Fallen angel

***PassiO***

I had to blink a couple times after she appeared. I had just seen an invisible thing beame the universe and then a woman.

“don’t you think it´s fair to tell me you name since you already know mine?” she smiled a beautiful smile

“I know more than that” she sounded amused for a second  “you can call me Passio” she said, smiling that gorgeous smile again.

“hello, Passio, what can I do for you?” I said in a business-like voice

“let´s walk, I seemed to have interrupted your little trip” she said using the same polite tone that I had used. It was rude somehow. “Yes it is” she said, agreeing with my thought that she clearly was able to know without me saying them. “Answer me this, Ayon, what are you doing?”

I lifted an eyebrow, I was doing nothing, my energy was still, all of it inside my body… not a thought..

“walking next to you?” I said feeling stupid.

“once again, what are you doing, Ayon? Do you really think it´s ok for you  to wait for the flower to fall? Do you really think it´s ok for you to have it?”

“what are you talking about?” I asked, knowing that she was talking of my plain vision. What I didn’t know was why a simple flower was worth for this being to appear and talk to me.

“she is not simple, Ayon, she has many praying for her to keep her there, pretty and safe. She is not plain otherwise you´ll be in hell by now and you know it”

Awful. This being was talking big. The only one that prevented  my sould going  where a demon belongs was Eimi. This being knows about Eimi, my pure source of energy.

“wrong” Passion said  “she is not yours… and at the pace things are it wont be pure anymore”

“what are you talking about?! She is a pure source and how do you know her?” I said angry

“I told you she has many praying for her besides it is only right to protect a pure source from getting contaminated”

“she is not contaminated” I said harsh

“no, but she will if you stay there being a bad  influence”

“I´m no bad influence!” I raised my voice feeling that I really didn’t need to get mad to that woman, she wasn’t important nor her opinion mattered but it was like I was talking only by instinct “I´d never asked her to do anything that might harm her!”

“you´re hurting her, taking her energy to be a demon, your powers are at hand only because you have her close, they´ve increased… that´s the only reason the others like you want you down there” she pointed to the ground “where you belong… only because you´ve managed to get close to the source that you can almost get it inside you… they think she´s like your pet…they´re longing to have her too”

“what are you talking about?!” that seemed to be my line tonight. She had just said a bunch of non-sense stuff to me.

“she is a pure source, and now she knows it. She has gone beyond now, she gives you and extra, you could say, silly you that has not notice but if you keep you´ll stain her and she will willingly let you do so”

I said nothing. I was pondering Passio´s words. I knew that Eimi was always there for me and I wanted to be there for her too. It was no new thing that she and I were so close but stain her, that was out of the question.

We were almost reaching the big white house that was my target tonight… because of the strange figure that accompanied me I hadnt realized that I had walked really fast.

“I´d rather set on fire the whole garden to let you have the flower” Passio said as if she were telling how the weather was.

“nothing will be set on fire and you, Passio, will stay away from Eimi”

“like you would know where or when my plans will take part… I could easily had taken you where you belong, punish you for your sins… but I really need for her to reconsider who Ayon is” she said in a calm soft voice with a serene expression that could almost fool me to surrender, and fall to her feet. Maybe that´s why her name was Passio. But she was talking of Eimi. Not once in all our time together a demon or angel had gotten interested on her, so this was nothing to handle lightly, who knows what this woman wanted with my Eimi.

“stop wrapping you thoughts around her name as if she belonged to you!” Passio said almost mockingly.

“it is not of your concern if she is mine” I said too sure of what I had just said `mine´ that was a new word that my brain had placed before her name, at least it was the first time I was aware of it.

“I already told you she is better  left alone or in case you don’t want to leave her… she should be reunited with her family”

Eimi´s family was in heavens, all of them. For a human to go to heavens, death must come. Eimi cant not meet death, not yet, it´s not her time.

“leaver her Ayon, just go away and never appear before her again; you´ll save her if you listen to me”

“are you insane or something?! You don’t know us. I´m not going anywhere I cant leave her alone. I don’t like leaving her alone. I´ll protect her…”

“yeah, right” she said with her serene expression contrasting with her sarcastic tone. “as if you know how or as if you could do that” she winked and disappeared with no trace. I got scared for the first time and dematerialized to go to Eimi´s side.

some day last year

Every stupid day wasted on reverie,

false hunchs on what may be.

