Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Felices 32 digo 23 :D

Hace unos cuantos años -ya bastantes- en un día como hoy, Dios permitió que naciera una baby que iba a ser una de mis mejores amigas y por ese día estoy agradecida con El Creador.


Cuando te conocí nunca imaginé que tan
Especial sería nuestra amistad, nunca pensé que sería
Contigo con quién compartiera alegrías, tristezas, altos y bajos, y todo lo que
Yo soy. Jamás imaginé que tanto tiempo seriamos amigas pero estoy muy feliz de que sea así.

T3 QUIERO MUUUCHO! FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS!!! que en este año más -o menos- de vida tengas todos lo bueno de la vida, exitos, abundancia y toda bendición agradable. Cuenta conmigo para todo. Abrazos!
aquí ta tu regalo :p hahaha --me pareció bonito, no crees?


Clases

No me quieren cerca. Soy solo alguien a quien sacar, a quien temer, por nada más que por haber nacido sin riqueza. 
Porque mi auto no se llama como la primera letra del alfabeto griego combinado con el nombre del amor de Julieta por eso hacen venir a aquellos que aun estan en menor condición que yo para hacerme ir.
Oprimidos, meras herramientas de aquellos que a todos nos aplastan, ellos siendo pocos, solo por tener cifras de muchos ceros en el banco. 
Ninguno de mis méritos ha sido estimado, no, simplemente por el hecho de no usar ropas de marcas, autos con modelos del año, o una cuenta bancaria, eso ha sido el detonante para que sea expulsada de un lugar que en primer lugar es público. Un parque del cual fui sacada simplemente por la chatarra que conduzco, porque no tengo dinero porque los habitantes de alrededor creen que la pobreza se contagia. 

Que ironía y que injusticia. Ellos, los ricos tienen miedo de que les robe cuando ellos han venido robando al pueblo desde generaciones, roban nuestra paz, nuestra seguridad, nos dejan solo el sudor.

Los odio! Jamás había sentido ese sentimiento y ahora me han manchado. Los odio y deseé en ese momento encender el parque hasta que todo fuera cenizas... a pesar de que los pobres arboles no tienen culpa alguna.

Los maldije y deseé para ellos lo que yo tengo, lo que les hizo sacarme y más. Oré a mi Dios para que se vengara por mi... espero que el dios de ellos no le gane  al mio.

Los maldigo, una y otra vez por la humillación que sin causa me han hecho. Conciencia de clase, jamás la había sentido tan propia.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Double-life: Consumed from the inside.


Josh arm was bleeding, though the bullet hadn’t hit him directly it had still hurt him. He was on the ground but he had seen, despite the dark, how Nichole had pounced over the man, grabbing his face with both hands, pushing him hard, apparently, for he fell to his side. As quickly as she pounced on him she jumped off of him, rushing towards the other man, who was still on the ground. Once she got close to him, he sat disoriented, she made a motion as if to check his pulse even though he was clearly alive and right after she did that, the man fell to the ground again. She searched through the man´s jacket pockets to grab the money she and Josh gave him. Then she moved towards Josh.

“Are you ok?”
“I...-he saw his arm- I thought I was going to die” he sighed relieved, somehow dizzy and confused.
“Let me take a look at that” even though she said that she didn´t immediately looked at him, instead she went to grab her bag that was on the side of the road where she had thrown it in order to pounce to the thief. She came back with it, turned on the flashlight and grabbed a bandage and quickly started to put it on her hand. Josh blinked, he hadn’t noticed when she had taken that off, he was sure her hand was bandaged when the men first approach them and when she handed them money. He was staring at her.

“Let me see your arm” She examined it using the flashlight “The bullet only grazed your arm, we need to move out of here, can you get up?” she moved again to light the road in search for something, when she found it, she grabbed it and shove it on the bag. Josh was on his feet.
“Are you ok?” he asked
“Let´s go” right after saying that she took her phone out and dialed, she was starting to walk when she talked “two guys attacked me on the road to the town near Burgeoys” She listened and then answered “ten minutes coming from the town to the school” she listened again “no, just a bullet graze on my arm. Make Nat call me about that, please” she looked at Josh. She hung up after that. His thoughts were all over the place and he couldn´t make a coherent thought, therefore he just stay silent trying to ignore the pain that was starting to burn his arm and trying to order his thoughts as well. They had walked in silence for ten minutes when she stopped.

“Let me see your arm” she asked again, for the third time. Josh stared at her
“I´ll clean it and put a bandage on it”
“I think I´ll go to the infirmary”
“And you´ll say that you were shoot while you were out of school grounds when you know that´s not allowed?” after that he took his jacket off. She cleaned the wound using the supplies she had bought and used one of the many bandages she had gotten. It stung a lot. They walked in silence the whole path in the woods. Josh arm hurt when he climbed the stone wall to enter the school again. This time she walked next to him. It had gotten late, the thieves had taken their time and after that they had walked slow. It was almost midnight.

“I think you should stay in my room tonight” Nichole said and sighed “you´d get in trouble if anybody sees you coming in at midnight”
 “But your building supervisor...”
“She´s fasten asleep by now, specially on Saturdays when she drinks a little too much wine, but be silent ok?”

 As she had said, it had been easy to walk in her building. Once they were in her bedroom she gave him some painkillers and her phone rang, though vibrate is the most accurate word. As usual she didn’t say a word. “I already cleaned the wound and put a bandage on it, I took some pain killer as well, but I’m wondering if I should take some antibiotics?” She heard again in silence “I see” more silence “no, I´ll call you if I need you to come” a small pause “I’m sure Natasha” she said firmly and hung up.

