Unintended

"You could be my unintended" I was listen to this as I typed DL: With ease and idk it made me think of Nic/Ash/Josh -specially with Josh acting all cute last night as I wrote the one thing I´ve been wanting to write for a while now!!!

Double Life: With Ease

I just loved this image -if it goes well w/this post or not... well... you can have your own opinion ´bout it. 

A/N: this is sort of bits of a day. uh, happy not-yet- birthday Saku ;)
************

His eyes were heavy with sleep. Josh opened his eyes and glanced to his alarm clock, it was almost five in the morning. He felt warm under the weight of blankets pulled all the way up to his nose. He looked for what had woken him up.

“Getting ready this early?” he said to his roommate who was sitting on his bed with his uniform on, his shirt wrinkled, obviously he´d been the reason for Josh waking up, he had just got in the room.

“Err… yeah…” he looked for his tie. Josh snickered and turned to the other side, as he did so, it hit him that Nichole had stayed the night; he quickly sat up looking around and to the side of his bed. The girl was gone.

“Are you ok, Josh?” his roommate asked with furrowed eyebrows, Josh turned to see him.

“Yeah…” he sighed and laid back down feeling his hand in a fist, he looked at it and found he was holding a piece of clothing, a dark knitted glove was in his hand, he extended the glove and tried to remember when he´d fallen asleep but he couldn´t pin-point the moment. He wondered when Nichole had gone away. Josh made a mental note to ask her about that and about the story he had clearly not heard. The rain kept hitting over Burgeoys, it was a soft rain that was nothing like the thunderstorm of the night before. Josh put the glove on the pillow beside his and closed his eyes, there was still time to sleep a little bit more before getting ready to do the finals.

**

“The place looks deserted” Josh commented as he and Nichole walked in the Students Common Room after their first test.

“Math is a scary subject, everybody´s busy going over that”

“Yeah…” Josh said as she turned on the T.V in front of them and started to flip channels until she got to an old silent cartoon show. She laughed quietly at it.

“Hey” Josh started when the show went to commercials

“Mmmh”

“I didn´t feel when you left last night” he said, she looked his way, her eyes were warm

“I know”

“I´m sorry”

“I’m not. I´m glad you got some good sleep” she smiled a little when she noticed a light blush coloring the boy´s cheeks

“I don´t remember the story you told me” he confessed, she stared at him and then chuckled

“You didn´t listen to it all, I´m not surprised you don´t remember, you were quickly asleep before I even got to the middle of it” she was still smiling with the side of her mouth

“I´m sorry”

“Don´t worry about it… Now, go over your math notes –she half smiled- want me to turn off the T.V.?”

“Ah, no, that´s ok, keep watching it” he said, she purser her lips a bit and turned it off, instead of it she took out her i-pod and resting her head on the back of the couch, she closed her eyes.

“Need any help?” she offered after a moment in silence. She could hear him going through the pages and using his eraser and how the back of his pencil was rubbed lightly against his forehead.

“Errr….” He hesitated

“Ha! I knew I´d find you here!”

“We should´ve gone somewhere else, Josh” Nichole said playfully with eyes closed

“You´re so mean, Nichole” Aaron said in the same playful manner as her “I need to see your notes, Josh, I´m missing a few classes and I have to copy them because our crazy teacher will grade our notebooks” he grumbled

“You´d make a good tutor” Aaron said an hour later, they´d been studying together.

“And you make a bad student” she gave him a smile, he looked up at her with narrowed eyes

“You have a beautiful smile” his eyes went back to normal as he observed her

“I know” she answered with the same studied smile she had given him

“You should smile more, you look less like you don´t want to be talked to” Aaron tilted his head to a side a little

“The more reason to not do it” she went back to her expressionless face. Aaron shook his head and went back to copying her notes.

***

“I have your schedules to present your projects –The art teacher started once everyone had gathered around his desk- once I give you your time you can go and finish working on them, either here or out –he looked at Nichole- I´m sure all of you are pretty much done –he looked at them all, some nodded some looked down- you can also show me what you got for suggestions just like we´ve been doing this lasts weeks –all the students nodded- ok, we´ll start earlier, at three o´clock, you´ll have thirty minutes to present both of your finished works. Any questions? –Mike looked at them all but no one asked a thing- ok, then, Joshua and Nichole, you´ll be first –they both nodded- Maya and Jonah…”

Nichole stood up, took her bag and drawing pad and headed out the room. Josh was behind her.

“I thought you´d stay in the art room today”

“And I thought you wouldn´t stare at me walking by now…”

“I was not…” he started, she looked over at him “how do you even know?!” he looked to a side but she gave him a genuine smile as he caught up to him.

“It was its purpose…” there was a hint of annoyance in her tone, his eyes were wide

“You walk like that to be seen?” he hesitated to ask

“If I wanted you to see me I wouldn´t have to walk like this”

“…” he opened his mouth to talk but he didn´t say a thing.

“I was taught to walk this way” she explain nonchalantly

“To be seen…?”

“Yeah, that´s what it was”

“Why would you want that?”

“I don´t but now I can´t help it”

“Who taught you anyway?” he furrowed his eyebrows

“The same person that taught me all other things”

“Why would your family want you to be seen like that?” he couldn´t comprehend why someone would do that

“I… sometimes –she exhaled a tiny sigh- is helpful to know all those things”

“When does walking that way was useful?”

“Many times… but –there was that tiny almost imperceptible sigh again- I´ve only liked it once…”

“When…?”

