Watching Carmen: The sixth look

as almost always, I don´t own this image but this baby is just like imagine baby Daniel to be ^^

“Are you serious?-I hissed, a change in my almost always playful disposition- you make her fall asleep here?!” I looked intently to Navitas

“You wouldn´t shut up. Leave Carmen alone” he said somber

“I haven´t been denied the permission for her to see me” I smirked

“I’m her guardian angel. I’m telling you to get away from her!” he was angry again and he was right, he was denying me permission to let her see me, that should be enough for me to stop it yet I decided not to listen to him, I´m like the wind after all.

“Are you leaving her here?” I raised my eyebrows “You should transform and help me get her home”

“I´m not letting people see me!” he said scandalized. I made my clothes more appropriate for this time and age, the robe and sandals became jeans, shirt and shoes.

I took Carmen´s keys from one of her jacket´s pockets and then carried her “as you wish –I smiled- take me to her home then” He had no other choice but to let me in her house, something that he was very reluctant to do but he was conflicted between what he didn´t want and her best interest. I brushed Carmen’s bangs out of her forehead. Navitas huffed and motioned for me to follow him.

I laid her on her bed and observed her for a minute before feeling Navitas getting increasingly angry, it only made me laugh. I turned air and went away through the open window but before I caressed Carmen’s cheeks in my wind form, she moved to a side, slipping her hands under her head. Navitas covered her with the comforter.

I like air. It´s everywhere and though it´s invisible its influence is seen everywhere, it´s like it has a personality of its own, sometimes peaceful and soft, sometimes angry and hard. Of all the things that I could become, I preferred air; there is so much to discover thought it. As I was enjoying of the nocturnal air I focused on the baby, he´d grown to be a chubby baby, he´d often smile to all the family parade that came and went in his house, he was much loved. At night though when he was alone on his crib, he felt scared and it was all so big and unknown. I smiled for him and sang to him, he´d smile and make small sounds and I wrapped myself as a blanket, letting him know that he was safe and he felt it and he dreamed of all the unknown, new things and color that his eyes saw. It was so peaceful.

Baby Daniel, in his short and innocent age, also dreamed of me. I was always in the background of his dream, just like he saw me during the day, always behind his parents but he also had dreams of me when I played with him when he was alone. I watched over his sleep in the quietness of his room.

Daniel was an early riser, the sun light barely touched his window and he opened his little almond shaped and colored eyes, he blinked a few times and graced me with a smile. I talked to him as I caressed the soft hair on his head; he made a sound as he laughed. He looked around and made more sounds calling for his mother but both his parents were sound asleep, they had spent most of the night in conversation.

The baby talked to me, asking me if I knew of his parents. Even if he didn´t speak yet, his brain was able to retain words, he already associated his mom to words as well as other things that he saw and heard on daily basis. I got into his crib, he gave me a smile as I brushed his hair, he giggled and made sounds that his mind associated to his mom but she didn´t come so he ended up crying.

The mom came to him and lifted him making a cradle of her arms. The baby opened his mouth in hopes that the pain of his now hungry tummy stopped. His mother fed him and he put his little hand on his mother´s chest feeling the heart beat that had been his lullaby when he was in her belly. The mother started to talk to her child. The father smiled as he heard his family´s voice through the baby monitor. That´s a great way to wake up he thought for himself even though he´d never say that aloud.

Watching Carmen: The Fifth Look

A/N: Edited as it was being typed in Word... I wonder... Out of all the Watching Carmen posts, I think this is my favorite.

***

Carmen was glad that Patricia, her boss, had asked her to open the library the next day, though at the time she´d been angry because she always liked spending the night at Samuel´s after one of their dates, she liked it a lot to wake up cuddled in his arms and if she had to open the place it meant she was going to have to go home.

The woman sighed. “How can you do this to me?” Carmen said under her breath as she climbed the staircase towards the library´s main entrance. She didn´t bother to turn on the lights, she knew the place by heart, she´d been working there since she majored in literature, her family had insisted for her to find what they thought was a better job but she always laughed it off, she loved the place, she wouldn´t mind getting old there.

