puppet

I  wonder why I`m needing a reason to get up,
I wonder why is it that my eyes havent got dry even after crying almost incesantly.
I wonder why the  ones that I consider closer to my soul are the ones that forget.
I wonder why I let people get close to my soul when I`ve already promised myself not to allow that.
I wonder why I can get a star why I cant get a dream
I wonder why I didnt stay on that light.
I wonder why the most appealing path is the one that causes me, now, more pain
I wonder why I cant get through... that wall
I wonder why I cant see who you really are
I wonder why I keep trusting and waiting some kindness on you
when I already knew I wasnt gonna get that from you.
I wonder why I let you hurt me so much
I wonder why my heart has singled you out
it makes no sense at all, it´s the worst possible choice.
I wonder why my happy day doesnt come
I wonder about life and its purpose
I wonder about my own purpose:
just exists and be there as a puppet pulled by strings
I wonder why cant I rest in peace
why is it always ghosts and demons hunting my nights
and the memories of nightmares and wounds shadowing my days
why, why, why
I wonder if there`s any answer...
Can I get answers?
can I at least have a full happy day without the fear of paying for it later?