Fallen angel

Chapter 24****Plan****
“a talk” she said. “let me have that” her voice polite. I started to cry. Ayon´s name was echoing in my head. I started to walk to her awfully mad.
“he´s fine” she said. I stopped. “I wish I could send you where you want to be, wasn’t that what you told him once?”
“he´s not in heaven!” I said angry
“no, he´s not but you can send him there” I was surprised but I knew I couldn’t trust something like her. “that´s why I want a talk” she said
“well, here I am, am I not?” I said taking a seat. If there was a tiny chance to do that, I was going to take it.
“he is now in hell as you assume. It was not Shiloe that sent him. She couldn’t. he was too powerful of a demon to her. It was Michael´s sword who did it. It is specially made to do that kind of job.”
“and that matters to me because?”
“because your sould really loves him. Shiloe needed to be punished for making an angel fall. What better way of doing it that a human wich she considered weak and worthless and used as an object by Ayon to humiliate her and punish her?”
“he´s there and no here or where he wants to be… that´s all I care for, no who needs to be punished or not”
“and that´s another reason why you were appropriate to punish her, you were not enjoying to make her suffer… Ayon said you are pure, right? He always said that, he also prayed for your soul… this was the answer to his prayers… do you remember? The songs you liked so much, he wanted your sould to always be as pure as it was when he met you”
“don’t blame this on him. You sent him there and now he´s suffering”
“no, it is not like he thought it was going to be” she said giving an answer to a silent question my mind had made while remembering how Ayon had described hell “he´s in a place pretty much like this, though he is there laying on the floor, you touching his face and unprotected before Shiloe and three versions of me… and he cant do nothing”
“no God no! forgive him! Forgive him, take his sould to your side, father help him!” I said crying. My hands over my temples.
“I told you this is the answer to his prayers but also to yours” Passio started to sing. It was the song Ayon had sand when I had been sick. Tears were like a stream in my eyes.
“don’t torture me!” I shouted
“ that was what the song said, it was a pray isnt it, it is also what´s in your prayers too, right? That was what you wanted for him too, right? Well it´s been complicated… two souls to save, two souls to heal, though the last part you did for each other. now you know that a sin has come to your soul. It is called loving a demon”
“so love is restricted? Isnt love the greatest gift to everyone and everything?!”
“have you forgotten the definition of sin he gave you? Well that is the deffinition of sin and you know you´re commiting it. Moreover if you make him love you in the same way… it would be as if he fall all over again… humans with humans must be”
“why? It´s not fair!” I raised my voice
“no, it wont be fair for him” she smiled. It didn’t make sense “you see, when you die what he´ll do? If he will be unable to go to heavens to you?... he will be a wanderer mourning for you for ever…it´s no fair, right?”
“I don’t want him to be sad” I said in a murmur.
“I know but there´s something you can do to make it right…. You are the one with the power to make it right”
“tell me!”
“step one:” she smiled “he had to choose between being selfish –a demon- between Shiloe –his sin- or you –being selfless like an angel should be. he was confused and he ask you, good choice, your love for him made you selfless and you chose for him ´fight the sword´you said and showed him and reminded him to be pure”
I blushed. So in a way he had chosen me, maybe not for love but because it was the right thing to do. Passio smiled happily but something in her eyes told me she was not telling me something.
“you´ll see on due time” she said and winked.
“continue, please” I said eagerly.
“step two: he goes to hell, he´s living this scene over and over, he feels powerless and awakes completelly the demon in him”
“no!” I said in a sigh. I knew that was the last thing he wanted to do.
“this time it will be for the right reasons… not for vengeance, not for himself but for you, therefore his angel side though crushed wont go away”
“can´t..” she interrupted me before I could finish “it´ll be the only way he´ll be able to go out of there”
“step three: it´s all up to you. He´ll be back… in short. You´ll have to distroy his body, you´ll have to want to pass on him all you energy without the protection of your love so that all that he is be disintegrated”
“I have to kill him?” I said shocked
“energy cant be killed, remember? You´ll have to transform him but for that you´ll have to made him unconscious of himself, reduced to elements only… it is sort of a re-start point where you must send him. He wont remember nothing not even having existed. He´ll be new so he will be able to go back where you think he wants to be”
“up to me?” how was I going to make him go through such pain? “cant HE do it?”
“remember Ayon prayed for your soul too? HE know you love him but also knows you will get hurt if he doesn’t love you back. You´re already commiting the sin of hurting you own soul”
“I love him, I want his happiness” it was the first time I had said it out loud. It became solid in me.
“that´s why you want to do it right, isnt it? Don’t worry, it´ll only hurt a while because you know he will be happy and when you see a stary night or a bright moon you´ll remember that was his deffinition of heavens and you´ll know he´ll be there so it´ll be ok. But it´s up to you to save both of your souls else you´ll just hurt him for making him love you and hurt you for making him sad after you die and go to a cold place… up to you Aka Eimi” I didn’t know why she kept saying ´making him love me as if one could force other to do so. I was about to ask her when she put her index finger over her mouth, got to my side and pass her hand over my face.