I want you to think....Then my heart skipt a bit...

there you appear sinking me even more in my reverie.

breeze

A soft wind comes to me: the memory of you.

The sun keeps saying goodbye as the hours go by.

You are here and you are also somewhere else.

Here just because I summon you from my longing torn soul...

Away you are... away and I´m missing you.

Light, precise and pure

He was smiling warmly at her while staring at her face. She hasn´t realized of his true feelings untill that moment. A mute signal through her body made her realize he was looking for something more than her company, more than her friendship. She didn´t like it; however, his presence was so nice, so light that she just couldn´t run away as she normally would do. She let him hold her hand. It was an unpleasant feeling at the beggining but then it was ok. His hand wrapped around hers showing sincerity.

They were walking through a long hallway. His hand still imprisoning hers.They went up the stairs that led to another hallway, a smaller one, there, many windows where like eyes in the walls. They kept on walking passing the first room when they reached the second room, the window that tear the wall in two, from the ceiling to the floor, had a silouette inside of it. The window was like a frame to a picture. A familiar face was in there. Quickly she took away her hand from the boy´s hand. Her heart skipt a beat. She wished with all her heart the familiar face to be oblivious to her holding hands with the boy. She never knew if she had been seen.

Today, the person with the familiar face was seated on top of the stairs that led to a small garden. The sun made her hair to shine. She saw it and she inmediately felt the urge to go to her side. She walked to her, stepping the stairs whithout even knowing what she was doing. The person with the familiar face got to her feet as soon as she saw her. She stopped one step below the one where the familiar face was. The sunlight made her shine. Beautiful.

One step below, her mind completely blinded, she hugged her. She hugged her like never before, putting her face against the other girl´s chest she said in a barely audible whisper "this is the one that I love". No one heard her words. She stayed that way, feeling the soft chest that in so many other times had been a confort to her. She stayed that way, feeling the warmth that exuded from that person.

She didnt know or guess what the person she was holding was thinking about her unusual behavior. Usually she didnt hug so passionately, she didnt even hug, only hugged back, and now she was just there with her ear on the girl chest listening to the rythmic heart singing inside her beloved one. She would have wanted to at least be able to look at the eyes of the other girl to see the mute words in them, to try to figure out what she was thinking but that would´ve meant she would have had to move away from the warmth of her body, that, she couldnt afford to do, not now.

She was sure, her one would be surprised, but despite that she would never denied her arms to her. It was the best part. She was there for her all the time bringing her warmth to her ice-cold heart. It was what she loved about her, her warmth. It had been unavoidable, yet unthinkable, impossible.

Ly, had a very traditional and religious family, despite that, years of fake devotion had never really came into her soul. She didnt had a single trace of traditional or religious, she loved that about herself. Though she did respect the rules of her house. She had to. Currently, she was in pain because of it. But pain was something she could deal with. Her resolution had been to become as hard as a stone and that meant do as she had to, to be who she had to be. Not her choice, but something that had been chosen for her since she came to this world.  Her pride demanded to be true to her own promises, specially the ones made to herself. Honor and duty were always observed by her even if she didnt really care about it, it was just a given thing on her existence. Ly was rational and cold, controlled, but from time to time she slipped, like when she rushed to that person with the familiar face. It had just been imposible to supress her impulses. Now she was suffering due to it.

