drift away

I used to love him, he was my everything, he was all for me but he destroyed it all.
I don’t love him anymore, and now I can say it coldly, finally.
I never expected to stop loving him or to be able to say I loved him but I don’t love him anymore.
I am your light, that´s what was unstated in us, I am your light and when your eyes are close like that I´m in darkness.

You are my light we both said to eachother…
No more light, our eyes are close and we have fallen asleep, some annoying dream is what we see. The light´s gone and we´re tired of watching, we´ll go on sleeping.
My mind drifts away to other paths… fantasies come to my soul, fantasies that once were his, that once I dreamed we were going to live together.

I loved him and I loved him deeply, with every atom of myself.
He and I were the only thing that existed but we didn’t really existed now I know.
I thought it was alive but it was not, it died away.
Love songs were mine, love songs were him, but his name is no longer in their notes… my mind drifts away to other paths.

wandering ** 1. Ana

***A new story? idk maybe, maybe not... this is the first part of it, I have some more written but I`m not sure if it`s good or not... I`ll see. I think there r lots of spelling mistakes n errors but it`s really late n I dont feel like editing at the moment... sorry `bout that...
well, here it is...

"I know I dont belong here, take me home, take me somewhere I can belong" she said from time to time as a prayer, as a wish, as a certainty. It was not like she said it over and over; however, it was there inbetween every breathing. It didnt make her life any different, not usually, but that longing was everything. In silence, everynight she expected it. She expected to be taken "home". Probably what she wanted the most was to disappear without watching the time leave marks all over her. It leaves all kinds of marks, on your skin, on your mind, on your heart...why to let it happen?

Ana loved intensely and gave it all when her heart set in caring someone; however, she didnt loved many, but since she loved intensely her heart was fragil and the wounds seemed to never heal, that`s why she prefered not to love anybody or maybe she just didnt want to love too many people that could make her stop wanting to "go home".

Reason and being reasonable was very impotant for Ana she had decided that in the meantime, while she was not being taken "home" she was going to live a good life, the best that she could, basically she didnt wanted to have a miserable life though she was very miserable sometimes, during those times she just wanted to sent herself home but for religious reasons and cowardness she decided to wait, because despite the fact that she denied it, deep down she was very religious and such thing always broke her own will but it just avoids me many problems she would lie to herself. She did thought it was boring though but better safe than sorry.

Ana was not only Ana, she was also someone else, but that someone else was her. She had a voice inside her head, it was almost like she was two people at once. Ana and that inner voice were completely different, the inner voice was emotional and questioning and annoying, and Ana was reasonable, she kept herlself together no matter what, Ana was the one that calmed down the inner voice telling herself it was only her teenager hormones going crazy... Ana was a complex person but she seemed to be quite simple, hardly anybody ever guessed who she really was and that made her very happy but also very sad. A contrast, always on the fence, never completely happy, never completely miserable, she loved that about herself but, of course, she also hated that about herself... "why cant I choose between love and hate, good and evil, be quiet or shout?" she wondered but never too much, she didnt want to think to much about her reasons because maybe she didnt even had reasons to start with, maybe she only wanted to be seen and be go enough. The latter was some kind of childhood trauma that evolved into pride because she was actually quite good for many things but never good enought for herself, she was always looking for more, to be better and no matter how much she accomplished, it never seemed to be enough... it made her feel empty somehow, always empty.

Feliz cumple amiguita!!!

C! Feliz cumple!! muchos besos y abrazos!! Te quiero un monton!!!

Como sos de las personas màs importantes de mi vida quiero dedicarte una de las entradas acà ^^ me hubiera encantado que nos vieramos y darte la especie de tarjeta que hice para ti unos dias atras pero igual, la dejarè aca  hahaha

hehe yo se que esos dibujitos no son tus favoritos pero me parecio una imagen bonita ^^

percepción?

Basta con una sola característica para que la percepcion que tenias sobre alguien cambie, basta un solo detalle para pintar de hermosura la envoltura de un alma.

darkness and light

***Two versions of this poem...more like some sort of riddle...the words just came to me this morning while I was almost dying from pain...so probably it doesnt make much sense unless you are meant to see the soul of it.