Carmen had made her goal to read every book in the place, she chuckled as she thought this one more time as her hand caressed the back of the books, she´d left many unread books already. She walked towards the poetry section which she´s been reading; she turned on the lights of that section only and took a book at random. She looked at it. It was a Roque Dalton book, a very raw type of poetry, always talking about the social injustices… Carmen sat in front of the new painting, she stared at it for a moment.

“Are you watching me?” she huffed and started her reading. After an hour or so the lights flickered, it was midnight already. She rolled her eyes; she hated interruptions in her private time. She glanced up to the lamps of the high ceiling when she looked down to her book, she thought she saw the angel in the painting in front of her move, she squinted her eyes and got up walking to the picture. Carmen rubbed her eyes with her left hand, the book on her other hand.

“I´m hallucinating” she mumbled once she removed her hand from her eyes. She turned to go to her seat but she saw a tiny light right in front of the image of the angel, she turned to the picture again as the light grew wider, she stepped back until her back touched the table behind her, the angel from the painting got up as the light seemed to get in him, he walked straight to her stepping out of the frame, leaving empty the painting. Carmen´s eyes were wide. And all coherent thought left her brain.

The woman in front of the empty painting snapped out of her astonishment when the book she was holding hit the floor, it sounded loud for the lack of people, she flinched as I bent to pick up the book.

“Good night” I greeted handing the book; she laughed leaving me at a loss. I smiled “Is something funny?” I looked around, Navitas, invisible next to her was bending protectively around her, the angel´s eyes angry at me for showing myself to a human.

“The painting has come to life, only I could dream of that” she stressed the word I as she took the book from my hand.

“Are you dreaming?” I inquired to her back; she was walking to sit in the same brown wood chair. She sat and put her book in front of her, on the table.

“There´s no other explanation” she said dismissively

“What if it’s real?” I tilted my head; she glanced up at me from her book, huffed and shrugged.

“And now you´ll keep reading a book that if this is a dream you are not really reading and if this is real then that´s so boring compared to an angel in front of you” I reasoned as she kept her eyes on the book, she glanced at me again

“Not an angel, a painting, the author´s imagination”

“Maybe the author did see me, the angel” I said causing her to laugh.

“This is so me –she lightly hit her head with the book- I´m arguing with myself in my mind with the bits of information that Linda gave me a few weeks ago” she sighed. I chuckled because her reasoning actually made sense but also because it said that she had a vivid imagination…but also she seemed very willing to accept she was asleep very quick.

“Ok, angel of the painting –she stared at me as I smiled- let´s have a talk –she motioned to the chair right in front of her, I pulled it and sat- I have things to ask you” she narrowed her eyes

“Alright, let´s talk” I slightly bowed my head

“Ok, first, why did your painter named you Watching Carmen?”

“Because I was watching you”

“Right –she giggled- I´m not your Carmen –she made quotation marks- you´re mistaken, that picture seems pretty old, I wasn´t even born” she rolled her eyes

“I looked at you at the beach”

“You´re confused, angel. Now –she continued her questions- tell me what´s your name, if you have one”

“Caelum” I simply said, she laughed again

“Latin –she smiled- Sky, right, I sometimes am shocked at the creations of my mind, I haven´t thought of that before, Caelum –she seemed to ponder- I like it”

“And I like yours” I supplied, she rolled her eyes

“Show me your wings” she commanded. I stood up and spread a pair of wings from my back, they´re nothing like birds’ are but I guess that´s the closest reference to how they are. Carmen slowly walked to me “Turn around” she said once she was closer, she touched my back, where my wings were connected to my back.  It’s such a fascinating thing the sense of touch. My skin tingled as she inspected my wings.

“You´re like an angel” she said in awe after a while, she was now touching my forehead, my left temple, going down with two of her fingertips to end up tracing my jaw line. I closed my eyes, I wanted to feel the touch but at the same time I could still see her as clear as I was still watching the baby and an angry Navitas protecting her, it was his doing that she thought it was a dream. He´d whispered that to her in hopes that it protected her.

“I thought you said I was a product of your imagination” I said quietly, she chuckled

“You are. I made you good” she stood there just looking at me for a long while

“Who´s your author?” she asked going back to her seat. Once she sat, she crossed her arms over her chest as if daring me

“I can´t tell you that”

“Of course you can´t! –she uncrossed her arms and moved her hands as she spoke- it´s not in my brain since it´s unknown, you don´t know it either”

“Oh, I know –I place my hands on the table, across from her- This was made for you”

“Right”

“Think about it, it found you. I came down to you through the artist paintbrush”

We remained silent.