“A while ago, Josh… but now I am thinking on two things, one, I´ll just run away from you or, two, I´ll tell you that I have to be alone to finish my project about you, so, which one it´ll be?” she grinned and he chuckled

“I also have to finish doing tomorrow related things” his eyes were calm

“That was easy” she raised an eyebrow

“I´m not a difficult person”

“True, a bit annoying though” she smiled, he narrowed his eyes

“I am not. You said so yourself”  he crossed his arms with a smug expression, her smile grew a little

“Ok, later, Josh”

“Nichole, wait!” he called louder as she was walking away, she turned around, he walked towards her, his hand in the pocket of his blazer. “Here” he gave her black knitted glove

“Oh” she took it

“You left it in my room”

“I had to, you wouldn´t let go of me”

“I´m sorry” he looked down

“Don´t worry” she tugged at his tie “It´s ok” she lightly rubbed his arm “I had fun” and with that she walked away.

Untouched

You´re too fresh on my mind

and it´s been so long

just when I thought 

the feel of your embrace was a healed wound

it still burns as it did when your arms were around me

but the cold edges make me shiver in pain...

I bet I still fit inside your embrace

I know your arms are still perfect 

There´s no doubt that no matter how hard I try

everything´s placed right where you left it

real, exciting,scary and unique

only you could paint me that...

A day goes by and I convince myself it´s all gone

Another day and I know it´s still there

paralizing my heart, 

stopping my life

but my heart´s still beating

and I keep adding days....

It all changes but the space left by you.

You appear at the most random times

yet you´re always there

lingering around me, inside me

your warthm hasn´t left me

scars are open wide

they were never closed

how I miss you

you´re never there, 

not a single of your fingers ever touched me

how can someone get so deep in you without even touching you?

Hope is your color

Who you are?
And
Why do you stay?
Can´t you recognize a monster when you see it?
Light and darkness walking hand by hand
I´m afraid darkness will engulf you
Hope is your color
Peaceful stare melting ice
Going right through my lies
open heart shattering walls
Healing wounds, carving new
Are you really staying?
Do you know how I am?
The monster will eat you up
and feed me the pain of your eyes
guilt´s too heavy on my shoulder
Gods can´t lift it
How could an angel do it?

***
Ok, this was my first attempt at doing a poem for one of my characters. Nic volunteered haha this time it was like I saw through her eyes instead of just being there and telling the story as I always do. Ok, anyway, I don´t know if this is good or not but there´s one line that I really like about this one.

Neutrality

This is an essay made by a friend of mine. It´s for a class he has and is based in some sort of handouts. I think it´s pretty interesting, mainly because I had never really thought of this until last night that I read this and it made me think of a few things. Mainly on how sometimes we all just stay quiet to not  get in trouble or to not support one or the other but... is that the best? I´ve been thinking of a few situations in which maybe it´s not so good to just stay quiet.

What´s interesting, as well, is that the author of this essay says he doesn´t completely agree with what´s in it and I find that, in a way, to be a good thing because the examples are pretty powerful and convincing, so I think he did pretty good.

It was thought provocking, so I´m posting it. -also because I can, ha!

**

Neutrality by Matt D.

Neutrality, the basis of being neutral towards conflict or decision. What is neutrality and what does it mean to you? When we compare neutrality to equality, both terms seem to collide with one another. You cant be neutral and also solidify equality because it would mean “ignoring personal context” of each individual which defeats the purpose of equality. In order for neutrality to be seen as a positive than a negative, the decision will have to justify the ending result.

Leaders who have power, often hinder the public’s decision by manipulating them with lies. There capable of anticipating what people want to hear and deliver the message in a way that it makes sense to the common citizen. Society is “dominated by their immediate desires” often too ignorant to look beyond the obvious truth. Those who comprehend what's happening are purposely keeping quiet. To them, neutrality is a motto, but fail to see that “..neutrality is nothing more than official indifference. Indifference always benefits the aggressor, never the victim.”

When Hitler came to power, he spread antisemitism all across Germany, in means to genocide the Jewish population, along with a few other minority groups. Switzerland vigorously enriched their pockets with money, using the simple term “Neutrality” as their excuse to blockade Jewish from shelter and reinforcing Hitlers troops. Spain, Brazil, Turkey, Portugal and a few other countries used the same excuse, allowing the cremation, torture and dehumanization of millions of people.

In the book “Night By Elie Wiesel” the author describes the amusement of the common Germans when they throw pieces of bread into the wagon there traveling on as the devastated Jews would brawl to the death for a piece of bread. All turned a blind eye on the perversion of the Nazi party. Engulfed by the lies fed to them by Hitler, Germans view Jewish as filth, some of them stand up for the Jews but met their graves sooner than planned. Neutrality and submission became a must in order to survive during World war II. In conclusion, neutrality is driven by fear, when people are capable to stay neutral to abhorrent man made calamities, neutrality becomes nothing but a cowardly decision.

arrrrghhh

I´m so mad at myself -lately it seems I´m mad at myself a lot but that´s another topic- I rant day and night about me being sick and I forget my doc´s appt!!! damn!! it was an important appt!!! >_< how did I let this happen?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Double Life: Dream Catcher

It said "viona art" so I assume that´s the person who did this beautiful image.

A/N: the double for tonight´s double post. I wonder if it´s better to have two short parts or just one long one. This also has a song, the song´s like what Nic feels, I think, she doesn´t look like it right?