Fallen angel

Chapter 23 ****choices****

“choose” she said “the human that keeps you here and wraps you so that you don’t be reduced to nothing” I heard a whisper in my ear `the human that loves you´don’t say that I pleaded in my mind. ´I wont´the whisper replied. She continued, only the Passio next to me talked, the others were in silence. “choose” she pointed to his left “Shiloe, the one that you…love, the one that help you to be who you are now” don’t, I said in my head ´I must´I heard her voice in my head too. “choose” she pointed to his right “your own existence hidden here where no one knows who you really are, no rejection…Choose one to figth for, of course the other two will disappear for you”
I could sense that a lot of time had passed but the day didn’t seem to come.
“Eimi” sadness in his voice. I knew he was not choosing me, he was asking me what to do. I smiled.
“if I were the one to choose for you, I would choose to take right, your life here were you wanted to be at least once” I said to remind him our talk were he said earth was a middle ground and that he, on that moment, wanted to be here and no where else, since heaven was closed for him and hell was not his place “but follow your heart my angel” between his life, his love and me. I knew the prior two had priority because it was only right to be that way. He said nothing, he observed his options, then he lifted his head to the sky and moaned in pain. Then he opened his eyes, he saw me for less than a second and he became invisible. Shiloe and the Passio with the sword came running to the place I was, Shiloe glaring at me and Passio smiling. The room where it all had happened seemed to have grown thousand times because they never seemed to end the distance between us. When Shiloe and the sword seemed close enough to kill me I closed my eyes and longed to have had the time to confess my feelings to him. I was going to die. I thought that at least that way the pain of loving him without the posibility to have him was going to be releaved. They finally got to me and I smiled because at least I had felt love even if the one I had love hadnt felt the same way. I smiled because I had been able to heal all my past wounds and because I could smile only thanks to that demon-angel.
Time was like crazy that night, for moments it was so slow, then so fast, then at its normal speed. The truth is that Shiloe´s hand and Michael´s sword in Passio´s hand never got to me. They stopped at Ayon´s back. He had protected me. He was smiling at me and looking at me with his beautiful green eyes.
“thanks, Eimi” he said and fall to the ground. The sword half way crossing his heart and the wound Shiloe made to his neck and ribs bleeding copiously. I started to scream and fall to my knees. I put my hand in Ayon´s cheeck but when I touched him his body became ashes that the wind blew. I was screaming like crazy. Passio became one. She was seated on my bed, watching me. Shiloe, in contrast with Passio, was laughing.
“of course it had to be you!” she said “I wish I had thought of it and be the one to send him to hell”
I frowned.
“how can you be that way!?” I shouted at her “he loved you! He loved you, you had his heart and you laugh at his despair”
She saw me and stop laughing “oh, the poor human had an urequited love! Oh, poor you! You see I´m much more worthy of love than you! That silly prefered me to you” she said mockingly.
“stupid” I said “this is not about who he loved, this is about who is worth enough to feel love!”
“how dare you insult me?” she wanted to slap my face. I wanted to destroy her. She didn’t got to hit me, before she could touch my skin cracks were formed in her skin, blood flooded through them. She started to scream. “stop, bitch!” she said to me.
“it was your personal goal to make him suffer!” I was shouting at her “it was mine to make him better and you came and attacked him” all of me was determined to vanish her, I didn’t care if I was killed in the attempt. Ayon had told me I could do it since I was a pure source capable of control it. I hadnt belived it but I couldn’t help to do it when I was so mad.
“I had to! I had to! You don’t know what is like to be down there! I had to be able to come to earth and stay more time here. I had to!” she was crying. I only made me angry. Even more.
“if you know what is like then why you send someone that loved you! Don’t you feel compassion?”
“I had to!” I could hear her insights cracking under my energy “I cant, I cant, I´m a demon!”
“he was too! Yet he still loved you!” she screamed louder
“he chose you…”
“enough!” Passio interrupted her. I was not going to listen to her either. She had stricken the fatal wound after all. For some reason I lifted my hands as if lifting some weight that I throw to Shiloe, then she was dust that the ground swallow.
I turned to Passio. She was now sat on a chair.