“All right, apparently you should put some antibiotic ointment for that” she went to her first aid kit. While she was applying it to his arm she spoke “I’m sorry that this happened to you”
“It´s not your fault” he said despite the pain.
“It feels like it”

 They stayed quiet for a while.
“That bed´s empty so, you take that one -he nodded- I’m taking a shower now” she announced and grabbed her towel and clothes and went in the bathroom. In the meantime he lay down feeling his arm on fire, it hurt, sting, he couldn´t name the feeling, the pain killers didn’t seem to be working but he had just taken them so that could be the reason. He was re-playing in his head the incident with the thieves. What had happened? how could she topple a man more than twice her size? and then why did she checked the other man´s pulse when he was already awake? he had so many questions. Was she that good with all her training that she could fight the men without even fighting them and why did she called to report she was attacked, who had she called? clearly not the police since that would´ve been as him going to the infirmary or worst.

It took her a long time to get out of the shower but when she did he was still awake. When he heard her coming out he put one arm over his face. She smiled at his courtesy.
“I’m dressed”
“Oh” he said and turned to see her.
“Are the pain killers working?” she seemed somewhat worried but maybe it was because she, too, had been attacked.
“Not much” she made a sad face at that.
“Try to sleep... and please do not get close to me ok?” she said in a small voice.
“Come on! Nichole, I´m not going to try anything while you´re asleep” he said angry, the pain making him crankier.
“I usually have nightmares as you have seen once so.. I what I meant was do not try to wake me up” she placed a glass with water on the nightstand next to him.
“I’m sorry.I...” he started to appologize.
“It´s ok, pain makes us angry” she smiled bitterly and turn off the lights. Josh couldn’t sleep, mostly due to the pain but also to the events that had happened that evening.

“Are you awake” he said softly not wanting an answer
“What is it?”
 “Thought you were asleep. Did I woke you up?”
“Same here and no” there was silence. “Talk” she said guessing he had questions for what he had seen. She had been fearing that since what seemed forever.
“What happened to your bandage when those thieves attacked us? -of all the questions he had, he didn´t know why he had chosen that one to be his first question- I know you had it when you gave them the money but then when you checked my arm you didn’t have it, why would you take if off? moreover, why did you put another one before touching me and checked the man´s pulse with your bare hand?”

She sighed and stay silent for a moment. What could she do? fake she had fallen asleep? lie? but she knew that lies pile up until they fall apart and then it´s all worst. There was no way she could just ignore it, he would just want to get closet to her and she couldn’t run away from him or leave Burgeoy’s school since that would mean telling her father to let her transfer to another school, it sucked being 17 since she needed his permission for legal stuff, he wouldn’t want to move her, her being there was convenient for him and he´d want to know why she wanted to leave and if she told him that it was for Josh he´d ask her to make him go or worst, he could do that himself. He forgave no obstacles even if they were human lives. Maybe if she told him the truth he´d go but what if he decided to tell someone, it could end up bad. Against her better judgement she had let him tag along and now there were the consequences to face. They came fast, so fast.

“Nic?”
“mh?”
“Won’t you answer me?” he sounded a bit irritated and Nichole guessed it was mostly because of the pain, after all she knew very well those injuries hurt a lot.
“I took it off and I didn’t want to hurt you that´s why I wore a bandage before touching you”
“Why did you took it off?” he sounded genuinely interested.
“He was about to shoot you”
“What that had to do with your bandage”
 “In order to stop him I had to take it off” she sighed. She was telling the truth but she wanted to tell as little as possible.
“Why is that?”
She sighed heavily before answering “So that I could make him go”
“Make him go?” he echoed thinking that he had heard her say something similar before
“Yes”
 “Do you mean die?” it took a while for that information to be processed for his brain, he just couldn’t believe that could happen. She didn’t say a thing. “and the other man, when you checked his pulse, you were not checking it but... taking it away?”
“Yes” she said in a small voice. He sat and turned on the lights. “How´s that possible?”  at that question she stared at her, her eyes were watery.
“I don’t know”

“So, it is true, it is true that you killed your roommate” The words seemed to came out on their own, maybe it was due to him wanting to ask her that ever since he had heard it from the boys and shortly after looking at old papers in the library covering the news of a little girl´s death on Burgeoys school. Her eyes went wide and a stream of tears came down her eyes. She wasn´t prepared for him mentioning that. She couldn´t believe he had heard already about the rumors, and he hadn´t asked, he had stated it as a fact. She was feeling guilty for what happened to him and now he was talking about that horrible incident.

“So it´s true?” he couldn’t believe it, she had saved him how could she had done that. No it couldn’t be.
“It was an accident, it was an accident” she sounded as if she was pleading. His jaw dropped open
 “What did you do? How is it possible that you can you kill someone by touching them? what happened?” “Don’t you believe me?” her voice pleading again, he thought he had seen her fragile before at her house but now, she seemed lost and broken.
“You saved me from falling, you can’t be bad, I believe you” he reasoned out loud making himself believe in his own words and then years of guilt rained through her eyes, years of guilt made her talk.

“What happened? tell me what happened tonight” he prompted her. She nodded, drank some water and stared at her hands for a while, she closed her eyes and stopped her tears.
“I gave them the money so that they go, I thought that was what they wanted. When the other hit you I didn’t expect them to try anything else. Thank you for standing up for me -she looked at him and half smiled- When the other pointed his gun to me I started to loosen my bandage for I was going to plead him even cry if necessary so that he got closer to me, so that I could touch him, so that you didn’t notice”
“And I ruined that...”
“You didn’t know and I couldn’t let him shoot you” her voice was barely audible
“Meaning that you´ve saved me once more”
“Not really, I let you come, I put you in danger”
“They would have attacked you alone”
“I would´ve ran to the woods”
“They would´ve shot you”
“Probably...” she said and he wondered why it didn´t seem to worry her.
“What about the other...?” he asked and she lowered her head again
“He saw everything”
“I did too” he said quick, she winced as if she had been punched, in a way she had.
“If I wanted I could´ve let him shoot you or touch you with my bare skin at any point between that time and now. Why would I do that to you?”