“I wonder if I´m cuddled on Sam´s arms” she said to herself

“What happened there was real” I informed her of her rejecting of the man

“I know” she interrupted

“And so is this”

“Go back to your painting, Caelum, you´ll be missed if you are not there once the library opens” she sighed

“I´ll keep watching you from there –I smiled- I just wanted to make a miracle for you tonight” I quoted her phrase, her eyes grew with realization as Navitas touched her forehead and she immediately fell asleep.

Watching Carmen: The Fourth Look

The baby had dimples and he smiled easily, his big round eyes were a bit red, he´d cried a little, his mom hadn´t rushed enough to feed him, her eyes were a little watery but she was comforting him with her embrace, it all made me smile a little. She tenderly rocked the baby and he fixed his bright eyes on her, his little mind was learning and engraving all his mother´s features, the sound of her voice was known to him but now he saw the tiny changes in her face, the light in her eyes that was a mirror or his own light. The new mother kissed her son´s hand and he smiled showing his mouth without a single tooth, she smiled brightly and baby talked to him.

They were waiting for the father, she was still in her maternity leave, she missed him so much and wished she could be with him as much as before, it made her uneasy but she didn´t exactly knew why, the more she thought about it, the more uneasy she felt, it made me sad so I hugged both her and her baby with the form of a soft breeze, I went through the soft waves of her hair, it made her child smile and she forgot her uneasiness.

“You enjoy playing way too much” Fabre[i], the mother’s angel, said shaking his head

*

“I can´t stand this” Carmen didn´t even take the ring out of the box, she looked away as if the shine of the single diamond on top of the white gold band offended her.

“Why not, Carmen?” said the man still on one knee

“Stand up, Sam –Carmen urged the man and motioned to the chair he´d used just a moment before- I can´t do this” she stood up and started to walk out heading to the door, the man, Samuel, went after her, the velvet box now closed still in his hand.

“Carmen, please –he touched her shoulder- this is not a bad thing. I want to spend the rest of my life with you” upon those words she turned around

“Look –her gaze was gentle- we don´t need that to spend our life together besides how can you plan for such a long time, people change all the time…”

“My feelings for you won´t change” he interrupted with a cool confidence that made Carmen smile

“You don´t know that… I don´t want to be like the rest…”

“We´re not like the rest”

“but we are, in time you´ll want the submissive wife, the one to take care of you, the one to make a tiny person and I will expect things from you too, I will expect security from you… -she started to shake her head as if she was looking all that in front of her- I can´t have that, we will both demand something from the other and will end up feeling disappointed. I don´t want that”

“That will not happen, Carmen, I love you”

“You can’t make those promises as you can´t make miracles happen”

“I love you enough to make that promise” he took a step closer to her

“And I love you –she kissed him softly- which is why I won´t accept that” she whispered and headed out the door. Inside the house the man sighed heavily and slumped on his couch, putting his feet on the coffee table in front of it, he threw the small flower base with the single white rose he´d gotten for Carmen, the piece of pottery broke in hundred pieces as Carmen was walking fast down the street not sure where she was going.

“You´re breaking the rules” Navitas said angrily. Caelum closed his eyes with a smirk on his mouth. He was pacing the library where Carmen worked.

“I´m just going to give her a small miracle” he vanished in a tiny sparkle.

---

[i] Skillfully/skill

Watching Carmen: The Third Look

this is not the painting...

"Carmen! You didn´t have to come today" a woman with silver hair greeted Carmen from a counter when she entered a library

"I know, Linda, I just felt like coming today"

"You just can´t help it, can you?" Linda chuckled as she attended someone giving back a book. Carmen waved and walked up the marble stairs of the big building.

Carmen caressed the back of the old books as she walked the long aisles formed by book shelves. Dust particles made interesting patters as the sun coming in from the window cut the shadows of the shelves; she smiled as she took a poetry book and sat close to a window.

