Flashback

For me to think on you
I feel butterflies brusing against my chest
I smile
There you are
At least for some time I was not alone
I should thank you again for that

Double Life: Art Club Weirdos

A/N: I find the tittle funny haha -maybe it´s just me. This is what was happening while the two jerks -Aaron and Nic- were having dinner together haha

These scenes were originally planned to be in the middle of the two prior posts but I guess it´s better this way the only problem is that two of the four posts of this weekend are short... w/e

Yay me! 4 posts in two days!!

*********************

“Are we still going, Jonah, Jill, guys?” Maya motioned to the rest

“Sure –Jill answered and they all nodded- You should join us too, Josh”

“Yeah –said Jonah- we´re hanging out in town this weekend”

“Sure” Josh grabbed some food

“You can bring Nichole” Maya said in a suggestive tone, the group laughed, Jonah laughed too but seemed eager to know Josh´s answer.

“Are you guys inviting her?” he motioned his finger from left to right to the girls in front of him. They looked at each other and smiled

“We are” they said at the same time and laughed.

“So, will you bring her?” Bryan asked. Josh huffed and furrowed his eyebrows for a second.

“I don´t think she´s the kind of girl you bring” he made air quotation marks, the girls nodded “but I guess I´ll ask her”

“Cool” said Jill said excited. Josh looked confused

“They’ve been meaning to ask her if she´s taken modeling classes” Jonah explained with annoyance.

“How else would she walk like that?! Every guy gets stupefied by her walk and have you seen her yearbook pictures?” Maya explained

“Why is that so important?” Josh lifted an eyebrow

“Well… that´d explain why she looks so good and wouldn´t make the rest of us feel bad and we could ask her to give us some tips” Jill said a little bashful. Josh laughed and they pouted.

“Why don´t you just ask her if it´s that important?”

“Someone did last year” Bryan said

“Yeah and she only lifted an eyebrow and kept walking as if she hadn´t listened. I wouldn´t like that” Jill finished

“And by going this weekend with her you´d find out?”

“Maybe” said the two girls. Josh laughed

“So, that´s the real reason you invited me?” he said with a serious tone

“No, no, no” said the girls quickly, he laughed again at their shallowness

“We want to get to know her… I mean she´s really talented, all her paintings are either beautiful or really strange” Jill drank a sip of her ice-tea

“Yeah, she´s –Maya hesitated- weird –she looked Josh´s reaction- what´s the deal with her and gloves, even during the summer”

“Everyone one of us in the art club is strange, Maya” Jonah replied, the girls giggled.

“Ok, ok, I give you that but she wins the crown” she said

“All strange?” Josh said

“For some reason we all were very shy and lonely before getting in the club” Bryan explained

“But tell us, Josh, why does she use gloves?” Jill asked almost in a whisper. Josh hopped he hadn´t made a face, he had remembered the time when he saw what her hands could do, how her touch had killed a big tree, but he kept his composure, just like that time, he had so many questions but he thought it wouldn´t help to ask.

“Does she have a scar? Sometimes she only wears a bandage and she´s been like that since she came, right?” Jill added

“yeah, for as long as I remember” Bryan replied, his tone bored.

“So, Josh?” Maya prompted

“That´s one more thing you´ll have to ask her if you dare” he half smiled with no humor

“Josh!” Maya pouted, the boys laughed

“I don´t know why you care about that” Jonah said.

“Josh you have a twin, right?” Bryan suddenly asked. Josh furrowed his eyebrows

The group had gone to the students’ common room which was a place where they could watch T.V, movies, play video games, play table soccer, use computers for non-academic purposes or just relax. It was a 3 story building designed for students to socialize and one of the other places where boys and girls could be together in the same place. This building, the cafeteria and the gardens were usually filled with students. They liked it because it allowed the different groups be together but at the same time be separated. The place had many spaces that imitated a living room.

“Yeah” Josh agreed

“I wanted to confirm that, too” said Maya

“Well, yeah, I have a twin, why?”

“Once I said hi to you and you looked at me weird, now I know it was not you” Bryan said and Josh laughed

“But you guys are not like the other twins attached at the hip, are you?” Jill said “We´ve never seen you two together, twins are usually found together”

“We’ve never liked that” Josh wrinkled his nose as the girl giggled

“So you didn´t wear the same outfits?” Maya asked with puppy eyes

“Yeah, but once we could put our own clothes we didn´t unless we wanted to change places or something” Josh checked his cellphone, he´d gotten a text.

“Leave that movie!” Jonah told Maya who was changing the channels.

“You should invite your twin to come too!” Maya said

“Ok” he thought how unlikely it´d be to have Aaron and Nichole go to the same place together or the small amount of chances that she´d go with the group to town. He shook his head

“No! Maya changed that! –Jill protested- we´ve seen that movie many times! you guys always pick it”

“I don´t want to watch a cheek flick!” Bryan said when Jill grabbed the remote and changed it to a romantic-comedy

“Then leave” she stuck her tongue at him. He narrowed his eyes and they started to playfully fight for the remote.

Double Life: The other version of the story

“Shouldn´t you eat dessert after dinner?” Aaron inquired when Nic ate some of her cheesecake

“You are talking to me about following rules?” she lifted both her eyebrows

“Ok, Ok. Hey! I haven´t seen you in the pool lately” he´d been meaning to tell her that.

“I know”

“You don´t go anymore…?”

“I do”

“So, you´ve been avoiding me” he said in a playful manner

“Yes”

“Ouch! That hurt” he put a hand over his chest faking pain “That annoying I was the other day?”