“What about your room mate?” the implications of that question made her heart ache.
“I had just come here, I was awfully sad, I felt rejected by my father, I had felt that... for a while. I was nine. She, as you already know, was my room mate, Kat, she was a sweet kid, she was about to turn eleven. She was the one who saved me when I was lost...” she smiled, her eyes seemed to be looking at a distant image.

“She gave you the peanut butter sandwiches?”
“Yeah -she smiled- yes, she did. -she swallow hard- I´ve had nightmares for many years now. One night, on may, I had one of those and that one time I was not able to wake up, she heard me cry, she had heard me before but I always woke up, she tried to comfort me but I wouldn’t let her, I would ran to the bathroom. That one night, as I said before, I din´t woke up and she tried to awake me, sometime during my sleep I had taken off the gloves I used to wear to sleep and when she touched my face I grabbed by instinct her wrists, she withered in an instant. I started screaming and called father... rumors of me killing her started by the rest of the children who happened to dislike me since she had taken me under her wing during the months she was alive after I came here, of course they made it out of childish anger but they were right, the fact that I was given a room for myself just encouraged those rumors but I rather have rumors than what happened with Kate”

“So your father knows?”
“He does” she sighed, she seemed tired, very tired.
“and your...mom?”
 “She was the first” her features contorted in pain and she started to cry again
“Where is she now?” he thought she meant her mother had been the first to know about what her hands could do.

“At age seven I killed my mother -his eyes went wide at that information- when I turned seven I started to get sick and sicker, no one knew what was wrong with me. I was in pain all the time, mother started to stay in my room and as she did so I started to get better but she started to get sick. She asked that I would be away since maybe it was a virus and since I had just gotten better she didn’t want to make me sick again, with that she started to feel better and one day, when she was better I decided to wake her up, it had been a month or maybe more since I had last had touched her, she had been really ill, father was in the room, he slept there on a couch. I entered and hugged her tightly, father woke up, “I love you always” were her last words before her heart stopped. My father had been suspecting it was me the cause of her illness, for all the puppies he had gotten me when mom got sick died immediately after I touched them, I never realized... Father had gave me gloves to wear, pretty silky gloves, he made me wear them after what happened to my puppies and pretty much all the living things I touched but how could I´ve noticed when wearing gloves was a game for me?”

She smiled bitterly, she wasn´t sure why she kept talking since she seemed to be reliving those last days with her mother, she could felt the silky gloves, she could hear the puppies barking and she could see the flowers that withered immediately after her touch.

“And your sisters?” Josh´s voice sounded distant. It seemed that he didn´t want to give an opinion just yet, it seemed he wanted to gather all the pieces of the puzzle before saying opinions.
“God, no, I could never let Camille know even less the step-sisters or their mother”

They were silent.The night was dying away.
 “I just can’t believe it. How could you kill someone just by touching them? that´s impossible!” Josh said
“I wish it was” she got to her feet, opened the window. He thought she was going to jump but she motioned for him to come close
“Don't worry, I´ll just show you” she said. He got up.
“Look, this leaves are from that big tree, over there, not the one right in front of the window but the one to the right, you see? -he nodded confused as to why she was telling him that. She sighed and took off her bandage, grabbed a few leaves that quickly faded and fall then she grabbed a branch. Nothing seemed to happen, she let it go.

“What was that for?” as soon as he finished his question the tree made a cracking noise as if it was breaking and indeed it broke in two, all the leaves fell and when he saw the middle of the lower part that was still on the ground he noticed in disbelief that it was hollow as if consumed from the inside. His eyes went wide. “You did that?” she nodded “How?”
“I don’t know”
 “Does touching your skin makes that?”
“If that was the case you´d be dead by now for I had to grab you with both my hands when you fell off the wall, remember?”
“Only your right hand then?”
“Nowadays, yes”
“And before?”
“ Pretty much all in me...but after mom, it was only my hands and after Kate only my right hand”
“That means you can control it?”
“No, I’m not sure why it is, and I don’t want to loose another important person in my life to see if it goes away completely”

“And that´s why you run away from people” he said, she didn’t answer.
“who did you call earlier?”
“My father...”

Josh´s eyelids felt so heavy and his brain felt overflown with information. He couldn’t deny he was scared of being in that room with a person who could kill him, he wanted to run away, to leave, yet he was so tired and she had saved him twice, she had warned him not to follow her, she had kept pushing him away since they met yet there he was on her room. Is Aaron all right? he wondered and drifted to sleep.

Friday, February 17, 2012

seeing past the obvious

I could´ve been in heaven by now. On my way back from work, driving on the highway I heard a "clink" sound and then the car started to shake. I could´ve lost control, I could´ve crashed. Thankfully I was able to get to the   side of the highway, I get off the car and took a look, it all seemed fine until I practically threw myself on the ground to look at the parts under the car... something seemed to be missing on one of the bars that holds the tire in place.

I called my father. He got there with brother and we found out that the piece that the nut of the bar that makes the tires to be in place was not there. A few days ago some repairs were made to the car, that same nut that now´s missing was taken off in order to repair it so... father´s mad ´cause he says it´s their fault. He was so mad ´cause I could´ve died due to someone doing a mediocre job.

I felt shocked. Many images of what could´ve happened passed through my mind. I wouldn´t have mind to die but I thought what my mother would´ve felt and I almost started crying, there in my car on the highway waiting for my father to come and help me. I also realized that despite everything that has happened between us father is the one and only that I called when Im in trouble, like today, he was the first one that crossed my mind and I also realized that if he wasn´t there I wouldn´t have anybody else to call for help and that was very sad, and at that thought I also felt like crying again but of course I didn´t. I blame that to the shocked of having to handle the fact that the car kind of got out of control.

