Double Life: Monster

She found herself sighing as she skimmed the book she had taken. She was in the library, they had a self-study time, a teacher hadn´t come. Her three weeks off had ended a few days ago, it was only a matter of time for her phone to ring, that annoying phone. She put the book away, it really didn´t seem that interesting, she took another and read the back cover, and it was a book about a psychiatrist and his patient and then wife. She opened the book. She hadn´t eaten lunch with Josh since that last time they shared the apple pie and she walked away from Michelle, no, her words had not hurt her, they were just her excuse to leave. I guess he finally got it, she thought of Josh, he kept sitting behind her during classes but he´d become friendlier with the other boys and girls in the class and he often eat with them now but she didn´t really know, since that day she hadn´t eaten in that table or any other table but in the gardens that were mostly a forest as you walked further.  Good for him, she thought as she turned the page.

Nichole was about to sit when she felt a vibration in her pocket, it was that dreaded call she knew would come sooner than later. She took it and pressed the answer button as she turned to the windows at the end of the hall formed by tall, long bookshelves. She listened to the voice on the phone, those dreadful words, as she listened, she wandered in the library, stopping to take a book and then put it back.  From the corner of her eye she saw a group table, Josh was among that group, she kept walking as the boy looked her direction, he didn´t see her.

Right after class Nichole hurried to her room, the same routine: change her clothes first, a black top, a black turtle neck sweater, black pants with belt because you never know when something like that can be handy, her boots with the hidden place to put the knife that had hurt her so many times during her childhood but that she carried everywhere, and finally her beanie under which her hair had been tied in a tight braid.

There was still sunlight, it was only four after all but once she crossed the space between her building and the garden that was practically a forest, it was mostly shadows; the trees took most of the sunlight. She walked swiftly towards the familiar spot on the thick stone wall. She climbed it and watched down the river and it´s clear water, she walked a couple of feet on the stone wall and finally jumped out the other side of the wall where a dirt road was covered by green weeds that were disturbed by a black car, ready to leave.

Inside the car there was a white large box, a shoebox and an envelope with the little memory card she knew so well. She read the message on it and sighed at the content of the large box. She was going to have to change clothes in the car; there was no time to go anywhere else. She started with the shoes; she removed her shoes and then the knife she carried inside her boot, she looked at the rear mirror but the driver was looking ahead, she took off the beanie and sweater, then she put on the dress, took off her pants and socks and right before she completely closed the zipper of her dress she pulled off her top.

 It was a strapless burgundy dress that she didn´t care to notice what fabric or style was. She hated dresses, nothing good had ever happened when she wore them. She let down her hair that now had soft waves after having been in a braid, she wore the gloves, they were of the same color as the dress, there was also some jewelry, Nichole  was almost sure that it was Natasha the one that picked all those fancy dresses and accessories.

Nichole was driven to a fancy party at a hotel she didn´t care to notice, she entered and scanned the room for her target. After a while she spotted him.

“Could you send a drink to that man?” she asked the bartender who glanced her with a raised eyebrow. She smiled.

“Aren´t you too young to be sending him drinks? The young and tall bartender asked.

“He´s handsome” she replied unabashed.

“That’s the only reason?”

“Should I have another?” Nichole eyes intently on him, he smiled.

“Why don´t I invite you to a drink?”

“I thought I was too young for that”

“Yes, I need to see your ID” he smiled showing his teeth. She raised her eyebrows but handed him her ID, she was about to be someone else.

“And what would you like, Katherine?” he asked

“Kate” she said “and… surprise me” she smiled again.

“You have a beautiful smile” he said as he prepared the drink.

“Nicky, what a beautiful smile you have” she remembered the voice in her nightmares. There was a big mirror at the end of a long platform. “Smile, baby” the woman had said. Nichole tried to smile brightly for the woman, she knew things went bad when she wasn´t happy. The fear took the best of her. The woman took her by the shoulders “You can do better Nicky” she said turning her around to face her and smashed her to the mirror which broke where her head crashed against it.

Warm and sticky red fluid came out of her, the girl wanted to cry or stab the woman. The woman turned her back to the mirror. The image of the woman was blurry now, she saw herself and the fear in her own eyes reflected on the mirror, she looked at the woman behind her with her hands still on her shoulders, her voice had been sweet but her eyes had that glint that meant trouble. Nichole breathed in and thought of her mother and smiled. “Excellent” the woman cheered, now look at me and do it again, Nichole turned around and did as she was told, one, two, three times until she lost count, until after many more days she didn´t even had to think of her mother.  It became just an empty smile, just the training of muscles as she´d trained her other muscles to do fast or strong movements; this was the same, the fake of a beautiful and happy smile.