two in the morning

ok, read the tittle... it`s two in the morning. I´m awake when I should b resting peacefully recovering my body from all the work today but no, here I am fully awake without the feeling of falling asleep soon, I`m doing nothing just wasting my precious night here thinking about you. What a useless thing to do, since it´s so obvious you are not doing the same, u, smarter than me on this, are probably dreaming about whoever but me.
I´ve tried to kick out the feeling of sadness ´cause I cant believe you can do that much of a difference in my life and that a few words told by you can make me feel intense feelings, or just make me feel at all. It shouldnt be. The main thing that u have caused me lately is sadness, pain, shame and guilt. Yes, I should hate you for that, yet I dislike that u dont see me in the same way I see you and I dislike you the most for being you. You the first one to make me feel this way -or the first one I accept-, to make me become all crazy and irational the one that makes me be like hundreds of other girls all crazy, all stupid.
I´m thinking on you almost all the time, and you stupid, dont let me do anything, dont let me be. It´s like I no longer am able to focus on the things I used to focus, it´s like all the things that used to be enough for me, are no longer capable of satisfy me.
I wish I could found someone for me. For me only, someone who I could really be.
Should i tell you now that I cant sleep? _because of you, that is_
God just forgive me... for everything so far. Erase lightly, softly all this... I wont be able to resist without you..

Fallen angel

Chapter 22***Eimi***
Ayon was laying on the floor. A line of blood coming down his forehead and several other from all his torso. Tears were running down my eyes. I closed them trying to stop the tears. I had hurt Ayon.
I wanted to have him close. The moment I wished for that I felt how strings were coming out of me and went to him to hold him and pulled him to my bedside.

“Don´t worry, I´m fine” he said while cleaning my tear-stained face. He was capable of lying. I was totally aware that I had caused him the same amount of wounds that Eris had when she had tried to bring out his demon side… also the same amount of pain.
“Don´t worry, I´m fine” he said again when I sent those strings of energy to heal him, to fill him with energy. He closed his eyes and moaned.
This scene had become regular between us. If only I didn’t had to let him go…

*****
One day I had gone to bed happily thinking that he was by my side holding me in a hug. I had have quiet night, happy, most of it at least. Almost when the night became day a thunder awoke me. I sat. He was there. He smiled and hugged me. I smiled too. A second later something was pulling him away from me. A woman had appeared in my room. She had a peaceful face that made a huge contrast with what she was doing: she had Ayon floating in the middle of the room by an invisible hand. He was trying to release himself but he couldn’t. she walked towards me. I was afraid for Ayon, for what she wanted from him. Was she one more of those that wanted him to become completely a demon?

“no harm” she said as if she could read my mind.

“get away from her” Ayon shouted fighting harder. I knew it because a halo of light was coming out of him and then a thunder from him directed to the woman standing at the base of my bed. She didn’t turn, she only raised her hand, in a stop sign, and the thunder dissapeared.

“you don’t want to hit her too, right?” she didn’t wait for Ayon´s response “so just stay calm!” her voice had a tone of authority but it was soft, soothing somehow. As she got closer to me I went back to the farther corner of my bed. She was no human that I could shoot with the 9mm gun that father had thought me to use.

“you´re right, it wont work” she said smiling. “does she read my mind?” I asked myself

“get away from her!” Ayon was desperately shouting. I wanted to get to him. I wanted to be useful and let him go of whatever was holding him suspended in the air. She smiled to me again.

“go on… do it” I got to my feet. “no, stay where you are” was this woman crazy? How was I going to make him free if I wasn’t close to him?

“Passio” she said “that´s my name… have faith Eimi, you´ve done it before” I blinked repeatedly. I saw past her, Ayon was being choked. “remember when he came all wounded… you did it then” I remembered he had retuned from the ambush Eris and Julia had set for him at that time when I saw him I had wished to heal him, to wrap him. I opened my mouth to talk but no words came out. “yes, the same thing” Passio said. Ayon kept shouting her to leave me alone. I didn’t know what to do. How was I going to help him, to set him free of something I couldn’t see, even more without moving my body?

Passio closed her eyes and turned to him, when she opened her eyes again many wounds started to appear in Ayon´s body. She lifted one of her hands as if holding a knife and made as if she was cutting his neck, blood started to come of a wound just made but she didn’t even touched him, they were at least a feet apart!

“no!” I shouted. She faced me and then touched one of her eyelids with the tip of her finger and mimic after that a tear.

“blood” she said smiling.

“no!” I screamed. She was letting me know his eyes were going to be destroyed. At the same time that I screamed Ayon fell to the ground and materialized next to me a second later. He was all wounded. I put one of my hands in his face and wished for him to be healed. It happened. He saw me startled then he kissed my hand. One of his hands was wrapped around my waist and the other in a fist. Once he opened it a nuclear energy came out of it directed to Passio. She opened her palm and it sucked the energy one time after another. It was amazing how his attacks did nothing to her.

For some reason my knees became weak and I almost fall. I almost fainted. Ayon held me steady.

“he´s waisting your energy… that´s why you´ve almost fainted. He´s using you and he´s not returning any energy to you that´s why you feel so weak” Passio said, clearly to me but looking at him.

“Eimi…” Ayon started

“it´s ok, nothing happened” I interrupted him. He smile his pretty smile to me. Through the corner of my eye I saw Passio smiling pleased.

