*sigh* I remember when I was a child I used to wait the whole year to "el veinticuatro" (christmas eve) it would give me so much happiness that day and then, there´s the week before the end of the year, I couldnt wait, after xmas for new year. Then I learned father had a hard time the last day of the year, his father had died that day. He would go to bed very early and he would sulk the whole day/night, still I had xmas and mom and brother to have fun.
I dont wait for those days anymore... yet they seem to come so fast. I still love xmas though, the getting ready, the cooking together, the table as fancy as ever, the nice clothings and the best dishes... and it´s just everything, it´s so nice, that night has something like magic, probably it´s all in my mind...
I dont want to get to the end of the year...it´s ruined for me, it´s just a memory now; just like father, I also have something very important who died that day. It´s not someone, it´s an idea, it´s hope the thing that died that day, it doesnt mean it´s less painful though... I wonder if now I´m the one sulking that day...
When a year passed, I though everything was going to get better... I was wrong, it didnt, and then, that little faith on me that hadnt died, died...
Moon, what is fate?
ReplyDeleteNew years come and go, even during the time of disparate and pain. Keep looking for that light at the end of the dark tunnel, Sometimes we travel longer than others and It feels like a never ending walk, "god", "fate", "destiny" throw problems at us to test us. Living will never be easy, if you accept that then you can start running forward instead of walking to that light, if you accept that but never learn to brake it like a rebellious child, you'll drown holding on to the rules or life. You control life, life doesn't control you..
That's just my thought..Keep searching for that faith, is not dead..Just low from the lack of hope.