0_0 it`s been less than a week n I already abandoned my one line journal!! shame on me!! *laughs* I have an excuse though: I dont know what to write!! is it that Im not happy or  grateful for anything?? maybe I´m ungrateful w/life.

Ah, yesterday there was rain, rain is good, I guess that can be the line for yesterday: Rain! and my song for boasting my faith hahaha which basically says "I`ll believe, I`ll believe (that everything will b ok)"
For today..well I`m bored but there`s something I need to do that I wont, at leats not today or tomorrow or maybe tomorrow haha

That`ll be my line for today "I can think of tomorrow, I can plan that I`ll see/talk to you tomorrow, `cause you`re still around" cool! *laughs*

-this things r way longer than a line right?? lol

too much

I think way too much about things that`s the reason of my lack of spontaneity. What if ...? what if...? those words make me waver and fall. Why is it that I cant never say with accurate words what I want to say? why do  I have to play with words and make riddles all the time?... riddles that end up losing myself, losing truth, losing faith.

one line journal

Two or three day ago I read about this project, "The Happiness Project" I shouldnt be talking about it since Im not completely inform about it but, what I do know I liked. Here´s what I understood of it: it´s a project to make this year a happy year, all done by doing different mmm activities, like having a milestone book, vids n other stuff, but the one that I read was about keeping a one line journal or one sentence journal so that you can remember what´s good about the day. The day I read it I was happy, so I thought it was a good idea, yesterday it was an ok day so again I thought it was a good idea...today... well... it hasnt been a bad day but...*sigh* idk Im starting to get that feeling of not being happy... so today it doesnt seem like a good idea but, also in the reading it said that not every happy day feel likes a happy day I didnt understand that but maybe its related to make the day a happy day -I´ve just realized I used the word "but" way too much ¬¬-
I´ll do my best to keep my one line journal -this was the introduction of it hahaha more than one line, I know but it´s me after all, and I just cant help to write a lot once I´ve started.

since I alreday have 3 lines, I´ll write all them then in this post

1- -the firts day- I said what I wanted to say, for once, and it felt sooo good
2- A productive day, I´m alive!

3- There´s music to get me through the day

Wandering **4: telling tales

Today the sun seemed to be chasing after her, Anna was lying down over the grass and after a moment the sun was right above her face, she moved, again, and this time she opened her arms completely, making a cross with her body, she closed her eyes for a while but again, there was the sun right above her face "the sun`s chansing me today" she thought. It felt that way for her; even at sunset she could felt the red sun rays, it was weird or maybe not, "it might be all just a coincidence, you know" her inner voice said.

That night she woke up again in the middle of the night. When she realized she was awake she growled "dont think about anything, just go back to sleep!" it was too late, she was awake already.
She remembered a face, she remembered the ghost of a name, the faint scent of someone, "someone" who that was? she knew she knows that "someone" she`s not completely awake to tell who is it but she feels stupid for having the thought. Her inner voice was awake too "dont feel stupid maybe there`s someone thinking about you too" Anna wanted to believe that but she just couldnt "you know, as much as I do, that it is not possible... for some reason that someone is in my thoughts even before Im totally awake, I just wish I could remember the name..." her inner voice stayed quiet for a while then said "it`s true, probably no one think about us and smile at the thought of our name but it doesnt mean we cant dream a little" the inner voice smirked "let me tell you a story ok? dont say no Anna, after all is not like it`s real.
The answer was going to be "no" but both of them loved the stories of that dreamy and fearless inner voice. "The same "someone"? " Anna asked to her inner voice
"you already know the answer to that question, that someone that invades our brains like narcotic, untraceable narcotic..." Anna payed attention to her inner-voice whispers "listen to this, Anna" it said " a soft soft breeze, the leaves playing music for you, a calm place, you`re sat with "someone" there are no words between you too but your skin communicates, your fingers caressing his hands..."
"what are you saying??!!" Anna interrupted the inner voice "I dont like it `my fingers caressing his hands?!` I wouldnt do that!"
"no you wouldnt but you`d like to, if not, the thought of it hadnt occurred to me -the inner voice laughed- if you were a bit more daring you know you`d do it"
"shut up!"
"oh, you know I`m right, Anna! now, let me finish ok?"
both voices stayed quiet for a bit, thinking perhaps
"your fingers caressing his hands, electricity through your fingers, hands, through all your skin -Anna was able to feel what the inner voice was describing and little by little she was wandering in her own reverie- he turned to look at you. <> 
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The scene was filled with midst and the inner-voice tale got to an end, the images got blurred, slowly, Anna had fallen asleep, with the lullaby of her own voice.

purple flower

 

I took this picture some day, recently, it was one of those days in which I, for once, try to think there`s still goodness in the world, and there is, these tiny flowers are prove of that -even if they`re not so noticeable most of the times.

waiting

I keep waiting for what will never come. Every day at the sunrise I wake up, thinking "maybe today" the day goes by and I think "maybe tomorrow" and so on. I keep waiting, why`s it that my patience dont die? I guess I rather wait `till the fire ends by itself to blow away the candle...not willingly. I keep waiting for what will never come.

busy busy

>< busy busy, my week... I have a pile of books sitting there with things I have to do, my room is a mess and I feel overwhelm by everything that I have to do and learn and then, I I feel guilty for being so winy... Yesterday, at the end of my day I was feeling like Andy, this character from the movie The Devil`s Wear Prada", frustrated, that is, not enought but hey! it`s just the start, I told myself, me, trying to make myself feel better, it`s not like Im bad at doing what I do and when Im doing it I feel ok, I even enjoy it, but like everything not everything is always enjoyable, everything has it`s darks sides. This is just growing up, I guess, this is just dealing with being an adult. I know I will get used to doing it all and then it`ll be easy but I have to go thought a lot before that happens.

I dont want to leave behind my old life, the things that I love to do but I want to have this new life where I can be on my own, I have to find a middle ground. Maybe I`m in life hands like clay, life`s molding me in a way and I`m resisting it.

What am I talking about? well, it`s not a big deal I guess but it is a big deal for me... maybe it is only because I`m a person of habits and it`s always hard to change to do something new specially since I`m also a perfecionist and I want to do everything as best as possible and it kills me when I feel I`m not doing things the best they could be done. Though I rather be worried about this than worried about other things I cant anything about, about things I`ll never be able to get/change and in that sense Im glad I`m like this withouth time to think about the things that I cant have.

Busy, busy I know I`ll b like that for some time now, so I better start working on the things that need to be done!