Angie was the name of the familiar face. Angie was the one that her heart loved. Ly was clueless to those feelings, after all they hadnt ever form part of her life, but when she was rushing through those stairs, while watching Angie shining by the sunlight, she knew it. Light, precise and pure. It was a first, so she was thrilled by it. A smile became permanent in her face, a complete change. First times are always remembered, everyone said so, but she didnt understand it, untill now. "Angie, Angie, my angel". Ly started to dream about her: warm, happy, like a precious moon brighting the dark sky that her life was.

~~~ t b continued: here ~~~

just talking...

"but we were happy" she said almost like she was doing a question
"you were happy" I said "in the same amount u were happy I was unhappy" some tears came to my eyes. I hate them so much. "why am I saying this now?" I asked myself "why now when  I know she is not feeling well, why now that she´s having a small doubt on her choice" still I couldnt stop myself at the right moment.
"I´m sorry it was like that" she said. Sadness in her voice. Sadness took over the scene. I couldnt make myself to look at her. I knew I was going to cry for real if I did so. I also knew that I had hurt her. That had been something I should have never said.
"I´m sorry that I said that...I-I wasnt thinking on my words, I´m sorry" I did have thought on my words, it was true what I had told her, but I hadnt thought of hurting her, hurting her was the worst. I had made my choice back then: her happiness over mine.
She said nothing. I know she is hurt but she doesnt blame me. I wish I can take my words back, even if that was the truth. I´m really sorry for having said that...

no more?

I cant write anymore. Fiction is lost for me. I cant write anymore ´cause I dont know whether I´m writing fiction or reality.

I cant write anymore ´cause I keep getting interrupted, not from the outside but from the inside, by a shadow, by a force of nature maybe.

I´m scared of pouring my soul on the letters were it´ll be so easy for someone else to erase those words or just toss them away. It used to be safe, it used to be my scape, now it feels like it might betray me.

Fallen angel

****VissioN***

I love to walk. I love to feel the rain drops falling to my face. I love to spatter the puddles in the sidewalks  after a rainy day. If I wouldn’t enjoy feeling I wouldn’t defend this body that I´ve made for myself with so much stubborness. Maybe I somehow like to feel human.

My day with Eimi had been… I just cant find a word to describe it. It was so different. I felt so strange for a moment, just before going out. It was as if something was inside me and made me all violent? And then… maybe it´s just that I wasn’t expecting to be accompanied by other. I guess I wanted to be with my Ei only…

I was reliving my day while waling on the dark streets of the city, thinking on why she seems to see me, only me sometimes. I like it.

Pitch black I think that´s what they call it. The streets were like that, ocasional street lights were lightnign spots of it. A demon feels no rush of adrenaline for darkness or fear over a dark corner. I´m supposed to be a demon but I guess I act two characters while talking to people. I´m both the angel whispering `do the right thing´ and the demon displaying temptations people are already waiting –far too willingly- to accept. I´m both, all the time. It can make things fun for me. People get more confused when is the same person offering them both ways. Wich ever they choose I win something. If they choose temptation my powers increase, if they refuse temptation I make sure my angel side stays alive. The only down side is I get little energy from them…confussion is no good to provide me that, so in a way it is useless to have that much power accumulated if I cant channel it when needed… though so far I havent fail in control it.

I saw a vision while walking on the dark streets. Today I was going to a well lit place to see wich was going to win: Ayon the angel or Ayon the demon. In my vision I was in a garden, a huge one, flowers all over the place. Big trees where scattered around. The sky clear and the wind gentle, the sun like a caress. In a moment I was in the other side of the white fence that divided the garden from the path. Close to one of the fence poles there was a flower, a small one not fancy but to me it was the most beautiful of all the garden, golden like the sun, small and delicate. I wanted the flower. I wanted to cut it. I could see it in a frame, covered by glass, next to others that I had. Those others were already pale, they had lost their pretty colors. I stopped. If I cut this pretty flower it was going to wither. If I cut it  I was going to kill it. I knwe I had to leave it there. I could only see it not even touch it, it was far too delicate. I stayed there watching it thinking on the moment it would fall by nature´s hand. At that very moment I was going to extend my hand to make it mine.

The vision ended. I rolled my eyes. It was a very plain and boring vision after all it was all about a flower.

“but you already cut the flower and it´s withering with every passing day” I heard a voice next to me but no one there. Not a ghost, spirit, demon or angel even less a person. I stopped for a moment. I was not the kind of hearing voices since I was a `voice` many times. A laugh.

“no you´re not getting crazy. I´m here” it had to be a high rank demon or angel for I didn’t felt their energy still I was getting ready to flee or fight.

“who are you? Angel or demon?” I asked in my calm voice starting to walk again

“what does it matter, Ayon? I´m me” the voice said