***

“I know you hate that I leave my bag and karate stuff on the floor but I´m so tired right now…” Josh threw his bags on the floor followed by his karate belt and the shoes he was wearing. He looked up to his roommate desk, his eyes catching a figure sitting on his bed, eyes looking at him, his eyes were wide.

“You can keep doing that” she motioned to his karate robe half way down his arms; he smiled nervously as he shook his head. He looked at his roommate bed again.

“Don´t worry, he´s with Lex for the night” she informed him, he smiled as she shook his head again, going to his closet to get a white cotton t-shirt. He sat on his bed, opposite to Nichole.

“How was the match?” she asked

“It was good, I had fun, and a lot of people were there”

“Did you win?” she asked, he shook his head with a small smile tugging at his lips “You don´t care about that, do you?”

“Winning is not all that matters” his green eyes seemed to smile

“I´m sorry I couldn´t go”

“That´s ok”

“I got two things for you to make it up for that”

“You do?” his eyes lit up, it was as if they spoke all his thoughts

“I do”

“What is it?” he asked when she didn´t say anything else.

“Since I didn´t get to see you fight, I´ll fight you –she winked- and I´ll let you win” she started with a serious tone but ended up chuckling, he laughed

“I would never fight you”

“Girls are weak?” she raised her eyebrows

“I know you are not weak, I´ve seen you but I just couldn´t think of hurting you”

“Such a good boy” she gave him a little smile

“What is the second thing?” he asked. She reached for her backpack on the floor, she opened it and gave him a container

“Is this a…”

“Yup, it´s a lamb”

“Where would you get this?” he picked one of the tiny marshmallows that made up the lamb

“I made it”

“You bake?”

“Is it that surprising?” she made a face

“Actually it is” he said and she laughed

“I know”

“What else can you do?”

“Just cupcakes and apple pie”

“I didn´t know you liked cooking” he took a bite of the cupcake “this is good”

“I don´t like it and thank you”

“Then?”

“A few years ago I realized following a recipe is not that hard and I did say it was to make it up to you” she said, he smiled.

“Have you eaten?” she raised an eyebrow at his question “You tend to miss meals”

“Are you keeping tabs on me?”

“If you are not taking care of you, then yes”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? Why not?”

“Ok, ok and yeah, I did have dinner tonight”

“What did you have?”

“Spaghetti”

“There was no spaghetti in the cafeteria tonight”

“I didn´t eat there, I ate out”

“ok” he said, she tilted her head. Wind started to blow harder.

“Here” she handed him a small box

“What´s this?”

“A dream catcher”

“You bought me this?”

“No, it was given to me by the friend I visited today. Maybe it´ll work for you”

“Are you sure you want to give me this?” he asked, rain had started to fall

“I wouldn´t be giving it to you if I wasn´t”

“Thank you” he reached for her hand

“Gotta go, Josh”

“You can stay” his voice was drowned by the drops hitting every surface

“I can’t. I´m not getting near Lex’s guy bed” she wrinkled her nose, he chuckled

“You can take mine, you seem tired”

“Oh, thank you, I put extra effort in getting ready to see you” she rolled her eyes

“I don´t mean it that way”

“If I stay, I won´t sleep at all”

“Ok –he sighed- just wait for the rain to pass”

“I´ll stay a while” but it won´t stop raining tonight she said to herself

“Ok” he got out of the bed towards his closet. A thunder was heard and then the lights went off. The only sound heard was the rain and the hard wind against the windows

“Only in the hallways there are emergency lights” she said taking out her flashlight, more thunders were heard “It´ll get colder, do you have extra blankets?” he nodded and bent to the drawer at the bottom of his closet.

“Come here –she patted the other side of the bed- I´ll tell you a story” she smiled but he didn´t see it. He got in the bed giving her the extra blanket, she covered her shoulders with it and then reached for the dream-catcher to hung it on his lamp

“What´s the story about?” he asked, she chuckled

“You gotta tell me how the match went, first” she had a smile on her voice. 

Double Life: Lamb and Wild Flowers

I think I like this one, I hope it makes sense because there´s a lot of flash backs. Also, this one comes with a song. Lola´s favorite -Lola is Ash´s grandma. 

This one´s a little bit short but it´ll b double post tonight -I hope

***

After a silent lunch on the orchard with Josh he went away to his last karate class, he seemed a little disappointed of her denial but he was not going to make her not go to see that dead friend of hers, he would´ve joined her but he knew she valued solitude as well. He knew that she wouldn´t do something that she didn´t want to. “Good luck” she smiled her half smile to him as he waved good bye.

Nichole walked in the forest following the river, as she went by she picked wild flowers and when she got to the place where she saw Ash for the first time she stopped, his presence untouched in her mind. She looked at the place and her eyes saw his smirk, and she half-smiled for his ghost. She stepped into the river; there was a line of rocks in the middle. Ash had crossed over it the first time he´d gone closer to her, after a long while of just a few words. He´d purposely taken slow steps, like she was doing now, he had stopped in each stone to watch her and she´d completely ignored his gaze, focusing on the book on her hands.

“That book must be really good” he´d commented once he crossed and was on the grass, she´d paid him no attention. He sat a few feet away, opposite to her, she spared him a look. “I couldn´t ignore you if not for an amazing good book…” he raised an eyebrow, the look in his eyes playful, she stared at him and he offered a smug smile. “No, not even then, I´d ignore you” he said tilting his head to a side.