“Yours is not bad” Nichole said shoving her memories away as  she gave him another of her practiced smiles, one that involved her eye, one that made him think she was interested. She took the glass and started to walk away. She knew how she looked when she walked, that too had been carefully and painfully learned from the same woman that had taught her how to be a monster.

“Ok, Nicky, you have to look beautiful” That time instead of her boot and knife she had have to wear high heels and a dress, ‘Idon´t want Nicky getting hurt that´s why this are not so high’ the voice had said. She’d have to walk and smile at the end of the same platform, just like models do. The mirror had already been changed. “Look how I do it” the woman said and walked and then smiled, it was beautiful. “See? It´s not that hard, now you” the woman prompted Nichole to imitate her, she felt stiff as she walked, her knees bent a little to maintain balance. “Look how I do it” said the woman and walked back and forward twice.

The woman walked as if she was some kind of feline but at the same time as if she was floating, so confident not looking at the ground. “That´s the way you have to walk, Nicky”. Now years later, she knew that was the way she walked. She´d been slapped so much for not doing it properly until the woman lost her patience, as she always did, and made her walk on the edge of a wall, she´d fallen but the guards had caught her, still the woman made sure to give her some punishment, she´d had to walk around the whole property wall, she never made it, she had fallen again.

Nichole woke up on her bed with Natasha hovering and a needle stuck in her arm. “You got dehydrated” she´d said. Nichole feet felt heavy and in fire, she knew they were really blistered, she also knew that meant she was going to get some rest, because “Nicky had to look beautiful” the monster had said, she was always careful to not let any scar where it was visible.

Nichole was walking towards the farthest table, once again shoving her memories, angry that they not only haunted her in her sleep in the form of nightmares but also every time she had to be the monster, like she was doing now.

“Would you like any other drink, Kate?” the bartender asked next to her, she stopped and smiled.

“Aren´t you supposed to be over there working?” she motioned to the bar

“I´m working here” he showed her a tray with glasses

“Oh, in that case, take this” she put the glass with the drink he´d given her.

“You didn´t drink it”

“I didn´t like it” she said “You´d better improve for next time” she touched the button of his vest with her index finger and then she looked around.

“Are you looking for someone?”

“Yes, the man that you didn´t let me to send a drink”

“Come, I´ll made you another drink” he took her by the wrist

“Why should I listen to you? You already failed” she whispered at his ear

“If you don´t like it this time, I´ll send the drink”

She smiled and let herself be lead back to the bar.

“That´s a beautiful bracelet you have” the man glanced at the shiny diamonds

“I think it´d look better without the gloves” she answered

“Why did you wear them, then” he put a glass in front of her

“My sister insisted that it looked good” She took a sip of the glass locking gazes with the man.

“Then take them off!”

“Are you sure?” she smirked and raised an eyebrow.  “This one´s far better” she said lifting the glass. She had lied, it was bitter, she´d never get why people like alcohol so much.

“Yes” he said unbuckling the bracelet. She smiled again as she took off only her right glove

“What do you think?” she smiled as she observed her own hand

“Beautiful” he took her hand in both of his. He started to feel hot, his heart was pounding faster. Was the girl really that beautiful? After half a minute he put one of his hands on his chest.

“Are you ok?” she asked furrowing her eyebrows but she already knew he was not ok. He couldn´t answer, he let go of her hand and fell to the ground. “Help!” she said grabbing her glove and bracelet. “Help!” she said again as people started to gather but she knew no one could help him, she started to walk back as the people kept gathering around the bar, she wore the glove and the bracelet again and walked away towards the exit. Outside it was cold, it was dark already, she wondered why she´d been sent to kill a man who seemed nice enough and of no importance. As she had been doing the whole day, she shoved those thoughts away when she felt tears on her eyes.

Once in her bedroom, she sat on her bed, the lights still off, she wanted to scream, to punch something, maybe even to smash someone´s head against a mirror as her own head had been smashed, unconsciously she  touched the scars that were covered by her long hair.

“I´m becoming the monster” she thought and walked to the bathroom, she threw the gloves and the bandage as well as the black sweater, she´d changed back in the car, the dress, the jewelry, the shoes and the gloves were gone with the driver, she washed her hands, then she washed them again and one more time, she looked at her reflection in the mirror, for a second she saw the eyes of the woman that had taught her to be a monster, the same stare, the same hairdo and of course the same fake, trained smile. Nichole quickly looked away. She washed her hands again and then not facing the mirror she took off the rest of her clothes, throwing them on the floor, she turned on the shower and stood under the cold water perfectly still for a long time.