“More”

“You could at least have pretended to give it some thought!” he said and she made a face as if she was thinking something

“You were more annoying than what you think” she smirked and he laughed

“Naaah, you just know I swim faster”

“Right” she huffed

“Prove me wrong”

“I don´t need to, I know the result” she said with confidence

“You are just afraid to lose, you know I’d win, I have a medal to prove it”

“Ah, so you won that day”

“Yup”

“Well done –she smiled a small smile- Too bad that Maggie and Josh didn´t see you win”

“Ah… yeah.. that´s ok” he glanced away briefly

“What is it?” she furrowed her eyebrows

“Nothing”

“It doesn´t sound like nothing” she looked into his eyes and he looked to a side briefly. “It must have been horrible for you” she said in a gentle voice, his eyes looked hers with confusion “He thinks you started swimming to be prepared if it happened again” she said softly

“Did he tell you that?” He said with a dumbfounded expression. She nodded. He gasped. “I can´t believe it! He´s never told that to anyone”

“I sort of guessed it”

“How?”

“You went to all events together, didn´t you? Except that one…”

“Was it that noticeable?” Aaron´s voice was worried, she shook her head and smiled “Good” he sighed and her smile grew. He blinked. “You´re smiling!”

“I am”

“Do you mind that of him?” he asked after a minute of silence

“No, I just think it must have been a terrible experience for all of you”

“It was, we all thought he had died –Aaron whispered- I found him and shouted for mom… when she saw him she got in, our baby sitter took me in to the house. I remember her calling an ambulance then to my father wherever he was and then to our grandpa, he´s a doctor” Aaron closed his eyes as if remembering was painful.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that when you were so little” she said in a gentle voice

“It´s a miracle he´s alive” he smiled, she tilted her head a little “the paramedics from the ambulance said he was already dead, she couldn´t take it and called grandpa and they hurried over to the hospital where he worked. We didn´t get to see him after over a month, I was the last one to see him. Mom cried everyday… but we were all happy that she was alive”

“A miracle, indeed”

“yeah… that´s why I don´t want to upset him more than I have… when we were little he had nightmares after that accident and he didn´t want to go back to the hospital but he had to…”

“He was afraid of the hospital; I can see why he had nightmares of it”

“His nightmares were about some sick girl, his roommate I guess, he said that she cried a lot and that she never talked to him, he was afraid she didn´t like him. He was strange kid” Aaron shook his head. She smiled a little at the way Aaron talked of his brother.

“Weren’t you afraid when you started swimming?”

“I was and so was mom but I thought I had to do it and it came handy”

“How come?”

“Someone pushed him in the lake at some summer camp we went once” he said angry

“That´s awful”

“It was” his features contorted a little, the memory made him mad all over again

“Did you hit them?”

“I did”

“Did they get punished?”

“Expelled, just like me, and our parents sued that moron´s parents”

“Really?”

“Yeah… well, our grandpa did” he said and she lifted both eyebrows

“He´s like that, no one can mess with him”

“Seems like you got his fighting nature” she teased

“He´ll be mad if I get expelled again”

“You seem to be more concern about him than about your parents”

“I am worried about them too but he´ll give me the lecture of my life again –he rolled his eyes- and then he´ll lecture my dad for sending us here since it didn´t help and then I´ll get an extra lecture besides the punishment…” he sighed

“You should think about the lectures before hitting someone” he sighed again

“Let me walk you to your dorm” Aaron offered when she got up to leave

“No need to”

“Nichole…”

“Don´t follow me unless you want more bruises” she said in a serious tone but smirked after, he chuckled “Why would the fight start?” she asked before leaving

“Eh… a senior got dumped…”

“You stole someone´s girlfriend?” she sounded annoyed

“I didn´t! he hit before asking!”

“So you don´t know her?” she lifted an eyebrow and he glanced away “You do”

“She´s in the swimming team… but I didn´t know she had a boyfriend”

“Ok.. Later, Aaron” she turned to leave, he got up “I wasn´t joking about the bruises” she walked away gracefully as he shook his head.

***********

A/N: this gotta be a new record! Three Double Life updates in two days! and I still have more to type... ha! Stupid slow internet connection doesn´t want me posting with pictures today...

Double Life: Good Samarithan

“What happened to you?” Nichole asked. She had taken the longer path to the dorms, the one that entered the border of the woods. The boy quickly blinked and took his phone out to see who was talking to him.

“What are you doing here?!” Aaron said surprised

“I am walking and you are bleeding, why?”

“I got into a fight” he glanced to a side

“You´re getting expelled” she said nonchalantly

“No, I am not” he winced as he stood up. She shrugged

“Do you think I´ll get expelled?” he asked above a whisper

“Maybe”

“But you hit people and you never get expelled”

“Self-defense” she started to walk

“This was too!” he followed her, she glanced him uninterested. “You don´t believe me!”

“Believing you or not is not something I´m concerned of”

“But you believe me…?”

“I don´t care” she walked swiftly

“I need your help” he said a little bashful. She didn´t stop “Nichole, please” she kept walking, he hurried to get closer. “Please I can’t get expelled” he said blocking her way. She raised an eyebrow. “Just help me to sneak in without the dorm supervisor noticing me… distract him or something” he motioned his blood stained shirt

“Call your brother”

“Josh is not good at sneaking in” he huffed and she felt like laughing as she recalled all the times he´d gotten in her room and out of the school with her.

“He can pretend he´s you… you´ve done it before” she walked around him

“Please, Nichole, I´ll do whatever you want just help me, please” he pleaded

“That’s what your twin is for”

“I don´t want him to know, he´ll be very angry” he explained, she shrugged again “he seems happier now, he was very upset  when we entered here but now he seems to even like it here, I don´t want to ruin that for him”

“Shouldn´t you have thought about that before getting into a fight you clearly couldn´t win?” she stopped to look at him

“I won!” his expression was angry

“You lose anyways”

“I know –he sighed- I´m sorry. Please, please, help me, I´ll owe you big time” his eyes pleaded along with his voice. Nichole sighed.