“Does that line even work?” she asked, his expression was blank for a moment as if that wasn´t what he´d expected but then he laughed and his laugh was contagious, it made Nichole put her book over her smile and now as she was on the other side of the river she let her smile be seen by his memory.

She walked with a quick pace through the woods, once she reached the edge of it, she stood watching the scattered housed at the other side of the road. She crossed the street and walked down it to an abandoned garden, a thick layer of dust covered a wooden house. She hadn´t been there since Ash had died. She took half of the flowers of the bunch she´d picked and laid them on the back entrance of the small house. She´d never gone in the house through the main entrance, mostly because since Ash´s grandma died he hadn´t used that door either.

“Let´s dance, kitten” he´d made her put her arms on his shoulders

“No, Ash” she lightly pushed him by his shoulders but his arms were secured around her waist. Old music was playing loudly in the house. It was early in the evening.

“Come on, kitten, we´re celebrating” he started singing “You know what? You´re so lovely and oh, what you do to me. I´m like an ocean wave that´s bumped on the shore…”

“What are we celebrating?” she interrupted his singing, he seemed happy but not really

“Lola´s birthday” he kept singing the old song, she got close and hugged him feeling a lump on her throat, it had only been a couple of weeks since his grandma had passed away. He had hugged her back. She focused on the music and started to dance, Ash´s eyes went wide.

“You can dance, kitten” he said surprised

“Had dance lesson” –to make me a better monster, she kept that to herself. He chuckled

“Lola- his grandma- taught me how to-he said this as the vinyl record changed to a slower song- she loved Frank”

“I want to dance with you, Ash” Nichole said lying on top of the grass covered place where Ash had been buried.

“I miss you Ash” she whispered, a tear staining her cheeks.

“I missed you so much, kitten” Ash said. She’d gone away of Burgeoys for the end of the school year vacation. She said nothing. “I thought you might have gone over me” he continued. She´d gone to the woods, to the place they had met. It was the first day of classes again.

“Are you over me?” he´d asked, she´d stared and slowly shook her head no. his smile was bright. “I thought about you a lot…” he confessed confident, she stared at him. “Did you think of me at least once…?”

“Isn´t that a bit corny?” she raised an eyebrow, he laughed

“Very” he shrugged

“I did”

“You´re a mean kitten” he had a bright smile

“I am a wild cat, after all” she shrugged with a half-smile, he took walked closer to her, he took her gloved hands and kiss them both, his eyes fixed on her eyes.

“Your name suits you, Ashley” she half smiled and he narrowed his eyes, faking anger

“Unmanly?” he raised both his eyebrows

“Old fashioned” she winked

“I thought a lot about you, Ash” Nichole murmured to the earth that hugged Ashley´s remains.

“Do you like lambs?” she said as the Ashley of her memory said it too. She sat up and took a bag out of her backpack; she put a single cupcake with the form of a lamb made of tiny white marshmallows on top over the grass where he rested. He had taught her how to bake them in an attempt to cheer her up, he hadn´t known that a week like that Miriam had died. Nichole talked to Ashley´s ghost for a long while, until the sun set and even after that.

Ash- Perhaps

I´m writing bits and peaces of Nic/Ash and my mind went to this song. I think it´s like they were. I think Nichole is still like this but when I think of Ash and her, this song, the lyrics, and this rythm is perfect. I like the Spanish version a lot but this one is really good too.

spanish version

Double Life: Eyes that Talk

A click-like sound followed by a low hiss made her eyes snap open. A boy grinning mischievously and looking from her to his phone was what Nichole saw. She felt a weight on top of her head and a warm body pressed to her side. Her head was lying on Josh’s shoulder, her side on his side, his cheek on top of her head and his arm around her shoulders.

“You have to cuddle with me some time too” the exact image of Josh said smirking

“As if I´d do that” she said above a whisper not wanting to disturb the boy´s sleep, she still glared tough but then she watched her watch and was glad to find out it was almost 10 o´clock.

“I´m just like him” Aaron said as she started to gently shake Josh with her left hand over his chest. He didn´t wake up and her heart skipped at beat

“Josh!” she called as she shook him again moving quickly her hand to his neck just as she did this the boy stirred, lifted up his head and blinked, sleep heavy on his eyes.

“Are you ok?” Aaron asked her “you suddenly look pale” they boy has his eyebrows furrowed. Josh looked quickly from Aaron to Nichole who quickly rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger.

“It´s almost ten” she passed a hand over her face and then rubbed her neck.

“What are you doing here Aaron?” Josh addressed his twin as Nichole combed her hair with her fingers
“Mom was calling you, she couldn´t reach you and asked me if I knew what happened”

“I haven´t hear my phone ring”

“Obviously”

“How would you find me?” he stretched his arms up and then proceeded to fix his tie

“Twin´s telepathy” Aaron grinned

“Right” Josh looked at his cellphone and furrowed his eyebrows “I forgot to take it off silent mode once I got out of the test”

“Smart”

“Whatever, how would you find me?”

“I went to your classroom, Michelle told me you and Nichole had left so I figured you´d be somewhere with no people –he motioned to  Nichole- but dry after last night´s rain –this time he motioned to his twin- and voilà, I was right” he had a satisfied smile

“Pretty predictable” Nichole commented surprising the twins

“Don´t worry, I´ll keep your secret” he winked

“I have insomnia, it´s no secret” the girl said with a bored tone of voice

“What did mom want?” Josh asked Aaron as the three of them exited the SCR

“She didn´t tell me but I already texted her that you´re an idiot that fell asleep and didn´t answer”

“Whatever”

“Such a clever thing to say, Josh” Aaron teased his twin

“Hey, what are you doing this afternoon?” Aaron looked over to Nichole, Josh was in the middle.