Lo que está más escondido, está a plena luz.
En medio de la oscuridad te dejo una luz
y en mi silencio, muchas palabras.
Mira atentamente porque lo que parece no existir está frente a ti.
Mi perdida alma floreciendo en lo intangible
y ahora lo que no verías, verás.
Disipa la niebla y el temor
y mira mi imagen en este espejo, perenne allí a pesar de haberme marchitado ya.
Ve, mira el cielo y encuentra a la luna en esta oscuridad
puede que sus trazos te den consuelo,
busca a la luna, esa que de antiguo ha visto la noche serena,
esa que desde nuestros antepasados vio la desgracia y el llanto del cielo.
Lo que no veías has visto,
que no te consuman las visiones
lo que es tan grande no perece
y lo que ahora sabes permanece contigo.

The deepest secret is the one that is hidden in plain sight.
In the middle of this darkness I leave you a light.
In my silences, many words.
Look carefully because what seems to be non-existent is right there in front of your eyes.
My lost soul blooming in a intangible dimension
and now what you didnt see, you`ll see.
Blow away the fog and fear
and look at my image in this mirror, everlasting there, even if I`m withered now.
Go, look up to the sky and find the moon in the middle of this darkness
maybe her scribbles will give you some confort.
Find the moon, the one that, since ancient times, has seen the serene night,
the one that since our ancestors saw  disgrace and heaven`s cry.
What you didnt see, now you see
dont let the visions to torment you...
because something this big can`t die
and what you now know, will forever stay with you.

faith

aah! this morning I wished so bad to have the computer close so that I could write what I was feeling... right now it´s not so intense but still...
A movie, that´s all it took to almost make me cry... I was listening to a speech, it was sort of a motivational one, the guy was talking about faith, about having faith, a faith that´s able to get you anything. He said that only with faith we can overcome obstacles... during the speech the guy presented a piece of a movie, in it, there was a football team, the coach wanted to teach them to trust in what they could do and to b confident... in another scene there is this guy, dont remember his name but he´s a leader but he cant believe that they´re able to win even less when the match was going to b between them and another school that had won a lot of times. The coach asks him to go to the field n carrying another guy in his back, with his eyes covered with a handkerchief, he made him crawl n crawl n crawl, the guy tells the coach that he cant do it anymore, the coach says "u can do it, just a little bit more, u can do it" the kid keeps going n then he says "I cant, it hurts too much" the coach keeps saying "u can do it, u can do it, be strong, you´re getting closer!" there´s a moment in which the kid is about to fall down, n the coach says "just a few steps more" n the kid keeps going untill he gets to the end of the field, there he falls down n the coach tells him he´s been able to do what he said was imposible -oh my! I was about to cry there!!  *sigh* I feel like I´m that kid, with a big weigh over my back, with a lot of pain, I feel like I cant go any further... n today that speech was like that coach telling me "u can do it! u can do it! just a little more!" ....I want to have faith in myself n I want to be confident n I want to have faith that it´ll b ok and I want to have faith and win... I need to know I´ll be able to do it... I hope I can get stronger... yeah, only with effort you get that... I know... but I dont want to forget the words of the coach in that movie "you can do it! you can do it! just a little more!"

claustrophobic

The walls are closing in
it`s hard to breathe
everything`s so big
and she`s so small
her chest feels like led
her heart is a hummingbird
thousand bees buzzing
ghost in a haunted house
here, there, now, tomorrow
it`s all just the same
the room`s getting smaller she`ll be squeeze in it
darts are flying to her head
they dont kill her but the pain is still there
it`s hard to breathe and the feeling of dizziness is killing her
it`s just that awful feeling of losing control of her own body
about to faint but not fainting at all
no rest, no peace, the walls keep closing in.


** q hace dìas que no escribo nada! còmo que las musas se han ido otra vz y me dejaron a medias un cuento ay no! bueno ya verè que hago con eso. X cierto ayer cumpliò años una de mis queridisimas amigas yay!! TQM amiguis!! -claro jamàs me olvido d un cumple y si la felicitè y todo pero creo q bien le hubiera dedicado un post ... bueno para la otra serà...