wandering 13: Broken glass

Once again on the go...I´ll try to correct any mistakes and stuff, but be aware that it´s Anna so, she´s not exactly reasonable or follows a pattern, this is just like what she finds most oppressing/bad in her brain. I really felt like explaining haha. I have a song for this part that fits also for parts 11 and 12: falling inside the black by skillet
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The white light made her face look paler than usual. Dark eyes on a pale face, closed mouth, a stare was what Anna was seeing. The mirror was squeaky clean and she was observing her face, her pale features, her dark eyes which seemed to hold darkness, emptiness... at that thought her eyes seemed to be made of glass about to brake. She quickly moved them away, enclosed her emotions, kept the emptiness inside, turned off the lights and stared at the shades and shadows in the room.

"What are we going to do for Christmas dinner?" Anna´s mother asked her the next morning when she went in the kitchen. The older woman was on vacation, Anna was on her way to school.
"I dont know" she said, wishing that she hadn´t come in the kitchen at all
"Come on, Anna! what do you want we to cook for that night?" her mom promted her
"I dont mind, just... anything would be fine"
"What´s the matter? You used to love planning Christmas dinner!"
"yeah..." She turned around to the door "Im leaving now" no answer.

Walking out the door she could feel the emptiness she had seen the night before hitting her and throwing her down to the ground. It was so tiring to walk around with that. "I used to love it" she murmured. Her brain couldnt help but to remember all those hollidays spent with her family, she knew it was not the dinner itself nor the night even less the gifts, it was the whole process, all the little details that took them to that point: the grocery shopping, the planning what dessert was going to be served, the sample tasting at the supermarket, the small fights over the decorations, the cooking together... all those things that were so simple and unimportant but made the difference and that was gone, long gone. Anna just wished that her family didnt try to force her to pretend those things were still there, they couldnt expect her to pretend to be hapilly spending time with the family when they barely talk, when they were miles away even if they lived under the same roof. She couldnt understand why her mother wanted to force her to pretend that everything was ok.

"So, we´ll go to the grocery store tomorrow" her mother said when she came back in the afternoon
"I won´t go"
"Do you have anything else to do?" she inquired frowning
"I just dont want to go..."
"But it´s our tradition...that´s what we do" she said as if it had never been interrupted, as if it was all the same
"I dont want to participate... just please, dont make me... you know it´s not the same as before, why ..." Anna stopped herself, she knew her mother was trying, or forcing, to get some sense of normalcy back
"Anna, please, why dont you make a little effort?" the woman said with that voice that meant she disapproved her not wanting to participate in the "traditions"
"just, please, I... dont include me this time" Anna forced a smile and walked away before her mother could command her to participate...though she knew the whole thing wasnt over yet...just delayed.

"It´s amazing how good memories can turn to bad ones, right?" Scire said, a whisper
"I wish I didnt have memories..." her eyes, once again  were broken glass.