“Ok, wait here”

“Thank you so much” he sat, his back against a tree

“Don´t thank me, you offered twice that you´d do anything I wanted and be sure that I´ll collect” she smirked to a wide eyed Aaron “Now, look up, your nose´s bleeding too much” She walked away.

 “Come, someone may pass in here” Nichole said leading Aaron into the woods once she came back, she´d changed her uniform for a pair of jeans and a black turtle neck sweater that matched her black gloves. Aaron stood up and followed her. Once she stopped he sat on the grass, she knelt in front of him, opened her messenger bag and took out a small first aid kit. She damped some cotton with alcohol and cleaned the cut near his eye

“Ouch” he winced

“No wonder you end up like this, you´re a cry baby” she cleaned the dry blood near his lip

“I told you I won” he protested. She cleaned the dry blood on his cheek

“How can you even see in here?” he asked wincing. She stopped, took a flashlight out of her bag and turned it on.

“Here” she tossed him a cookie bag once she finished cleaning and putting a Band-Aid on the cut near his eyebrow

“Thank you” he said surprised. She gave him a jacket, he looked at it for a moment. “Is this Josh´s jacket?!”

“Did you want one of mine? I can give you this one” she pointed to her black sweater. His eyes widened a little

“Why do you have Josh´s jacket?” he asked trying to see her better. She lifted an eyebrow but he couldn´t see it, he narrowed his eyes and started to unbutton his uniform shirt. She looked away. “Do I make you uncomfortable?” he smirked

“You do, but not for the reasons that you are implying” She took a bottle from her bag and tossed it to him.

“What´s this?”

“That´s honey and you´ll be putting it on the bruises you got” she stood up. Aaron lifted an eyebrow. “Don´t do it if you don´t want” she held out her hand

“I´ll take it”

“Later” she started to walk away

“Hey, wait! –he caught up to her- let me treat you to dinner as a thank you”

“No, I´ll tell you what I want from you when I feel like it”

“I know, I know, you´ll collect” he made air quotation marks “but this is my treat”

“Your brother is in the cafeteria now”

“No, he´s not” he looked his watch, she glanced him “dinner´s at 7:00” he said smiling a little.

“Dinner´s whenever you have it”

“Mom always made us have dinner at 7:00… by now our stomach knows the time” he chuckled to himself, the corner of her mouth went up a little “It´s past 8:00 now, it´s unlikely that he´s there”

“What if he is?”

“He won´t. You´ll go?” he sent a text message

“No”

“Ha!” Aaron said watching his phone “see? He´s not in the cafeteria” he showed her a text from Josh. She shrugged with indifference. “oh! Come on! You gotta eat!” he said. She stopped under a light. He saw her piercing gaze staring at him. “What I´m saying is that you will eat and so will I, we can do it while sitting on the same table” They started to walk again as she rolled her eyes.

*****

This one´s short -just a little shorter than the others- but if not, it was going to be considerably longer than the rest. I had originally planned to do scenes where Josh appears with the group of friends mixed with the ones where Nic and Aaron talk but in the end I decided against it -even though those things are happening at the same time.

**My internet´s very slow today for some reason -I think it´s to annoy me- which is why this one will be posted without picture ¬¬ how ironic, yesterday the internect connection was fine but I couldn't use the computer and now that I can use it, the stupid internet is way too slow...

Double Life: I see you

“Hey, you ok? You look distracted today” Josh smiled to the side of Nichole´s face; she was sat on a tall stool in front of a white large canvas. She had been staring at it for a long time, the paint in one hand and a brush on the other.

“You were playing Broken” she moved the paintbrush pointing to him and the other boys playing along with him and the one singing but she kept staring at the white canvas. Josh smiled.

“What do you think? Do we sound good?”  The other two boys glanced her way. She nodded.

“You sound great!” a girl who was at the other side of the boys said, she was painting a bird.

“Thank you” Josh said with a smile.

“Play some more” Nichole said as she looked out the window. 

“Yeah” said the girl along with others who were painting “play some more”

The boys started to play and the rest of the class moved their stools closer to where they were playing, Mike, the teacher joined with a keyboard and the students who were the audience started to sing along, they were all together but Nichole, she was still looking out the window.  Josh noticed a tiny sigh that escaped her mouth.

She looked like herself, the same girl that stared out of windows with an intense stare, her back perfectly straight, her hair smooth over her back, her slender arms and long fingers but that almost imperceptible sigh made her look so melancholic and lost. Josh furrowed his eyebrows as he observed her, she turned her head to see him only a little, nobody else noticed, and for some reason he looked away back at the cords of his guitar.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Nichole putting two fingers in the black paint she had poured to use and then she passed her fingers stained with black acrylic on the canvas from the top to the bottom, the part where her fingers passed had a paler tint whereas the sides of it was thicker with paint, at the bottom she put her palm on the canvas and let it rest there for a moment and then she let it go and it dangled on her side, she looked tired and somehow older than she really was.

After a moment she grabbed red paint with the side of her hand and passed it over the side of the black line, this time from the bottom to the top, making curves as she ascended, the parts where her hand touched the canvas were paler and the rest was thicker, she kept adding paints with her hand, some of the paint mixed and produced other colors, at moments she worked very fast almost angrily, at others she did it very slow and barely touching the surface.

“Josh!” someone called the boy´s name, his hands suddenly stopped touching the strings of guitar causing him to mess the melody,  that seemed to snap Nichole out of her trance-like state. She glanced him and stood up to put the paint and brushes on their cabinets.

“Josh” the voice whined

“What is it?” he blinked focusing on the girl in front of him.

“Will you go?”

“Where?” he blinked again. The girl rolled her eyes

“I don´t know how you kept playing if you were that distracted!” she shook her head and he half smiled.

“Maya, let´s go” Bryan one of the boys that had been singing called the girl

“Let’s go, we all are having dinner together” Maya smiled. Josh looked to where Nichole was but she was no longer in the classroom. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked around.