“very good, Ayon!” she said when he faced her. His eyes were calm but all of him prepared to the battle.

She disappeared and reappeared on the farthest side of my bed and smiled. He ran to her as if he was carrying some sort of sword. She kept smiling. Suddenly she was next to me but still standing infront of Ayon, smiling. She was in two places at once!!

“in more than that, actually” she told me. I got scared. If he, a warrior angel, a high ranked demon prince, couldn’t take her, how was I going to protect myself?

“don’t be so insecure, dear” she said lovingly, as if she were my mother. She smiled “now” she continued “I´m going to strike my sword to his heart and he´ll go to hell… you see, it´s a special sword” the other Passio, the one standing infrom of Ayon lifted her hands but she was holding no sword “well, honey, the fact that you don’t see something doesn’t mean it´s not there” I knew she was telling the truth.

It all seemed to be happening in slow-motion. Just when he was getting close to her I saw he had a sword, a thunder like sword. “no” I shouted in my head and streched my hands to him. I wanted to pull him to me because I knew Passio was going to go right through his heart and kill his body and maybe even send him to hell.

That was the first time I saw the strings of energy coming out of me. They went fast and dragged him to me right when a big silver sword appeared in Passio´s hands.

“good” said the Passio next to me before becoming one with the other Passio that held the sword.
Ayon was now next to me still wrapped with my energy.

“Eimi!” he was as surprised as I was “thanks!” he said then, his voice reasured me. “Angel Michael´s sword? Michael is it you?” he said to her. I knew enough religion to know he was talking about the angel that defeated satan.

“nope” Passio said “but you´re right, this is his sword, he lend it to me” she said in her calm voice.
“you´re an angel and your mission is to send me to hell, right? No business with Eimi, whatsoever?” he asked her

“stubborn child! I told you I´m no angel… and you´re half right.. I do have certain business with Eimi” she smiled. She smiled a lot. “but first…let´s see” she motioned a finger and I was next to her, away from Ayon. She was so powerful. I could see him though I was in the other room. It was like the walls were made of glass I could see the whole house, even the outside of it. I could see through the walls!

“he can see you too” Passio said “but we keep on moving that he can get to you”

“we´re moving?”

“fast” she answered “now, here´s the other guest” she said and I saw again two Passios. The one that was next to me and other wich made a sound with her fingers, after that Shiloe appeared. She glared at Passio but then she fell to her feet, a profound bow to Passio. Everything stopped while a third Passio appeared, the one with Michael´s sword.

The three Passios made a circle around Ayon. Me with one Passio infront of him. Shiloe, now standing, with the other Passio at his left and the sword in the other Passio´s hands at his right. Passio smiled. The three of them.

a lost star

She sat, just like that, she sat in the middle of the land where she supposed to find a path.
She just got tired to walk after a long, long, lonely journey...

Her muses were gone and her words had run dry. A cold desert was now her world.
Nights are longer now that her eyes can not find her star in the sky.
One by one they were gone...

Sat there, as if waiting for something, she stares at a pack of forsaken heirlooms,
all inhereted by the one that as ashes now lied into a clay urn in a seal chest in a delapidated gravier somewhere away...

well, I´m not so sure what is this piece of writing...though, the day I wrote it I was thinking on the lack of inspiration...anyway I hope it sounds ok ^^

despair

A sound has ripped away the calm
A body has fallen to the ground
The street is now dye in red...


Eyes are shut and ears are deaf
Nobody wants to know what happened
No one can talk about it
Life is the price of braking the silence

A non declared war
With thousand of innocent victims
The cry for their soul is endless
Their prayers haven´t been answered

Deapair, woe and hate come with that sound...
It happened yesterdady, it happen today...
It will happen tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
´till peace takes over the scene...

misery!

Misery lyrics

well, I think this is sort of an old song but it´s new to me ´cause I´ve just discovered it!! lol
I must say I love the video and how he get hit over and over -ow how violent of me!!- anyways I just liked it, besides the vid, the song too, the music n all!

through the window

what a non-functional brain!!

I should say a coward one, instead...

Shadows are passing by,

they all have your shape 

but non of them, your escence.

No one´s you. And I keep looking

waiting for you to come to me.

Chagrin

Sleepy wondering souls reflected on thousand broken mirrors

They are waiting to be found.

They are trying to run from their fatal fate.

Trembling with every wind blow, falling into ashes

to fly with the wind and then taking againg human shape...

going down that path many times over.

will they be found by peace?

will they be carried to heaven?

will they be presented to Hades?

Insomnia has given them its particular color

their eternally shadowy eyes try to disguise their woe and hate

their skinless beings has become hard, cold and dusty marble.

what a pittyfull view they are!

what a horrible spectacle:

a roman circus with the grace of a well rehersed ballet

accompained by geniuses singing voices.

Lost in their way to follow chains form by footprints

going in circles,

limping with every pace while bleeding invisible blood from old wounds

everything being repeted again and again and again in a timeless space.

