d forgotten her usual behavior and she didn´t know what to do or what to be.

“What am I going to be admiring today, Nichole?” A man entering the classroom asked.

 “Hey, Mike! Just drawing a little” she answered

“Aren´t you supposed to be in classes?” the art teacher asked. She almost rolled her eyes.

“Family Day”

“Your other paintings are being displayed there; you should go and see them”

“I don´t need to see them, I know them, already”

“Be careful, Nichole, you are still talking to a teacher”

“I´m sorry” she lowered her head slightly.

“Can I show this new one?”  The teacher asked permission. She knitted her eyebrows “It´s really good” he complimented.

“No, don´t show it Mike” she said, the teacher tried to convince her but it was in vain.

“I really wish you´d let me show this one” the man surrendered. He was a very sensitive man, since she had joined the club he´d let her paint or draw at any time she wanted even if she was skipping classes, he thought she had talent and that´s something you don´t learn, he´d told her. After he´d taught her the basics she’d started to get in the classroom when it was empty to draw or paint alone and the next time she got in again to continue he´d left post-it notes with suggestions or comments on the work in progress, they didn´t really talk much they only communicated through art.

“You should go so that the parents can see who the author of these art is, it gets praises every year” he smiled

“Right, like when it got accidentally thrown to the ground and accidentally stepped on” she made air quotation marks at the word accidentally. Her teacher shook his head.

“Art makes people react… And you know the guilty ones got punished”

“And now I´m the one that make them react”

“Nichole” he said in a warning voice. She sighed

“Ok, sorry. I´ll calm down now”

“Just think about it, I know you´d like to hear the praises your work gets” he smiled and she frowned, he shook his head again and left the room with the paintings.

On her way out of the art building Nichole´s stomach grumbled. She didn´t want to go to the cafeteria but it was unavoidable, being Family Day everybody was more aware of the students specially the missing ones. She glanced towards the trees in the direction that she usually took to go out. She could´ve gone out to town for lunch but she was sure that someone must had already called to the dorm asking for her.

When she entered the cafeteria there was already a line with parents and their children. Nichole had gotten a pass from the school´s nurse. She´d gone and had told the lady she felt bad, she´d been asked if she´d eaten.  Nichole had answered that she hadn´t eaten since lunch of the prior day due to a fake –word that she said only to herself- stomachache that hadn´t allow her to go to class that morning.

“You should´ve come here earlier” the woman said “have you felt any other thing?”

“No, I think breakfast made me sick… ”

“And kept you awake” the nurse asked pointing the dark rings under Nichole´s eyes.

“Yeah” the girl said looking away.

“Just go eat something light” The nurse said writing a note to her homeroom teacher to excuse her from going to classes for the whole day, then she handed her a few pills in case the stomachache persisted.

Seeing the line in the cafeteria and all the people around, she was tempted to go back to her room but it was no tempting to only eat a cookie or some candy bar, so against her own desires she went to the end of the line, behind some woman, her hands in her pockets.

“Can you let me pass, please” someone said behind her after a while. She sighed. “Please. Mom” the girl called and the woman in front of Nichole turned around.

“Michi, come here, you took a long time” she said in a disapproving tone

“I´m going to pass” the girl said sounding bashful for her mother´s words.

Nichole moved to a side and when Michelle saw her all the bashfulness and prior politeness changed into a snide smirk.

“Mom, this is Nichole, a classmate –she passed next to Nichole- I won´t be introducing you to her parents since they never come” she finished with a fake polite tone.  Nichole smiled a little to Michelle´s mother who only glanced at her.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Basagoitia”

“You too” the woman said as she prompted her smirking daughter to come next to her, they both turned around.

A few other people got behind her, the voices chatted happily everywhere. Was it real? Nichole wondered. For a moment she felt tempted to imagine how it would be to have a family to come to see what she did and where she did it, someone to go to the art exhibition where her paintings were displayed year after year, where she´d stopped going a few years ago. But she stopped herself; it would be bad to start longing things that she knew she would never have. She was guilty of that so maybe, she thought, no, most certainly I deserve not having anyone. Nichole sighed quietly as the line advanced. A moment later Nic heard familiar voices behind her and she winced inwardly.

“Nic!” a boy and his mirror said; each voice had a different sentiment.

“Aaron, Josh” Nic nodded noticing the two adults behind the twins; they were the ones that had gotten there alone, with no kids up to that moment where their children had appear. Nichole felt like sighing again.

“Nic, these are Maggie and Alexander, our parents” Aaron smiled.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. And Mr. Arlington” she noticed the boys were very similar to their father but their eyes and nose were from their mother, the same forest-green eyes.

“Mom, Dad, she´s Nichole” One of the twins said. Nichole smiled, clenching her fists inside the pockets of her sweater; she was still wearing it since she left her room very early in the morning.

“Hello Nichole” said Maggie smiling.

“Nice to meet you” Alexander said with a pleasant voice. Nichole noticed the boy´s voice was a younger version of their father´s voice.

Michelle turned her head a little and then turned around completely.

“Aaron, Josh. Hi!” she said happily “Mom –she called- these are my friends Josh and Aaron. This is my mom, Miranda”

“Nice to meet you, boys” Miranda said.

“You too –said the twins- these are our parents Maggie and Alexander”

Michelle´s mom greeted them first quickly, it was her turn to order her food, then Michelle was introduced.

“Josh, Aaron, let´s eat together” Michelle said when her mom was paying and Nichole was ordering her food. Both boys immediately looked at Nichole, she noticed it but she kept ordering her food.

“Let´s all eat together” Michelle´s mother prompted as she stepped away with her daughter to let Nichole pay.

“You´re sitting with us, right” Aaron asked Nichole, Josh´s eyes focused on her. She wanted nothing more than to be away from Michelle but she knew she had no choice, it´d be rude to say no, if it was only the twins she´d probably just walk away but there were the parents too, so she smiled her studied smile.

“Sure” she said as she waited a few steps away from Michelle.

Miscelanea

pills, pill, pills. When will they be over?

Burgeoy School -maybe, I want to make the school where Nic, Josh and Aaron go. 

My favorite of the bunch. This pear was delicious, sweet and juicy. 

Espumillas! -a kind of sweet

The clouds have some orange-ish glow. The view from my door. 

I stopped on the side of the road so I could take this one. It made me happy by only being there. 

Be

If you are not with me, I got no one.
If  you are not there to back me up, the whole world will want to make me fall.
They´ll push me down to the ground, I need you to be there to pick up the pieces that are left after being crushed.

I got no one.
I really need you to hold my hand through the darkness.
I want you there to make me feel it´ll be ok. If you are there, I know I´ll make it through...

Lacking

I felt its bitter taste
my tonge got numb
my eyelids felt heavy...
sleep never brought its blessing.

Over and over again,
I tell myself:
this is stupid,
you know better
but I don´t care.
companionship never felt lonelier.

I forgot how to believe,
I was softly led back to it,
I´m in the middle,
Do I trust?
Do I doubt?
The promises I was given echo as they are empty.