When father got to where I was I just hugged him. I´m definetely going to thank him, I guess Im seeing past all the bad things that have happened between us in the past years... Mom says that means "geting more mature" but I guess it´s just that no matter what there´s always some light even in the darkest night.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day

These chocolates seem nice but I must say I don´t like chocolate

I´ve drawn and cut papers in heart shape today for the whole life. I had to decorate for valentine´s and I´ve never cut or drawn heart shapes or even mind about it.
Back in highschool me and my bff at that stage of my life used to say that we were going to get a guy to give us presents for that day and then dump him right after... yeah, heartless but it was only because we liked to mock of the crazy romanticism of that day.

I´ve never had a "valentine" and I´ve been ok with that.

My brother´s just come today with a shell, the box of his wedding rings is a shell shaped box. It´s such a beautiful velvet box. The rings were beautiful and what he engraved in them is beautiful as well. In a while he´ll be going to his fiancé house with serenade for her to celebrate this valentines...that´s so close to their wedding day. It´s so hectic for him but he seems so excited, happy and looking forward to please his soon to be wife.

I´ve never had a "valentine" and I´ve just started to think about that.

I read a card my other bff once made for me to celebrate our friendship -we were still highschoolers- and I decided to e-mail my friend to express how much our friendship means to me. It seems that as we grow older, we loose that innocence in which friendship is crucial. Gladly she answered me back. Non of my other friends made any mention to this day. I don´t mind really but it makes me wonder when did we loose that innocence in which we celebrated those little things that are so big, one of them being friendship.

I´ve never had a "valentine" and I´ve been wondering what´s it like

Everyday friendship and love should be celebrated. Everybody says that. No body remembers. But what happens when those invisible things are not even celebrated on the day that every business and company advertises products for people to consume? Is it just business?

I´ve never had a "valentine" and I´ve never really thought about it.

I saw a boy today, he was carrying two pink roses. It was very early in the morning. I asked him who were the roses for... A couple of hours later I saw him comming back with the flowers, almost running to go and hide them. The girl hadn´t accepted them.

I´ve never had a "valentine" and somehow I was glad about it.

My mind has drifted for little bits. It´s gone away to dream, to fantasize about today about that martir who died close to this date for whom today´s called valentine´s day. I wonder why, though. Maybe the mass media has gotten to me, after all I´ve been shoot by their advertisements for years.

I´ve never had a "valentine" and as one of my dear friends said to me once: happy chocolates and spending-money-on-some-gift day.

****
PD: This is my 300th post! yay! but not techinically since it´s my 300th post if I count the drafts which are 50 so far, all of those belong to one label but I´m not really to publish them just yet but I´ve been thinking on making some special post for the official -meaning published- post. -or maybe not- idk haha
PD2: -if that exists- I really liked this poem, it´s very irreverent but nice, it kinda inspired me for this post so I must include it here too 


Sunday, February 12, 2012

party vs house

My bro´s girlfriend´s family and mine had just had a meeting. She´s pregnant, they are getting married. Our families are floating on money, that´s a fact but her family´s shallow, her mom´s only worrying about making a bachelorette party and a wedding reception or whatever those things are called. Fine, supposedly, the stand of my family in that was that if said lady wanted to spend money on that then she could, they were going to support bro n his gf once the baby comes not in shallow stuff that we can´t afford we´re not the ones to do things for what people think or so i thought. God I dont know why I keep trusting in what they say!

I went down. Their dinner done, the girl n her family gone. Mom is telling me about it and she slips: they´re sharing the expenses for the bachelorette party, the wedding thing, the fucking dress n all those worthless shits! I just cant believe it! where the hell they are going to get that money from??? I cant believe my father is willing to pay for that -because I know he´s been the one that has convinced mom of agreeing to that- when he´s jobless even more, Im just feeling dissapointed, they know I need money for my house, a house, something that wont just last for a day, something that I´m working so hard on and he just goes and agrees to pay for parties? when the hell that happened? Im so mad. I dont know if this is me being jealous but come on! a house is much more important than parties! but yeah, I should know by that that Im mostly on my own, and that I should not trust what they say and I feel bad for including mom in that but she´s just too weak when it comes to father, he always convinces her, always no matter how stupid, worthless, risk or plain wasteful the situation is.

God! I shouldnt feel affected by these things.... A few days ago I got a call from the company I have to pay to keep my house, they were calling to remind me that I will have to pay a lot more, that I will have to pay way more than what my income is. Great. and now this. Great.

so... in the battle between investing or wasting money on a house or a party, it seems party is the victorious one. Yay for being shallow!

Double life: Going for a walk


At about two hours later, Josh, Aaron, Brighton, Michelle, Jess and Ash were on the garden at the back of the house. Michelle had quickly grabbed Josh´s arm but Ashley had gotten her way in the middle of them, the latter “won” and Josh went to sit on a bench with Ashley, and so did the rest. as time went by, they settled in pairs and drifted away.
 The perfect setting Ashley thought: the night getting colder, the garden, the darkness, the girls saying that they´re getting cold.

“You´re right Ashley, we should get inside” he said with a smile and got up, noting the windows on the second floor of the house. Only one had the lights on, the window was open. He wondered... “Who do you think is up there?” he asked innocently to the girl still sat on the bench.
“Ah, that´s my little sister´s bedroom, I guess her nanny can’t put her to sleep.”
 “Ah, so you have another sister” he commented
“Yeah, would you want to see the fountain? it´s nice over there” she had moved a few steps away with her hand stretched to him ushering him to come. He saw at that moment the lights go off on that bedroom and then a shadow came out of it. She´s leaving now, he thought.
“Naah, Im hungry, let´s get inside”
“I´ll go get the others” she said. So, no fun for you, no fun for anyone, he thought and laughed when she left.

