Double Life: walking in

A/N: For the little thing that this is I felt as if I´ve taken an eternity... and it feels like that mostly ´cause everytime I was about to post I had internet connection problems... I´ve wanted to post this time as soon as I could... it´s about time!!!

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At lunch time, she didn´t make a move to go either. She didn´t hear Josh to move and go, he was still in his seat, behind her. She waited for everybody to leave, well except for Josh, she knew he was not going to leave her alone, the thought of that irritated her greatly but somewhere deep inside her she felt comforted because of the same thing.

Mustering all her strength she got up being careful not to fall or stumble, that´d make Josh freak out. She felt so dizzy though, she knew she had to hurry out to her room. She grabbed her messenger bag and crossed it over her shoulder. She left the room, Josh behind her. She walked as quickly as she could despite of the dizziness; she was almost scared of falling while walking down the stairs. When she got to the first floor she knew she had no more time before she fainted or fall at the least, her vision was starting to get blurry and dark at the edges. She decided to take a short cut to her building; she walked as briskly as she could through the gardens and away from the crowds of students into the shadows of big trees that surrounded the school grounds.

Nichole was aware that she was starting to stumble. She made a great effort to walk straight, she was also aware of Josh still walking behind her, she could fell he was concerned. She wanted to walk away, she wanted to push him away to mask her face and tell him to leave her alone but her energy was failing her. She had to get away. The wall, she thought, “I´ll go to the wall and jump to the other side so that he leaves me alone. I must go faster. I have to lose him” But she knew she couldn´t make it to the wall and she might have ended up falling to the river and its pointy sharp rocks. She felt she was about to fall and it was only half of the way to her room. By that time she was putting her hands on the trees, to steady herself, she couldn´t stand up anymore, her knees felt so weak. She paused feeling her bandage loose, it got caught up on a tree and it loosened. She tried to keep walking. Nichole heard Josh calling out her name, he was getting closer. She grabbed a bush, making it die as she fell down breathing hard. She was so tired.

Josh was next to her, too close, she tried to get up pushing both her hands against the grass as she did so, a large patch of grass withered away instantly and she fell down again…

He was so close. “No, don´t get close, don´t touch me” she said almost shouting when he tried to help her. She pushed herself back up.
“Nic...”
“wait, wait...” she sounded a little desperate as she passed the strap of her bag over her shoulder to take it ooff of her. She threw it to a side, far from her with a grunt and contorted face. “Open it -she instructed- get me the bangade and the gloves... please” she sounded out of breath. Only then Josh noticed her bare hands, he felt his heart rate to raise a little, she looked away when she noticed he´d remembered what she could do. She was glad he remembered because now he´d be cautious and probably go away “no -she thought- being him he won´t leave me alone”. She was hurt because he remembered and though it was what she wanted he might actually want to go.

“just put them on the grass” she asked. As she put over the bandage and put on the gloves, Josh went to pick up hier back then back to her. She seemed reluctant to hold the hand that he stretched but she took his hand after some thought. She only grabbed him with her left hand, he pulled her up but she wobbled and her legs faltered. Josh managed to held her but then she felt herself being lifted. She protested but Josh started to walk anyways.

“What´s happening to you?” he asked now that she couldn´t run away.
“been avoiding to faint...” despite her weak voice she had the same tone of ‘don´t ask, non of your business’
“yeah, but why...” he ignored her tone, he was actually used to it by now.
“I-I cant th-think now... just please, take m-me home, eh, no, room.... ah, through....” she was shivering, she was warm, too warm, unhealthily warm.
“just like last time, I know”

Joshua was worried about getting in to the building but it was quite uneventful, they managed to sneaked in, no body saw them. Nichole was barely aware when she felt her bead under her. She made sure that he was away before she closed her eyes.

She opened her eyes a few hours later. Josh was eating a candy bar. When she saw him, the corners of her mouth twitched up a little.

“I´m sorry you missed lunch” she whispered.
“It´s ok. I like this candy bars you keep in here” he said getting up of the desk chair to get her some water. She seemed to be fighting to get up to get the bottle on her nightstand. She drank.

“I think you might want to leave. You should leave” she corrected herself and looked away for a moment.
“But you´re not good. Look at you... what if something happens? you could´ve fall down there on the gardens and who knows what would´ve happened!” he sounded somehow hurt but also concerned.
“that´s why you should leave...” she sighed weakly
“Why do you do this?! you obviously need someone to help you” his voice had become louder but ended in a whisper.
“I don´t know what will happen... that´s why” she sounded in the verge of tears but she was clearly angry but this was better for Nichole, she could deal with him yelling at her or even going away. Josh furrowed his eyebrows. “If I touch you I will surely kill you” now her face was that emotionless mask she put on so often.

“You have your gloves, you won´t hurt me. I carried you here and I´m still nagging you, so obviously no harm done” he finished with a grin after what felt -to him- an obvious reason for him to stay. Josh thought he saw a small smile on Nichole´s face but he wasn´t sure, it fade away too quickly.

“Josh... when someone faint they have no control over their body... -she explained as if she was talking to a little boy- it´s not like when you sleep... if I faint, not only my hands will be dangerous... anything alive that comes across with me won´t be after...” at the end of her words she seemed utterly sad. He walked around her bed to her left side.
“you are not faited”
“Just go away, get out!” her voice as hard and cold as her features on her face. He was silent for a moment and she thought he was going to leave.

“You´re pushing me away because you don´t want to hurt me. You´re harsh but your heart´s in the right place” his eyes were kind and understanding. He didn´t make a move to leave. Nic blinked a couple of times. She felt like she could cry, she was sure she could cry and despite the pain she was going through it had nothing to do with that. She fought back the tears.
“what can I do to help?” he asked walking ahead, as if he was going to sit on the bed but decided not to do it at the end. “just do not push me away” he smiled but his voice was serious.

His kindness disarmed her. Her reflex was to push him away, to tell him to go but as he had said she didn´t want to harm him because she knew that she might hurt him if he was there and there were so many ways for him to get hurt by her, way too many possibilities. She couldn´t go through that again.

“Nic, did you fall asleep?” she had gone quiet for too long.
“I never know what to do with kindness” she finally said, the emotionless mask shattering away. His eyes widened, just a little “Don´t get me wrong -she rushed to say- I´ve known kindness, Mii and Celia are always so nice and kind but... I just never know what to do. I´m always in awe at people genuinely caring for a wreck such as myself... I never know what to do, what should I do or give back...?” she sounded as if she had given this much thought.

Josh smiled  on the edge or her bed.
“You do nothing. You just take it” his hand was now resting on her bead as if he wanted to hold her hand but he stopped settling his hand there. He kept smiling though. She glanced at his hand and slowly move hers; only the tip of her longest fingers rested on top of Josh´s. But it wasn´t really her fingers.The black gloves were tight on her hands but the fabric felt thick, however; he felt he had passed by one of her walls. It was a nice feeling: warm, she was kind in her own way, people wouldn´t notice –in fact people didn´t notice- if they weren´t willing to stood up against her attempts of pushing them away, at least that was what Josh thought.

“You obviously have a fever and you´re sick… will you tell me what´s going on with you now?”
“Unimportant” she said going back to her usual demeanor yet those three finger tips stayed over Josh´s hand. He made a face as to express it was the opposite.
“I will tell you… -though she started slow as if speaking hurt her- what will happen quite soon…” Josh waited.
“ok”