Fallen angel

chap. 1

***Loneliness***

“Above everything, keep your heart safe, because your life comes from it” it was, it is my favorite bible quote, my mantra, my motto.

            I never had problems in living by those words, no, not someone like me. Eimi never had problems for keeping her heart safe, it was a done deal. No body could reach it ever, or so I thought.

            I am Aka Eimi Crusos, for nineteen years I´ve kept my heart safe and for that long I´ve thought it was going to be that way for ever. I was so wrong.

            I´ve been in denial… for over a year. A peculiar year. My heart is not safe anymore. My heart is not even mine anymore. Now it belongs to a demon, a prince of the demon world, not “The” prince of it, just one of them. The only one for me though.

            He does not know my heart is his, not that I know, and certainly his heart is not mine. He does have a heart, he used to be an angel; some of his angel traits are still with him.

            Until a few days, a bit more, I´ve been willing to accept that my heart is his –still only at the darkness of my room- I knew it somehow for a while but I, as I said before, was in denial. I didn’t want to believe that a cold heart like mine, uncapable of loving, uncapable of intimacy with anybody, even less with men, could be capable of loving a fallen angel. It is so intense now that I cant hide it from myself anymore.

His heart is not mine, and never will be. Ayon came to me one summer day with his clear eyes set on me from the distance. He was walking slowly. As he got closer I saw a pained expression piercing his white feautures, his face.

He was weak. I was indifferent to that.

“could you help me, please?” he said with his pretty deep voice that I like so much. I was indifferent to everything at that time, my family had been slaughtered just a year ago and I hadn´t recovered from that, so help him or not meant nothing for me. I didn’t answer, I just smiled less than a little trying not to be rude. Despite of his pain he smiled brightly, then he put his hands on my shoulders. I flinched. I wasn´t used to human contact, I had never been.

To my surprise, I didn’t dislike his –at the moment, of course, I didn’t know what he was- the contact didn’t last long but it seemed to releave him. I didn’t care. I didn’t even think about it. I was numb, I had been like that for a long year.

I used to go to the same park every afternoon. I had never hated my house but I just did it at that time, it had too many memories of my lost family. Their voices seemed to linger in the walls and that was like a torture.

The next time I went there I found Ayon, in the same table where he had found me. His expression this time was serene, he almost seemed happy to see me, or so I thought. I didn’t care.

“You´ll stay with me for a while more, right?” he said when I started to get up to leave. That whole afternoon I hadn´t said a single word. It didn’t bother him, he even invited me to stay longer.

I prefered to stay there, now that someone had asked, than to return to the house, once my home, full of ghosts, even I was a ghost when being there.

Many days went by that way. We spent our afternoons together. Me without saying a word or just uttering monosilables “then?” or “ah” only to let him know I was listening and to prompt him to keep on talking.

One day I started to think that the guy was going to get bored of someone like me pretty soon but that day didn’t seem to come.