She was beautiful and he was like any other boy but the way she had treated Nichole had made him seen how ugly she really was, a huge turn off for him.
 ***

 “You shouldn’t come here, you might be tempted to get up again” Nichole said. Once again she was standing on the edge of the stone wall on the limit of the school´s property.
“You have a good ear”
“You kept stepping on twigs and dry leaves, anybody could have heard you, Josh” she said quietly, he laughed and heard her laughter, her back was to him.
“Did you just came back?”
“No, but I guess you did. I came hours ago. I get up early some days”
“mh, yeah, we just got back”
“Arent you sleepy?” silence.
“Will you run like the other day if I ask you something?”
“Maybe... but you wouldn’t know if you don’t ask, would you?”
“Are you ok?”
“Don´t I look ok to you?”
“Seeming ok on the outside doesn’t mean you are completely ok... Your sister looks a lot like you”
“You had said that already”
“Your home is close to school”
“That´s not my home. Why are we repeating ourselves? and three hours is not close”
“I suppose not for school days but close for weekends”
“mh” she sat on the edge of the wall, still with her back to him.
“Do you not stay at home because of your sisters?” he hoped that she didn’t run
“Ash and Jess are not my sisters, they´re my father´s wife daughters, only Camille is my sister, of course she´s their sister as well”
“You should talk to you father so that they stop bugging you so you could stay home”
“Once again, Josh, I don’t have a home” despite such a sad statement there was not even that emotion in her words, they were just that, words, a truth said out loud.
 “What about Camille?”
“What about her?”
“She seemed to miss you a lot”
“And I miss her a lot”
“So?” that was all he came up with but he hoped that made her elaborate a little more.
“The little girl loves me as much as I love her even though she hasn’t seen me for more than a few hours since she was born... Celia must have to do a lot with that”
“How long have you been here”
“For about a couple hours before you got”
“No, I mean in this school”
“ I knew what you meant”
“oh” his brow furrowed in confusion, she was so strange sometimes, so evasive.
“She´s six... I had already about two years in here when she was born”
 “Did your step mother sent you here?”
 “I wish I could say she´s the one who did it -a bitter smile was drawn on her face- but no, it was my father who sent me here a year after mom died” Josh heard her sobbing and wished he hadn’t asked
“Nichole, I’m sorry. I shouldn´t have...”
“I could´ve run... I knew you were going to ask about this sooner or later...better now that there is no one to hear or see you with a weirdo” she laughed a sarcastic laugh. Her sobbing had stopped as fast as it has started. Josh guessed her eyes kept the bitterness.
“I never got the time to properly apologize on behalf of my brother...”
“it doesn’t matter, he´s right, you shouldn´t be around me”
“Nic, don’t let his words get to you”
“ah, Josh, I´ve been called worst, his words meant nothing to me. I’m just saying that he´s right on that you should keep your distance”
“Why? do I bother you?”
“Do you bother me? mmmh kinda -she laughed- but I would´ve been in trouble if you hadn’t follow me that time and stitched me after, I never got to thank you for that little annoyance” she jumped from the edge of the wall and sat next to him on the grass, the sun was rising.

 “So, it´s ok even if I bother you a little”
“In some cultures the one who saves a life becomes responsible of the one who he has saved, or so some guy told me” she said without looking at him. He grinned and turned to see her. He noticed her bandaged hand. Since he had seen her, she was with that bandage on her hand, it made her look somehow fragile.

“What happened to your hand?”
 “What happened to my hand?” she said, sighed and lifted her hand to observe it. “I don´t really know” “Have you gone to the doctor? does it hurt?”
“Not even my baby sister asks so many questions at once” her voice was barely audible, her eyes were closed.
“I’m the older brother, though, that´s why I ask so many questions”
“I figured but I’m not your sibling”
“But you are my friend”
“You shouldn’t have followed me that first day. Either of us would be responsible for the other under the eyes of any culture” she laughed a little. She liked talking to him, it had been so long since she had talked freely to someone.
“We can’t turn time back, can we?”
“No, I guess not” they sat in silence for a while. He yawned.
“The lady that came to see you the other day, she is a doctor, right? -she nodded- you should tell her to look at your hand”
“I don’t think she´d like that” she smiled and got to her feet, she climbed the wall right after that.

“Where are you going?”
“Out”
“What? where?”
“Just out, somewhere. You should go to sleep, you look like you need to”
“Wait, no, you shouldn’t”
“It´s not the first time I go out on a Saturday, big bro” she stuck her tongue out to him while slowly walking ahead.
“I wanna go”
“Go to sleep, Josh” she kept walking.
“You shouldn’t go alone, it might be dangerous”
“I´m a rose and have thorns to defend myself” she laughed
“Right, take me with you, Rosie”
“Nope. You´d fall asleep” she heard him moving towards her, his intentions clear.
“Woah! no, Josh, no climbling the wall for you!”
“I wanna go”
“And here I thought you were the mature twin”
“Oh, come on! I spent a boring night, have some mercy”
 “I thought Ash or Michelle were keeping you company”
“Exactly” he said matter-of-fact, she laughed

“You´re funny. Don’t you like pretty girls?”
“Not when they´re ….like that”
“I see... well, later, Josh”
“I’m climbing the wall”
“I won’t be here to see it” she sing-song the words
“I´ll follow you, even if you want it or not”
“I know...just don’t climb the wall”
“Can´t you just walk on the ground?”
“Nope”
“Why?”
“Practice”
“eh?”
“I’m a cat, don’t you see?” she laughed but something told him that she hadn´t been joking about the practice part. In the same way they kept walking until they got to some gates.