I squatted in front of her table, observing her eyes moving along the lines of the poems and the corners of her mouth going slightly up or down as she read. She looked up as if she felt someone was watching her, she smiled, right in front of her there was a picture, a big picture like many others that decorated the place. This one in particular was of a male figure, lean features, long hair that covered partially his cheek and fell on one of his shoulders, he was slightly watching forward with his gray eyes, his eyes were calmed and his expression was unreadable, he was wearing a tunic and a hint of wings had been drawn at his back, he was sat on a rock, bare foot, a rosary tied on his wrist, the sky was of a dark purple tone. Carmen got up and stood a couple of steps away from the painting "hello -she said to it- I have never seen you before... you are beautiful… what were you thinking there?" her velvety words made the left side of my mouth to go up.

"I was looking at you, Carmen" I said but she couldn´t her me.

When you live in eternity you don´t know past or future. The painter made that picture of me as I was looking at Carmen in the beach, he saw me years ago in that day even if that day hadn´t happen for Carmen, it had happened for the painter... artists get that ability to see what other people can´t; they just don´t know what they are looking at and then when they let their visions be seen people are in awe because their brains get that it is real, that it is a piece of eternity but at the same time their brains are too small to fully grasp the concept. Did Carmen saw me too, that day on the beach, today in the library? I huffed at my own question, she couldn´t have. I am invisible for the great majority of human eyes…

"When did that painting arrive?" she asked Linda, the woman on the counter

"Which one?"

"The one were poetry is"

"It arrived this morning, someone donated it… it’s not a famous painting but it has an interesting story" the woman said as if she´d said the same thing many times, she was a story teller after all, she made it sound like it bored her but she liked telling the tales behind all the paintings and the few sculptures in the place. Carmen knew this, she´d been working there for over a year now

"Would you tell me the story" Carmen smiled

"I’m busy, Carmen" Linda said wanting to be asked again

"I´ll help you organize the books" Carmen offered and the woman´s eyes lit up

"All right... That´s an angel" the woman said and Carmen seemed disappointed, the woman chuckled "that was the short version -Carmen rolled her eyes- the donor said that his great grandfather used to tell him that the painting was the picture of a guardian angel, a real angel that the painter saw as he was on a block, he´d gone to walk to the beach for inspiration and he saw the angel quietly watching the ocean, the painter grabbed his notepad and pencil and started to draw the angel, supposedly the angel saw him and showed him his wings hence the only slight visible wings there, the angel kept watching the ocean until he finished doing his drawing and then he went home and did that one that he sold for a lot of money like a hundred years ago but for some reason he never signed this one, so there is debate as to whom painted it"

"What´s the painting name?" Carmen asked eagerly, the woman grinned

"Guess"

"Just tell me"

"You´re no fun... watching Carmen"

"What?" Carmen eyes widened and I grinned, I remember very well when the man slowly approached me and asked me what I was watching. I told him I was watching Carmen, he looked to the ocean but he saw nothing, he furrowed his eyebrows and I asked him not to sign the painting, he frowned and I made a deal with him, if he didn´t sign the painting I´d help him with inspiration, he agreed and I touched his forehead with my index finger. His paintings are famous now; he´s considered a genius but this particular painting is not famous, only because no one knows it´s his.

"Isn´t it cool?" the woman asked and Carmen grinned "ok, these are the books that I need to put back" the woman pointed to a big cart of books, Carmen took about ten and walked away "Carmen?" the woman called, Carmen turned her head

"This is the short version" she smirked and this time it was the woman who rolled her eyes.

Carmen walked her little walk to the hall where the Watching Carmen painting was, she turned a chair and sat, her elbows resting on her knees and her hands under her chin.

"So you were watching me" she whispered and immediately giggled, she got up and walked to the painting, I was standing next to her. “What were you thinking - she asked- you looked so deep in thought.”

“Shouldn’t you be paying more attention to the baby?” Navitas[o1] , Carmen´s guardian angel told me, I smiled with the side of my mouth

“I am paying attention”

“Why would you let him see you?” he asked about the painter who had seen me so long ago at that beach, I shrugged.

“Why are you following Carmen?” Navitas asked after a moment of only watching the woman in question. I tilted my head and shrugged again after a moment of thinking the reason, there was not really a reason for me to watch her… but then there was not really a reason for me going to that beach that day.