“Why?”

“You don’t answer a question with a question”

“Says who?”

“That´s how it is”

“I think outside the box”

“Found your match!” Josh laughed turning to Aaron

“I like being matched with her” he said mischievously

“You´re not up to my level” she matched his disposition

“And Mr. Pillow here –he pointed his thumb to his twin- is?”

“You said it not me”

“Are you confirming it?”

“Hurt much?” she lifted an eyebrow

“Ow, ow, ow” Josh pretended to wince and then laughed earning a glare from his twin and a little smile from Nichole.

“What would you want? –Josh asked his twin after a while- are you planning on ditching the last match?”

“Absolutely not, I´m too good to not let people see me beating the rest of the kids in it” he grinned

“Then?” Josh was interested in knowing why his twin wanted to know Nichole´s plans for the afternoon. Aaron gave him a look and Josh observed him for a second and then grinned, it was like they were having a silent conversation and they knew well what the other meant with those looks and smiles.

At some point Nichole felt Josh hand taking hold of hers, she allowed it but she didn´t hold his back.

“Today´s last day of karate club and we´re having an open class”

“mmh” she hummed

“Which means friends and other people can go and see us fight”

“I see”

“I´d be cool if you could go” Josh smiled, his eyes were saying the words he just expressed too

“I have somewhere to go”

“Oh” his eye seems to grow pale. They had gotten to the hall where Aaron went one way and they took the other way.

“See you” Aaron said

“See you” Josh said and Nichole nodded to Aaron

“Are you still going to your class today?” he asked once Aaron was gone

“Yeah… “

“Maybe I can go see you instead of you seeing me” he said somewhat shy, a light shade of pink touched his cheeks

“Not today, Josh”

“Why not?”

“You can´t go out and you have your last karate match today. You gotta beat you twin for me” she grinned and so did he

“Still… I could go out” he said and she smiled a small smile

“I´m not going to that class today”

“Where are you going?” he asked, there was a crease between his eyebrows and then he blinked a couple of times “oh, eh, you don´t have to answer that” he had a nervous smile

“By now I´m used to your blunt questions –she lightly squeezed his hand- you´re like Camille –she had a bright smile as she mentioned her little sister- very honest and with no filter when it´s about asking what you want to know”  she shook her head as they entered into the classroom. He let go of her and put his phone on the box. She walked to her desk, he gaze fixed on the sky that was visible from the window.

“I´m visiting someone”

“You’re seeing Camille today?”

“No” she seemed pensive

“A friend?”

“I guess”

“Not a friend, huh?”

“Do you call friends to those who already parted?” her eyes glistened and a single tear rolled out of them

“Nichole… you´re visiting Kate?” he touched her hand, she looked at his hand on hers

“It´s not Kate… but yeah… this friend´s six feet under too”

“I´m sorry that life has been taken away from those close to you” he said compassionately

“Well… monsters are cruel and they are always hunting…” she said above a whisper

“You always say that, I don´t understand” he furrowed his eyebrows she only half-smiled “and, besides, there´s no darkness in here, you said that they live there” he was following her lead

“Just because darkness takes shelter under light it doesn´t mean it´s not there” her voice and eyes were sad

“I can go with you if you like” he offered

“You can´t”

“I could”

“Not today, Josh” once again she half smiled but the sadness in her brown eyes remained, his green eyes seemed to copy hers.

Double Life: Sleepy

A/N: I hate it when there´s not a single image that makes me feel "this is what the post is" grrrr

***

The last week of the school year was always similar, there was a mix of relief and stress, relief because of the coming vacation and stress because of finals and the end of the year presentation that was a Burgeoys tradition.

In the morning most students were giving their review of what they were not going to remember a moment later, some others were long resigned to either get it right or to flunk so they were chatting among themselves about vacation plans and if they were not lucky they also talked of the extra classed they´d have to take as the rest would be on vacation.

“Did you study?” the boy behind Nichole asked. She´d been staring out the window to the sky, it was always and darker after rains at night.

“A little” her response came after a moment “you?”

“I guess” he sounded worried

“Don´t worry, you´ll be fine” the girl surprised herself with a cheerful calm voice

“Thanks” he said as the teacher came in with a stack of papers, the exams. For a moment there was only silence.

“Could you wait for me once you are done?” Josh whispered as the exams were being passed.

A few students had gone out when Nichole got up and left her test on the teacher´s desk. This last week students could go out as soon as they finished their exam and then at 10 o´clock they had to go back for their other test.

Most of the students that were out were on the hall waiting for the other students, their friends. Nichole had never waited for anyone but this time she sat across the wall of the classroom, her back against the wall of the opposite classroom from hers, her i-pod in place, her eyes closed. People´s voices sounded like a distant murmur, she´d managed to mostly tune them out, some of them glanced her way and others were just discussing the answers they got.

The door or the classroom often opened and closed, students coming out of it, a while later the a set of distinctive footsteps was heard by her. The footsteps stopped right in front of her and she heard someone going to a squatted position.

“Let´s go” she said no opening her eyes

“Sleepy?” Josh said with a smile on his voice. He stood up.

“Yeah” she mouthed as he extended his hand to her. She didn´t take it. “Thanks” she said once she got up. They started to walk slowly to the stairs and then out the building.