 “I didn’t know these gates were here”
“Hardly anybody knows, it´s practically a secret!” she laughed “and now I´ve shared the secret with you” “ha! I’m privileged!”
“Yeah...”
“No, seriously, why are they closed?”
“Well, behind these gates there´s no road, only a path that ends somewhere in the woods but if you know it well enough you can actually get to a road that leads you to a small town”
“And.. you know it well enough”
“I do” she said confident. He furrowed his eyebrows.
“I used to go out a lot before... Ok, so, now if you really want to follow me you gotta come up here and we´ll jump to the other side but you gotta be careful not to trip with the trees´ roots ok?”
“I’m not that clumsy”
“I´ve heard that one before” she teased.
 “Wow this is so nice” josh said once they were in the woods
“I know. Hey! I´ve been wondering...won´t your brother miss you? I mean I assume you guys spend the weekends together?” she inquired. He grinned.
“He thinks I’m mad at him plus he must be sleeping and he´ll keep sleeping for a long time”
“You should be sleeping too”
“I’m fine, I usually get insomniac so I’m used to not sleeping”
“I see... ok, but we can go back anytime if you feel like ok?” he smiled at that.
 “So, where are we going?” he asked after a while walking in silence
“Well, I usually just come to hike and explore the woods but since you decided to come I think we could go to the town and explore a little”
“Havent you ever gone to the town?”
“I have but not for long periods, just to specific places and a few times only”
“Specific places?”
“Yeah, you know, some family restaurant, the supermarket and some library but only twice or so”
“So you prefer the woods?”
“I prefer the peace and quietness, yeah..”
“We can stay here in the woods if you prefer”
“All right” They sat under a tree, both with their back on a trunk of a tree.

 Birds singing and a growling stomach made him woke up, yet his eyes felt so heavy that he kept them closed. His back was on something hard and his pillow wasn’t there. He was between being awake and asleep. He moved his covers but those were not his covers for he felt a scent in them one that was not his, then he realized where he was and his eyes snapped open. The first thing he saw was greenery everywhere and then he saw Nichole, her eyes closed and her earphones on. She was motionless and he thought she was asleep. Quietly he removed the coat that was over him, the coat she had been wearing when they were walking, obviously she had put in on him and now it was his turn to do the same. Except than when he got up, she opened her eyes.

 “I thought you were asleep” he said a little starlet.
“Hello there, nope, I’m not asleep”
 “oh... -he didn’t say a thing for a while just stood there- sorry that I fell asleep” he finally said
“It´s ok, it´s only noon by now”
“Are we still going to the town?”
“mh? I guess...” this time she got to her feet. They started to walk, Nichole leading the way. At about half an hour later of walking in what felt like a diagonal direction they got to a road. They walked along it. It was a lonely road over a hill, down the hill there was a town.
 “It´s not so far” he commented
“Well, it´s taken us about seven hours to get here” she grinned. His eyes went wide.
“You know you loved the quietness at the woods”
“The snoring? nope, I didn’t enjoy that”
“Such a liar I don’t snore”

 Their conversation during the whole way had been like that, not very serious but there were some tinges of serious things. It seemed that for Nichole teasing, joking and being distracted were defense mechanisms to not get to what hurt.

“I saw you last night”
“Yeah, and we ate some pie”
“No, coming out of a window. How did you learn to do that? is that how you injured your hand?”
“I wish I could say that I learned it on my own but no, I actually have had trainers. I remember that at six mom used to take me to karate classes, it was so much fun -Nic smiled happily, she had a beautiful smile- then at eight I started to have several other trainers, one of them taught me how to jump off windows without braking a leg”
“Wow and when did you have time to train? or where?”
“Before coming to Burgeoys -their school- I used to train at my father´s house in the city where we lived, well he still lives there, and then after I came I used to go to that house you went last night every afternoon and weekends, and during summers I go to mmm I guess it´s a military summer camp stuff”
“Really? do you like that?”
“I don’t mind it anymore and I got to learn how to defend myself”
“But you look...”
“Fragile? -she laughed- that doesn´t matter, I only need to be agile”
 “And now how to fall right to not brake a leg”
“Exactly”
“You should teach me that”
“Why would you want to jump off from windows? plus I bet you´ve had a lot of practice in fighting with your brother, you are not fragile-looking so you have that, let me have the jumping thing” she stucked her tongue out to him. He shook his head while smiling. Another half hour had passed when they got to the town. 

“Where can we eat something? I’m starving!” Josh said.
 They got into a small restaurant where they just ate, both of them busy with their food. After that they went to explore the shops in the place where Josh bought some normal clothes since he was still wearing his tux from last night´s party. He was starting to feel self-conscious with every body staring at him. Nic got a few things as well, a bag, some food, a flash light and supplies for her first aid kit.. He convinced Nichole to go and watch a movie and they watched a comedy since that was what she liked best. At five they got out of the movies and decided to eat dinner before returning to the school. It was six thirty and they were walking back, still on the road, not ten minutes away from the town.

The day had been cloudy and the night had come quickly, it was dark. Two men were behind them, since she felt them she started to walk faster making Josh do the same, the men did the same.
 “Let us borrow some money” one of them said Josh turned to look at them while still walking
“We don’t have money” Josh said. He could sense the danger. Nichole was wishing they´d go away. The men caught to them and stopped them.
“Give me your money, pretty boy” one said. Nic took some bills from her pocket and handed them to the other man. She nodded to Josh asking him to do the same. He did so.
 “Your girlfriend is so smart” the thief move towards her.
“You have our money, let us leave” Josh said firmly. The thieves laughed
“ha, so you think you can order us? fuck you!” the man punched Josh´s face, a line of blood appear from his lip. Before Josh could punch back he showed him the knife he was carrying. Josh stopped, the thief started laughing, the other laughed along
“not so brave now, ha?” one said. Taking advantage of their laughter, Josh punched the thief who carried the knife with all his strengh. The man fell to the ground, the knife falling a few feet away. Josh grabbed him and started to punch the man several times on his head.

 “Enough!” commanded the other thief taking a gun out pointing to Josh
“I’m going to kill you now and have fun with your little girlfriend, how do you like that?” the man was irate. He advanced close to Josh, close enough that the man´s gun was on Josh forehead. Josh´s heart was beating fast.
“Don´t do that please” Nichole pleaded walking to the man
“Shut up, bitch, I´ll deal with you later”
“Nic, go!” Josh said. The thief started laughing
“Aw, so romantic! you make me sick!” he yelled and pointed his gun to Nichole, Josh moved and tried to punch him to avoid him shooting at Nichole but the man quickly moved his gun to Josh.