“Maya, Josh!” the group called

“Where’s Nic?” Josh asked Mike, he nodded towards the door. Josh grabbed his backpack and hurried over, the rest of the group walked behind.

“Hey!” he said catching up to her “you ok?”

“I stained my glove” she lifter her right hand. He said a silent ‘oh’ and kept walking next to her

“Wanna have dinner together?”

“Not hungry, go with the rest” her voice was polite, he found it somehow odd.

“Are you really ok?”

“Besides the stained glove, yeah” her usual demeanor was back

“You should eat, Nic –he looked at her- you haven´t slept, have you?”

“I have”

“You don´t look like you have”

“Thank you” she raised an eyebrow

“I didn´t mean it like that!”

“Go eat, they´re waiting for you” she motioned towards the group of boys and girls waiting on the other side, they were taking opposite exits. “Later” she kept walking

“Ok, bye, Nic” he walked towards the group

“Is she ok?” Maya asked once they all were walking

“Uh, yeah” he sounded hesitant.

“They’re fighting, don´t you see, Maya” Bryan said in a teasing tone, the rest laughed.

“What did you do to make her mad?” Jonah, the other boy that sang and played the guitar, continued.

“She was just talking to me”

“But she didn´t come” Jill, one of the girls that painted, said.

“Large groups are not her thing” Josh chuckled

“Ah, so she´s only comfortable when it´s the two of you, that makes sense… you two are together” Maya said

“She´s not here” Josh looked from side to side. The girls rolled their eyes

“We´re serious” Maya said

“So am I” he smiled

“You´re lucky” Jonah said after a while, they had been walking slower, they were behind the group. Josh furrowed his eyebrows.

“For…?”

“Nichole´s a very nice girl, she´s really talented and smart…” he sighed inaudibly “What?” Jonah said defensively when he noticed Josh´s look.

“You like her”

“Every guy in here likes her! She´s like a model or something!”

“But you didn´t mention that before”

“Everybody knows that she´s smart, she´s in the top ten of this school and have you seen her paintings?”

“I have” Josh remembered the picture of him that she´d made

“So… are you two together?” Jonah asked after a moment of silence

“We´re not” Josh noticed the boy looked better, less hunched.

“How did you get her to talk to you?”

“She barely talks to me now” Josh chuckled

“But that´s more of what the rest of us get”

“Well… I just talk to her… I don´t know… I guess I´m too stubborn?” he laughed to himself

“I´ve tried but all she does is nod or say monosyllables… last time I invited her to sit with me for lunch but she declined… maybe she dislikes me” he said the last part mostly to himself

“I don´t think that´s it… she´s just not good to be around people” Josh patted Jonah´s back as they caught up in line with the rest of the group.

looking up

on a traffic jam today, instead of looking ahead where there were many cars  I decided to look up

Taken at 2:00 as I was running late for my job

There was a trailer blocking the road... I got to take this picture

Some man that had gotten out of his car since we weren´t moving looked at me funny b/c I was taking this picture

Preaching?

I feel a little -a lot- like a hypocrit... I was watching some videos. I clicked this one, the song was about God -the one I posted last time "open the eyes of my heart Lord, open the eyes of my heart, I want to see you...- I scrolled down to the comments and see this person who wrote something complaining about God and how he didn´t understand how God could do bad thing to ppl. This person said he´d been bullied his whole life in school and that he had to move and when he did that he contracted a desease that kills 60% of the ppl who contracts it, he survived but lost the ability to use his right leg and he´s in pain all the time, he said he´d be better dead.

For some reason I answered his comment, someone had said that maybe he lived so that he changed his attitude towards God, I thought that was kind of mean, I don't think God would do that but I answered, I answered even though I´ve said and thought those same things. I said that pain makes us angry but that God hadn´t given him that desease... as I wrote I thought I could understand that man... one day I was able to walk normally and the next I couldn´t use my right leg anymore and I´m in pain all the time. I am angry. Every Friday I sort of pray and tell God that I´ll go to church that Sunday but I don´t go... And I often cry and wonder why He´s let me live when I was supposed to die before being born and then when I was 7 in the ocean, it was beautiful what I saw but I´m still here and now I´m in pain and I believe but I said things that I don´t do that sometimes I don´t feel. Mother´s said that this all has a purpose and I tell her angrily that I want no purpose. She tells me that God doesn´t want to have me like this and that he didn´t give me this desease and I tell her how come if He´s allmighty He let it happen...

I told this guy that it was our choice to focus in what we do have and that I knew pain was too much sometimes but why to let it engulf everything else? I asked.... I try, I try a lot to see what I do have, the ppl that loves me, the blessings I do have, the fact that my other leg and hands are fine, I try to do what I can with what I have but sometimes it´s too much and I get angrier yet here I am telling that to this person. I feel like a hypocrit...

I wanted to say that I´d pray for this person. I didn´t. I don´t know if my praying will help, it´s even hard to pray for myself because it always makes me sad that pain doesn´t go away, that my leg is weak and that I have to use that horrible croutch ... But, God, he claimed to be atheist and I guess that´s fine but maybe we all need something bigger and powerful to believe in... with all my heart I pray for this person to find peace...

more than words

wow! that guy on the guitar, he´s hot! n that long hair, so beautiful.... wow

Double Life: Menace

“Come to me” Nichole´s voice said through the phone once the moon was high in the sky. Some clouds covered its light for moments.

“Hurt?” a female voice replied doubtful

“Why else would I call you?”

“What happened? It was reported you got at Burgeoys ok” Nichole didn´t answer and after less than a minute she hung up.

A moment later she felt her cellphone vibrate. She answered.

“Where are you?” said the voice

“You know I´m perfectly aware of the tracking device that is on this phone, so if you are coming, come, if not leave me alone” Nichole hung up.