“Maybe it is in The Plan” I smirked not believing what I had said.

“I doubt that” he huffed.

---

 [o1]Energy, get up and go

Watching Carmen: The Second Look

I don´t even know how or when it all happened, time has never mattered to me, why would someone count something that never ends? I was just watching and playing like I have been since forever. I sing every day, I watch in awe like a child would watch something for the first time... I've seen pretty much everything many times, but I never cease to be mesmerized by the perfection of it all, one thing is moved, one thing is changed and the whole mechanism changes or even crashes, it´s fascinating but it can be very sad, my heart breaks every time I see people hurting each other or hurting the wonderful place they are given to live... I choose to enjoy what is still wonderful, the smile of a newborn, the joy that every single one of the living things exude when they breath but that they forget, they forget pretty easily, their eyes don´t see much, their memories forget too soon... I could be sad all the time if I thought of it too much, many have gone lost at watching all their flaws and their suffering, I, however, am there to watch through the good and bad and joy and misery. I float around and between them and most of the times they don´t even notice, they´ve stopped believing in what they can´t measure but I walk with them.

I wasn´t on watch the day I saw Carmen for the first time and now I am in watch, a tiny baby has just been born, he has rosy cheeks and huge eyes and he is completely healthy, the joy of his family fills the room and I feel like dancing with the melodic tones that their happy spirits produce.

It´s been three days since the baby was born, Daniel, the human that has been assigned to me for the time being, I´ll be there for him even if he never notices that I´m there. Today he and his happy and sore mother are being released from the hospital, his father came, his mother dressed him in light blue and he was wrapped with a yellow blanket, he is scared, everything is new and it´s nothing like the warm home that his mother´s body was, so I get in the fibers of his yellow blanket with the drawing of a puppy on a corner that his grandma embroidered for him specially, I threat myself in the middle of the blanket to make him feel secure, to let him know he is loved and that everything will be ok, he does not comprehend any of those words but he understands and sees more than many adults because he feels and his little heart and soul are pure and he feels me and sees me and little by little his eyelids close and he falls asleep to go to a world where he dreams of the faces of his loving family, of the smiles he´s seen but that he doesn´t know what they are and he smiles himself as he watches this and his parents see him smiling in his sleep and they are filled with joy and all I want to do is sing and praise the Lord for his love is here with this little soul too.

The happy family gets out of the hospital, the father went for the car already with the baby chair in the back seat, the mom is nervous as she puts her small baby on the chair, she almost wishes that she could still have him inside her, her husband gently and carefully touches her back and she is reassured, she secures her baby and closes the door then gets in, I go to her to soothe her fears, his husband shows himself brave but he´s constantly watching the baby through the rear mirror and the baby feels it, he feels loved but a little lonely back there.

~Puede parecer atrevimiento pero es puro sentimiento~

~~It might seem impertinent but it´s all about feelings~~

We stop at a traffic light and there´s a park on the right side, the father says that he´ll bring his son there as soon as he grows a little more, the mom chuckles, the baby has just been born, their eyes gleam and they can see themselves in the park with their baby boy, I glance too and see the sun crossing the street. Carmen. We advance, the traffic light turned green, I follow Carmen with my eyes not comprehending why I'm watching her. I wanted to go to her for some reason, dance with the fabric of her floral-printed dress but I would never leave my watch but I still felt compelled to go to her and I did.

My vision is more powerful than the human's but I can compare the way I followed her with my eyes with the way human eyes are able to watch what´s on their sides, they watch people with the corner of their eyes, that´s how I followed her through the streets that day. She seems to be spinning like a ballerina but she is not, she just exudes that aura.

Watching Carmen: The First Look

** This story was originally as short story, this part and one more but as I wrote that other part, there was a third part and then another and now, it´s gotten a few other characters and it´s gotten longer, so I don't know how long it will be, I´m still hopping it´s a short story, perhaps as long as Hell Circles. Also, this post was planned for Christmas eve, it felt good to publish it then but I don´t know if things will get busy tomorrow so, I´m posting it tonight and, oh, miracle! I read it over before actually posting, I hope I hadn´t overlooked any mistake, I´m already feeling nervous for what  I might overlooked.