A gun shot ripped the air.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

A house makes no home.


Someone was taking things out of the fridge, a girl in a white fitted dress, he was about to leave when she turned.

“What are you doing here?” he said wide eyed and surprised.
“Eating” the girl showed him a plate.
“I can see that, Nichole, but what are you doing here at the party?”
“Didn’t know I owe you any explanations” she opened a drawer and took a fork. She handed the pie to Josh
“I...no, you don’t, I’m just surprised. I didn’t know you were coming” her back to him, again taking food out of the fridge “Is it ok for us to take food out other people´s fridge like this?”
“I’m the one taking it out”
“Still”
“This is a party, they will give the food away anyways, right?”
“yeah but other guests aren’t opening the fridge and getting in the kitchen”
“Such a good boy” she teased “yet you were planning to do what you are already doing, I just happened to make it easier for you. I did it first” a malicious grin on her face.
“Shut-up” he said when he couldn’t find a better retort, she grinned amused. They ate in silence for a while.

“You look nice in that dress” he complimented blushing a little.
“You shouldn’t be checking me out, Michelle´s gonna get mad” she teased him fighting a laugh.
“It´s obvious you look good, I don´t need to check you up to know that”
“I know... and that´s why I have to deal with you staring at me, right?” she lifted one eyebrow
“I haven’t been doing so!”
“Drinks?” she asked and took out some juice. More silence.
“I’ve been trying to apologize the whole afternoon. I’m sorry for what my brother said. I went to your room to tell you that but you weren’t there, I guess now I know why you weren’t”
“You didn’t say a bad thing why are you apologizing? -he didn’t say a thing and she continued- I was there. How did you get in?”
“Why didn’t you answer me then? you were mad, didn’t you?”
“I was going to be late plus I didn’t want to reject you” she too, knew that he wanted to invite her. He was about to protest “How did you get in, you didn’t say that”
“I just got in...mmm but somehow now the lady there thinks that you father approves of me -he made a quotation mark with his fingers- I’m sorry if that gets you into trouble”
“It´s fine, he doesn’t care what I do mmmm related to that”
“Oh... what ab...”

 “Niiiiiic” a child voice said excited interrupting them. Nic turned. Her eyes widened.
“Miii, gorgeous, what are you doing up so late?” she embraced the little girl.
“Why haven’t you gone to see me? Were you going to leave without seeing me?” the child pouted.
“well, Mii, I didn’t want to wake you up. How did you know I was coming?”
“I overheard dad” the child was beaming.
“Did you? what else did you hear?” Nichole´s eyes were concerned yet she was smiling to the child.
“I don’t know, I didn’t care I just heard you were coming, dad said ´the girl´s comming´  and that´s what he says when he talks of you” 
“Mii, bad child! do not eavesdrop on adults conversations ok? I will get mad if you do that again”. The kid lowered her little head. She looked like a baby Nichole. The older girl lifted the little girl chin “Now, tell me, how did you escape from Celia?” the child laughed 
“I faked that I was asleep and now Celia is the one asleep” The little girl grinned and so did Nichole. She was beaming too. The child seemed to make her so happy. Suddenly the child saw Josh and stared at him. Nic smiled. 
“Mii, this is Josh, Josh, this is my little sister, Camille” Josh had been wondering who had invited Nichole to the party now it seemed plausible that she was one of the hosts but she hadn´t been presented to the people like the other sisters, maybe she had come late. 


“Hello, Camille, you have such a beautiful name” he smiled to her. 
“I know -she´s just like her older sister, he thought- my sister gave it to me” she said proudly. 
“She did?” he asked curious, looking at Nic who smiled. 
“But I call her Mii as you heard...” 
“I couldn’t properly say my name when I was a baby” the child explained, she certainly was like her sister except that all of her exuded happiness, maybe Nic had been that way at some point, Josh thougt. 
“I see” he smiled at the sisters, who smiled back. 


“Now, Mii, please go to bed, father will get mad at me and Celia if he finds out you are not in bed” 
“But I want to be with you!” the child was about to cry now 
“Do not cry Mii, I promise I will go up and see you when I leave” 
“But I will be asleep” 
“But you will know I’m there, you will hear me in your dreams” she smiled again 
“You promise?” the little girl said 
“I promise” 
“What if dad makes you go, like the other day?” the girl was about to cry again. A flicker of pain passed through Nic´s eyes. 
“I promise to go and hug you before I leave even if you are asleep even if dad makes me go... leave your window open ok I´ll become a butterfly and fly to you through the window” Nicholed winked at the child who grinned in response 
“ok” the child smiled and Nichole hugged her. 
“Now go, baby. I love you always, Mii” 
“I love you always, Nic” the child went away but left Nichole with a smile. 


 “Why didn’t you tell me this was your home?” 
“It´s not, it´s my father´s house” 
“Same thing, Nichole” 
“Not at all, Joshua, you see, a house makes no home” she said and drank from her glass. She seemed upset, so Josh let it go. 
“She looks a lot like you!” 
 “I know, and it´s weird since we have different moms and I resemble more my mother than my father” she pointed at a picture of her mother that was hanging on one of the walls. 
“That´s you mom? wow! you are just like her!” 


clack-clack-clack women in heels were approaching the kitchen, Nichole knew the sound of those footsteps. “Hide” she said to Josh who stared at her “Quickly” she opened the door under the table they had been eating, it was a cabinet, he curled himself in to fit. She put his plate away. 


