Fallen angel

Chapter 31 ***Goodbye***

A week passed. I couldn’t find the strengh to do what I had to and everytime I remembered it I cried and Ayon and Criss freaked out both trying to make me feel better.
In that week I learned to talk to Ayon using thoughts but withouth the need of having his head over mine. It was actually the string of energy that I had seen on the day Passio came. I also used it as hands but it only seemed to work with him. I tried to use it with Criss but he only seemed scared of the feeling, though he never knew what it had been.
It was a rainy afternoon. The house was empty but for me, Ayon and a nurse downstairs. Ayon said she was having a sound sleep.

“Criss likes you” Ayon suddenly said, still playing with my hair. I said nothing “do you like him too?”
“he´s ok” I said. He smiled. Sending thoughts and images to eachothers heads were now like talking for us.
“you don’t like him, then?”
“he´s my co-worker, the one in charge of my company and for what I see of everything I own. He´s fine”
“how come I don’t seem to get affected, injured, by your energy, Eimi?”
“you know better of this things”
“the other spirits, they only touched you and you…”
“you know I dislike to be touched by strangers”
“is Criss a stranger? Are your employees strangers? Or the people that see you in regular bases?”
“no friends only acquaintances”
“even Criss?”
“a different kind of friend”
There was silence for a moment.
“Eimi, do you love me?” he said reaching out to touch my face.

My heart skipt a beat and I wished I could move so I could go and not let him see my face. My thoughts threatened with scaping from my head. So this was it. I couldn’t tell him yes because he was going to stay out of pity and he was going to feel guilty and force himself to correspond me. Passio had said it ´if you make him love you´. I tried to denied it and then I tried sending as much energy as I could to him so that I could fulfill my wish of returning him to his home. This was it. I had to transform him. I had to send him back. Send him back, send him away.

No! was the word that sounded like echo in my insights. I couldn’t because I was going to be left alone and that moment of doubt was enough to hurt him. When I realize that, he was flying through the room. He went to crash with the wall and fall, all wounded. I had failed. I only caused him pain and I realized I was not capable of letting him go. He kept saying “I´m fine”
“forgive me!” I said
“it´s my fault, don’t worry” I guess he said so because of what he had asked me and because he touched me while my eyes were close… this scene was repeated many times along the next days, except the part where he asked me if I loved him. I wish I could let him go, but no, I´m so selfish. All I want is to have him here with me.

“Eimi, are you ok?” pain in his voice. I opened my eyes to see how like a bubble I had wrapped him in energy only that I made cuts to his skin and then healed them almost instantaneously. I screamed in my head and by doing so I heard him scream too. It was me that was hurting him. Eimi, stop, I commanded myself. This was harder than I had thought but I had to do the right thing. I had wished for him to go back to be an angel, for him only joy and happiness but why was I so weak? why was I so selfish? didnt I claimed to love him?

My love, I knew then, had to be bigger than my selfishness. Only love was going to allow me to let him go, because it was the right thing to do... because it didnt matter if I was left alone again I had have him for a moment at least.
“i´ll take you outside” I heard him say. My eyes were close “being here seems to make you feel bad” he carried me.

This was the one that I love, so beautiful, so passionate, my angel. If he was gone it was ok, my love was going to go with him even if he didn’t know but maybe that was not what I wanted. I wanted him to know those feelings. Even as a goodbye I need to let him know, I need to say it and then I´ll let him go with all my love in him. A couple of moth had to pass for me to get to that resolution.

"Eimi, do you love me?" I let him see my memory of him asking me the question that had made him suffer so much pain afterwards. He was startled by me showing him that particular memory.
“I do love you, my angel” and it was my voice the one who spoke. So my paralysis was like a safety mechanism to make me do what I had to do. Maybe it was not Passio who put it but my own heart.
“Eimi!” he said happy. His pretty smile and blushed cheecks made me strong. I felt how my energy was flowing to him, like when he met me, he was taking it eagerly. I could feel his energy coming to me too. It was like a warm, tender hug but a million times enhanced.