An hour later, Nichole saw a tiny light coming to her.

“Why are you always running to the woods?” Natasha whined observing her muddy boots.

“Why can´t you wear normal shoes?” Nichole noticed the high heels on the black velvet boots

“Now, it´s your fault if my boots get completely ruined”

“You knew where you were coming” Nichole said as Natasha got closer to see her. Natasha passed the beam of light all over Nichole as she squatted down to see her better.

“You are not hurt” the older woman furrowed her eyebrows

“Who is Mary Anne Ibsen?”

“I don´t know” said Natasha too fast as she quickly stood up. The corner of Nichole´s mouth twitched up a tiny fraction

“Who is Mary Anne Ibsen?”

“You are wasting my time, I´m leaving” Natasha didn´t move

“This is the last time I´m going to ask. Who is Mary Anne Ibsen?” Nichole stressed each word of the last part.

“Are you threatening me?” Natasha gained an angry stance. Nichole stood up and took a step towards the woman who took a step back. “You can´t threaten me!” Natasha´s voice faltered a little at the end as Nichole took a couple of steps closer. Natasha pointed the flashlight right into Nichole´s eyes.

“That won´t work with me” Nichole took two more steps and Natasha felt a tree behind her.

“Nichole, step aside” the girl didn´t move “Nichole, I don´t want to hurt you…” Natasha lifted a hand as if trying to put distance between herself and the girl. Nichole lifted an eyebrow. “Nichole, I warn you…”

Nichole quickly grabbed hold of the flashlight pulling it off Natasha´s hand. “Try” she turned the light off.  Natasha´s eyes couldn´t make up where the girl was, she´d felt her move aside.

“Nichole, give me the light” Natasha didn´t hear a sound which was scarier to her. “Nichole! Nichole, calm down, you know I´m no enemy” she tried to sound calm now. The clouds that covered the moon moved and she saw Nichole sat on the same spot she´d found her in but she was staring at her with a tiny smile. All that she wanted was to run but she was aware of the girl’s abilities.

“Nichole –the woman put the palms of her hands in front of her as to calm the girl down- what are you doing? –the pale glow of the moon let her distinguish the girl´s figure, her hair was tied in a braid- I´m going to go now” she walked sideways looking at Nichole who stared at her.

“You won´t go until you answer me” the girl stood up again

“Nichole don´t do anything stupid”

“I could say the same to you” the girl tilted her head a little “once the clouds cover the moon again that gun you´re desperately trying to conceal won´t work if you don´t see your target. I, on the other hand, will see mine”

“Am I your target?” the woman did her best at trying to hide her fear

“You are not”

“Then?”

“You have a gun; will you use it against me?”

“I would never want to hurt you” the woman said as the clouds covered the moon again, she heard Nichole´s humorless laugh. She didn´t believe her. “I mean it” she said to the blackness of the night

“I´ve been serious too, you won´t go without answering my question” the woman heard Nichole´s voice right next to her, she gasped.

“I don´t know”

“I never expected you to be a bad liar, you used to be good, I guess you got sloppy after Tilly died” Nichole turned on the flashlight. Natasha blinked quickly and opened her mouth to talk but no words came out of her mouth.

“You never talk about her” she said above a whisper after a while “why are you bringing her up?” her breathing had become elaborated.

“You´re making me bored” Nichole tossed the flashlight to Natasha who barely caught it

“Will you let me go?”

“I haven´t tied you”

“But…” the woman let out a heavy sigh “Nichole, don´t ever do that to me again” she said in a scolding manner and turned to leave.

“You´re just like her, aren’t you? You’ve always pretended you care about me but you are just doing that, pretending… getting paid every time I’m hurt” the girl said to Natasha´s back. The woman stopped and slowly turned around. She swiftly walked back to where Nichole was

“Don´t touch me” Nichole warned when she tried to hug her “I don´t need that, even less from you” Nichole´s voice said with disdain, the woman seemed hurt.

“I care…”

“You have what I want” Nichole interrupted her as she stared at Natasha who looked away and sighed.

“Why me, Nichole?” the woman said after a long silence, the girl kept staring at her “You could´ve asked your father or find the information for yourself” the girl remained quiet. “You have to know I can´t say a thing” her voice sounded pleading.

“And why is that?”

“Karl, would kill me this time”

“This time?” the girl lifted an eyebrow, Natasha shook her head “I could do that too. Is he worse than me?”

“He is”

“You could run from him… “

“He´d send you to find me”

“You are the one that find people for him to send me… you can use that to run from us”

“He could still find me, you could still find me”

“I´m the only one here, now, I don´t need to cover any tracks… he does”

“Are you threatening me again?”

“No –Nichole smiled as if that amused her- I´m stating the facts”

“How did you find out that name… I thought you never read the documents…?”

“I never do”

“Then?” the woman prompted knowing the girl didn´t talk when she didn´t want to.

“That´s unimportant”

“I don´t know it all”

“Rain fell on me, I´m tired, you talk too much of things I don´t want to hear” Nichole took a step forward and Natasha one backwards with an offended expression “this light is making me tired”

“I want the light” Natasha clutched the flashlight harder. Nichole felt a chuckle forming in her throat, “are you afraid of darkness” was going to be her next reply but that reminded her of the line she always used when Josh came to the stonewall. She heard the river in which they had been just a couple days ago in the distance. He should be afraid of me, Nichole thought, not of the water.

“Why do you want to know?” Natasha asked interpreting Nichole´s silence as a sign of alarm.

“That you are trying so hard to conceal what you know means you know more than you say and it means that you either knew her and are protecting her or that you are afraid of her”

“She´s dead, how I could fear the dead?” the woman rolled her eyes

“I´m not dead”

“Neither is your father”

“There you go again, stop talking about him” Nichole sounded mad, Natasha flinched “I am what he uses to get rid of what he doesn´t want”

“Are you implying you wouldn’t hurt me?”