“Ugh, what are you doing here, monkey?” a girl said. Nich scoffed 
“That´s what you have, Ash, monkey? such a funny girl” 
 “What the heck are you doing here?” Jess echoed her sister 
“What the heck are you doing here?” Nic repeated “I’m doing the same as you, this is my house. I’m here. Deal with it” 
“I can’t believe father brought you here tonight, agh, what a pain” 
“That´s something in which we agree, what a pain to be here, seeing you” Nichole said to them both. 
“Shut up or I´ll make father kick you out” Ash said 
“Right, as if you could” 
“Don’t you remember last time? would you like that to happen again? only this time in public! awesome, let´s do it Ash” Jess said and Nic didn’t respond 
 “We own this place, bitch, your father loves us more than he loves you and he loves our mother more than he loved yours too” Ash was the one talking this time. Nic didn’t respond either, Josh could hear the sound of a fork against a plate, she was still eating, he coould imagine her face, distracted, ignoring them on purpose. “I just don’t know why we have to see the Monkey´s mother face everywhere we turn, agh!” Jess said. Ash took the picture of Nic´s mom. They wanted to make her mad. 
“Put that where it was” she said serious 
“Or what, bitch?” 
“Just put it back” 
“We should get rid of this ugly picture, Jess, it´s so creepy, this woman makes our kitchen look so ugly, I think I´ll brake it” 
“Let´s” Jess said. The girl lifted her hand as if to throw the picture´s frame with more force to the ground but a strong hand stopped her. 


 “Never in you life touch the pictures of my wife again, do you understand?” the voice of the man was harsh. “Father, I’m sorry, I.. I didn’t mean to...” 
“Shut up and go” He took the picture and put it back, the girls shot death glares to Nic who answered with a malicious grin. They left quickly. 
 “You should´ve snatched the picture away from them!” the man yelled to Nichole, his voice sounded familiar, it was the owner of the house. 
 “And you should teach them not to touch them” Nichole answered angry 
“There will be consequences, of course. As for you, you should have gone by now” 
“This is my house too, I have the right to stay” 
“What are you saying? I’m the master of this house and I say when you leave!” he yelled again 
“My mother´s pictures are here, I want to see her, you can’t deny that to me. She is my mother” 
“Shut up! If you weren’t the spitting image of her I would´ve slapped you already” neither of them said a thing after that. However they both stared intently at each other. 


 “Sir?” a woman said “What?” “Camille´s been crying, she wants to see Nicky” 
“How in the world she knows the girl´s here?” 
“She heard Ashley and Jessica... and now he´s heard you” 
“Fuck those girls” he said under his breath. “You better leave or there will be consequences, I won’t forget you talked back to me tonight. Go say goodbye to Mii before you go. Be careful to...” 
“I know” Nic cut him off. He left.


“Nicky, dear” Josh heard she was sobbing. A woman was conforting her. 
“Is Mii ok?” “Yes, she is, she´s fasten asleep” 
“But...” 
“That little devil, I found her trying to sneak in so she had to tell me her beloved Nic had come... she did cry a little and... well, I’m just making sure you keep your promise” 
“Celia... you are awesome” Nichole hugged the older woman 
“No, you are, honey, your mother would be so proud of you” 
“Celia, please, don’t...” 
“All right, but know that she loves you always, no guilts, ok? she wouldn’t want that” Nic was silent. 
“No, look at me, I love you always, she told me to tell you that everyday” 
“Love you, Celia” 
“Same here, Nicky, now hurry, don’t stay here those trolls might come back for revenge” 
“I´ll go in a minute” Josh heard footsteps again, this time farther and farther before Nic opened the doors of the cabinet. She helped him get out. 


“I’m sorry Josh” 
“Are you ok?” he was concerned, he in a way knew what was like to be rejected by a parent. 
“All fine in here” she said 
“but you better go back to the party, your twin must be looking for you, or Michelle or my evil step-sisters” “What about you?” “Do not worry, I´ll be happily hugging Mii before leaving” 
“Won’t you stay to the party? don’t you dance?” am I asking her to dance? he immediately thought. she half-smiled 
“We´ll dance some other time-she winked-, I don’t like these things” 
“ok” he blushed a little “Later, Josh” he saw her leave “stop staring at me, boy!” he quickly looked away but smiled.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

wisdom or silly words?

I really want to write about this I want to do it as fast as I can though, it´s already late and I have an early day tomorrow. Im tired and my job for today is not done yet.

Mom said something pretty interesting today while seeing a movie about Marie Antoinette "life is recicled" she meant that it seems that no matter how much humanity advances the flaws, failures and bad traits are still the same: hate, narrow-mind, injustice... no body cares about no body. It´s all the same, and the worst part is that when revolution comes, when great efforts and lost lives happen to make things better, the victims become the villains. Why does that happen, I wonder...

Now, the other thing I really want to write about is part of the after-movie conversation I had with mom... making it short, I told her I hate Job´s story -yeah, Job from the bible, to be honest, the bibble, God and faith are a big part of our lives- when she asked why I said that I told her that God is a kind of a bloodthirsty Good since everywhere on the bibble you can find him killing someone, killing as punishment, allowing deaths, even after Jesus, when the first Christians appear he was like that but somehow he always had mercy, he always saved some, he took it back afterwards -like in the flood- but with Job it was a whole different thing, in the other stories, the humans had sinned or being bad or similar but Job, he was "perfect" or so my bible says yet he felt the need to let the devil destroy him without really destroying him since he didnt let him kill the man, just to play -n in the worst way- with him, just to make a point. Somehow I feel like Job sometimes and though I know Im far from being perfect I try my best to be a good person but lately it seems that the weight of the world is over my shoulders and it keeps getting heavy. It seems that this time is not like before that the bad moments came for us as a family, as a whole, no, now it´s specially n custom made for me and that´s another level of pain, I mean when it was for all of us, it was like I had someone to lean on but now, Im all alone and that makes it harder...

so, just as a conclusion I guess, life is static even though it´s constantly changing and, as I grow old and meet more people, the lonelier I am. Things get harder.