“it does matter. I need to know if I should fith you and send you back to hell of if I should salute you and send my regards to my family in heavens” I said. I didn’t want to undisclose my true identity in case it was an angel. A giggle from the invisible. It annoyed me I couldn’t see him. I can become invisible to human eyes but it´s not common angels or demons are invisible to each other, we can still see the energy, the spirit. It was not the case with this being.

“don’t worry demon prince you don’t have to fith me at all, not like you would win, i´m not looking for violence from you”

So, the voice knew who I was, that must must mean it is  a demon´s voice. I thought to myself. It has to be a high rank one with the new trick of being invisible even his energy.

I focused my energyin trying to see his and luckily I saw some of it, a little, like a blur or like seeing light through a foggy night. I sent some of mine to touch it. It was risky but I needed to know who he was and how he knew my vision and who I was. He had gotten into my head! That cant be good.

I reached out to it. My energy created a thin thread to touch him, those spots of energy, he allowed it.  It was an unbelievable amount of energy, and it was invisible! By touching it I could see how the trick was done. It required lots of energy but  I managed to do it, after all I had been all day with my pure source. I couldn’t avoid a smile while thinking so. The thread I had sent to him became invisible too just like he was. I was somehow excited about this that I had forgotten for a moment he had insulted me. He had called me weak. I –even if I don’t like it sometimes- am no weak demon. I´m a prince and a former… his voice interrupted my thoughts.

“it is not my intention to offend you. I was only stating the facts” this guy was doing it again! “you have been quite rude reaching to touch me without my permission but I´ll forgive you since I see you learned the `trick` very fast!”

“what do you want with me? Show yourself! Tell me your name!” I was getting mad and desperate at this thing.

“uh! So you´re getting scared? The great demon prince?” I said nothing, sometimes the best way to get what you want is to remain calm and silent.

“you´re right” the voice said agreeing with what I had thought. It confused me. I knew that no demon could do that only angels with special permission, so it had to be an angel, a cherub perhaps or a seraph since I didn’t recognize him.

“i´ve always liked that you´re very strategic and rational, well rational but once maybe twice, depends on your actions from now on...”

“why wont you tell me wich angel are you?”

“ I told you it doesn’t matter who I am. I´m just me….so you understand: I´m no demon, I´m no angel and a you know I´m no ghost even less a person” it was clear he was not going to tell me who he was and the creation never stops so… it probably was something I didn’t know…

“wont you show yourself” I said later trying to use the same pattern of question that seemed to work and made him talk

“let me see…mmmh well you seem to like shells don’t you? Well last time I was here I used one like yours, less pale…so to keep balance I´ll just…”

Like a tiny constelation appeared  infront of me. It was the form of his energy. It started to grow and it was like staring at the universe from above, unbelievable beautiful. As it grew light scaped from it, bright, not bluish like mine. It was a million times brighter than that. The spot we were became day. His energy changed it was like and organic form now. It had no shape it extended everywhere. It seemed to form conections to everything around even with me but it wasn’t forcefully, it seemed natural. I was stunned. A split second later he started to gather his energy into a shape and it was like mine, then he created a body and all the stars, light and beauty that he had displayed got enclosed in a body that wasn’t a he but a she.

the dark side of the moon

Both sides have always been there.
The bright, shiny side is wat everyone admires.
The dark side has rarely been exposed


The moon is loosing its brightness.
Her dark side is taking over its face.
No sun seems to be enough to lighten her anymore.

Come back.
Turn back.
Hide again the dark side.

bye bye vacation

uf! ayer fue el ultimo día de vacaciones y que horriblemente ste cansancio que ya me acompaña!!!! Esta tarde medio me recoste y en cuestion de segundos quizá ya staba quedandome dormida!!! pero no! tenia que trabajar en mi proyecto! *sigh*
La parte buena es que el hecho de tener la mente ocupada hace q no piense tanto en otras cosas menos productivas como confusiones inutiles que de nada bueno me sirven, si, es inutil gastar tanta energia pensando en eso si es... inutil
Asi que es un cansancio bueno ^^ del tipo de cansancio que te deja dormir no de ese que te hace sedentario y te mantiene despierto por la noche... aunque bueeeno tendré q admitir que no ha sido del todo inutil -that- porque en el momento de mayor cansancio sirvio como un boost de endorfinas jajajaja hay que convertir la cosa en algo que me sirva aunq sea un poquitin. Mañana a seguir - y la ultima parte de esto- ya me animó para sentirme mejor, normal, en control -wow- genial, eso me gusta mucho!!!

chiming bells

chiming bells...

a heart flutters

all is gone

every existence is forgotten

• 
  

chiming bells...

they can make a deceiving  sound.

when it´s true

a smile is drawn.

invisible

It was invisible

but it was everywhere

wrapping every word and sight.

It was invisible

but the moonlight made it shine sometimes

the sun made it disappear to the eye, though.

A tiny drop of surreal ink fall in it

it got colored right when a soul was passing by

it was stronger than any other invisible thing

shatters were the result

of the soul crashing with the invisible thing

It is no longer invisible

it has color and shape

cold colors, warm colors

many shapes

it was invisible and no longer is ...

will bleach work to make it what it was before?