*I´m not so sure about the tittle...

twenty years apart

They live many miles away. They have completely different lives. Every second that goes by is a larger space between their memories. Back then, when they were young, life seemed to be simpler. Back then, when they were young, they figured out they were made for each other. There was never an agreement but the one of the hands that hold, but the one of the first stolen kiss.

Her heart, later, got confused. She needed something else, she needed adventure, she needed emotion, she needed danger, but above all she needed assurance of a love -in softly words. All the things he was not, all the things he had not. She found the one, the one that was so wrong and therefore so perfect. He could do nothing, not even fight; he just stood there watching how his heart was torn apart.

Many years have gone by. Glances at their memories is the only thing they have. It is possible, their souls ask, it is possible twenty years have not vanished that?... He lost the battle, if there was any. At the end her heart set on the "one" while he stood by her side as much as his bleeding soul could bare ...when such a pain is inflicted there is no remedy but to go away, so he left. He crossed many rivers, many hills to an almost desert golden place. His body left but his heart stood many miles away attached to hers.

She has a big heart, a pure soul... she has two loves: her "one" to whom she belongs no matter if she gets burned by his fire and "he", the one that never took advantage, the one of the sweet memories, the one that will wait for her forever no matter how icy his desert became... Twenty years can´t vanished that.

Edited by M

unquiet night

Hasta en mis sueños no puede estar en paz! No me gusta soñar, es como no descansar.
Anoche soñaba contigo. Te buscaba y te buscaba y no te encontraba. Me desesperaba.
Por un momento era como si estabas a mi alcance, extendia mis brazos hacia ti y whossh estaba suuper lejos. No te podia alcanzar en realidad, solo era una ilusión.
Cuando sueño contigo siempre es de noche, de esas noches frias y que dan la sensación de que algo va a pasar, siempre esta asi, no una noche azul y calmada sino de esas noches grises y pesadas. Dijiste una vez que nuestros sueños eran la revelación de nuestros deseos... me molesta cuando hablas asi tan acertadamente ¬¬

Qué voy a hacer conmigo! deberia al menos tener noches pacificas...

overreacting

segunda:
como siempre...luego d sentir alguna emocion al mirar en retrospectiva me parece que he estado exagerando. Todo el finde he estado horriblemente triste, extraña, sulking in pain n dispair... El domingo escuche que no hay que tomar atajos sino que seguir el camino -perfecto, dijo el sr ese- que ya esta trazado para mi, que no hay que desviarse. Creo que mi camino sta desviado o se quiere desviar. Hasta hace poco no me parecia nada como para preocuparme pero ultimamente si...xq no me gusta estar asi, como si fuera montaña rusa, unos dias bien unos dias muy mal, triste y pensativa todo el rato, a cada instante.

La soledad no importa, nunca me ha importado mucho. Hoy la siento más, como si se hubiera vuelto solida y pesada, espesa y de un color extraño, desagradable. Me siento sola. Recuerdo que cuando era pequeña solia sentime sola y pedia al cielo me llevara de nuevo a ese lugar de donde habia venido. Me sentia sola, muy sola... el tiempo paso y ya dejo de importarme tanto que se volvio normal y ya estaba todo bien porque siempre el cuerpo, la mente, uno se adapta pues otra vez me siento sola... es dificil hacer que mi ser se adapte otra vez... es triste pensar que se adaptará a este nuevo nivel de soledad...como un resorte que se estira un poco más, me pregunto cuando se romperá por haber dado el maximo de tensión...No quiero terminar mal, no quiero terminar destruida.

Necesito paz.

The spell

So much I know you that I want to forget
Looking at you is like looking through a window
Being between your arms is like having your heart inside me
What kind of spell did you cast on me?

Listen into your heart .. there is nothing else
but the rhythmic music being played for me
nice music that hurts so much
despite all of that I know you´re still the same

So much I know you that I know you are and you´ll be
who you have always been
the one that breaks
the one that forgets
the one with the spell to cast on me.

Edited by M

Longing

There was a tree who had been there for quite a time. He had looked thousands of living beings crossing by; he even had held some of them. He didn´t care to stand there and just be. It was who he supposed to be.

There was a bird who had been captive for his whole life, but from a time up to now his wings started to grow. Without even noticing it, he flew out of his cage.

The bird stopped under the tree and started to sing without knowing yet he was free. The tree listened to the bird's song and he felt like he could sing along, even if he had no voice.

One day the tree realized he loved the bird. He wanted to tell it but there were no words in his sap. He wanted to hug the little bird but his branches were steady as always. The tree became desperate. The bird still felt imprisoned.

Because of the tree´s sorrow each one of his leaves started to move, creating a small breeze. The bird felt the blowing wind as a soft caress which made him realize he was not captive anymore. The bird flied away, now conscious of his freedom. The tree had to stay there, his roots were already too deep in the soil to even try chasing the bird.