“If I wanted to kill anybody you´d be the one to kill, you´re annoying, yet you´re still here, aren´t you?” Nichole had a bored expression; the woman stared at her for a long while then closed her eyes for a little moment to stare at her for another long while afterwards.

“Alright, but no one can know what I´ve said to you” she sighed as if preparing herself.

*****
A/N: I just realized this story has gotten long, over 150 pages so far, it made me remember how I struggled to write 25 pages for my very first story, granted I was 12 I think and was also very self-conscious of what I was writing, I felt too shy to tell the things in my mind, mom had to help me so much. I´m happy that teacher made us write that story. I haven´t felt these 150 pages... 

Double Life: Enemy´s Letter

Nichole woke up in the middle of the night, just like she´d been doing since last time she left to be the monster, she tossed and turned on her bed but couldn´t go back to sleep. Her bedside clock read 1:03. She tossed her covers to a side and went to her bathroom to wash her hands, she always washed her hands first when she had the nightmares in which she was the monster, she knew water and soap wouldn’t clean the blood from her hands, the deaths she had brought, but she couldn´t help it. As she washed her hands she looked up and saw her reflection on the mirror and glared at her image feeling the impulse to break the mirror. It was scary how much her eyes resembled that woman that had taught her how to be who she was so she looked away.

Nichole went back to her bed and tried to sleep, she twisted and turned, tangled herself in the covers, so she gave up and sat and then turned on her bedside lamp, opened her drawer and lifted the lid of the hidden compartment in it, where the journal she´d taken from that enigmatic old lady lay along a single picture of her and her mother. She´d been intrigued by the journal since she got a hold on it but she was somehow scared of the information it could have but tonight it seemed to call her name, to wake her up, it demanded to be read. She had dreamed of its owner and the night when she had made her go away.

Nichole opened the cover of the journal; on the first page she saw a signature that read Mary Anne Ibsen. So that had been her victim, she looked away from the page. After a few minutes, she opened the journal on the last entry there was a picture of a younger Mary Anne, her hair was not completely gray, a young man Nichole thought she’d seen somewhere stood next to her, his arm hugged the woman´s shoulders, both of them with a smile. Nichole took the picture, it was dated five years ago. She put the picture back and read the date of that last entry, it had been written 3 weeks from that day.

She read that last entry and as she started to read she remembered the voice of the old woman, it was as if the woman was talking again right in front of her while her eyes had an intense but resigned gaze.

I can´t believe he´d want to kill me slowly like this. I have nothing more to live and I´m not strong enough anymore to find proof that it was him. I accepted when it was my children, I had after all helped to take his child’s life. I dealt with him taking my husband, my helping had taken his wife but then he had to go and take my grandchildren too. He is clearly on a mission: to wipe my existence without killing me, not yet. I will never believe that accident was an accident and I will never believe that a young man in his twenties can die of a heart attack, how could I? He had no right to take the last bit of my blood. I should´ve shot the girl when I could, now it´s too late, it´d be merciful of him to send her to me. I wonder if he knows she feels every bit of pain just like her victims.

He should be the one to die. I know you’d agree with it too. I feel excited to know you´ll be reading this, Nicky; you might be reading it right now.

At this part, Nichole blinked and threw the book away as if it had burnt her hands. Had this woman written this for her to read? Or was it just a coincidence?  “no, things are hardly ever a coincidence” she thought as she felt sick of her stomach but she had to know what else had this woman wanted to tell her, would she find out how she knew her or if she was lucky she´d find out that there was another Nicky. “Maybe it´s some relative that she knew would retrieve her things” but she knew that couldn´t be, Mary Anne had said that she´d been waiting Nichole and the journal said she had no relatives. Nichole observed the journal lying down on the floor; the picture had flown out of it. A long time went by before she finally took it. She had to know what else the woman had to say.

I’d be so good that he died and from your hands, he´s been using you and you know it too…

Nichole´s heart was beating slightly faster than the usual. She noticed the slight discoloration on the pages as if it had been wet, maybe tears.

Why, Nicky, why did you have to murder my boy? He´d never done anything to hurt you, you never knew him. Did you know his name was Ben? He had such a beautiful smile. Did you know he wanted to be a chef?

Nichole felt her heart sink. Ben, that had been the name on the name tag of the bartender. Had he been related to this woman? Had that been his only crime?

Did you know how much he suffered when you left him orphan? You probably do, we left you orphan. Cristina was a good woman, even as a child you looked so much like her. I know she would´ve never yielded to a murderer like Karl and this is what you are, a murderer, and you don´t even know why, do you?

I´ll help you, yes, I will help you because I helped you to be who you are but I was not alone and as you I´m also being merciless. Once Bellegarigue died of a heart attack I knew I was next , your father is smart, he is letting us fear we’re next except they all believe you don´t exist but I knew better and I told her you were after her but despite her preparations you got to her. I expected you to die at her house but it seems you are stronger than what we planned you to be but don´t worry I didn´t let know the others, they think that you died, just like your father wanted them to think so you´ll still be a surprise to them, I, too want you to find them and to do to them what you did to me, kill their soul first, kill them in fear first and then take them away. I bet you don´t remember me, Nicky but I do remember you.  We deserve this, we treated you like this. I´m rooting for you to succeed in taking all that they love but also know that I hate you and that I know your  hands are stained with blood… and one day someone will go after you, Nicky, and do what you did to us, to Ben.

Nichole´s heart was pounding. This woman knew a lot about her, about her father, about her mother, she knew her mother’s name. Nichole got worried, what if she knew her mother´s maiden name? She had said she knew her father had faked her death. She obviously knew her movements… if she knew her father, she could’ve known of Camille. She felt hyperventilating. She threw the journal back in the hidden compartment of her drawer and then she changed quickly into jeans and a t-shirt and wore a sweater and left her room, as usual, through her window, she was scared, so very scared, scared like back when she was little and her father left her to be take care by Tilly.