“I´m going to go get food” she spoke taking the way towards the cafeteria

“Good! I skipped breakfast again” he commented

“Again?”

“Yeah, I couldn´t sleep but then this morning I over slept and ended up skipping breakfast”

“I see”

“What about you? It´s still early to eat again”

“Are you keeping me on diet or something?” she said in a teasing tone “I think I´m on the right weight, but it´s true –she didn´t wait for a reply- strangely, the same thing as you happened to me”

“Studying?”

“Nope but that´s what I ended up doing”

“I don´t want to stay here” she told him as she paid for her food

“Sure. Where to?”

They ended up on the Student´s Common Room; the grass was too wet for them to go to the orchard and the SCR was deserted, everybody was either at the library  doing a final review or at the cafeteria or in some classroom doing exams.

Josh and Nichole sat on a couch; she removed her shoes and put her legs on the couch, sitting on her side. He sat on the other end of the couch. They ate their breakfast there silently.

“I was talking with my mom last night –Josh broke the silence, Nichole opened her eyes and took one of her earphones from her ear- she told me my aunt saw the painting you did of me –Nichole nodded- she said you´re really good –the girl half-smiled- she wanted to buy it”

“Oh” the girls eyebrows arched in surprised

“But mom wouldn´t let her buy it so she ended up borrowing it. She´s got a small gallery”

“That´s nice”

“Maybe you´d want to go and see…”

The girl closed her eyes and slightly furrowed her eyebrows before opening her eyes again. “It´s ok… I know how it looks like but I feel honored that your aunt wanted to show it to people. Thank Maggie and your aunt for me”

“Ok”

After a moment Nichole yawned making Josh yawn.

“You can sleep a little. I´ll wake you once we have to go to the next test” he offered

“You´re yawning too, you sleep” she yawned again and they both laughed quietly

“Have some rest” he said

“I don´t want to sleep but you can”

“That´d be rude”

“Not like you haven´t done it before” she grinned and he gasped

“You had woken me up before sunrise that morning!” he defended himself

“My point is that I don´t mind” she said in a soft tone

“Stubborn”

“Right back at you” she said turning on the T.V. in front of them to avoid falling asleep.

Double Life: Broken Hearted

A/N: what would be of DL without the a/n?! nothing, not without one of my still in Nic mode comments. Anyway, this was not going to even make it to the story and then it was going to be for later but I think it might explain some of Nic´s behavior? idk 

****************

Nichole had her back against a tree, her eyes closed, music sounding in her ears. She felt like she could drift to sleep. On her right side she heard movement despite the sound of the music drumming in her ears. Two feet had stopped, the person had been quietly humming.

“You make a perfect prey, kitten” the person said after a while.

“That only works when the prey´s unaware. You were singing and then you bent to take three drinks of water, only when you looked up you saw me” the girl said not opening her eyes. There was a moment of silence.

“You´re good, kitten” there was no reply from Nichole after that.

“I thought I wouldn´t see you again” the silence was broken

“Same here” the girl answered

“Yet, a week later, here we are… So, what´s your name?” his tone was pleasant. She didn´t answer. The person chuckled. “Smart girl, you shouldn´t talk to strangers, huh? They teach you well in your fancy school… Ok, I´m Ash, now I´m not a stranger anymore, you can tell me your name”

“Ash?” she glanced him

“Ashley” he sighed

“Isn´t that a girl´s name?”

“And no one disappoints in asking that –he sounded as if had been expecting it- Doctors told mom she was having a girl. She liked that name and grandma just couldn´t change my name when mom passed away of child birth” he explained with a small frown

“I´m sorry”

“It´s ok, she left me with a cool name”

“It´s not so cool, my stepsister´s name´s Ashley”

“Her name just became cool because I have it but if you call me other than Ash I´ll have to attack you” he narrowed his eyes playfully at her, she smiled with the side of her mouth

“Ashley –she pointed her finger to him- Nic –she pointed her thumb to her- and if you ever call me Nicky you´ll die” she smirked and he smiled. A soft breeze blew making the trees sing and letting the sun light go through them, making interesting patters in the leaves-covered ground.

“Ash” Nichole murmured again. She was drenched in cold rain. She felt like crossing the river, it was dangerous and stupid but for some reason Ash had always come from the other side of the river and he had always crossed over it to go to her, she wanted to go to him.

“Nichole, you crazy little kitten, go back, I don’t want you discovered and expelled. “You have to be safe” he’d said once taking both her hands and kissing them. She´d been weary of this but his lips only touched the fabric. Ash never asked questions, he only wanted what she allowed herself to give to him.

Still under the rain, Nichole spun around and started to walk back to Burgeoys, talking long steps, all the way remembering Ash´s concerned eyes when she was suddenly mad and not talking, or the few times she´d been hurt with no apparent reason or the days were it was obvious that she´d not slept.

“I don’t know what´s going on but please, kitten, stay safe” he brushed her bangs out of her eyes and she´d closed her eyes slightly leaning away from his touch. By this time they had been friends for more than a year. What they shared the most was silence and their liking for the woods.

Nichole went up her window and straight to her bathroom. She got under the shower, warm water caressed her skin.