The tree, once again, shook each of his leaves trying to whistle to call his beloved bird, but this made him to raise his wings farther. The bird got lifted by the wind without knowing about the silent cry behind.

Fallen angel

Chapter 20 ***Brother***

After an hour or so, the angel that had been all the while on the roof came down to her bedroom. He placed himself next to me. He got close as if he was going to sniff me.

“stop it Niss! I can sense you here you know.” We knew each other. he was a guardian, I was a warrior but we were something like brothers.

“what are you doing, Ayon?”

“sleeping before you came to sniff me” I said without opening my eyes

“why are you here? A warrior? I was sent here. Why are there two of us when one is enough?” guardian angels can be very perceptive. That´s their job, so they´re good at it.

“then go away”

“did HE sent you too?” one per person is the rule unless the person asks for more or that the person is a potential target. In Ei´s case this was inconsistent. And apparently angels in heaven were oblivious to Passio´s existence. So Niss thought it was weird two angels to be there. First because not many got interested in her and the ones who did just went away when they found out that to get her energy you have to get really close to her. She dislike that therefore she rejects any that dares to touch her. So they thought she was supporting the `other party`  and hardly no one knew she was a pure source, since they are not suppose to reject anybody but also in big amounts of exposure you can get hurt, sort of an implosion happens. I really know why no one before me had known she was a pure source and that is because she is able to manage the inner energy in her, unconsciously and bound to her emotions. What I don’t really understand is why I´ve been able to stay this long. Why I´ve been able to manage the exposure to that much energy… I think is her putting a limit to it so that I don’t perish but of course she doesn’t really knows what she´s doing.

Niss didn’t know about Passio, else he would have told me, so he thought it was inconsistent for a warrior like me to be there with her.

“stop asking so many questions and let me sleep.. I´m here and that´s it. You just do what you´ve to do” He said nothing for a while but I knew he was there watching me “I´d rather like you go back where you were” I said a little annoyed

“why do you like to be there so much? Does it has to do with the energy she provides you?...it´s so much!” he said as if he were talking to himself

“I just like to be here” I said in a murmur and I felt how he went to the other side of the bed and reached out to touch one of Eimi´s hand.

Everything was so fast. Niss had been expelled by her energy and thrown away. I was stunned. I was right next to her, my arm over her, her back touched my whole torax and I was just fine but he had clearly received an attack, pain. I didn’t move.

“what´s this?” he said placing himself next to me. He was certainly surprised.

“well…” I said “she doesn’t like to be touched” it was true but I didn’t expect it was carved to the core of her spirit.

“stop mocking me! You´re all aver her and you are fine. I only put one of my fingers on her palm…”

“I´m not mocking you” I said and reach for her hand, a bit scared I must confess. Nothing happened. He went again but this time he only pur his hand above hers, an inch apart. Both of us could sense how her energy was there ready to kick him off. I put my hand in between them and nothing happened except that she closed her hand over mine. I smiled. Niss narrowed his eyes and tood my hand, trying to take it from Ei´s. he couldn’t. as if a blow had hit him, he flown away. He stood then by the bed corner, thinking. I was smirking. I guess I felt so important and exclusive. Her hand let go and she turned over. I wondered if she had felr what had happened .

“why? Why?” he was saying”h-how?” Niss couldn’t talk right “what´s this?” a human cant do this. She´s asleep and I´m her angel… sure nothing can get to her soul if there´s one that has it already but to touch her, that much is possible…. Why? Why..you? a human cant be this pow..”he interrupted himself while finding the answer. “she´s a pure source, isn´t she?” I only smiled. “is that why you´re so close to her?” my smile vanished completely. I was glaring at him now. His question made it seem as if I was taking advantage of her.

“are you not?” a voice sounded. Passio. She was in the room. I stood up trying to see her.

“what? It was just a question, Ayon!” Niss said, since he saw me in an offensive possition. He hadnt felt Passio either. He hadnt heard her.

“not yet, Ayon” she said when I cought a glimpse of her energy. Then she went away throughthe window causing a lightning; only then Niss found out there had been other with us.

“Ayon?” he said

“someone, I´m not sure with what purpose” I said

“I see. Wich demon it might be? isn´t Eimi strong enough to do to him what she did to me?”

“don’t know” was all I said.

“I cant protect her if she rejects me even asleep.. it should happen with everyone if she has managed to control it somehow, even you should be flying away from her by now and all I can see is you there and she sharing energy with you.. almost with the same potency that she used with me but more” he fell silen for a secon with a loss stare. I had no time to solve his puzzles now. I needed to solve my own ´not yet´what did Passion had meant by that?

“love” he said. Now I was puzzled by the word Niss had uttered. It didn’t match the scene. “you´re there and so strong and so safe and able to stay there because you are all wrap in her love… this is were you´ve been all this time isnt it? You havent gone home ´cause you have been here every single day, right? Don’t you ever thought why you hadnt lost your mind and become nothing by spending this much time with her?” he could be so annoying sometimes.