As Nichole ran through the woods she had flashbacks of the things she had lived with Tilly, the walk practices, the blood when her head was smashed against the glass, the cold water splashed over her when she wanted Nichole awake even after sleepless nights. She remembered the beating she´d received the one time she tried to escape running through a wood similar to the one in which she was running now. She remembered the panic attack she had back then that left her unable to talk afterwards.

Nichole jumped over the thick stone wall going deeper into the woods not stopping until she was gasping for air and her legs were trembling from exhaustion. She pushed her hands on  her temples while looking up but immediately closing her eyes.

She sat for a long time, her knees drawn to her chest. The sun came out but it was barely felt in the deep woods, it rained that afternoon, she remained on the same place until the day died and the rain disappeared.

Yo soy (I Am)

Soy la tinta que colorea tus mejillas
recorro tu piel de terciopelo hasta tus rodillas
donde una sonrisa retorcida las hace ceder a la gravedad

I´m the ink that tints pink your cheeks

I go over your velvet skin down to your knees

where a crooked smile makes them give up to gravity forces

Soy alas de mariposa en tu espalda
me escurro entre tus oídos
donde un susurro ininteligible desata tu voz
y me pintas un sueño de suave resplandor.

I am buterfly wings on your back

I drizzle in your ears

where I whisper my words letting lose your voice

that paints me a mellow dream

Soy la miel que escurre de tu boca
y el crescendo en tu corazón
cuando revoloteo en tu espacio
tragandote con las pupilas

I´m the nectar that drips from your lips

and the crescendo in your heart

when I travel your space

and swallow you with my irises 

He dormido luego de noches en vela
mis parpados se cierran para dejarme verte
soy el sueño que te arruya
y la utopía de la que ries
cuando caminas con la frente en alto
y miras de reojo a la fantasía

I´ve slept after many sleepless nights

my eyelids close to let me see you

I´m the lullaby that leads you to sleep

and the utopy that makes you laugh

when you walk with your head held high

while looking at fantasy with the corner of your eye

soy las notas de tu canción
que me cantas con tus manos mientras aspiro tu alma
y robo tu sangre que con tanta gracia construyes
Soy ese brillo en tus ojos cuando tu imaginación vuela
y te invito a explorar, te tomo de la mano y mis dedos te hablan
los oyes y vibras belleza.

I´m the keys of your song

that your hands sing me as I breath your soul

and steal the blood that your body delicately makes

I´m the gleam in your eyes when your imagination runs wild

and I prompt you to explore taking you by the hand

My fingers talk to you, you hear then

and shiver beauty.

Untittled

Imprisoned in her own body,

She wants to have wings,

She wants to run.

Hiding in her shelter,

She´s been in darkness,

The light hurts her eyes,

She misses the sun.

She longs for air blowing her hair

She wishes to hear the sound of her footsteps on the pavement

But she´s coiled up, unable to move.

Gentle hands caress her,

Big hands pull her out, scratching her skin

Making her shed blood tears

She gasps for air,

Her lungs are not strong enough to get it

Her neck is marked, she´s been strangled

She´s been hung like a criminal…

She didn´t die

She cut the rope and fell.

How far the days filled with joy seem now.

Everything´s just echo in an empty room

Her hands are tied, her feet shackled

She´s forced to curl down under the weight of an eternal night without moon, with no stars

She´s tormented every second.

A restless existence, she can´t find peace in her sleep

She can´t see anymore

She wants to be free

She longs for the day in which her wings grow back

And she can soar in the sky

And never be captive again.

I want to see you

For some reason this song reminded me of back when I and my brother were little... We were at church, I remember this song, just a part of it that they taught us in Englihs "yes, Jesus loves me, yes, Jesus loves me.." I can´t remember the rest. I remember us playing that we could speak another language, I don´t know why we played that, it was all gibberish and now when our parents remember they laugh at our silly games. I´m glad we ended up learning... I remember when I was little I used to think I wanted to go to many places to share God's word to all those that didn´t know him. I haven´t done any of that... I wonder if I should feel guilty about it. Back then I remember praying to God so that people saw him in me, I wish and pray that I´m doing that one at least, showing tolerance, compassion, empathy and support.

Double Life: memories

After a long while she took her shirt off and then she stood to take off her pants. She was wearing a swimming suit under her clothes. It was strange to see her in a swimsuit and gloves and she seemed to be a little self-conscious about it, her hands were at her back.

“How do you feel about swimming” she recovered her stance

“I rather not”

“This part of the river is really shallow” she motioned for him to come and he shook his head “just your feet” she smiled as she sat on a rock, her feet in the water “it´s warm” once again he shook his head

“ok”

“I´m sorry” he said to her back.

“Don´t be, just come” her tone was happy “come on! You bought the swimming trunks, didn’t you? At least use them”

They sat together on the rock. “What is it?” she asked. He was very quiet and his shoulders were slumped.

“I´m… I´m scared” he said in a whisper

“It´s not that bad, you´ll be ok” she got in the water meanwhile he stayed on the rock.

“I…”

“Mh, don´t worry, I remember you can´t get near water and that explains why you don´t shower” she teased lighten the mood, he shook his head

“I don´t take baths in the bathtub though” he confessed with a light blush in his cheeks

“I wouldn´t let you drown –she said with a light smile- I have to take care of the life I saved” she ended with a joke. He chuckled this time.

“I know” he put his feet in the water “it´s cold!” he protested immediately

“I lied” she poked her tongue, he narrowed his eyes. “Come” she extended her hand.

They sat on another rock that was in the water that only covered them to their knees; the sun was warm and let them stay in the cold water for a while.