“I´m going away next year” Ash had said to her, she´d been lying on his bed. A sudden pang tugged at her heart

“Ok” she chocked the word out

“I´ll miss you, kitten” he said above a whisper. She sat up and searched with her eyes for her shoes “Will you miss me?” he asked knowing she was going to leave without a word. Slowly she nodded a couple of times; he leaned closer to kiss her temple. She was focusing very hard in keeping her feelings at bay. Ash was going away and she was going to be all alone again.

“I want to stay… but my uncle wouldn´t let me be on my own –he said frustrated yet he leaned again to kiss her cheek tenderly- I want us to stay in touch, like this…” he breathed on her cheek and planted another kiss just as she turned her face to see him causing him to touch her lips with his. Her breath was caught but he smiled against her and when he moved away he still had a smile on his lips, a smile that lit up his whole face. She was staring at him.

“Do you want to stay in touch… like this?” Ash leaned in closer to her

“I…-it was the first time Ash had seen her hesitate- I…yeah…” her words were swallowed by Ash´s lips on hers. She furrowed her eyebrows, fear running through her veins.

“Ash…” she whispered once he left her lips, he only went back to touch his lips against hers and she wanted to push him away like she´d done many times before but Ash was all  tenderness and though she didn´t say it, she was going to miss him dearly and even though he didn´t know she only pushed him so that he could stay close but she did want to be closer and being this closer allowed her to hear the silent air coming out of his nose. She felt the slow change in his body, blood rushing everywhere making his skin warmer. Nichole took her hand and put it on his chest and his breath spiked as he took a moment to breath. The hand she kept on his chest felt the quick thump of his heart. His eyes fluttered open for a second, taking her staring eyes before closing the gap between them.

Nichole paid close attention to all that was Ash and then as she heard him and felt him she noticed her own skin getting hotter, her heart going faster and now she was not only noticing all that he was but she was all about Ash, with a hand over his chest, the other around his neck and her lips following his rhythm. Ash, Ash, Ash her heart seemed to beat his name until a sharp pain went through her heart, she and Ash winced at the same time, she pushed him away panicking because she knew all too well what was happening.

Ash became paler as he clutched his shirt over his shirt, he seemed breathless and for Nichole it all became slow motion.

“No, Ash!” she cried out when he faltered and fell backwards on the pillows, his lips pale, his eyes tightly closed. Nichole called the emergency number, it had been the one and only time she used her cellphone to herself. She tried to do CPR but the mouth to mouth part could make it worst but she knew what was happening, her touch was lethal and depending on the exposure to her hands death came more or less fast but it always came.

“I´m sorry Ash” she mumbled sobbing. Her hands still had gloves but she had lost it. At first when she´d find out she was a monster all her skin had been lethal and then only her hands but the monster had decided to come out on full force taking another beloved from her life. She brushed his hair to a side, like when he´d seen her for the first time, he looked like a deer… a stream of tears wanted to come out of her.

When Nichole heard the ambulance close, she left from the back door, Ashley lived on his own once his grandmother died, he’d stayed there on his own but his uncle didn´t like it and he was taking him away but before that the monster had taken his life and he´d withered away.

Natasha had gone to her upon the usage of the cellphone. The woman found a way to make it so Ashley was buried in the small town´s cemetery and she made it so Nichole was able to attend to the funeral. She´d taken wild flowers picked from the woods like he´d done many times before, presenting her a single wild flower along with a smile but he wouldn´t do it anymore.

The morning caught Nichole after a long sleepless night; the vision of Ashley´s languid body lying on the bed assaulted her whenever she tried to close her eyes.

picture

wow
I see a picture of you.
What did I like of you, I ask myself
You´re so different now, I talk to your picture
you have that same weird smile that mostly look like the opposite of a smile
because you can´t keep the corners of your mouth up for the life of you
because you´re always joking
and there
I know why I liked you like crazy
you were amazing
and great to be around, even if you were a tease
you´re still a tease now and you´re just as great as before
a couple of years on you and some weight as well
you´ve changed and so have I
But how I liked you so much
and it all seems crazy now
my world was shaken in so many ways because of you
and you never knew that your weird smile and your teasing ways make my walls crumble
Wow
and so many years later, just a picture of you makes me talk so much
I liked you a lot
I never thought I´d look back and smile at it but I´m doing it
It wasn´t so bad. I wish I could go back and tell teenager-me that it was going to be ok
but it´s ok
you´re looking good and you´re doing good and you made a difference in me
even if you don´t know how much
You´d be teasing me for this
oh, how I liked you

Again

"A set of circumstances and blatant hypocrisy cleared a path." God I hate life!
that was in this morning´s post of LTMT. I must confess that sentence hit me and I´ve been thinking of it since I read it...

"blatant hypocrisy" I guess I was almost convince that I was not going to have to go through that again. Well, not this close. But it seems once again, I gotta go search for pretended me... I´ll hate being in places but I´ll have to fake that everything´s ok and I hate the part of me that makes this to me because I was supposed to not care! I didn´t went through hell to finally be free to have to go through hell again and about the same thing! 

God! how ppl do it? how can they go around as if they´re the perfect whoever they are and pretend it´s all good, what´s with that? it´s some form of art that I don´t grasp -right- I guess I was never meant to be an actress.

I am not going through this again. That is it. I refuse to it.

Double Life: Ghosts

A/N: I don´t like the beginning of this part -not much- but idk... that´s how it came out... 
****

“Hello, Nichole” a voice said as she was walking out of the changing room, she quickly nodded and jumped in the pool touching its floor with her hands. She swam the length of it three times before taking another breath coming out on the opposite side of where she´d gotten in.