“of course she loves me, we´re friends!”

“look at you! Look at her! You know friends don’t act that way” he said smiling “even if you were her friend you should be nothing by now for the amount of energy she posseses. Love is the only thing that keeps you alive, like a shield, or a protective film.it has made you stronger.” I saw her so quiet there. My heart racing `love´my heart bit said. I kissed her cheeck. ´love´kept me there. A flow of all our moments together came like a stream.

“you must leave” Niss said

“eh?!”

“you must leave now, before you wretch her.. you´re her angel. It is you duty to protect her. To put her away from temptation. To whisper to her ear not to sin”

“why would I leave then if I´m her angel? That would be leaving my duties!” how awful those words sound. She was no duty.

“she will sin if she trespases the limit of her love to you… she cant love you that way… you know it. You are different beings” it was like receiving a punch to my stomach. The roles had inverted. She was me when falling for Shiloe. What had I done? “go!” Niss, said  “I´ll stay with her”

“no,” I said despite myself “ I wont  leave”

“Ayon! You cant be here anymore!”

“I can and I will”

“are you trying to hurt her?”

“I wont hurt her. I wont her the only one that has trully loved me!”

“you must go, she´s not like you!”

“leave!” I shout.

“who are you?!” he said surprised

“leave” I said glaring. He closed his eyes and lifted his face to heavens, then he bowed lightly. He had received a comand. He saw me. He got close to me.

“may wisdom accompany you, brother” he said after kissing my forehead. Then he went away.

ok...
entrada numero uno. La cosa más dificil q voy a hacer. A poner todo fuera de mi. Vulnerable, expuesta y desagradable.
Para q empezar con el principio, mis males vienen de hace ya algun tiempo, mejor digo lo de hoy lo de este segundo que con eso bastará para bastante.

Cuando trato de decirlo por un momento solo me parece que estoy haciendo una hiperbole de algo q ni siquiera existe y como siempre he dicho tanto y en realidad no he dicho nada.
Me siento ahora más adolescente que cuando en realidad era adolescente, es cierto. Cuando era adolescente nunca estuve confundida, bueno si lo estuve y fue duro pero sabia lo que tenia que hacer y tenia decision sobre el estado en el que queria terminar. Hoy no, esta vez en realidad estoy confundida porq no sé del todo en el estado en el que quiero terminar... un día quiero llegar a cierto punto al otro ya no.

Las lagrimas se han vuelto una constante para mi y no tengo ninguna excusa para derramarlas. No soy ya la misma y lo detesto pues ya habia llegado a un lugar seguro a un espacio de paz y ha sido como que estupidamente me lancé al vacio lleno de espinos y guijarros... pronto vendrán las aves de rapiña sino encuentro solución a esto.

Estamos programados. Nacemos con muchas cosas que pensamos que controlamos pero no es asi... viene dado, siempre he pensado eso... pero parece que en algo no habia pensado... y es que sin importar que vengamos programados o no... igual se siente y se vive y se llora y duele... no es como si pasara desapercibido, no cada segundo se siente, cada infimo detalle s como hecho a bajo relieve. El diseño que se está haciendo en mi vida es uno que representa caos. Cada trazo duele...hay algunas partes que duelen más..otras más marcadas otras un poco mas superficiales pero tengo conciencia de todas y cada una de ellas. Son muchos trazos. Casi pareciera que el artista que los hace es un sadico.

Fallen angel

Chapter 19***Doubt***

Before going to the kitchen I took of my jacket and shoes, I felt more confortable that way. I know my way to the kitchen and everything there and if not I could just seek for it. I´m more sensitive to materials and to everything actually, since everything is energy and I´m only energy.

I made her a large chamomille hot tea with some honey, I know she likes it that way.  When I got to her bedroom she was sat on her bed reading a book already wearing her pajama pants and her gray sleevless t-shirt, simple but practical, confortable. We smiled at each other. She sneezed again.

“rest Ei” I said taking away the book and giving her the cup of tea. She drank half of it and saw me. I had already decided I was going to stay there by her side in case Passio decides to appear.

“drink it all” I said and sat on the floor, my back touching the edge of her bed. She put away the cup and laid still on her bed… not that I know for sure since my back was to her though I could feel her right next to the back of my head. After a moment she softly took away the ribbon that tied my hair and started to comb it with her fingers, softly as if she was afraid to touch me, as if she was afraid to hurt me.

I started to sing a song, a slow one. Her hand stop going through my hair. She had fallen asleep. I thought she was.

“you´ll get cold there” she said not oppening her eyes, sleepy. “come, come” she continued due to my lack of response. She said that twice, softly, with a barely audible voice.

“come” I repeated and did as she said. I was at her left side now, her back to me.  Then she turned around and got closer to me, my heart acted strange.