This part is just a small introduction-type thing. The tittle of this story might change, for now, it´s kind of a spoiler since that phrase appears in the following parts of the story, but I´m not sure I´m completely happy with it so maybe I´ll change it, maybe not.

I wanted to make another story like this but a song inspired me to do it and as I wrote it I played it and it was such a beautiful thing to let the music go in my ears and feel ideas comming out being typed or written. I played some other songs by the same artist and wow! it´s like he´s the one that inspires me for this. The singer is Alejandro Sanz, most of what he sings is in Spanish. The song that inspired me for this is named: No me compares (don´t compare me) I'll eventually include it in the story as well as some other of his songs because there are a few that fit this story.

This A/N is horribly long, let´s call it a preface hahahahaha ok, stop talking Meztli, let´s do the reading part already. Ok, here it goes... oh, one more thing, I´ve always wanted to do a song-inspired haha inspiration finally got to me...

***

We are always watching. I was always watching, that was what I did, watch, everything, every move, every cry, every heartbeat, every breathing, everything, for such a long time that there´s not even a word that grasp the quantity of it as well as the sense of everywhere.

I was watching down the earth on a cold, windy, purple morning when I decided to play with the wind, when you´re as everlasting as I am, you are not old, you are not a child, you just flow. I was flowing, caressing the grass filled with wild flowers, whistling alongside the trees, going up between the cotton-like clouds and as far as the hot beach, I threw myself in the ocean and I was water then, I went with the waves catching millions of golden sand grains, laughing with the tingling sensation of the sea foam chasing seagulls.

I was blue water and the sun made me rainbows for the fish and sea monsters that swim in the immense ocean. I climbed to the peak of a wave and crashed against the golden hot sand and I decided to be sand, wet darker than the rest, snails and small crabs buried deep in me finding shelter from the seagulls that left soft shallow prints on my back. I swam the wet sand to the dry, hot and soft one, where the salt particles gleam like tiny humble diamonds and then I played both, being the limit between the hot sand and the wet dark one, I had interesting patterns in my face where the waves entered.

I had played for a very, very, long time, the only thing that allowed me to know this was the place where the big star called sun was in the sky. By now it was closer to the west point of the earth.

At my feet I felt a feathery touch and watched, instead of playing around like I had been doing. I saw a pair of feet that dug their shapes in me; I looked up a tower of sun kissed skin with soft curves and peaceful pace crowned with a long black mane that at times covered its owner´s eyes. The eyes were of a deep rich chocolate color that I knew belonged to a dreamer because they were set in the horizon, beyond the blue sea.

I went to the footprints and ravished in the shape and pressure, I danced along, being sand. Not caring her clothes, the woman, that I could tell had just a couple of years since she gained that tittle, walked to the water, her white capris getting wet, I crept under the waves and became water, I hugged her hot skin, I caressed her strong delicate legs and then up, up, everywhere when she immersed herself in the water. I surrounded her. I was water, I was eyes that watched the sun taking a bath, she stood up and I was breathed by her because now I was air, I went in her nose, down her throat and to every last bit of her body, one, two, three times, coming in and out of her as she had her head threw back as if inviting the sun to kiss her pink lips and as I saw this I was light, hot sun light that lit her up, kissing her face, neck and bare shoulders, I went in every pore, between her eyelashes and in her navel, exposed by her white shirt. She smiled at the sky with her eyes closed and then she ran again in the water and threw herself, her back first, in the way of a small wave, and I was water, when she got out, I was air going in and out of her and when she smiled for her little silly adventure I was light that kissed her golden skin.

~Vengo del aire que te secaba a ti la piel, mi amor~

~~I come from the air that dried your skin, my love~~

I followed her out the water as sea foam, caressing her ankles, she stood, in the sunset and when I was air and caressed her wet skin she shivered and I hugged her again and she hugged herself with her arms around her middle. Suddenly, a voice was heard and she turned her face towards the voice. I turned air to carry her name to her ears

"Carmen" I whispered into her ears. "Carmen, where are you?"

"I'm here" she waved her hand towards the shape cut in the tiny lights of the distant cabins. The man ran towards her as he took off his jacket and when he was next to her he put it over her shoulders and she leaned into his embrace, they walked away. Carmen had a smile on her face, a bright peaceful smile.