“I didn´t think you´d be here this early” the boy watched at his watch. Nichole didn´t answer but he grinned anyway and then got in the pool swimming towards where she was. He was half way into the pool when she started swimming again so when he got to where she was, she was no longer there but in the other side. Aaron looked around and narrowed his eyes at her. The girl body was covered by the water up to her mouth, her eyes were expressionless. The boy swam across the pool and she did the same two more times.

“That much you want to avoid me?” he asked but received no answer “are you afraid you might like being close to me?” he smirked but he got no answer again except her cold eyes drilling a hole in his but he stared back despite that.

“Ok, ok, I´ll leave you alone” he gave in and started to swim towards her.

“Are you ok?” he asked

“I am” were the first words she uttered

“Are you sure?” he focused on her features

“Don´t I look ok?” she raised an eyebrow

“One piece swimsuit is ok but two piece swimsuit would be better” he smirked, she rolled her eyes.

“How are you here?”

“Two can have a key” he smirked again

“You stole the key to the pool”

“I didn´t. it was given to me… well, technically”

“You better not tell people you have it or you´ll be found soon”

“I won’t. I come here to be alone” he said and she rose her eyebrows no believing his words

“You´re pretty but you´re no good company”

“Who says I wanna be good company for you?”

“Ah, so you purposely go out of your way to be bad company?” one of his eyebrows went up

“Aaron, can´t you just enjoy the silence for a while? What is it that you have to be talking all the time? No, even that is fine, talk but don´t try to make me talk. You said you came here to be alone, well this is my quiet time, don’t ruin it for me… just let me hear the silence”

“Wow” was all he said after about a minute of staring at her “that has to be the longest talk you´ve done to me –he sounded surprised, she let out her breath through her mouth and lightly shook her head- and probably that´s the most insightful thing you´ve said too.”

“Ok” she turned around and placed her hands on the edge of the pool pushing herself up and out of the pool

“Hey, hey, you don´t have to go because of me” he said, she walked away “Hey! I´ll be quiet, I promise” he said a bit louder as she disappeared in the changing rooms.

“Hey, I’m sorry” Aaron said as she got out of the changing room. She was wearing a sweater and jeans over her swimsuit. She nodded to him and headed out

“Hey, are you ok?” he attempted to touch her shoulder, she turned around

“I´m fine” the monster lent its manners with the pleasant smile and calmed voice.

Nichole walked out the building into the cold rain. She walked avoiding the pools of light. Her feet carried her through the orchard in the back of the school, to the tall stone wall which she climbed close to the river. Before Josh she always climbed the wall near the river but it had been a while, ever since the time when he was about to fall. The rain made the river sound like thunders, liquid thunders that swallowed the tiny drops that the sky cried.

The girl jumped off the wall landing in the muddy ground, the river seemed to get bigger as the rain consumed all noises. She walked along the river taking distance but still being close enough to see it. She walked slowly, as if she was on a day out. An hour went by, she´d taken the opposite path of her usual walk; she was following the river like she´d done three years ago.

Nichole stopped in the middle of the woods, on what seemed a random movement but it was not, her mind told her eyes that she was looking a squatted boy on the other side of the river, right on the edge of it. He had just drunk water, a drop on his chin made it clear. There was something in him that made her stop; he looked like a deer looking at the crystal clear water of the river. She kept walking but there were tweaks and dry leaves on the ground, the sun had been shining so when she took the step the leaved crumbled under her feet and the boy looked up, his grey eyes dilated and focused on the still girl across the river, his mouth turned into a smirk and his whole face changed, he no longer looked like a deer. He stared at her and she stared back at his ability to look innocent at one second and to look somewhat mischievous the next.

She continued her path, still following the river, ten minutes later she heard steps behind her and she didn´t have to turn around to know who it was. Ten more minutes went by and the steps got closer until at some point the boy was walking next to her, almost because he  was still on the other side of the river.

“The going back to school might be hard –she glanced him- yes –he continued with a smile- I know you go to the fancy school on the hill –he pointed his thumb back, she kept her pace and her eyes straight ahead- yeah –he chuckled- all snobby and cold… except that you, pretty girl, have gone out and you don´t seem the least scared of the dirt and, though I´ve never gone all the way up, I know it´s a long way. No sprained ankle yet?” he inquired

“Where do you come from?” a younger Nichole asked in a quiet tone

“I´m a wild cat, I live here” his eyes and features seemed to take a feline look

“Where does the kitten drink his milk?” she had the same calmed voice, he stared at her again, she watched his eyes grown again. He chuckled

“I hunt” he raised an eyebrow

“I doubt that, you look like a domestic cat” she copied his tone

“Yet, look at my good fortune, I´ve found myself a fine kitten”

“A real wild cat” she said and he snickered. She heard a car in the distance and glanced at her watch, it had been another hour. She didn´t want to get out of the woods which was why she started to walk farther of the river edge.

“Kitty´s gone scared?” he had a smile in his voice

“Wild cats don’t leave the wilderness”

“You sure you´re not too tired to go back up?” he asked after a while. She´d sat with her back on a tree, he saw her profile. She didn´t respond “I can give you a piggy ride” he smiled with the side of his mouth. She didn´t answer. “Ok, ok, I know when to leave a girl alone” he shook his head and walked away towards where the car sound had come.

A thunder lit the sky, it brought back Nichole from her memory, she´d been standing in the spot where she first saw the gray-eyed boy.

“Ash…” she murmured, the rain drowned her voice.