“I´m sorry you had that bad experience –she said suddenly- I can only imagine what it must feel…”

“It´s ok, it´s not much, I just won´t be a swimmer” they were still holding hands

“I have a dream, a nightmare –she explained- in my dream I´m playing in a back yard, I´m at home but that was not my home, then my ball fells in the pool and I try to reach it but I can’t and I fall into the water, I gasp for air and it makes it worse, no one listens to me but I don´t even have a voice, I go to the bottom of the pool and somehow see myself floating on the surface, it´s like I saw myself from the bottom, eventually the “me” on the surface is taken out while the “me” at the bottom stays there, I lift my hand to be taken out too…”

“What happens?”

“No one comes back and when I realize that, I wake up” they remained silent for a long time.

“Did you fell into the pool like that?”

“No, we didn´t even have a pool”

“Did I tell you my nightmare last time?” his eyebrows were knitted

“No…why?”

“My nightmare is a lot like that, except that instead of being just a nightmare they are memories I think” he said. Nichole knitted her eyebrows a little, her mind couldn´t let it pass that she had that dream and he had that memory, but she saved her thoughts for when she´d be alone to think.

“But you got taken out, you´re ok now” she smiled

“Yeah… Aaron says he remembers thinking I was dead”

“He saw you?”

“He saw me when they took me out. I don´t remember being taken out or anything after that, I only remembered waking up in a new home. I spent a long time in the hospital, I think”

“No pools in the new house” she lifted an eyebrow

“Not in that one but we moved to another one with a pool, Aaron likes swimming a lot”

“He must’ve learned because of you”

“How do you know?”

“If it had been Mii, I would´ve wanted to be prepared just in case it happened again”

“Well, then you too have that in common” Josh smiled.

“Let´s go out of here, it´s too cold” she said getting up, she knew he was uncomfortable there.

“Sorry if I pushed you to get in the water….” She apologized when they got back to the school after their day out; it was about an hour before dinner time.

“Why…?”

“You seemed upset last time when your twin joined me in the pool and I promised…” she explained barely above a whisper. His eyes widened. “Later”

“Thank you” he said she was away already; he thought she hadn´t heard it but she turned around to smile and waved.

Double Life: Early Morning

beautiful pix found w/google

“You shouldn´t leave your window open at night”

A whisper awoke Josh. He saw a silhouette shaped in the shadows of his room. He knew well who she was, he was sure no one else in the school liked climbing up windows or jumping out of them especially when dark.

“Roommate left it open. I warned him” he sat making his cover fall and revealing his bare chest.

“Meet you downstairs” she didn´t wait for an answer, she jumped out of the window. Josh grumbled but then he smiled as he got up.

“It´s five in the morning, Nichole” he complained when he got downstairs. She smiled a happy smile that he´d only seen a couple of times.

“Let´s go” she said extending her left hand and he took it, she walked swiftly all the way through the woods to the thick stone wall he knew she often visited. Once they got there she let go of his hand and jumped up the wall, he saw her, and motioned for him to walk along. She walked on the wall, him on the floor. At some point she stopped and motioned for him to come up.

“It´s ok” she extended her hand to him. They crossed the school grounds to the woods. She took out a flashlight from her pocket and gave it to him. They walked following a dirt road for ten minutes and then she lead the way through the woods, there was no trail.

“How do you know where to go?” Josh asked only looking the way they were walking with his flashlight, the mist was still thick in the woods despite that the sun was about to rise.

“Maybe I´m just walking” she turned to see him with a smile. He lifted an eyebrow

“If we´re just walking then I think we can stop and sleep for a while”

“We have no tents we´ll end up wet if we sleep here, besides, we´re almost on the road”

“I see no road” he said matter of fact

“Enjoy the view”

“All I see is trees and mist”

“I know, isn´t it beautiful?” she smiled again, he shook his head. “We´re walking diagonally from where we came, we´ll find the road in a few minutes” she explained. When they got to the road it was clearer, he put the flashlight in his pocket. They walked along the road.

“Sorry about that” she looked at his dirty shoes, he shrugged. “Here comes our carriage” she said tilting her head to a side.

“What?” He found it strange that she seemed so happy.

“The bus to the town, I hear it coming”

“I hear nothing”

Five minutes later they got in a bus that was empty but for a couple of people scattered around. Josh and Nichole sat in the seat before the last.

“So, you´re a morning person” Josh commented

“Not really” she seemed to ponder

“You seem happier now and it´s so early” he ventured to say glancing her way

“I´m sorry I woke you –she apologized- you are not a morning person for what I see”  

“I don´t mind –he smiled- I´m just intrigued”

“It´s best to leave Burgeoys when no one´s up, that´s either really early in the morning or late at night… this wouldn’t be that nice if it was night”

“And what is this?” he took advantage of her good mood

“The sunrise can only be seen in the morning” she said as if this was an obvious thing. Josh furrowed his eyebrows as she got up to get off the bus

They walked a block, the town was deserted. Josh perceived the smell of fresh baked bread.

“Bread here is amazing” she pushed a glass door. It was some kind of a café/bakery. They had breakfast there. She took him to a street market and to a clothing store.

“Here´s the plan” she broke the silence in which they´d been walking “we´ll be swimming today, so you´ll be shopping for whatever you need for that over there –she pointed to the man´s section- and I´ll be over there  and we´ll meet there –she pointed at the cashier leaving him no option but to do as she said but he wanted to protest, he didn´t like the swimming idea but he knew this was no usual behavior in her, she wanting to hang out with him and not the other way around.

“This too?” said the cashier to Nichole who was observing a pair of wool gloves, she only glanced at the cashier with an annoyed look.

“I´m paying this and whatever she got” Josh said firmed to the cashier. Nichole made as if she didn´t listen.

“I already paid for mine” she put the gloves back.

They took the bus back and walked over their steps, when they got to the dirt road they kept walking until they reached a wide river and then to a clearing where they sat to rest.