wandering ** 1. Ana

***A new story? idk maybe, maybe not... this is the first part of it, I have some more written but I`m not sure if it`s good or not... I`ll see. I think there r lots of spelling mistakes n errors but it`s really late n I dont feel like editing at the moment... sorry `bout that...
well, here it is...

"I know I dont belong here, take me home, take me somewhere I can belong" she said from time to time as a prayer, as a wish, as a certainty. It was not like she said it over and over; however, it was there inbetween every breathing. It didnt make her life any different, not usually, but that longing was everything. In silence, everynight she expected it. She expected to be taken "home". Probably what she wanted the most was to disappear without watching the time leave marks all over her. It leaves all kinds of marks, on your skin, on your mind, on your heart...why to let it happen?

Ana loved intensely and gave it all when her heart set in caring someone; however, she didnt loved many, but since she loved intensely her heart was fragil and the wounds seemed to never heal, that`s why she prefered not to love anybody or maybe she just didnt want to love too many people that could make her stop wanting to "go home".

Reason and being reasonable was very impotant for Ana she had decided that in the meantime, while she was not being taken "home" she was going to live a good life, the best that she could, basically she didnt wanted to have a miserable life though she was very miserable sometimes, during those times she just wanted to sent herself home but for religious reasons and cowardness she decided to wait, because despite the fact that she denied it, deep down she was very religious and such thing always broke her own will but it just avoids me many problems she would lie to herself. She did thought it was boring though but better safe than sorry.

Ana was not only Ana, she was also someone else, but that someone else was her. She had a voice inside her head, it was almost like she was two people at once. Ana and that inner voice were completely different, the inner voice was emotional and questioning and annoying, and Ana was reasonable, she kept herlself together no matter what, Ana was the one that calmed down the inner voice telling herself it was only her teenager hormones going crazy... Ana was a complex person but she seemed to be quite simple, hardly anybody ever guessed who she really was and that made her very happy but also very sad. A contrast, always on the fence, never completely happy, never completely miserable, she loved that about herself but, of course, she also hated that about herself... "why cant I choose between love and hate, good and evil, be quiet or shout?" she wondered but never too much, she didnt want to think to much about her reasons because maybe she didnt even had reasons to start with, maybe she only wanted to be seen and be go enough. The latter was some kind of childhood trauma that evolved into pride because she was actually quite good for many things but never good enought for herself, she was always looking for more, to be better and no matter how much she accomplished, it never seemed to be enough... it made her feel empty somehow, always empty.