“I think my heart just dropped down from its place” I said. She chuckled.

I could really rest there by her side. It was a confortable place to be. I didn’t need to sleep and I hardly ever did it but when I was there with her I just felt like doing it. It felt good to close my eyes and see nothing. Sometimes even I dreamend but in a way I was still awake.

This time I had a dream. I was in a mission. I had to save Shiloe. She was no demon. She was only a woman. I was in a small boat in a big lake that was under a cave. It was dim. Suddenly a spirit came to warn me. I was wrong. I dint have to save Shiloe. I had to save my beloved person from Shiloe. I panicked. I knew what Shiloe was capable of. My beloved one needed me. I had to get to her. I was desperate but I was confident. My beloved one trusted on me. She was waiting for me. She had faith so I was able to have faith too.

Eimi getting closer to me awoke me. A storm had begun. Thunders and lightnings were sounding. She was cold. I woke up to find another blanket and put it over her. She opened her eyes.

“don’t go… I´m scared of storms like this” she sounded so sad, so weak, so needed “they died on a night like this… I´m scared of storms like this” I knew she wasn’t fully awake, since she never talked about the death of her family, only inbetween her sleep.

“it´s ok… I´m not going away I was just looking for a blanket” she stretched her hand calling me back. I went back to her side and pass an arm around her. After a minute or so, she was again sound asleep. For some reason I smiled. I closed my eyes again thinking on the dream I had have. I wondered what it meant.

aaaaaaaaagh!!!

where´s the old me???
I dont know who am I anymore!
I just cant recognize myself!!

I feel sad all the time, everything looks gray, just dark and cold...
not all the time gray, dark and cold are bad but this kind
the kind that is invading my life is bad, the worst.

I need guidance.
I have to come back
or at least to be able to be slighty similar to whom I was
I miss the one  I was just a few moons ago...

Fallen angel

***her Smile***

“Eimi!” I couldn’t help to shout her name.

When I got to her home. I didn’t bother to knock. I only appeared where I felt her. She was still in the same place where she had been when I left. She had a smile on her face. I could see her even before she could see my shape, since for her I was only a dot of light. Somehow I felt her smile got bigger when she saw me. I like her so much better when she´s  like that because she seemed to smile only when she feels like, so when she smiled at me I knew she meant it. It was not a mere formality.

Passio was not there. I didn’t feel her, wich reminded me I hadn´t felt her the first time we met. I had to be sure she wasn’t there hiding somewhere. I was thinking all this, while my body was forming itself around my escence. When I had my body completed I opened my arms as I do when wanting to get a hug from Ei. She´s never left me waiting. She got up and walked towards me smiling her honest smile and she cuddle herself between my arms.

“hi again” she said not questioning me coming back.

“hi back”

I said nothing more. I was looking for Passio. I needed to scan the whole thing and for that I needed her close, I wanted  to have her close too, her energy increases my power exponentialy when I´m  close to her. And it seems that as much closer we get the more energy I get from her. I wanted to be completely sure there was no danger for Ei so I decided to use the new trick Passio had taught me. As if I created more arms strings of light started to go out of me but only I could see them. It was easy to create this invisible strings. I could sense how her energy was coming to me and getting away to search for any other energy.

An angel was close. He didn’t notice me, the strings coming from me, actually. He was sat on top of Ei´s roof. He knew I was there. He had seen me appear and now he was looking us together. It was so cool to see me there holding Ei between my arms and her so –I don’t have a word to describe it- but we  seemed so close, our energy flowing between us, into me out of her, into her out of me, almost like our energies could become one. It was in a slightly visible way though  it was no visible for human eyes but I think she could felt it.

I was up, next to the angel that was seated on the roof, he was like a guardian angel that had been sent for her. I was down, too, holding Eimi. I was back, in the garden too and out front and pretty much everywhere around. Passio wasn’t there. No where near my Eimi.

“are you ok?” Eimi said breathing on my chest “has something happened to you?” I guess we had embraced for longer than ever before. I didn’t need to have her like that anymore but I didn’t seem to be able to let her go. Her arms were locked behing my back too.

I let her go.

“are you ok my angel?” she asked again. Worry in her eyes. I love when she pay that much attention to me. I loved to know that she was worried about me ´cause that meant she cared about me.

“I´m ok” I said all pleased inside for having her safe and also for her concern about me. “arent you sleepy?” she looked confused for a moment, that had been very random of me but it was the first thing that came to my mind, besides it was late.

“I´m a little tired…” I noticed she had been working after I had left. There were papers scattered over the table.

“go to bed and rest” her expression seemed to decay, as if she was sad of going to bed, of me going.

She sneezed. Most likely it had to do with our little trip under the rain.

“go get ready to go to bed. I´ll make you some tea” she opened her mouth to say something but she didn’t say anything, only smiled and went to the stairs.